This is why we don't marry men that don't respect and value us. Men should add to our lives. He knows what he's doing. She needs to leave.

Lavender_flow · 2021-03-09T15:21:40+00:00

Poooooooorn addict. Prolly spending all his money on onlyfans. Cam sites etc. Perhaps gambling online. It is the only two answers to where mens money go and they won't tell their wife. And most men think with their dicks first.

He is a disgusting excuse of a human being. Literal trash.

pearlspaghetti · 2021-03-09T15:25:04+00:00

So he pays for absolutely nothing and at the end of the month he still asks to borrow money from her? He’s either hiding an addiction beyond the gaming one, or has a mistress he’s funding.

tallwomenneedlovetoo · 2021-03-09T15:28:02+00:00

If she came to my firm, I’d let her cry it out (discounting 15 mins of the consult) then carefully ask her “how would your workload be lessened if he/you moved out?” And wait for her to reach the correct conclusion

From the outside looking in, we can clearly see that her life would be better single as she wouldn’t be cleaning up after two grown people, would get scheduled time for self-care during his custodial weekends, would know whoever is taking care of her baby is actually giving him adequate care, could keep money at the end of the month in her pocket, etc. but y’all wouldn’t believe the amount of women who came through the doors believing that a man such as this complimented their lives and “made them whole.”

It’s so hard to snap women who are married with children out of clinging to that married with 2.5 kids trance that was shoved down our gullets as youngins. But that was part of what made being a family law attorney so rewarding, even if I had to drag them kicking and screaming so they didn’t end up destitute crying after a man who moved his next victim into the home before the marital bed had gone cool.

volcanic_equation · 2021-03-09T15:42:45+00:00

So many men will “want” kids, but so long as wifey handles everything and they don’t have to lift a finger.

Their main objective is to “continue the legacy” — Ha! (As if their lineage had ties to a royal monarchy)

They use the children (and their spouses), as props to show the world, “Hey! Look at what a great guy I am!”

They don’t feel the need to actually be a decent person, partner, or father, as long as they can keep up appearances with everyone else.

He will see his household responsibilities as a burden on his “manhood”. All while being a walking burden and figurative anchor, to his wife and kids.

VET, VET, VET, before you say “I Do”, and continue to do so, throughout the marriage. Get a prenup, have a good lawyer on stand-by, and keep an emergency fund $$ at all times.

NotSoSmartChick · 2021-03-09T15:22:41+00:00

Drugs or cam girls - probably cam girls. That’s where his money is going.

chateauduchat · 2021-03-09T15:23:07+00:00

At this point some men are just sperm donors. Poor woman. She’s cOmMuNiCaTeD enough. Now is time for her and her baby to pack up and leave.

littlepip38042 · 2021-03-09T15:32:20+00:00

If he's lazy, sloppy, and addicted to gaming BEFORE marriage and children, he certainly won't be any better AFTER marriage. It makes me sad when women assume that men are going to magically grow up once they get married and have kids.

K0rla · 2021-03-09T15:46:18+00:00

I want to be clear that I am NOT judging her. I really feel for her and I wish she would dump him, so she would only have one child to care for.

However... I refuse to think that there hadn’t been any red flags previous to the baby. I think women should internalise that we are not our partner’s maid, nor are they poor little dumb boys who just don’t notice uncleanliness (real excuses read in a mostly female forum I participate in.) The “he is the perfect partner apart from being a total slob” has to stop, that is not being a perfect partner!

Again, I sympathise with her because it is something we all grow up in. Cleanliness should always be a deal breaker.

Also, no, women don’t “have” to remind grown ass men to attend job meetings or to buy presents for his mom. Wtf.

ello-motto · 2021-03-09T15:54:47+00:00

Another reason why we don't ask men for a verbal agreement on expectations we have of them and strongly vet their actions instead. Words don't mean shit, actions do.

Big-Respond8481 · 2021-03-09T16:08:30+00:00

Every time I read stuff like this, I really don't wish to have biological children anymore. I don't want to be exhausted after pregnancy and birth and tied to a loser who became abusive once we had children. This woman must leave, for her own sake and especially for her child.

AlexxyaKat · 2021-03-09T16:04:43+00:00

So she logically set him down before having kids to explain how they’re lives would change and he agrees to it, but when push comes to shove his emotions make it so he doesn’t do anything he agreed to. Drama queens they are. Dude, why don’t you stop being so ~emotional~~~ and take care of your family like the deal was made in the beginning?

ScrappleSandwiches · 2021-03-09T16:14:26+00:00

What in the absolute fuck??

Yeah, don’t marry a “lazy” “gaming addict,” please, people.

chasingastarl1ght · 2021-03-09T16:19:56+00:00

If she's paying everything, doing everything, he adds chores and financial costs + makes more money than her... Litterally, the best case scenario is divorce plus child support. He'll financially pull his own weight and she won't have to extra work to clean after him.

donttextme_k · 2021-03-09T16:28:05+00:00

I wouldn’t have kids with a man if I felt the need to have a long talk of his expectations as a father, none the less marry him

thinktwiceorelse · 2021-03-09T16:44:02+00:00

There should be a new horror genre for women about gamer husbands who are lazy as fuck. This story seriously frightened me.

ddamaya · 2021-03-09T16:24:46+00:00

Holy shit. I was getting angrier and angrier reading every paragraph. Whyyyyy is she still with him? Does she know she can leave? As a single mom her life would already be so much better and easier without this scrote dragging her down. Just wow.

millennialpink2000 · 2021-03-09T16:40:57+00:00

I feel for this poor lady, but my gosh, having one "long talk" where he said the right things doesn't prove that someone is serious about being a parent. Bet this guy never even saw a baby before his own. Actions > words

geologykitty · 2021-03-09T17:18:08+00:00

He treats me like absolute shit bUt he'S tHe swEeTeSt gUy

softensonic · 2021-03-09T18:12:11+00:00

Situations like this are why the birth rate is dropping globally. But men keep scratching their heads and blaming Chads, dating apps and women's HiGh StAnDaRdS. 😌

throwaway32132134 · 2021-03-09T18:20:42+00:00

Incase anyone is curious.... this is what the replies look like: "None of this is okay. He is barely adulting at all. What does he do when you sit him down and tell him his behaviour is unacceptable, uncaring, and is making you think of leaving him? The financial situation really stands out to me. You don't have a joint account you both pay a set amount into each month and then that account covers all the bills, groceries and rent? Did he always mooch off you? Does he have a gambling addiction? You deserve much better than this in a partner."

Why should she EVER create a joint account. HE'S ALREADY SHOWING THAT HE'S BAD WITH MONEY. So the answer is to give him access to more of it?

WHY DO PEOPLE ALWAYS SUGGEST COMMUNICATING AS THOUGH THE OP HASN'T ALREADY. ON TOP OF THAT WHO SHOULD EVEN HAVE TO COMMUNICATE ANY OF THESE THINGS TO BEGIN WITH?

flowerpower102938 · 2021-03-09T18:01:56+00:00

I hope someone sends her a link to our sub.

ShieldMaidenLagertha · 2021-03-09T18:21:05+00:00

D I V O R C E

catgirlmoonqueen · 2021-03-09T16:42:43+00:00

TRASH

akashyaboa · 2021-03-09T17:03:41+00:00

O know some people ask for money first so you don't think you have any and don't ask them for money.

KateJ1982 · 2021-03-09T18:28:00+00:00

Sweet and supportive? Makes her feel loved and special? This poor woman is completely disconnected from reality. She still believes in the potential of this relationship vs. the actual evidence right in front of her.

He literally contributes nothing to this family. He doesn't pay for anything, doesn't do any chores or child care, can't be bothered to change a diaper or pay attention to his own child. If that weren't horrifying enough, he's also borrowing money from her and making messes for her to clean up. Even if she received zero child support, divorce and raising the kid on her own would be a net positive just by removing him from the equation.

The only scary part of divorce would be if he gets some portion of custody. He obviously can't keep a kid alive over a weekend.

foxorhedgehog · 2021-03-09T18:11:42+00:00

That sub is FULL of this exact story, over and over again, with only minor differences. It's maddening. I often wonder if he was like this prior to the kid being born or if he became that way afterwards.

Maude2010 · 2021-03-09T19:57:00+00:00

Breaking Mom should be required reading for any woman considering marriage or procreation. I realize that women with good partners don’t complain on Reddit, but Oh My God the stories. Each one is worse than the last. This one is honestly mild because the husband is merely useless. A lot of them are useless as well as abusive, screaming at the kids, denying the woman access to their bank accounts, and then there’s the porn, the cheating, the ogling their daughters, leaving loaded guns around the house, etc. It’s appalling. Even the women with decent husbands are so tired they want to die.

huevos_and_whiskey · 2021-03-09T19:22:44+00:00

This is one of the stages of abuse. After she had the baby he thought he had her trapped. All of this is 100% on purpose. Making extra messes? Hiding dirty dishes? He’s trying to burn her out. If she doesn’t leave him / kick him out he will keep escalating until she has a complete mental breakdown.

My predictions: Emotional abuse and gaslighting will increase. Right now it’s in response to her requests that he keep up his agreement on the housework, but soon he’ll just start making up reasons he “feels attacked”. His anger will get scarier. Sleep deprivation is a likely next move. His goal here is to destroy her while coming out looking like the good guy. If he can’t break her with emotional abuse he will resort to other types but will keep it as covert as possible. Threatening with weapons before ever hitting her or leaving a mark. This is going to get dark real fast. She’s in danger.

Squidwrd_Tortellini · 2021-03-09T18:40:47+00:00

I'm sorry but... she married a man she knew was a fucking loser. you get what you pay for

Title	This is why we don't marry men that don't respect and value us. Men should add to our lives. He knows what he's doing. She needs to leave.
Author	throwaway32132134
Upvotes	161
Comments	67
Date	March 9, 2021 3:17 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/m18j30/this_is_why_we_dont_marry_men_that_dont_respect/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/this-is-why-we-dont-marry-men-that-dont-respect.752168 https://theredarchive.com/post/752168

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