Ungratefulness to the MAX

CuntMonteCristo · 2021-04-06T16:08:33+00:00

As our homie Briffault explained to us (Research Briffault's Law)...once the benefit is acquired, it is non-existent to the female. There is no such thing as female gratitude...and according to studies, if she gets to earn more than you, there is 93% chance that she will dump you...

If you do something for a female, have that in mind and see it as charity, because there will most likely be no gratitude whatsoever...

9NUMBERS9 · 2021-04-06T16:33:55+00:00

DO NOT PUT HER ON THE DEED TO HOUSE... NO MATTER WHAT

319Skew · 2021-04-06T19:39:38+00:00

Supported my ex through change in career, her business venture 2x, health concerns, family issues... Ffwd to me being unemployed for the first time in our relationship and get the "no stability" talk, ffwd through my divorce and no mention of all the things I did. Hell, she even lied about being abused to get sympathy and tried to provoke me to conflict to get me arrested.

Women see all you do as something that you're supposed to do. You can write her name on the moon and she'll shower you with love for the week then complain that you couldn't be ambitious enough to build her a star.

i-am-the-prize · 2021-04-06T17:37:32+00:00

dude, get the ring back and kick her out. you see red flags and you're choosing to ignore.

also, covert contracts need to be understood. you're being nice/good to her and she's not appreciating it, have you read No More Mr. Nice Guy?

the briffault's law comment is correct as well.

Musicgoon · 2021-04-06T18:53:40+00:00

Welcome to the joke of marriage. I would look into an annulment. You might be within that time frame. I don't want to be the guy with bad news, yet I have to be honest. Your life is only going to get worse from here. Take it from someone who has been down that path. You'll be broke, feel unappreciated, unloved, berated and maybe even cucked down the road. Most guys will either drink themselves to death (3 of my cousins did) or suck a shotgun. Don't get this bitch knocked up! And don't put her on the house deed. She sees you as a meal ticket and has zero respect or admiration for you.

Luckily you already know about this community and you have people to help. So you're ahead.

Google ,"The 12 levels of dread". You have to start there. It's not optional. You've got your finances solid, it sounds like you need to work on your frame and exit plan.

themostgianthorse · 2021-04-06T15:47:30+00:00

Jesus man! Have you gotten married yet?

ErrythingPhroze · 2021-04-06T19:53:15+00:00

[deleted]

VasiliyZaitzev · 2021-04-06T20:20:41+00:00

she will change it when she is added to the deed of the house.

You need to get out. So what you want, ofc, but she’s never paid for any of it, so fuck adding her to the deed.

Run, Forrest, Ruuuuuuun!

sicrm · 2021-04-06T17:32:53+00:00

normally I would say try askMRP but you’re better off getting out before you get anymore invested

kclanton80 · 2021-04-06T16:35:02+00:00

Divorce!!!!!! Men need to treat marriage as modern women do....like a business decision... because that's what it is.

She won't change her name until you add her to the house......why do you think that is? So she has more claim to it after you pay off her loans.and she divorce's you.

She sounds like an entitled mess. Cut your losses and get out now while the hit to your wallet won't be as bad. You have no kids to fight over, or pay child support for. Go live your life as a free man and enjoy your life and great career.

ogroyalsfan1911 · 2021-04-06T20:05:49+00:00

Trust your gut. It can save you a lot of trouble.

HumanSockPuppet · 2021-04-06T21:30:30+00:00

You haven't been making your bitch work for her rewards. This is why she doesn't appreciate them, or respect you for your effort.

Women don't have any concept of social credit or debt. They only understand sex and relationships on a cash basis. Goods and services exchange hands, that's it. If you're not "charging" your wife for all of your assistance, she'll treat it like an entitlement.

Read my Guides to Managing Bitches and Training Bitches. It'll be harder for you since you're already married, but let me just lay down some hard advice for you here and now:

Keep separate finances, and keep proof of every payment you make into your house.
DO NOT put her on the deed or mortgage. Ever. Doing so will all but guarantee that she walks away with half of everything you've worked so hard for (at the moment, she merely has good case for getting a portion of it simply because you were ignorant enough to marry her).
Read my fucking guides and start making your bitch appreciate you.

-AnonymousItachi · 2021-04-06T18:20:59+00:00

Divorce her now before she divorces you later and proceeds to destroy your life

capital_improvement_ · 2021-04-06T16:34:06+00:00

do NOT put her on the deed.

handing over half your equity in the property just so that she’ll change her name (which should’ve been a given regardless) is an absolutely terrible idea.

she doesn’t view you as high value, otherwise these wouldn’t even be issues. she is using you financially and emotionally.

tbh you should’ve never married her, she isn’t even LTR quality IMO. at least you don’t have kids with her though.

divorce, demote to plate, lift more, and game some girls at the office.

ErrythingPhroze · 2021-04-06T21:06:20+00:00

[deleted]

throwitdownman · 2021-04-06T16:26:05+00:00

You view yourself as her saviour. She has pride. She sees that you gave her a shortcut, but ultimately believes that she deserves what she is getting and would have gotten it irrespective of you. The reality probably lies somewhere in the middle. You helped her, she helped herself.

If you want to help someone, then do so. Don’t hold it over their head in perpetuity. It’s childish, and frankly confusing why you did so in the first place.

You’re asking for validation. If you want it that bad, ask her directly for it. If she refuses, it’s because you sound ridiculous.

Islandman598 · 2021-04-06T17:49:06+00:00

I once heard of a narcissistic male imposing this type of ultimatum to a female, relating to putting her on your the deed. In that situation the roles were reversed but the situation seems to match yours. You may have a bigger problem than an ungrateful wife. On a positive note, she’s not on the deed so you’ll be able to get out and perhaps cut your losses.

swimminginblue · 2021-04-06T18:07:58+00:00

I already know this is not going to end well. The best time to have corrected this was 2 years ago when she refused to change her last name - a huge red flag. I wish you the best, I hope I am wrong, but the saviour schema and relationship equity got you into this hole: this is not going to be fun for you. Good luck

watermelonicecream · 2021-04-06T19:45:25+00:00

Big mistake letting her move in with you without having her sign a lease and pay rent.

You can’t even kick her out of the house.

https://hoflaw.com/what-if-he-kicks-me-out/

Casd12 · 2021-04-06T19:52:58+00:00

This broad already trying to strongarm you for the house wtf

drakehfh · 2021-04-06T20:12:02+00:00

You already knew what we were going to say.

You put yourself in a big grave the moment you married her. She is going to ruin you unless you kick her out.

You think I'm exaggerating but you will see for yourself.

brianmcg321 · 2021-04-06T20:16:24+00:00

LOL if you think not adding her to the deed mean anything. You are married now. Her debt is now your debt. Your house is now her house. If you get divorced she will get half of everything.

ScalpelLifter · 2021-04-06T19:49:48+00:00

I hope you have a pre nuptial

ay-fuh-q · 2021-04-07T00:19:00+00:00

When you display yourself as a bitch who pays her way, she respects you less. You married that. You probably won’t recover. Sorry.

__transistor__ · 2021-04-06T20:51:47+00:00

Imagine being married to someone with a different last name, lmao

Nergaal · 2021-04-06T23:49:22+00:00

don't blame her for taking advantage of what YOU YOURSELF offered. you know how the game is played, yet you still bluepill yourself.

RelucBeam · 2021-04-07T00:27:22+00:00

Damn fool, women like you most when they're doing things for you

Not when you do things for her.

BlindMaestro · 2021-04-07T00:54:05+00:00

Don’t get married, boys.

FrenCan16 · 2021-04-06T17:52:00+00:00

Yikes

crew6dawg0 · 2021-04-06T22:17:57+00:00

Look bro, you started this relationship off on the wrong foot to begin with. You should have NEVER married her unless she agreed to take on your last name. This puts the marriage entirely into her frame. You're over here paying for the fucking wedding, giving her a house, letting her live practically rent free, and this cunt won't even take on your last name. What in the fuck brother? Seriously? This woman is literally telling the GOVERNMENT AND YOU, that while yes she is married, she is still an independent woman who isn't tied to any man. A woman not taking a last name is cuckold level shit to me.

To top it off, you're giving her a house to live in at an average of $300 a month? Do you know how many people would KILL to live in that type of situation? I'm over here paying $1300 for a 2 bedroom apartment for fucks sake. But instead of picking a submissive, nice woman who WOULD take on your name, WHO WOULD cook and clean, and WHO WOULD APPRECIATE YOU, you chose this motherfucker?

I'm just going to be the dickhead and say it. You're a fucking simp, and you're cucking yourself day by day, meanwhile reading TRP knowledge thinking you're going to pull some magical U-turn on this marriage and seize control. You aren't fooling me, and you sure as FUCK aren't fooling her. Add to the fact shes older than you, it should be a warning. It means men who are older and wiser, the type of men a woman usually wants, were too smart to put up with her feminist bullshit. But not you, Mr Young and Naive.

You HAVE given her the deal of a lifetime, and any female who doesnt appreciate this level of care is trash. If you dont love yourself enough to see how bad you're getting fucked in this deal, then no amount of advice is going to save you. I say divorce this ungrateful cunt, but you're way too big of a pushover to do that type of shit. Just dont come crying when we told you so.

Edit: I fucking dare you to reverse the roles of this, and go post it on twoxchromosomes, and askwomen. If both men and women telling you to divorce this scumbag doesnt work, idk what will.

barryn13087 · 2021-04-07T01:40:33+00:00

Run, there are much better women out there who will respect you.

dooky21 · 2021-04-06T18:28:49+00:00

Congrats you are 100% beta cuck she is in total control and will probably divorce rape you soon.

babayega · 2021-04-06T19:45:00+00:00

Are you upset? This is on you bro, you are tolerating the disrespect for some reason and enabling bad behavior.

Honestly this sounds like a LARP fantasy or an exaggeration? Are there guys out there literally this fucking clueless? I guess that can happen when you are an engineer so focused on technical knowledge that you have social intelligence of a 10 year old.

Relevant-Giraffe7200 · 2021-04-06T22:07:05+00:00

I am girl lurking on this sub, even I find this so horrible that I can't refrain from commenting. Please Get the fuck out of this marriage. This is toxic. This has nothing to do with Red Pill or Blue Pill. Anyone with more than one brain cell can see that she is using you. Break the marriage ASAP and cut your losses. I hate the word Divorce Rape but the idea behind it is true. I am sorry but I can see that in your future if you don't cut it now.

Robin2Fast2Furious · 2021-04-06T20:31:03+00:00

A common question that all men should ask and observe before marrying a woman: “was she raised or taught to be a wife”? Two easy ways to ask this (1) ask her directly or (2) observe her mother and/or grandmother.

cluelessguitarist · 2021-04-06T21:35:06+00:00

Yea dont keep up with this, dont get her pregnant either, get out

DubbleFUPAwitCheez · 2021-04-06T21:42:41+00:00

You married a bitch, stupid. The amount of contention here is astounding. She is obviously trying to compete with you as the leader of the house. If there is ever a question of who the leader is then you don't have one and you are doomed. The leader role in the relationship is what you must always have. If you have that, the rest doesn't matter. Now you have to fight her for it and since you're married you're in a position of weakness.

Jasperthekitteh · 2021-04-06T22:02:02+00:00

She is older than me

There is your mistake right there. If you don't love her then it's time to move on.

InvestigatorFew4278 · 2021-04-06T22:08:16+00:00

Dude boot her out before this backfires on you.

Terrorinthecity1 · 2021-04-06T22:25:26+00:00

She will not take my last name before she is on the deed.

Red flag red flag. You cannot negotiate genuine desire.

Your girl SHOULD be begging to want your last name. Get out before it’s to late

knightblue4 · 2021-04-07T04:01:29+00:00

You married her without her taking your last name? Is that a joke? That would've been the first dealbreaker for me.

-ThePathIsTheGoal- · 2021-04-07T05:08:34+00:00

Lmao I love how she equates changing her last name to getting put onto the deed of a house. As if they’re even remotely comparable. What in gods name do you get out of that deal exactly?

Please man, please, do NOT add her onto that house. It will be the back breaker for you.

And in all honestly, with the attitude that she has (I’ll change it when you add me), I’d be extremely cautious about the future of this marriage and her in general. She has sought out a man to provide for her, you, secured him, and will jolt once she has firmly sunk her teeth into his finances to set her up for that rest of her life. If it sounds like a parasite, well, then you’re getting warm.

linkofinsanity19 · 2021-04-07T06:24:34+00:00

The longer you're married, the more you'll be expected to maintain her standard of living. If marrying you isn't enough to make her want to change her name, then that's where your investment should stop imo because hers certainly has. She sounds like she's bargaining for it now. Doesn't sound like genuine desire to me.

IMMA_HAMMER · 2021-04-07T20:04:08+00:00

Talk to a marriage councillor. You need couples therapy, she needs to understand how you feel, and you need to understand her.

maddisser101 · 2021-04-06T19:25:42+00:00

Tell her she will be added when she makes more money than you from a job she earned on her own...

SatyaNi · 2021-04-06T21:56:58+00:00

« Is this normal? »

Sadly, yes.

macheagle · 2021-04-06T23:23:31+00:00

Brother, who told you to marry someone older? Were you not aware of the SMV curve? Even same age couples present enough issues on its own already.

Who told you to have oneitis like that straight out of your college years? Your SMV goes though the roof at 40, and you traded your future high SMV for a post-wall woman now?? How does that make any sense?

Noodlesoupe2 · 2021-04-06T23:41:02+00:00

Honestly this is like giving a homeless man a 20 and being appalled when they spend it on booze and drugs. Being captain save a hoe is the ultimate covert contract.

PhaedrusHunt · 2021-04-07T00:02:35+00:00

Living the AFC life. It's probably too late for the relationship, but not for you.

Refusal to change names was a factor in my divorce.

Bounce sooner rather than later.

Play it cool-- you HAVE to use the element of surprise.

Lawyer up before she does. She WILL.

Get out, unless you want to play some married red pill game.

You don't seem religious-- marriage doesn't seem too sacred to you, and you don't seem like you were keen on it to begin with.

Get a good lawyer, cut a deal. Get your life back. She doesn't really care about anyone but herself.

yaboyebeatz · 2021-04-07T04:37:31+00:00

Woman want a wedding DAY, not a lifetime mate. Sounds like you went way too fast bro.

RedEyeBlackEye1 · 2021-04-07T09:13:57+00:00

IS IT NORMAL?

Yes, for a typical BETABUX situation. The mistake of most guys is thinking that it's all about "women are only attracted to what a man provides" or "provider this, provider that". YET, nobody seems to want to talk about A MAN ACTUALLY BEING FUCKING ATTRACTIVE IN ANY OTHER SMV CHARACTER STATS...THATS THE PROBLEM. She'd respect you EVEN MORE if you made 50k yearly and drove a 2010 Ford pickup...if your other smv stats were on point. Not to take anything from you, homie. Sounds like you're doing better than me(financially) so props given. However, don't look at the situation soley from a Betabux provider POV.

1) STOP SPOILING THIS CHICK, HOMIE. clearly she doesn't deserve nor appreciate it. Plus, it makes you seem DESPERATE, SUPPLICATING...BETA(in female's eyes). It's how they're wired.

2) Focus more on YOU, on leveling up your looks, your hairstyle, your facial hairstyle, your grooming, your body-game(shout-out Rom Will's), your posture, your masculine swagger, your charisma, your frame, your game, your physique, your mental toughness, your raw sex appeal, your sexual prowess, your fighting prowess, your physical strength, your physical speed, your manpower, etc. There are MANY SMV CHARACTER STATS a man can develop(level up), NOT JUST his salary(resources) and beta providership skills

3) Be more IDGAF and amused mastery when dealing with her. Not everything should be handled so emotionally and her-centric"...because it's NOT ALWAYS ABOUT HER.

4) Yes, DO be good to her...DONT be a pushover to her.

5) Start having "you time" where you can just go do shit you want to do without her. It'll give you a chance to focus your thoughts, unwind, and BUILD DREAD IN HER.

6) If you aren't already WEARING HER ASS OUT, then start working on your sexual prowess. When you can GIVE A BITCH THE FUCKING IF HER LIFE...she will act right. She will submit for fear of some other chick taking her spot. MORE DREAD GAME, HOMIE.

Good luck, OP.

maninthebote · 2021-04-07T10:25:57+00:00

She is showing you, in no uncertain terms, who she is. She is not going to show gratitude for something she believes she is owed. Whether you write the check directly every month, you are paying her student debt by subsidizing other expenses she would otherwise have to pay. You’re literally paying the cost/consequence for her bad decisions. How many other bad choices that she made in the past negatively affect YOU now? Think that through, and when you come to realize that, if she can manage it, she will have you eliminate the consequence of every bad choice she has made, will make, and that she will have you believe it is your job to do just that. You’re right at the beginning of the most high value period of your life. She is past the tail end of hers. The sooner you leave, the less it will cost you. Every day you stay, you lose. Marriage in 2021 is an institution that completely favors women in every scenario. What do you actually gain from being married? This sub is rich with experiences from guys who learned this lesson by having to completely reset their financial life, or get stuck sending a check to a woman who gave nothing to deserve it. Don’t be that guy.

Don_Draper27 · 2021-04-07T14:31:54+00:00

You don't know what you're doing.

You're just doing what you think you should be doing, and then wondering why you don't feel good about it.

Marriage and cohabitation should be seen as "advanced skills", where you need to know exactly what you're doing and taking the lead on everything.

If you're just winging it, everything is going to blow up in your face.

daddydropfeet · 2021-04-07T17:45:47+00:00

Funny story. When I went to the court for some process during my second divorce, the lady at the counter asks my translator friend

Lady: "what happened to him?"

Friend :"he bought her a car, a phone, gave her Internet, paid all the bills, hired a maid, made her so comfortable that she didn't have to work and she left him"

Lady: "and who asked him to do all that?“ (smiles)

I went beyond that. Was of more service to her mother (dying of cancer) than her mothers own siblings or (other) children. And guess who cried the most at her funeral?

Wow. I can't believe the dinner analogy. So spot on.

You think "are they even human?". Service to her and her mother during the radiotherapy wasn't a covert contract, it was humanity and genuine responsibility.

It baffles me she not only cheated but took me heartlessly to the cleaners during the divorce. To the extent she tried to have me locked up while 3 of our children were with me. Oh well. Life teaches some amazing lessons.

scissor_me_timbers00 · 2021-04-06T18:32:11+00:00

Yea it’s normal. Sounds like a headache but at this point I would just not push the name change thing anymore and see if the bullshit continues. Women are stubborn man. The issues may cease after you desist in pushing that. If she keeps with the BS tho consider a divorce. Great job not putting her on the deed tho, hold firm to that.

almosteasy1222 · 2021-04-06T18:20:35+00:00

https://derekrake.com/blog/how-to-dominate-your-wife/

bottomLobster · 2021-04-06T21:46:54+00:00

You are already the bitch/beta in this relationship and unfortunately most likely no matter what you do it is not going to get better, because even if you try to retaliate now - ie try to lead or give her the boundaries she needs, she will most likely see it as another beta move on your end.

I'd rather be wrong, but I went through something similar - she was a bit older, relatively pretty and some "abusive" boyfriendy before me as I saw it back then. I also thought I was saving her.

You can guess how it went - I'm now happily divorced, although thanks to the laws in my country I got out pretty easily compared to how it is in the US.

dlee25093 · 2021-04-06T21:51:06+00:00

I usually never add personal experience but I feel like I can relate here. Met an ex girlfriend who was 19 stayed together for 2 and a half years. When I met her I was about to graduate school, she didn’t know if she was going to stay with her major. Terrible home life, not enough confidence to look anyone in the eye and borderline Anorexic. Broke her out of her shell, trained her from scratch taught her everything I knew as a pt which resulted in her getting 2 jobs. Looking back, I really got nothing in return and that initial gratefulness she exhibited quickly disappeared. Hindsight.

Fart-_-Loud · 2021-04-06T22:16:36+00:00

Bro glad I caught this post. You have to keep all these TRP principles in mind which will improve your sense of self reliance.

My advice - take her on a date (not fancy - your usual date). This will remind her of everything she's grateful for in you. This is the absolute best opportunity to try to take control of the conversation about the deed. Frame it so she realizes she's looking for any shred of control over the situation by saying she needs her name on it. Don't conversationally hold it against her that you do handy work & cover all costs. Make sure she knows you're glad to do that stuff. Encourage her to do cleaning by being specific about what you would love to be clean in the house.

Patience & non reaction --> if she doesn't come around she doesn't have to you dont need her - (need vs want)

SteveSan82 · 2021-04-06T23:03:23+00:00

Why would you marry a woman who doesn't clean? Why would you marry a woman in debt? Why would you marry a woman who isn't even proud to have your name? You are beta bucks

You are assuming women think like men. You doing all that shit for her did not make her feel grateful. It made her think "what else can I get from him?"

Read The Rational Male

comcain · 2021-04-06T23:08:28+00:00

God I'm sorry to read this. I think you have a tough road in front of you. I'm divorced and I don't envy anyone who has to go through it.

Do you really see this getting any better? You mentioned she's sitting in the bedroom watching Netflix for the last couple of days. That's stubborn.

I refer to this sort of woman as stupid stubborn. They want to win no matter how much they lose by "winning". My ex was like this.

I would say get out while you can. She's just going to turn the volume up to 11 to get what she wants. She's a child.

Don't put her on the house deed.

Don't get her pregnant.

Start moving your assets around. Crypto is good. Say you gambled and list money.

I'm sorry to have to give you this advice. It truly sucks.

I wish you luck, brother.

Cheers

gELSK · 2021-04-06T23:12:16+00:00

Read about Briffault's law.

Also, not sure if you've been cheated on yet, but there is a tendency to value things based on the amount of effort put into them. Tracy Schorn has blogged about this from the female perspective on chumplady.com if you'd like to see the other side of the proverbial coin.

xxx69harambe69xxx · 2021-04-06T23:26:33+00:00

sounds like youre the problem, not her

billybobjoecarl · 2021-04-06T23:26:47+00:00

How close to paying off her loans is she?

Intel81994 · 2021-04-06T23:41:56+00:00

Sorry but these days and what’s about to happen 6 fig won’t be much anymore for long. Should have never this girl major red flags as well

michael1962-01 · 2021-04-07T00:34:47+00:00

Prenup and vasectomy are life savers.

Divorce and then vet the next ones better.

Put your assets in a ofshore holding and be sure to invest into you.

I did your route far to long - costed me a fortune.

Hypnot0ad · 2021-04-07T04:57:08+00:00

This sounds so similar to my story with my ex, except we never got married because of her debt. I kept helping her pay credit cards and bills yet she kept getting into more debt. So not being able to afford a wedding actually saved my ass. I am an EE also and she had a law degree. The only jobs I could get her were things like subcontracts manager which she thought was beneath her.

I would disagree with the others here that say you have no hope and should end it. The reason is that I think you have a chance to salvage the relationship by running dread. In my case, by the time I had enough and ended it she did a complete 180. However I was mentally checked out at that point. I think finally growing a pair made her regain her attraction to me. Time to stand up for yourself, you have nothing to lose. Don’t let her get away with anything you wouldn’t let a guy roommate do.

antariusz · 2021-04-07T08:36:43+00:00

Yes, very normal.

You are her beta bucks.

Be thankful she at least has some use for you as her provider. If you lose the ability to provide for her she won't even give you that small level of respect that you get now as a beta bucks.

thecarryone · 2021-04-07T11:36:29+00:00

You seems to be doing pretty fine by yourself, so listen to your gut.

ZapallitoRelleno · 2021-04-07T14:53:23+00:00

How quickly she's forgot what her life was like before I saved us.

This is the realization most men eventually have. The difference is between the ones that put up with it, and the ones that say "enough".

Zesty-Lem0n · 2021-04-07T05:10:23+00:00

You sound like a sociopath lol. Marriage isn't some transactional agreement, we don't live in the 1700s anymore. If you love her you should be happy to have helped someone you care about, you should not be secretly resentful at her for accepting help that YOU offered.

TRP is not for married men, it's for men who want to spin plates and live independently. If you want your marriage to succeed then unsub from this place and forget you ever read something here.

Title	Ungratefulness to the MAX
Author	ErrythingPhroze
Upvotes	175
Comments	210
Date	April 6, 2021 3:27 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/mle83d/ungratefulness_to_the_max/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/ungratefulness-to-the-max.764638 https://theredarchive.com/post/764638

Comments

DO NOT PUT HER ON THE DEED TO HOUSE... NO MATTER WHAT