Do not refrain from running a background check, snooping his phone, or showing up uninvited — trust but verify. Which tactics have you used to check his credibility?

Altowhovian93 · 2021-11-07T14:04:50+00:00

I work in child welfare and I have this conversation a lot with the moms that I work with. Google his full name, check all social media, check into their exes, check his family’s social media. Most states have a record search option on their dept of corrections and parole board sites, also do a sex offender search. Local newspapers often still post weekly arrest stats. Spokeo will give you partial addresses and phone numbers.

If what he’s told you doesn’t match what you’ve found, reconsider the relationship. If he lies about having a record or what he’s done in past relationships, what else has he lied about?

23eggz · 2021-11-07T07:24:56+00:00

Definitely check the tagged photos section on ig - I have found the most incriminating stuff there 😐

Pink_Padme · 2021-11-07T05:40:50+00:00

Woke up one morning and had this horrible gut feeling that I had to act on about the guy I was dating. He treated me well and I almost second guessed myself but didn’t.

While he was still asleep, I went through this phone for the first time ever thus far in our relationship. Within 30 seconds I found everything I needed to know. Cheating, nudes to other women, countless messages, him asking the girls to keep his cheating on the “hush hush” as he had a girlfriend (me). Screenshot everything, sent them to myself and stormed out and never looked back. Always go through his phone. Even when there are no obvious red flags. If I hadn’t, I’d probably still be living a lie with him.

2021-11-07T05:22:16+00:00

The funny thing is, snooping was always considered normal. Talk to our parents generation and they will tell you, they knew to snoop in their drawers, ask around in the community about them. You absolutely have a right to know who you are with.

_xyoungbellax_ · 2021-11-07T11:49:22+00:00

I would go on some instant messaging apps and just type my name in the searchbar. So many messages with my name used to pop up and none of those belonged to me. All were with girls. He'd berate me to make himself look like the victim. But that's the thing, he wouldn't talk about this with other men, only women. He'd also behave so nicely and lovey dovey with me. That's when I understood I had fallen in the trap of a narcissist.

This trick always works, when you have scores of contacts to go through or you think he might be cheating with not one, but many women.

pompommom31 · 2021-11-07T18:07:27+00:00

If a man is overprotective of his phone in general that’s a huge red flag. Also if he takes to much time in the bathroom or walks away on the regular when he’s on the phone. A man should be 100% comfortable for you to answer his phone if he’s driving or if he can’t get to it. Think about how you act. Do you hide your phone like that?

arnezuara · 2021-11-07T13:58:59+00:00

27 comments whilst only 11 are showing, lol. Some scrotes are mad

SatanicSuperfood · 2021-11-07T13:05:40+00:00

Giving it a little extra of 'the cool girl'-vibe when around his friends to see if they spill some stories he hasn't told me but maybe should.
Play dumb fox if he says something shady instead of immediately calling him out. If he has bad intentions he will feel safe telling you more because I didn't get angry at first. If he doesn't tell more I can always ask about it later.
I haven't needed to do this, but some people on FDS have success with telling about a fake insecurity to see if he uses it against you.
Observe him while he does everyday tasks like cleaning the dishes and fold laundry. Does it look like he has done it millions of times or does it look clumsy? If it's the latter he is probably just performing for the moment and will do anything to avoid these tasks once he has 'secured' you.

oneheadlight312 · 2021-11-07T10:30:10+00:00

If you're looking on his phone,, go into Facebook and check what private groups he belongs to. I found my ex in 2 Swinger groups advertising himself as single, looking for a hot wife to bang while her husband watches, and offering dick pics to anybody who wanted them. He also belonged to some that shared explicit content and dirty memes.When you get to the group, search his name in the bar and it will pull up all his posts.

scorchedsouI · 2021-11-07T08:59:02+00:00

The truth is, cheating can never be truly hidden, even if there is no physical evidence. This "feeling" women get isn't actually just a feeling, it is intuition, the subconscious picking up on non-verbal cues, changes in body language, behaviour and communication, things that can't be hidden no matter how good of an actor a man is. It's a finely crafted tool that has been tuned and perfected throughout the millions of years of human evolution, and it can't be fooled.

In truth, whenever women find out about cheating they actually only confirm what their gut has been telling them for a while now and they have been in denial about. Being completely blindsided by a man cheating isn't something that happens. "Female paranoia" is a myth.

Being honest with yourself and your suspicions is more important than finding new tactics to confirm there is no tangible evidence of cheating.

FuckSakez · 2021-11-07T18:10:22+00:00

I recommend reverse imaging searching their photo on google. If they’ve used it elsewhere or if they’re a catfish you’ll know.

Go on private browser and search their LinkedIn (make sure you are not logged into yours or you’ll get caught creeping!).

If they mention Snapchat (which FDS is against!) play it coy and ask their name and say you’ll add them. Then google their username. If they’ve posted to sites or subs looking for whatever- their comments will show up.

I was in a LDR with a man and was contemplating moving my whole life to be with him. He gave me his backup Snapchat one day. I googled it and he was commenting his snap name on a number of subs that sickened me. You can have two Snapchat accounts on one phone.

Take his business phone and call your number. See what name you’re saved under in his contacts. If it’s not your name-put him in the bin. He is trash.

Snooping is a necessary evil. This hill I will die on.

janiceofcourse · 2021-11-07T16:54:40+00:00

Voterrecords.com has helped me many times find a man’s full name while in the talking stage. You can use state, city, and age filters on the site to help narrow down results. Then using the full name you can conduct all the court records search based on the counties they’ve lived in and check all major social media platforms. Sometimes they’ll have phone numbers and addresses too which you can use on Google maps to see what kind of money they make. The site doesn’t cover all states, but it’s still very useful.

misscyansiren · 2021-11-07T05:18:00+00:00

I once unintentionally got a man to reveal his weed habit. When I recounted this conversation to my male ex-friend, even he was impressed. Here's somewhat how it went.

Me: You kinda remind me of a friend I used to have. Except he was a stoner. *laugh* I don't know if you're into that.

Him: I've been clean for about 2 weeks. I got pneumonia and decided maybe it's best to quit.

I can't remember how I responded but I just remember thinking "2 weeks is not impressive" and that the more I learned about this guy, the less I liked him.

3alabali · 2021-11-07T14:21:37+00:00

How do you guys manage to get phone passwords early on?

Vervibes · 2021-11-07T05:16:20+00:00

Truthfully, no matter how much you ask or what you do—it may never be enough with the type of men this planet has. Then again, it’s one of the several ways we can vet.

• Snooping through phones should include thorough social media check, message history check, group chat checks, gallery/deleted/hidden section checks.

• Noticing patterns of who he’s talking to and finding out what their history is.

• Watching his dynamic with others and his circle. Seeing the type of friends he has and what they discuss.

• Checking his friends and see whether they have high quality or low quality characteristics.

• If you get close enough, getting family to share about him in a very sweet, innocent way.

• Going through his laptop, you’d be surprised what you can find. Some may be connected to his phone and still hav history regardless of whether he deleted it from his phone or not.

• Having his location on multiple platforms. Snapchat (if y’all have one, iMessages, whatever else.)

• See how his friends talk about him with questions that flow well with any potential conversation you have.

• If it applies, past co-workers can also reveal a lot.

• Asking the dude questions yourself about his sexual history, how his breakups have been, what caused them, etc.

There’s so much that goes into vetting and different situations call for different initiatives to guard yourself.

adrianaonly · 2021-11-07T12:53:06+00:00

Ask him a question that he will have to Google on his phone, then hover around him while he types his password, if you don’t get it the first time try a few more times. Most people will get distracted over their password. I found my ex cheating with another man.

SenFoutre · 2021-11-07T23:06:24+00:00

What I use on anyone I feel I’m potentially going to date:

Spokeo, if I’m OLD then I have this at the same time. It will report all known addresses previously, profiles etc
Google, FB, and social media search.
A long time ago there was a site called Don’t Date Him Girl and I check that too.
Image reverse search.

I don’t give details but I don’t hide what I may know as we date, I don’t have time to waste and im not going to hide that.

During the relationship:

Phone and email transparency, IDGAF if this goes into an argument if it does then there’s obviously something being hidden.
I make it known that I expect to meet family, friends and colleagues. I realize some people are estranged from their families and depending on the situation I might accommodate for that but if there’s too much opacity and no opportunity to corroborate, I don’t want to go further.
I expect to be informed about credit issues and I will outright ask. I’m a fiscally responsible adult, and while someone may have issues they’re still trying to resolve, I can make a decision as to how that affects me.
I will also ask pointed questions about past relationships and break ups.

Plus all the things mentioned by Vervibes, I want to know who and how his friends are. If he’s friends only with people who are much younger.

I’ve had PTSD from past relationships, and taking things upon face value is not a luxury I can afford. So if he doesn’t like it, then we can’t go further.

plinyy · 2021-11-07T23:09:11+00:00

Find his reddit comment history.

Just snooped on his reddit and found a thread about me. Cue reddit circlejerking and him saying awful things about me and agreeing with other people’s awful opinions of me like I’m a piece of meat. Super sexist and disrespectful.

You never really know someone until they’re angry/upset.

ChocoBananza · 2021-11-07T19:19:23+00:00

Never used a background check, because I have no idea how to. I would if I could.

What I did was, early into the relationship (like first or second time I came over) would go through everything I could while he was in the shower, or out to get me something that I ‘forgot’ to buy, but need urgently.

I check his phone and computer the same way- first the gallery, then recent contacts/files, then chats. If I’m happy what I see at I glance, I go to the browsers and type ‘p’, ‘x’, or whatever key word I think of, like ‘teen’, ‘college’, anal’, etc.

I check his bed stand/sock drawer, and see if there’s anything suspicious. Ex’s memorabilia, condoms, lube, wet wipes. I take a mental note of the amount of supplies left, and keep track.

Now, quick explanation of why I do it like this:

1) To me, it proved important to be early into the relationship, because he’s still unprepared that I’ll spend more time there, so he wouldn’t hide stuff as well as he would’ve. 2) I don’t sleep with people who wouldn’t go out of their way for me, so ‘going out to get me something’ is a tactic that hadn’t failed me (yet). 3) The ‘check his devices’ tactic had to be done VERY quickly, so I can only do the glances at the first try. Like just scrolling through the gallery, looking for nudes, or anything that would get my attention. Second, unless I’m sure that he’ll be away for a long time, I don’t have time to go through his search history, so checking whether his frequent searches are porn related helps me get a clear picture. I’m also good at seeing what ISN’T there, so if there’s a large gap in the photos, no history at all, or only recent cookies, I know that something’s going on. 4) I don’t use lube, nor condoms, only oral contraceptives (my partner has to get tested before we have sex), so if he has any, I need to know whether they were used during our relationship. If the boxes are opened, I check the creation/expiration date. That tells me if they were bought/used recently. 4.1) I had an acquaintance who figured out that her bf was cheating because he used too much wet wipes. Turned out, he was using them to clean himself up and his side chick. Dumbass. 5) Make sure you leave everything as it was. Don’t touch anything unnecessary. That means no finger marks in the dust, and less risk of breaking/dropping something. No open tabs, and his old opened tabs should be in the same order as they were. Just in case. 5) Always, ALWAYS have an alibi ready, in case you get caught. ‘Oh, I wanted to play some music’, or ‘I was looking for tissues’, or be more creative with it. Plus, alt + tab quick skills are a must.

After a few times I did these checks (and didn’t find ANYTHING), I stopped doing it thoroughly, and I just do sporadic checks, just in case.

Jinxhourglass · 2021-11-07T09:16:38+00:00

I watch this local psychology specialist on youtube(she has an actual diploma and training), and in one of her videos she said something like, "those modern ideas about private space in the relationship are BS. if you're together, if you're genuinely close, there can't be any secrets from each other, any man claiming otherwise is bshitting you"
Might be a crude way to put it, but I think she's right and you're right too

_cnz_ · 2021-11-07T09:14:34+00:00

How can we run free background checks or search for possible criminal records?

JoanGreenCat · 2021-11-07T09:35:07+00:00

First thing if a gut is telling you he is cheating stop having sex with him. If he doesn't even notice you didn't have sex for a while it's probably because he is into someone else.

Check how he acts while unlocking his phone, does he hide it from you? Did he change his password? Are his notifications hidden all of a sudden?

Just ask him for his phone to check something. It's best to do it in front of him to see how he acts when you have his phone in your hand. If someone has nothing to hide they wouldn't stare at you and try to pull the phone out of your hand asap.

You can just be "around his area" and come to his place. If people are in love they are happy to see each other even unannounced.

But basically ask questions, when someone is lying they are making really long stories with a lot of details.

Surrealisticslumbers · 2021-11-07T08:01:00+00:00

I use my state's judiciary case search. See if the person, male or female, has a record. I also have Whitepages Premium. That usually allows me to view past and present addresses, as well as relatives and associates. Good for finding out if there was an ex.

Due-Priority-2301 · 2021-11-07T15:17:42+00:00

I recently by chance (an app that shows predators and sex offenders near you) discovered someone I know and respect is a sex offender who pled to sex with a minor. A pedophile.

He was someone I never suspected in my friend circle, someone I respected and trusted. I never dated him (no attraction) but I shiver at the thought that I could have dated him. Download any apps that show convicted sex offenders near you- they show pictures too in case he is using an alias.

FDS-strategist · 2021-11-07T17:51:22+00:00

Snooping his phone definitely! I've found some disgusting stuff hidden, you all don't even want to know.

thefruitcakebasket · 2021-11-07T22:31:09+00:00

Quick question, how do you actually run a background check? I've always heard that advice, and it's clearly the right thing to do, but I literally don't even know where to start.

I always felt that previous relationships moved too fast to even allow that sort of thing - which is a massive red flag, looking back! They didn't turn out to be murderers, but let's face it, none of them made it past casual dating, so they weren't that great either way.

If they appear to be really knowledgeable about something (idk, like pottery or something), I'll ask them where they read about it/heard about that. If they hesitate but then answer and their voice has shifted, it usually means they found it on Reddit, a 5-minute Youtube video (bonus points if I've got a degree in the same fucking subject and they're trying to intellectually 'compete' and undermine me deliberately, to make me look like an idiot), Facebook (likely to be reading shit without fact-checking), or some other dodgy website. Works e v e r y time. I know who's done their research well and who's a liar.

So, so many of them lie. All I want is a man with empathy and integrity, holy shit. Bare minimum.

PassafistMonkey · 2021-11-07T22:43:41+00:00

I sleuthed and couldn't find any social media except a LinkedIn. I checked and holy shit, he had at least 20+ jobs listed as a 30+ year old and none were held down very long. Turns out he has severe mental health issues and doesn't take the best care of himself.

Throwawaylikehay · 2022-01-22T21:31:34+00:00

use whitepages.
spydialer to reach his voicemail.

find the names of their friends On social media, see if you can find posts with him tagged.

find his family member’s social media profiles, esp. if he has siblings.