I'm having some flashbacks...

Ok_Ad_67 · 2020-11-12T22:11:20+00:00

It’s a guilt tactic to make you feel uncomfortable with enforcing your boundaries. They also try to invalidate your emotions and experiences.

murdertoothbrush · 2020-11-12T22:12:19+00:00

Sounds real familiar. Now that I know the tricks, when my 6 year old son pulls this stuff I engage him in conversation and hold him accountable. He is quickly outpacing my soon to be ex husband in emotional intelligence.

yggiwtmiih · 2020-11-13T00:04:41+00:00

Jokes on them. When they double down and say, "I guess I'm just an asshole!!" I just go, "Yeah, right now you are."

chasingastarl1ght · 2020-11-12T21:21:07+00:00

War flashbacks

cutsforluck · 2020-11-12T21:25:06+00:00

My narc ex, WORD FOR WORD

oi_oi_oink · 2020-11-13T04:43:24+00:00

There is a third kind of asshole who says, "yes honey, I understand that it was hurtful. I'm sorry, let it all out and talk to me about your feelings. I won't repeat this behaviour." And he ends up doing the same thing over and over again, just worse than before.

LucysFakeTits · 2020-11-13T03:00:54+00:00

I'll never joke with you again. Ill never say anything to you again. Ill never tell you how I feel again. I wish I would have said OK BYE a loooong time ago. I wasted so much life. When we broke up the final time I was overweight and he had the a u d a c i t y to say, "I just wanted you to be fit. Your personality is great and I love being with you I just wanted you to be thin again." I just stared at him and told him i literally have nothing to say to him. He really believed I would come back to him because I had so many times before. I got fat with him because I was miserable and food was my favorite parts of the day. A few months after we broke up he asked me if I wanted to "fuck" I was like lol no thanks. This sub made me realize I thought our sex was so good because it was the only time I felt like he loved me and wanted me. It disgusts me.

Davina33 · 2020-11-12T21:37:12+00:00

So familiar. What happened to being genuinely accountable for his actions?

Helpful_Stock · 2020-11-13T04:08:32+00:00

This reminds me so much of what my scrote ex used to do. I'll never forgot one particular new years eve, everyone was sitting around the table chatting and having a good time. Out of nowhere he starts making sly belittling comments at me, undermining everything I said and bringing up personal information I had specifically asked to keep secret, making me the butt of his jokes. (This was a regular thing and I had asked him to stop this so many times.) Obviously no one else thought it was funny except for him. Everyone just sat around awkwardly giving me sympathetic glances. He completely ruined the vibe, which is what he was good at. So I calmly called him out infront of everyone, asked him politely to stop making those comments towards me as I dont like them. After we left to go home he completely turned it around on me, said that I always make him out to be the asshole and started listing everything I've done while completely dismissing how he treated me at the party. He then informed me he would "think" about if he wanted to continue the relationship. At the end of the night I was the one in tears begging HIM for forgiveness because I was so frightened of loosing him, when it should have been the other way around. Since joining FDS it made me realize just much I was being manipulated. Never again will I let a man treat me like that

FabledAngryVillager · 2020-11-12T21:46:20+00:00

WGTOW is starting to be appealing

ms_monquis · 2020-11-12T21:25:30+00:00

"Find a man" is not appropriate advice for older women to give younger women.

Neither is "find a new/different man."

Mysterious_Midnight7 · 2020-11-13T00:00:28+00:00

Omg, the second one. I just felt adrenaline dump into my bloodstream.

FitChocobo · 2020-11-12T22:08:54+00:00

Wow, this is my dad... Does anyone know how to deal with that when it's not someone you can simply get away from?

randomgirlimok · 2020-11-13T03:04:06+00:00

Omg this was my ex husband when my mom was in hospice and about to die. He decided it was a good time to go hiking with his friends and of course she takes a turn for the worse right after he left and couldn’t be reached because there is no cell signal when you’re hiking in the middle of nowhere. When he got back my sister and I told him that going hiking during such a critical time was selfish and stupid and he threw up his arms like in that pic and said FINE I’ll never go hiking again! Instead of just apologizing.

Newwavesupport3657 · 2020-11-13T04:45:49+00:00

My mom would do this to me >.< (my roomate a couple of times too. Makes me so anxious. )

I’d be terrified if a man did this to me; men that don’t care about your feelings often don’t care about your autonomy either.

ms_monquis · 2020-11-13T05:17:43+00:00

I don’t watch the show, but I’ve seen a bunch of clips from “90 Day Fiancée,” especially the Big Ed episodes.

I stood and cheered in my own living room when Ed pulled the “oh so I guess I’m just a BAD PERSON” maneuver on Rose (to whom he’d lied about major life issues) and sweet blessed Rose, straight-faced and calm, said, “Yes. You are.”

And left him right there. (Then evidently went on to make a YouTube channel and instantly get a billion subs, I don’t know.)

HaveNoIdeaWhatToPick · 2020-11-12T23:00:17+00:00

[deleted]

Helpful_Stock · 2020-11-13T02:31:08+00:00

That sounds all too familiar. Overtime it makes you feel guilty for enforcing boundaries or even bringing things up that legitimately hurt you. This only gives him more power to do and say what he wants with no consequences. RUN

softestbean · 2020-11-12T23:51:59+00:00

I don’t know how to handle this situation or how not to feel guilty and start shaking? I feel so weak when this happens and I feel not equipped to handle it at all. I just try to end the situation and leave the person (not dating, family) alone for a while but it keep happening and they keep accusing my shaking/voice breaking as manipulation and i can’t seem to stop. This is not meant as a ‘poor me’ comment but asking for advice. Anybody any suggestions? I only got what was essentially a ‘better communication’ (talk about how this is affecting you) comment when I talk to my friends, and that didn’t go well as you can imagine.

flowers4u · 2020-11-13T02:40:31+00:00

I bet him not ever saying anything lasts all of five seconds

hippiepotomus · 2020-11-13T03:05:01+00:00

my ex, word for word. exhausting.

Silverpool2018 · 2020-11-13T10:20:43+00:00

Oh this one! I have responded to both of these reactions as "Yes, yes absolutely".

It made them crazier and then I used the line "Why do you get so emotional".

Instant pikachu face. Then we can have a logical discussion... until next male outburst.

blerty567 · 2020-11-13T00:17:24+00:00

Not gonna lie, I’ve been on the right side of this (although more in my own head than saying it aloud). When I was a teenager, mostly, arguing with my parents. At that time I was a super angry kid and I knew I was wrong, like it was obvious to me, and I got defensive to drown those thoughts out. These guys are older than teenagers, so they FOR SURE know they’re wrong, and get defensive so they don’t have to address their wrongdoing. Gross. I grew out of this shit at 15.

_xyoungbellax_ · 2020-11-13T04:02:07+00:00

Where did you find this picture of my ex and I?

iaintgonnacallyou · 2020-11-13T06:14:10+00:00

“Why do we always talk about what I’m doing wrong? Let’s talk about what YOU do!”

mandaclarka · 2020-11-13T03:51:49+00:00

Fucking YUP!!!!

CynicalSucculent · 2020-11-13T06:37:42+00:00

This is my father to a T

nonchalance77 · 2020-11-13T17:37:40+00:00

That’s when you laugh and cut the cord. Boy bye

Party-Promise-8840 · 2020-11-13T10:26:20+00:00

This is my ex 🤣🤣🤣

buttercupcake23 · 2020-11-13T15:00:32+00:00

My mother did this shit. I do not tolerate it in my partners.

boredbitch2020 · 2020-11-13T10:00:13+00:00

Ok, not say anything ever is a fine compromise 😇

Equal-Ear2312 · 2020-11-13T14:57:01+00:00

What is upsetting is the fact that they try to give proper feedback and the other person just cuts then off. They do not say: you're hurtful. They say: the way you behaved was hurtful to me. They are correctly criticising the behaviour not the person. When someone doesn't even want to hear you out or cuts you off or talks over you like that or raises the tone of their voice, it's a lost battle. Time to cut your losses and walk away. This is the best example of identifying people who are willing to work on their issues and separating them from people who will continue the bad behaviour no matter what.

Unless you are their parent, don't attempt to save, fix, or improve them. It's zero return of investment.

dackaroo · 2020-11-16T10:00:39+00:00

I'm triggered.

Title	I'm having some flashbacks...
Author	HaveNoIdeaWhatToPick
Upvotes	1188
Comments	75
Date	November 12, 2020 9:14 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/jt3e5t/im_having_some_flashbacks/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/im-having-some-flashbacks.747094 https://theredarchive.com/post/747094

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