Why do you guys even bother getting married?

FlyingSaucer51 · 2023-11-06T00:13:09+00:00

Because I was foolish enough to believe that communication and commitment were qualities she possessed.

She SAID all the right things.

All it took after 15 years of dedication and love was a pandemic and me taking an antidepressant. I had a bad reaction to it and that of her I felt suicidal. Instead of loving me, helping me, calling the doctor, etc…I came home from a day out to find she had moved!

After I sent her this text…”This is not how it was supposed to end.” She ran to the police and said it was a murder/suicide death threat and she wanted a restraining order. She got a temporary one but the judge extended it to a full YEAR!

I was never allowed to speak with her again. I wasn’t even allowed to testify in court because the judge didn’t want me to upset her. I was told if she cried, I could be found in violation of my order and held in contempt!

To show off in court she hired two rent-a-cops to flank her because she “feared for her life.”

Since I helped her through her master’s degree and her doctorate…and she was a sexy educator of children…it was assumed she would NEVER lie.

She perjured herself 7 times during our trial. I was not allowed to rebut.

Men are screwed. The system is BROKEN and shit!!!

warrior_up · 2023-11-05T21:47:10+00:00

Marriage used to represent an unbreakable union between two people who wanted to have kids and a family. Combining two family legacies into one stronger family heritage, stronger genes and resources.

Disney movies, daytime television shows, our parents and their parents were all married and stayed together, males had their roles and the females upheld their end.

Then child support slowly started funding judicial retirement accounts, women have a big red eject button they can press, men are just one bad mood away from losing everything.

Until family law changes, there is ZERO benefit for men to sign a marriage contract. For women, thats not the case - at least financially, the more men they have on child support the more their wealth increases.

soontobesolo · 2023-11-05T21:50:56+00:00

You're right, marriage is a terrible idea for men especially.

Dakeddit · 2023-11-05T23:05:24+00:00

Well I loved her. We had a family. And then she decided she didn't want that.

HereinPA1 · 2023-11-06T00:30:31+00:00

Because of all the other comments, and of course that it would never happen to me. Well, I was obviously wrong and in a big way.

I will be having a long and intentional talk with my son in the future. I will also recommend he spend some time on this sub so he can see the reality of what exactly can and does happen to so many and not just me.

It is absolutely criminal that I have to surrender a portion of my retirement to a gainfully employed and highly paid woman simply because I make more and she unilaterally decided to end our marriage. But I don’t have to tell any of you that.

Forward-Transition-5 · 2023-11-06T00:19:56+00:00

Societal influence/pressure.
Biological programming to provide and procreate.
Ignorance of the legal system in regards to family court.
Stupidity (either long term or momentary).

CB33isGMC · 2023-11-05T21:45:35+00:00

Different time, different era. Starting a family and providing for them was a man’s responsibility, and we were raised to be men, not gigolos.

Women no longer operate in good faith during marriages, so I think most guys on here would avoid marriage in the modern era.

tragicaddiction · 2023-11-05T21:45:18+00:00

because she got knocked up.. was on the hook for child support regardless.

figured i would give it a go.. plus tax incentives to being married

but what a charade it all was. ..really just got married so she wouldn't look bad in front of her dad and friends..she had already been married before so she didn't want the wedding, but wanted the ring on her finger.

i stupidly didn't realize how much it was fucking me over doing it. i thought i was the exception to the rule

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2023-11-05T22:33:15+00:00

Because its what society and our still married parents said was what we should do.

Chicagokiasoul1990 · 2023-11-06T00:05:46+00:00

Good question, my dad and mom who are divorced literally told me over an over again not to do it, and literally 5 mins before we're waking down the aisle they both told me again don't do it and I did anyways only lasted a year and half lol

DatabaseSpace · 2023-11-05T21:08:16+00:00

I think a lot of us got married because society says it's the right thing to do, women pressure you and we are totally unaware of how fucked up family law is. I assumed it would have some fairness involved, I was wrong.

Flapique · 2023-11-06T01:52:04+00:00

You're acting like the m************ on this page knew that they were going to get divorced. We didn't and that's why we're here to try and figure this s*** out.

goodfeeling11 · 2023-11-06T02:50:12+00:00

Did .any see the video where they talk about the lesbian divorce rate? This literally proves that maladjusted women have been the problem in their relationships most of the time. A young girl on a podcast said that women as a collective have a group think a d are susceptible to the brain washing of the media that compels them to destroy their families via divorce.

organicwilly · 2023-11-06T00:37:06+00:00

More and more young couples are not getting married because they're observing divorced in the older generation. I'm also questioning monogamy.

1antinomy · 2023-11-06T10:16:39+00:00

Some guys just can’t let it go

It’s been conditioned into them since adolescence

dddd912 · 2023-11-06T00:36:55+00:00

As someone who had their divorce finalized this year, I will not be setting myself up for failure again. Marriage is an absolute scam. I'm just going to be a great dad to my kids.

smooth-vegetable-936 · 2023-11-06T08:15:44+00:00

It’s changing. Xwife wanted to get back on paper to be married again, I refused. She even wanted to give back what she took from me, I still refused. We actually have a way better relationship now. We r taking care of our daughters and still living together but our finances r separate. She actually lives in my house now since I cashed her out. She pays for certain things. I look at it as a girlfriend boyfriend relationship and nothing wrong with that. Now it’s much easier to go our separate ways if we disagree on something. We r actually having sex way more often now. She knows that I will not be married to her on paper anymore or to anyone else. I’ve made sure that common law practice is not recognized where we live and that’s important. But she certainly knows that she fucked up sooooo bed and I will not be manipulated. I’m not sure what’s really gonna happen to our relationship but for now it’s cheaper to keep her until my kids r older and if things r working out, then there’s no problem as long as the law doesn’t get involved again bcs I’m done with that.

BurnDownTheMission68 · 2023-11-06T12:32:36+00:00

Because most men are romantic fools.

normalville · 2023-11-05T23:56:16+00:00

Come on man it's pu*sy and you know it.

justaguywadog · 2023-11-05T21:38:42+00:00

She was an smoking hot Asian ...what could I do ...I'm an nerdy half Latin/white guy of course I wifed her up..

techrmd3 · 2023-11-06T00:35:44+00:00

I think the reasons for marriage have dwindled to nil for men now.

Granted you get some say in your kids future with a marriage, but in reality you don't need to have marriage just your name on the birth certificate.

Impossible_Sport291 · 2023-11-06T17:21:47+00:00

We are tricked by society into thinking marriage is this beautiful and glorious accolade to strive for. It convinces us we're mature and worthy.

It's a fucking lie.

Dizzy-Ad512 · 2023-11-06T00:36:17+00:00

It’s called trusting other person that you can see yourself growing old , starting a family . Then it cones crashing after 15 she wants out .

JoAnn1961 · 2023-11-06T13:58:57+00:00

Marriage is a choice. Forget giving 100%. Both give 150%. If I told an engaged couple what was ahead, no one would marry. Few people walk away from children but so many will walk away from a spouse. Most times I see people go from frypan into the fire, after divorce. Been married 38y. Not saying that you should always stay but you should earn your divorce.

ruintheirday · 2023-11-06T17:26:13+00:00

Got her knocked up when we were 21 and she had gnarly health insurance 🤣 she also makes double what I make. Never fought about money til the divorce. I wouldn't have married her otherwise to be honest.

morrowrd · 2023-11-06T21:20:04+00:00

I learned that lesson the hard way like most of us on a 'divorce men' forum.

LonelyNC123 · 2023-11-07T11:01:35+00:00

Young and naive about how tough the world is. And not aware of the terrible economic consequences of divorce on men in the USA. Divorce laws in a few states are OK for men but most are horrible.

And.....regardless of our age, women can often use pussy and tears to manipulate the HELL out of men.

dudefromyork · 2023-11-09T09:41:49+00:00

Jim Jeffries the comedian does an excellent bit about this. He reasons(?) that when marriage was first conceived our life expectancy was about 40-45 years. Making marriage a 20-25 year deal. Which is fair enough. But life expectancy is now -say - 80-85 years and people get to 40 years old and think “f^ck that”.

dnbndnb · 2023-11-06T06:20:47+00:00

I married her because I thought she was hot, and that we had some good things in common. The reality was my mother f’d me up and I didn’t know it, and her family was total dysfunctional from the get-go. We were literally made for each other. I took her places she had never been, gave her a far better life than she could have done herself, moved us into the top 5% of net worth, and retired us both early. But along the way she decided having an affair was smarter than working on our marriage. And when she finally told me, not only did it crush me, but she kept at it. I did all the wrong things at the time not knowing any better. The marriage got “saved” but is was effectively a zombie relationship. Oh we got along well enough, and the now grown kids know nothing (and I want it that way). But she was always a taker, and I a giver. In the end, instead of finally fixing things with long counseling, she quit after a total of 35 years x together. Sadly, someone here one posted a link that explained exactly who we both were, and I could have “fixed” my end in no time. Her? Probably not so much.

More amazingly, I’m currently “negotiating” a future relationship/marriage with another woman. No starry eyed love bombing, but actually approaching it as two people who like each other, and should have partners as we head into the tail end of life. There will definitely be prenups involved, and if it doesn’t work there’s a lot more downside in it for her than me. Certainly much more in the first half dozen years.

I never thought I would get remarried, hell even find a good woman. But I like this woman, she me, and there’s probably more honest expectations by both of us as to what we want than there was in my 35 years with the last one. Having is essence a contract right out the gate will take away a lot of misunderstandings.

I’ve also spent the last couple years learning about myself, and we’ll be starting from brutal honesty.

aquatic-dreams · 2023-11-07T02:22:43+00:00

She got me drunk and asked me to marry her and she was the only person I've ever felt that I could 100 percent be myself with.

Title	Why do you guys even bother getting married?
Author	isdcaptain
Upvotes	25
Comments	73
Date	November 5, 2023 8:41 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/17ol68k/why_do_you_guys_even_bother_getting_married/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/why-do-you-guys-even-bother-getting-married.1237592 https://theredarchive.com/post/1237592

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