Don’t tell men about your standards

spicyspa · 2021-05-06T00:15:56+00:00

If you tell a man your standards, that is the bar he will come within 10 yards to meet or won't. I'm not going to tell him my standards, just end it if he's not meeting them.

badnewsbroad76 · 2021-05-05T23:30:30+00:00

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Geocities_SEO_Expert · 2021-05-06T01:18:04+00:00

Yes. Part of LVM behavior is to find exactly where a line is drawn, and then they will stand right on that line and lean over as far as they can.

Just shut it down. A decent person wouldn't live that way.

JustPeachyyyyyyyy · 2021-05-05T23:45:16+00:00

Moving in silence is extremely powerful, especially when it comes to dating. Telling a man your standards basically paves the way for him to act however he needs to to have access to your body/finances/energy, and also helps him learn how to better abuse his next victim. Don’t ever tell men anything. You don’t owe them a single word.

miphasgraceful · 2021-05-05T23:01:40+00:00

I can’t emphasize the “silent” part enough. Besides putting yourself at possible grave danger when a creep LVM retaliates or begins to stalk you, there’s no point in debating your worth and boundaries with a man- any man.

Aocwannabe · 2021-05-05T22:37:28+00:00

I saw a great video about the benefits and power of moving in silence. Yes to all of this.

_RustInPiece_ · 2021-05-05T23:52:59+00:00

So basically: Don't cOmMuNiCaTe, just walk away. Don't overshare your private life because it's his job to earn this information by himself. If he wanted to he would. If he wants to focus on YOU he does. Men are not dumb. Don't let your inner pickmeisha hijack your own vetting process.

laffytaggy · 2021-05-06T00:29:34+00:00

Yea! I am working on being silent in all areas, not just with men. No need to explain my agenda, goals and roadmap..To anyone. Just live and let the results speak for itself.

Pulled_An_LBJ · 2021-05-06T04:17:18+00:00

Two of my counselors counseled me to leave dates by saying I had to go to restroom then just leave, just walk out. Being a recovering "nice" girl conditioned by society I was stunned that these mature, wonderful older women were giving me permission to do something I thought was god forbid rude. I mentioned this and one said that she guesses if it really bothered me I could text them and let them know I left and not interested when got home. That was so freeing. I can't wait to do it. Why I needed to be told that was okay is another story and sad. Also, certain predators or manipulators tailor themselves and their profiles to match your publicly stated standards and likes/dislikes so often there can be a lot of power in not putting all of your cards on the table. Gives them less to tailor themselves to.

frostedgemstone · 2021-05-05T22:49:28+00:00

I totally agree, all that expressing your standards does is offend and create defensiveness by the lvm and pickmes. I sleep at peace in the night knowing my own standards and having no one to argue about that with

ASeaOfQuotes · 2021-05-05T23:19:42+00:00

I think this is great advice to avoid interpersonal conflict, but remember that FDS wouldn’t exist without us stating our standards loud and proud! You should absolutely share your standards with women in your life who can benefit from a different perspective, but never sit there and try to justify your standards, especially to anyone not asking questions in good faith.

Obviously we aren’t here to educate naysayers or hold hands, but there’s a lot of value in sharing perspectives and experiences and how you would do things differently and better enforce boundaries in the future with like-minded women. Let’s keep that energy and dump the people who drain it.

EurasianEmpress · 2021-05-05T23:57:35+00:00

👏👏👏

The men who already meet my standards don’t need me to explain and the ones who don’t won’t genuinely change to meet them, anyway.

all_or_nothing_bet · 2021-05-06T00:55:03+00:00

Simple "Ew" is more than enough lol. But complete silence is gold 👌

_queeeen_ · 2021-05-06T00:19:04+00:00

If you find yourself having to explain your boundaries or standards to a man... it’s probably a lost cause anyways. Next.

FluffandRainclouds · 2021-05-06T04:21:37+00:00

Ladies, heed this advice! When you don't tell people what you're looking for, they are more apt to act like themselves and you can vet more effectively. When you leave, no justification is needed. Excuse yourself in a way that makes for a safe exit. Block and delete.

pinkplatform · 2021-05-06T04:46:47+00:00

This!! I get shit on by people (mostly 'friends') for doing this. I always hear "why do you have to be so cold? You're so harsh! It's not fair to them" etc. Why should I have to give up my comfort and well being just to coddle someone's feelings? Funny how no one ever has an answer to that🙃

basuragoddess · 2021-05-06T02:48:08+00:00

Definitely why it’s important to listen to your intuition. If there are off vibes or it’s not working early on, let that shit go clean. 👋🏼

FDS-GFY · 2021-05-06T02:48:18+00:00

This. I don’t have time to give free education.

Subject_Ticket · 2021-05-06T04:57:33+00:00

When I think about HVW in my life that I want to be like, they would 100% walk away silently if someone didn't meet their standards, no explanations.

I still have a little pick-me in me where I want to tell them they don't meet my standards in the hopes that they will try to change, but no more!

2021-05-05T22:35:55+00:00

A MEN A MEN A MEN

Davina33 · 2021-05-06T06:59:18+00:00

I agree with this so much. Not only that, explaining to them only help them manipulate the next women. We don't owe them anything. They get disrespectful, instant block and delete. It gets easier the more you do it.

Villanelloh · 2021-05-06T12:33:11+00:00

I agree with this. If you're vocal about why you don't accept coffee dates you end up getting a pointless lecture why all women are gold diggers or how we expect too much. Block and delete all the way

Determinedblonde · 2021-05-05T22:54:12+00:00

I love to talk but this is the right way to go about it 😂

I’m open about it because I want the page to get more attention! But silence is the best for individuals

snugglebunbun · 2021-05-06T00:53:07+00:00

Wish I saw this post earlier 😭

entpgirl415 · 2021-05-06T21:59:02+00:00

Omg it’s just like in biggies song “never let em know your next move, don’t you know bad boys move in silence and violence”. Don’t crucify me for putting his lyrics here, I know he’s a misogynist and not a good person and we obv shouldn’t move in violence however he was right about the silence part 🤣🤣🤣

Crafty_Collar8183 · 2021-05-06T00:49:52+00:00

Some will ask you what you think they need to improve on. It is so pathetic. Just walk away.

MajesticSkyPachyderm · 2021-05-06T18:23:56+00:00

The risk with telling your standards to men is that they could pretend to meet them to get close to you, and then revert back to being who they actually are once they think you're "hooked". Then they've wasted your time and energy.

You want to meet/be with someone who already meets your standards as normally they are, and filter out the rest. If they want to level up, good for them. But you shouldn't be the reason they do, they should do that for themselves.

lolmemberberries · 2021-05-06T23:44:04+00:00

Always share with your inner circle of female friends who will support you. Beyond that, move in silence.

chainsawbobcat · 2021-05-06T01:51:31+00:00

🤣🤣 please. Just stfu. You're welcome 🧡

laffytaggy · 2021-05-06T00:29:44+00:00

Yea! I am working on being silent in all areas, not just with men. No need to explain my agenda, goals and roadmap..To anyone. Just live and let the results speak for itself.

laffytaggy · 2021-05-06T00:29:37+00:00

Yea! I am working on being silent in all areas, not just with men. No need to explain my agenda, goals and roadmap..To anyone. Just live and let the results speak for itself.

suckmypussy143 · 2021-05-06T04:07:38+00:00

I don’t know if any of y’all believe in it but I’ll just say it’s also a great way to keep evil eye away.

My African mom would always tell me this but I never listened until a few days after I told a “friend” (who later tried to fight me) about how my hair had grown due to some treatments (I had drastically lost weight and lost hair as a result) she said “great” and didn’t comment on it any further but then someone suggested my hair might grow longer than hers. I felt her glaring at me after that but dismissed it as her feeling hurt. Right after the gathering I had a terrible stomache despite not eating unfamiliar food and within two days my hair was brittle and falling out again even though I’ve consistently been doing my treatments.

purasangria · 2021-05-06T01:52:38+00:00

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Aocwannabe · 2021-05-06T06:46:18+00:00

[removed]

Title	Don’t tell men about your standards
Author	fds98
Upvotes	1647
Comments	77
Date	May 5, 2021 10:31 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/n5shm4/dont_tell_men_about_your_standards/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/dont-tell-men-about-your-standards.776454 https://theredarchive.com/post/776454

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