I'm a Feminist and I Still Want These 7 Gentlemanly Gestures. Do You?

oneiorosgripwontstfu · 2015-02-19T14:52:53+00:00

Stand up when you enter the room? What are you the judge? Ridiculous.

lafielle · 2015-02-19T16:19:39+00:00

I'm a Feminist-ally and I still want these Ladylike gestures. Do you?

1) Make me lunch.

Yes, I have hands capable of preparing food, but a woman doing so without needing to be asked, saving me the effort, is oh so sweet if only because it isn't necessary.

2) Walk a step behind me

My girl does this now, and while she's yet to formally say she knows her place, it's nice to know that at least in this she does. It's a submissive gesture that lets me know I'm more important than her personal social status.

3) Listen and smile instead of talking

A woman shows a man she's thinks he's worth her time by paying attention to him.

4) Don't go outside unaccompanied

I understand that it is perfectly safe for you to go outside - safer than it is for me, in fact - but I still worry about you and it makes me feel comfortable knowing there will always be a man there to protect you from the billions of rapist that roam every campus in the western world.

5) Fetch me my newspaper and slippers

Yes, I know in this scenario we men are likely in the wrong, working so many more hours than women. But a woman who cares for you and your health will still allow you to relax at home in the evening without needing to worry.

6) Surprise me with dinner

When visiting my long-distance girlfriend, she was awaiting for me with big dinner already cooked, only needing the chicken to be carved. Cooking an extensive dinner is a special ladylike act to make you feel special and adored, and I'm A-OK with that.

7) Bonus Round: do my laundry

It may be old fashioned, but looking at old movies my father and I hunkered down with hot chocolate over, women made sure their husbands clothes were washed, cleaned and pressed for them. The time when girlfriends would take upon them these tasks, especially without being prompted, seems to be a thing of the past, and it would take my breath away if I ever witnessed it in real life

What other ladylike acts do you appreciate and want? If you're a feminist ally, do you agree that we can have both? Or do you fall with my friend, who wants to do it all himself?

/s

baskandpurr · 2015-02-19T14:33:04+00:00

"I want to have my cake and eat it too"

Frobenioid · 2015-02-19T15:25:06+00:00

2. Walk on the side of traffic. My guy does this now, and while he's yet to save me from a barreling bus or a wave disguised as a puddle, it's nice to know he would. It's a protective gesture that lets me know I'm more important than his safety or comfort.

You're not more important than anyone's safety or comfort, you self-entitled, spoiled, have-your-cake-and-eat-it-too womanchild.

5. Offer me your coat. Yes, in this scenario, we women are likely in the wrong; we chose fashion over practicality and are now paying the price in goose bumps. But a man who cares for you and your health will still shed his own jacket so that he can drape it over you.

No. I am not going to shiver in the cold because you wanted to impress other women with your sense of fashion. Deal with it.

7. Stand up when I enter the room. This past Christmas, my mother and I hunkered down with hot chocolate and the original Miracle on 34th Street, and as we watched the black-and-white scenes, something struck me: When a woman walked into a room, all the seated men stood. This, readers, is a completely lost gentlemanly act and one that would take my breath away if I ever witnessed it in real life.

Never ever going to happen. Quick reminder: your vagina does not entitle you to anything.

Da_Wall · 2015-02-19T15:31:43+00:00

"Me me me me me!" "What are you going to do for me?" That's all I ever hear from women of this ilk.

avantvernacular · 2015-02-19T16:29:18+00:00

Anyone who feels entitled to chivalry deserves none of it.

guywithaccount · 2015-02-19T16:44:03+00:00

Hey look, a feminist who doesn't want to liberate men from their traditional gender role. What a surprise.

typhonblue · 2015-02-19T17:56:17+00:00

You want a man who acts like your inferior while no doubt wanting him to also act like he's your superior for purposes of arousing you.

Guh. You. Out of my sex.

eletheros · 2015-02-19T17:33:47+00:00

"I want all the benefits and none of the responsibilities of `chivalrous behavior'"

Request denied.

Lauzon_ · 2015-02-19T15:21:09+00:00

Bitch, pick one or the other.

Most men are happy to serve women. Just don't pretend that you're "strong and independent" while males provide your plumbing and electricity.

2015-02-19T15:53:32+00:00

[permanently deleted]

2015-02-19T15:25:53+00:00

Funny how these things never include reciprocation, only "what people need to start doing for me"

Armiel · 2015-02-19T14:58:03+00:00

Chivalry comes from the exact same place as misogyny, and can never come from somewhere else.

Anyone who considers themselves a feminist but is in favor of benevolent sexism is ignorant or a hypocrite.

notnotnotfred · 2015-02-19T14:11:11+00:00

1) Hold open the door.

if it's convenient for us both to enter at roughly the same time, I'll do this for strangers as well as you.

2) Walk on the side of traffic.

round here the sidewalks are to narrow to do this anyway.

3) Put your phone away.

ofc. being polite to present company

4) Pick me up at my door

yeah, watever. maybe. but why can't you drive sometimes?

5) Offer me your coat.

maybe. many girls have stolen letterman jackets this way.

6) Surprise me with flowers.

of course. and surprise me with free expensive gifts. often.

stand up when you enter the room? will you do the same for me?

Blutarg · 2015-02-19T17:32:32+00:00

Sorry ma'am, but we don't do that stuff anymore. For starters, what is our incentive to do so?

GizDrak · 2015-02-19T17:49:09+00:00

May I suggest ManStanding - The act of men standing up to show respect for other man entering a room well ignoring women who enter the same room.

Feyra · 2015-02-19T16:45:08+00:00

The killer for the article is this comment:

In fact, don't show them to me and I'm likely to show you the door.

There's a huge difference between appreciating gestures and requiring them. Legal and social equality doesn't preclude acting like a traditional gentleman or lady, it simply makes such actions optional.

Barring that one sentence, I'm fine with the rest of the article; it would take quite a hard-ass not to enjoy little acts of special treatment from a loved one. I'd also like to see a corresponding list from the men's side, though bashing the article for not including one strikes me as looking for something to be offended by.

To fill that hole, what ladylike actions do you guys appreciate (serious ones, not sarcastic or snarky)?

headless_bourgeoisie · 2015-02-19T17:58:24+00:00

You can't have it both ways, ladies. Either you get equal treatment or special treatment.

Shironekosama404 · 2015-02-19T18:12:08+00:00

Hope she likes cats.

mcmur · 2015-02-19T18:15:39+00:00

she dumped a guy for not walking her 2 blocks?

lmfao. Christ.

continuousQ · 2015-02-19T18:22:26+00:00

How about; be nice to others, and they might find it worthwhile to be nice too?

2015-02-20T00:26:12+00:00

Put your phone away. One date once spent so much time gazing adoringly at his cell phone's screen that I'd bet good money he couldn't pick me out of a lineup today. A man shows a woman what he thinks she's worth by the attention he gives her.

This is odd considering this is a common female faux pas.

I got one way to respond to this type of female entitlement who desires to keep men in subservient traditional gender roles: Geto Boys I'm Not a Gentleman.

paracog · 2015-02-20T01:22:06+00:00

So rare to hear a woman making known what she wants.... but omitting to make a case for why she merits it. /s

RedMistKnight · 2015-02-19T16:10:42+00:00

I don't get the door thing. If I'm walking with people and I get to the door first I've always held the door whilst everyone goes through. I always just thought that was the polite thing to do.

It's happened a couple of times now when I've done it with a girl and they've looked at me like I've just taken a dump on a puppy. It's not even something I want to think about. The first person to the door open and hold system was working perfectly fine.

Roddy0608 · 2015-02-19T16:15:00+00:00

I don't mind doing things for women but the problem is when they act entitled and take it for granted.

SigmundFloyd76 · 2015-02-19T16:58:52+00:00

Ahh, so she wants to have her cake and eat it too.

InBaggingArea · 2015-02-19T17:11:14+00:00

Yes, I love it when women do these things for me, especially the flowers. I don't insist on it though, that would be presumptuous.

What other gentlemanly acts do you appreciate and want?

I especially appreciate it when they devote their entire lives to a full time career so that they can be responsible for a lovely house for me and all expenses for the children. I smile benevolently as a reward to any woman who treats me like that. Join me. Being a feminist is terribly underrated.

2015-02-19T17:59:07+00:00

Ah so much tradition in these feminists. There are a few traditional womanly gestures I miss as well... can you guess them?

Capitalsman · 2015-02-20T08:38:45+00:00

Kind of ironic they talk like men are slapping women like it's a movie from 1920-1959 but all of those are things men in movies, and society itself, did like standing when a woman comes to the table and sitting once she sits.

SchalaZeal01 · 2015-02-19T15:06:30+00:00

One of the comment on the article says most of them are stupid, except the one about making sure she is safe coming home, "because women are more at risk of assault when alone (than men)"...and she didn't mean sexual assault.

librtee_com · 2015-02-19T22:56:06+00:00

'Feminism is about equality. If you want the sexes to be equal, you're a feminist'

/s

KrisK_lvin · 2015-02-19T15:44:31+00:00

My face when I know more about Feminism than someone who says they're a Feminist but clearly isn't.

2015-02-19T21:27:14+00:00

I'm actually disgusted.

General_Fear · 2015-02-20T03:30:35+00:00

How many wives greet their husbands with a dry martini.

Sounds stupid right? The women of the past knew how to take care of their man. Not today. They expect men do gentlemanly stuff, shower them with gifts and so on. But they scream oppression if we ask them to make us a sandwich.

scanspeak · 2015-02-20T04:29:55+00:00

Why do we never see lists of what women should do for men?

scanspeak · 2015-02-20T04:38:24+00:00

No doubt when the ship is sinking I'll be expected to sacrifice my life for her too.

MisterDamage · 2015-02-20T11:13:46+00:00

I have no problem at all with these, provided only that she can name three romantic things that women do for men.

chafedinksmut · 2015-02-19T17:53:33+00:00

"I'm a Meninist and I still want these 7 Lady-Like gestures. Do You?"

Just needed to write that out to see how ridiculous the original actually looks.

thehumungus · 2015-02-19T20:28:15+00:00

You're reading Glamour magazine for insightful social commentary?

ThePigmanAgain · 2015-02-19T20:34:21+00:00

Disgusting. I hope she gets flattened by a truck.

d-_-b · 2015-02-20T02:26:54+00:00

What an unspeakable moron, so dumb on so many levels, as if "feminism" has anything to do with these things.

Like

Oh I am a feminist but I still eat pizza

or

I am a feminist but I still like people buying me things

What the fuck does one have to do with the other? NOTHING but you want to put feminism in a blog-spam post to get traffic.

acelister · 2015-02-19T16:26:34+00:00

Hold open the door.
I do this for men and women I have no interest in, as well as family members.
Walk on the side of traffic.
Honestly, I still do this (for everyone) because my Nana said it was polite, when I was 9.
Put your phone away.
Again, I do this for everyone. Politeness.
Pick me up at my door—and walk me to it.
Again, I do this for everyone. My drunk friend on his 18th, my old best friend home from work a few times a week. Why stop chatting just because we're halfway between our homes?
Offer me your coat.
I did this for a female teacher when I was 16, whilst the year was waiting for the coach to pick us up after the dinner dance (our year's prom). I didn't have a date and she was cold, I was being polite.
Surprise me with flowers.
I literally can't smell flowers and need my money for chocolate, so no.
Stand up when I enter the room.
This doesn't deserve comment.

andejoh · 2015-02-19T18:32:09+00:00

Here's the thing. I think reciprocity. What is she willing to do for him to make it worth his time and effort to do these things for her?

Radioactivetire · 2015-02-20T00:38:20+00:00

1 to 6 aren't really all that bad. So long as they're not an expectation.

7 is complete bullshit.

2015-02-19T16:22:34+00:00

I do all of those out of habit except 2 and 6. I always walk on the left side of my date and I've never seen flowers as a cool gift.

Arby01 · 2015-02-19T21:27:09+00:00

Some of these aren't that bad:

Hold open the door.

Put your phone away.

Bonus round: Stand up when I enter the room.

I do these for everyone, man or woman. ( well, the stand up is only the first time you enter the room in any given encounter. It's only polite.)

Trigunesq · 2015-02-19T21:50:31+00:00

If you read the comments, the majority of them would agree with us. Most of them say stuff like how polite actions such as holding a door open should be universal regardless of gender and that sort of thing.

perfectdesign · 2015-02-19T18:17:40+00:00

There's a lot of butthurt in this comment thread. Some women like a gentlemen, and I'm honestly happy that she didn't side with her bitch feminist friend who freaked out when a guy was polite to her. She may not realize that her desire for Gentlemanly gestures are at odds with the movement she claims to be a part of, but hopefully that leads to more realizations.

So give the lady a break. She knows what she wants and I'm sure there's a dude out there that gets off on being a gentleman. Be happy that she's not foaming at the mouth screaming patriarchy when someone pulls her chair out for her.

full_control · 2015-02-19T18:17:13+00:00

Most of these I'd say are what one should do for other people regardless of gender. Holding the door open for anyone that you know or not is common decency. Not considering other people in your actions is self centered. The mistake here is assuming these things are specific to male/female relationships.

As for standing when she enters the rooms, aside from informal situations (e.g. at home with roommates) isn't this what everyone is supposed to do? When at a dinner, business function, or meeting new people it's rude to not acknowledge someone's arrival.

scanspeak · 2015-02-20T00:29:03+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	I'm a Feminist and I Still Want These 7 Gentlemanly Gestures. Do You?
Author	thrway_1000
Upvotes	105
Comments	151
Date	February 19, 2015 2:07 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/2wfha1/im_a_feminist_and_i_still_want_these_7/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/im-a-feminist-and-i-still-want-these-7-gentlemanly.987719 https://theredarchive.com/post/987719

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