I feel…asexual?

theterminatress · 2021-07-22T19:27:12+00:00

I’m high libido. I’m also monogamous, fitness and relationship oriented and childfree.

There are very few men who are a match. I’m turned off by men with kids, unfit and unhealthy men, men who don’t have their life shit together (housing/job/transportation/grooming), men who overuse alcohol and use drugs, and men too far out of my age range. Ultimately this means that even when I’m initially attracted I often lose interest the minute one of these factors surfaces. It’s not voluntary on my part. Just happens. I don’t think of that as asexuality, just as knowing what works for me and makes me feel intrigued and excited about getting to know someone better.

munakhtyler · 2021-07-22T15:09:23+00:00

don’t even want to do much as look at another man.

Every time I see the absolute state of men, I understand why high value women prefer to just ignore worthless males. Seriously, never in our history have men been more depraved, violent, perverted and self-absorbed

BlueSkiesOverLondon · 2021-07-22T14:34:31+00:00

I don’t know if this has to mean you’re healed or damaged. Sometimes you’re just not in the mood for something. Sexual interest waxes and wanes over a person’s life, that’s pretty normal. I would say give yourself permission to feel what you’re feeling. If you change your mind later, fine, if you don’t, that’s fine too.

girl_in_red_costume · 2021-07-22T18:17:19+00:00

Me too, sis. I've been single for a few years now and I don't feel like dating again.

spinsterchachkies · 2021-07-22T19:09:11+00:00

I felt this when I found FDS. I really lost all interest in men. I sometimes think about dating but it’s just not a priority. I have standards and a life that I was able to build for myself during that phase because I lost all interest in men. It’s a blessing so use it to your advantage. Eventually you will want to find love again, so strike while the irons hot and make the most of this time. Build up your life and make good habits.

mashibeans · 2021-07-22T22:01:35+00:00

I'm a virgin in all sense, and thought myself asexual for a long time... but honestly, whenever I see a physically attractive man (and until I find out he's mentally LV or not), I do feel attraction. Silly example: I reaaaally like that scene of Captain America breaking a log in two, LOL.

What I've come to realize is that the average man is not attractive in any way, period. They don't level up mentally and/or physically. Some do improve with exercise, but it's common for them to actually make the gym, and by extension, the bodies they sculpted, into their whole personality (think gym bros/rats). They believe that's enough to get women attracted to them... but mentally they're low value.

So for me, I reaaally need them to get both level ups/high values mentally and physically for me to feel attraction. Otherwise I'm not feeling it, so... I just don't consider them as potential romantic partners, at all. It helps I have a lower libido than most people, so not having sex is a non-issue for me.

MsXxSelfDestructxX · 2021-07-22T17:45:27+00:00

hey sounds like me. In 2019 I was going on a ton of dates but always found myself exhausted at the end of them, I figured I was doing way too much. Obviously the pandemic blind sided us, I took to working through the pandemic as an essential employee and of course there was no dates. Come 2021, I told myself I was gonna spend this year just me, myself and I. No dates, sex, low effort men, men that expected ME to set up the dates like wtf wanting me to do everything . Ironically as soon as the calendar hit 2021, the ex that basically led me to FDS reappeared again 😂 it's like a sign

ihavenoideadwhatimdo · 2021-07-22T15:23:29+00:00

My experience since finding FDS is almost exactly the same. I date but have no desire to be intimate with any man anytime soon and my sex drive has been dead since the pandemic. I also used to have casual sex but I don’t feel like I relate to that person anymore.

arnezuara · 2021-07-22T14:38:10+00:00

I think you’re good. Unlike what society and culture teaches us, your state is what should be our default: feeling at peace with ourselves, with no premise of romantic/sexual self-sabotage involved.

However, if you’re feeling heavy because of your disgust for men, I suggest you seek therapy in case there is a part of you that needs more nurturing.

In general, being disgusted by how vile and manipulative most men are is something to be expected.

stillcantsee · 2021-07-22T19:14:54+00:00

I feel the absolute same 😌at this point any potential suitor is gonna have to compete with my peace and quiet

pozzalovah · 2021-07-22T19:21:21+00:00

Well wow same. I would like look at a male model and just appreciate how pretty they look and move on. I have pretty much emotionally distanced myself from everything in life and just think "logically" as in prioritizing my self and my needs . I would just keep my guards down with my girlfriends and family members. I think you might find it weird bcuz society tells us that women are emotional blah blah so maybe we kept ourself emotionally available to everything in life. FDS generally have allowed us to set boundaries and taught us to be efficient with our energy.

MissouriBlue · 2021-07-22T17:51:28+00:00

Someone mentioned something the other day that resonated with me. I’ll paraphrase:

It’s not that you had a high libido. It is that you were craving the Emotional Connection that comes with having sex, and have been attempting for that Connection with Emotionally Constipated men.

I know that really rang my alarm bells.

Panda_player19 · 2021-07-22T19:54:15+00:00

I also started loosing a lot of my sex drive since I found FDS. I was seeing a guy who I had moved in with less than a year into dating (I know, very bad choice on my part, and the relationship is over) and our sex life kept decreasing more and more. I feel like I had such a high “sex drive” because I wanted to impress a man into staying with me, but I couldn’t keep the act up forever and that’s why he was done with me. I’m concerned my sex drive won’t come back at all, but it’s better than being used and abused by LVM I guess

purasangria · 2021-07-23T02:16:52+00:00

I'm actually glad to see someone else mention this. Since joining this subreddit, I've come to realize just how little men as a whole have to offer me. I'm off of online dating sites for about 9 months now, and it feels so liberating. It's nice not to have to think about being something for the sake of attracting a man. It's not that I don't have sexual thoughts, it's that I'm just not seeing anyone who is interesting to me. I don't even know where to meet men anymore, and don't really care about dating.

If I trip over a nice man "in the wild" I would be game for a relationship, but currently? It' s not on my "to-do" list.

Aocwannabe · 2021-07-22T17:25:11+00:00

I have been celibate for a while now and I very much still have a high sex drive. But I so rarely meet men that I am attracted to…

melonmagellan · 2021-07-22T18:17:35+00:00

My douchebag husband is so unpleasant that when he's home I have the libido of a rock. When he's on business trips I masturbate like twice a day.

My example is extremely obvious but there are a lot of factors to play into libido. Any form of emotional detachment or distress also kills my libido as well.

FuckSakez · 2021-07-22T17:35:13+00:00

“The truth will set you free but first it will piss you off”

Keep your head and standards high. We didn’t make it through the pandemic apocalypse to settle for mediocrity!

LeeBees1105 · 2021-07-22T19:30:35+00:00

I feel the exact same way. All of the things you listed I've experience over the last year!

I don't really worry about whether I'm afraid of being hurt again, I find it very unlikely I'll ever date again just because of how rare HVM are, and tbh I can't be bothered to look for one.

My life is perfect as it is now and I am working on making my dreams come true, and I don't need a potential headache to come into my life. I always say he needs to be put in my path by God because I'm not looking for anyone anytime soon.

ello-motto · 2021-07-22T18:45:47+00:00

Hey you're not asexual, you're just normal.

To me, sex is an intimate act done with the man you love. As a result, personally, I don't get off on fantasizing about hot guys or male celebrities I don't know.

I have a high sex drive too. It's still there but it's saved for the right guy. It doesn't have to be "on" all the time.

Women having an insatiable sex drive that will fuck almost anyone, only benefits LVM anyway who want a quick lay.

As long media and culture continues to brainwash women into being hypersexualized beings that participate in hook-up culture to the benefit of LVM that just want a harem and endless supply of women to hook-up with and never commit to, having a normal sex drive that's only activated when you have an emotional connection with a man that loves you is going to seem strange... but actually it's completely normal.

Angry-Asian-Goddess · 2021-07-22T19:35:31+00:00

This is me. Even I feel only disgust at men, don't think a single one is worthy of touching me. I think this is a good sign, this helps keep our standards quite high and not fall for an LVM ever again.

ceramicunicorn · 2021-07-22T23:29:40+00:00

So relatable. I feel this too. Once I joined FDS, this lead me to radfem lit, and once the curtain was pulled back...once I had a handle on how most men see us, I can’t unsee what I’ve seen.

I hold out hope that men can be better, that we can transform from a society that doesn’t encourage them to be so, to one where women are more vocal about their needs. FDS has only existed since 2019, TwoX is getting better, I see likeminded content on other SM platforms. So, it’s possible, that we hit a tipping point, and that we may meet someone who holds the same level of respect for sex as we do, as we reframe this idea that there is something wrong with needing emotional connection and to be seen as people, to want sex.

Nothing wrong with you, I just think you’re more tapped into your needs now. It’s just that your environment does not provide for them. Like, you’ve made the decision that it’s only nourishing food for you now, and it just seems like you’re off, when everyone around you is snacking on junk. Here’s to more and more men and women abandoning the garbage that satisfies short term cravings and only choosing that which nourishes long term. If that shift does occur, you’ll just feel like another person within a well-represented sexual orientation.

alienshe_grrrl · 2021-07-22T19:01:26+00:00

I've been feeling like this for many years, way before finding FDS. I just can't be bothered on many levels.

Some sort of desire for actual intimacy is starting to kick in, but I just can't go back to unsee what I see now. Most romantic and sexual relationships around me are shit. I genuinely don't understand why people are so compelled to fill their life with fake connections and lies (both lies to self and others). I know I once was in a similar place but I'm truly over it and done way too much work on myself to level down just to have some fake random bs connection.

I enjoy my own company so I'd rather keep leveling up and working on creating a HV network so I can meet a variety of people that have a similar/compatible approach to relationships. That's the only route I see to try to satisfy my needs in a healthy way.

There's nothing wrong with you. You're detoxing from bullshit/patriarchy.

IndividualRoutine661 · 2021-07-22T18:06:54+00:00

I fail to see any problem here ☝🏻

Elegaunt · 2021-07-22T19:13:01+00:00

I'm right there with you. Asexual. Despite being for lack of a better phrase a f*ckbeast, like seriously I could go for hours.

But I've realized that part of accepting that I have value, and that LVM are everywhere and that they are a huge turn-off, is that I can't get turned on by men or situations in which my own suffering is supposed to be part of the relationship.

In my case the asexuality comes from the lack of HVM, and a change in what I am willing to accept when it comes to interactions with men, period. I'm a different person. I imagine that the right HVM would re-awaken the f*ckbeast, the endless love making. But I'm chill with keeping to myself at this point if it means I will never again be subjected to the abuse of a LVM.

katiekat0214 · 2021-07-22T15:25:02+00:00

You feel what you feel! I'm 53, twice married for 25 years, widowed 5 years, and only found out a few years before my late second husband died that we are/were both demisexual. That means that unless there's a close, deep bond over a long period of time, we as demisexuals just don't feel much of anything. Like you, I can look at a nice looking man, think "oh, handsome" and a few seconds later, he's out of my head. No images, very few fantasies/narratives, just the physicality of getting off is quite enough.

Demisexuality explains so much why J and I took three years emailing and chatting on the phone before we ever met. We were deepening that bond, finding we had almost everything in common, falling in love slowly, making sure each other was the right one, while still living our lives. (This was the 90s, when the internet was just getting started.)

As someone on the asexual spectrum, I was also like you, but sex and most relationships were never enough. I just knew there was more to me than being cis and het. That "more" was being demi, really needing that connection for there to be good sex, good friendship, good conversation. It took me decades to realize that conversation, bonding, friendship really mean the most to me, and sex is nice, but just not necessary. Fortunately, J felt the same, and although we had great sex, it was the ongoing friendship and neverending conversation that was THE best.

I thought sex was enough when I was young, but that for me was just libido. I thought it should attach to men, because that's what we're taught. When I did though, disappointment each time. The "more" wasn't there. And most young men in their 20s, even 30s, just don't have friendship and conversation skills. They don't have bonding skills.

Feel all your feels. Go with what makes you feel the best about yourself. Sexual desire does wax and wane throughout your lifetime. Go on AVEN, the Asexuality Visibility Network, and read there. The pandemic changed us all, and that time out as an ability to look deeply within was a gift. You'll be fine.

Windblown_Mattock · 2021-07-22T21:39:52+00:00

I don't think you're asexual. You are still masturbating, which means you still have sexual desire. I think you've had a shift in sexual values though, and it has changed the way you fulfill that desire. It is a wonderful thing to be happy and at peace with yourself. Congrats.

Edit to clarify: by "sexual values" I do not mean morality. I mean, "what is of value/worth" to OP.

nouvellecreature · 2021-07-22T15:47:16+00:00

Nothing wrong with that. Once you find out about the brainwashing going on and how much women have been/are exploited, it’s not great for the libido.

I’d say give yourself time and don’t judge your feelings.

_queeeen_ · 2021-07-23T00:21:10+00:00

I think one of the tests will come when you meet a man who does catch your eye enough to flirt back. Do the pickme thoughts and tendencies start up again? It’s okay if they do. This a journey. Just take note and keep working on yourself. 💕

kenzykatty · 2021-07-22T16:10:45+00:00

i have realized recently that i am asexual, which took a long time since our world is so sexualized and sex is so intertwined with romance! for me, i have never once in my life experienced sexual attraction. this is what connects all asexuals - the lack of sexual attraction. you can still have a libido, you can still enjoy sex, or you can have zero interest. feel free to pm me if you want to talk about it. i’ve been doing a ton of research and soul searching lately and would be happy to be a resource for you :)

papanezismysaviour · 2021-07-23T11:43:10+00:00

Well, being used as a fleshlight or made to feel like another notch on his bed isn't sexy. I don't see the point in having sex with someone that doesn't love you.

Sex is good when men make you feel like a goddess in every way.

Shot_Presence_8382 · 2021-07-22T17:21:08+00:00

I feel very similar. I used to have a high sex drive and would sleep around in my early 20s, and honestly had a fun time. I had my first kid at 24 after meeting my (now) ex husband. Now, I have two small children though and going through a divorce to LV ex husband. I have always had a high sex drive, but when I wasn't dating or actually in an intimate relationship, I just felt like...nothing towards men? Super asexual. I could notice if a man was attractive, but I was just like "heh 🤷🏻‍♀️" attractive person, whatever.

Now that I haven't had sex in a couple years, I have no desire for it. I can't see myself dating, having sex, wasting my time and energy on a man. Plus, I'm too busy focusing on raising my daughter and son, so bringing random strange men into their lives is out of the question.

I've always felt somewhat asexual though, I guess? My friends would be talking about a man they'd find sexy and they'd show me a picture of him or my friend would let me meet him and I'd just feel nothing at all. Like, okay, this person is attractive but...? That's it? So weird to describe. The feelings just stop at that LOL

OP, have you always felt asexual, or has FDS helped you realize that most men are trash and not worth your time anyways? That's where I'm at currently 😆

DividiaStorm · 2021-07-22T19:55:00+00:00

I consider myself falling under the greysexual category (which is the middle between sexual and asexual). Circumstances need to be right for me to become sexually attracted, but I am hetero-romantic and want a relationship with men. As I've gotten older, I've realized sex isn't what should drive me to be happy in a relationship, and that hooking up is lame.

Jaelismyhomegirl · 2021-07-23T00:26:17+00:00

I think i’m in the same boat as you. I’m not sure if i’ve always been asexual, and i just forced myself to have lots of casual sex because i thought that’s what i was supposed to want (eMpOwErInG), or if i used to feel sexual attraction, but i’ve been so turned off by what’s out there that i’ve given up on it. Maybe a little of both. Either way, i feel like i’d be perfectly happy if i never dated again.

Any_Indication_2754 · 2021-07-23T15:39:54+00:00

It's like the chicken or the egg question. Am I asexual, or do men just suck?

warinmymind94 · 2021-07-24T00:35:01+00:00

I posted about this a while back, I honestly think its part of the journey for a lot of us here at FDS. learning the truth about men and society is tough, and feeling that disgust and lack of sexual attraction towards men naturally follows. Even when I (rarely) see a man that is physically attractive, I can't help to immediately remembering all the time, money, and energy it took me to heal from past situationships. I also can't help but imagining him having LV traits, even if I don't know him. A cute face with a nice body is suddenly repulsive when I imagine the depravity of LVMs their dog breath, poop stained toliets, and floor mattresses. But it also helps me delete and block faster.

When fine AF fridays started, I began looking through those pics and I realized I still am straight. I still have a high sex drive. Sometimes I fantasize about an attractive man that has high value traits and actually valuing me. I wonder what it would be like to actually have deep, emotional sex with someone that actually loves me back and cares about my pleasure. My sex toy gets the job done and its enjoyable but I long for the emotional connection too.

thinktwiceorelse · 2021-07-22T21:21:55+00:00

I feel like you, and I accepted that it may or may not change in the future.

tiredragon155 · 2021-07-22T16:13:19+00:00

Maybe check out stuff like female seperationism and intentional celibacy?

Title	I feel…asexual?
Author	huixqui
Upvotes	470
Comments	72
Date	July 22, 2021 2:30 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/opeywa/i_feelasexual/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/i-feelasexual.793996 https://theredarchive.com/post/793996

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