Is porn just normalised cheating?

nyclaurco · 2021-01-12T04:47:05+00:00

what would you do if you caught your boyfriend jerking off while peeping into the neighbors’ window while they were having sex? call it empowering and fun, or think he’s a total freak?

denise373737 · 2021-01-12T06:44:27+00:00

If it wasn't cheating most of those men wouldn't hide it from their girlfriends.

vmuzondi · 2021-01-12T02:33:11+00:00

It’s definitely normalized cheating. I know this because men get freaked out and insecure when they hear about women watching it too and enjoying imagery of attractive men. It’s funny because all the women I knew who were proporn didn’t even watch it themselves. They were adamant about it being okay because they were performing for their partners. I would ask why they never watched it, and they would say they just don’t want to and it doesn’t interesting. We’ve definitely been brainwashed and gaslit into allowing this behavior in relationships.

volcanic_equation · 2021-01-12T01:28:55+00:00

IMO, it seems to be that way on Reddit, but not so much irl. I think there’s many people who put on a persona online. They’ll say things to sound “edgy”, or to farm for karma (positive/negative), etc.

I also believe that a good majority of people don’t actually feel comfortable with it. Even most of the ones who say otherwise. Unfortunately, there are plenty of women who are gaslit, and manipulated into pushing aside their values or beliefs. They’ll advocate for certain things just to appease their partners, regardless of how they feel on the matter.

All any of us can really do is continue to stand firm on our boundaries. As for the men who’d like to impose on said boundaries? The women that are okay with them spending money on Only Fans, or taking screenshots of their younger cousin’s bikini pics for later use, can have them.

pinkcloudzzz · 2021-01-12T03:50:24+00:00

Yup, you are 100% right that it’s cheating. What do women think their boyfriend is thinking when he’s watching porn? Lmfao he forgets you exist completely. All he’s thinking is “I want to fuck this slut” on the screen. And they do think in those words exactly. As far as their genitals go, they are convinced in the moment that they ARE having sex with that woman. If women could hear their bf’s thoughts at these times they would vomit.

Delirious_Duchess · 2021-01-12T04:25:03+00:00

I absolutely view porn as cheating, always have always will. I've had so many people tell me I'm out of my mind, I'm unreasonable, and I'll never find a man. Fine, I'd rather never find a man and be happy than have a man who is fantasising about having sex with other women. I don't tolerate porn for a second, if you need to jerk off imagine me.

He's wants to have sex with her not me, he's emotionally prioritised her and not me. I'm right here and you chose another woman.

Just like men who cheat, if a man wants to watch porn he will never change, but will constantly expect you to fit his porny ideals at the cost of your own emotional wellbeing and even physical wellbeing (injuries from violent sex, plastic surgery complications, infections from removing pubic hair etc).

Also interesting to note that all these 'pro porn' guys definitely have a problem if their SOs stare at ripped attractive men with 10 inch dicks, or watch exclusively pussy eating videos.

Edit: spelling

blessedwiththree · 2021-01-12T02:02:24+00:00

I am pretty traditional in some ways. I was anti-porn even before I found FDS because to me it does appear to be a form of infidelity.

When it comes to marriage especially, I believe that both partners within the marriage should be the receiver of the sexual/emotional etc. energy and attention (I'm not saying that we shouldn't put ourselves first or have bodily autonomy-just that other opposite sex individuals should not be receiving these things instead of the parties of the marriage).

What would the purpose of monogamous and committed relationships be, if your partner was just one of many receiving these benefits/never getting them because they were going to others (other than the legal/stability perks marriage provides)?

Watching other women and thinking about having sex with them or having sex with your wife while thinking of another woman IS being unfaithful to her. Why would being able to directly request certain acts (like a cam girl) versus searching for specific acts and pretending the woman is doing them with you/to you/for you, be any different in terms of infidelity? If a man is giving his sexual energy, time and attention to porn over providing them to a partner he is committed to, he is being unfaithful. He is fulfilling his needs by seeking out and using other women.

LevellingUpTime · 2021-01-12T03:13:11+00:00

It is cheating.

Men who have no problem watching OnlyFans will flip their lid REAL quick if their wives/girlfriends decide to become one of the "creators" on that platform. They know the depravity of men who'll watch them, they know it's sexualized and there for other men to jack off and lust over. They know it's wrong, they just don't care as long as it's for their own entertainment

SadMadNomad · 2021-01-12T04:10:56+00:00

I mean it’s normal to be attracted to other people, but then finding videos and photos of them to jerk off to is a choice.

This is how I feel as well. It's one thing to go about your day, notice someone attractive and check them out for a second or two, and then move on with your life. It's a whole other thing when you deliberately seek out (and pay for) sexualized images and videos of other people. The former scenario is brief, the latter takes extra effort and motivation.

I bet most of these men would throw a fit if they found out their girlfriend touched herself while thinking of his 6”8 friend Chad with 8 pack abs.

I also agree that men wouldn't be able to handle it if women started doing the same in retaliation. Even though more women are watching porn, it's still seen as something overwhelmingly made by men, for men. Watching porn, subscribing to OnlyFans, etc., are not considered cheating because men primarily do it, and men are "visual creatures" who can't help themselves. The world permits straight men's desires.

I'll bet there are many women who are uncomfortable with their partners watching porn, but they don't say anything because they don't want to be judged as prudish, sex-negative, no-fun, etc. It doesn't help that porn and "sex work" are glamorized in the media, not just normalized.

There also may be a sense of hopelessness among women. Most men watch porn, so finding a male partner who has stopped or is willing to stop seems improbable (though not impossible).

OrangeyPanda · 2021-01-12T02:33:12+00:00

If men didn't secretly think it was cheating they'd have no issues with their wives/girlfriends doing OnlyFans or being cam models. I mean the men watching her are just fantasizing and she's not even real to them...right? She's only using other men to turn herself on so she will be aroused enough to have sex with her husband, what's the issue? 🙄

Eystayc · 2021-01-12T03:20:59+00:00

So the finances in my house weren’t adding up from my boyfriend for awhile so I looked at his bank statement that he just throws away every month unopened anyways and I seen Only Fans charges on there. Now, we live paycheck to paycheck and raise a young daughter. So when I confronted him about it he got defensive AF and basically said the most over used excuse in the book “BuT iTs JuSt PoRn!” Which is the most belittling BS ever. It doesn’t matter how I feel about his porn addiction that has now invaded into our finances. To him it’s no big deal. Not to mention tho he sought out SPECIFIC women and paid MONTHLY subs to content. Also you can sit there and personally message the women on there and request custom content. It’s basically paying for a virtual hooker/mistress Imo. So since it didn’t seem like a big deal to him, I asked him what if I was creating custom content on there behind your back and you found out? How would you feel? His response “that’s like comparing apples to oranges” ...😒

laduenda · 2021-01-12T12:50:14+00:00

I use to be tolerant with porn, even used to watch it my self, but now reading FDS I realize it is like cheating. My ex LVM was addicted to porn. It really start to bother me when he sex straved me and was watching porn. The worst is he constantly thought I was cheating on him and thinking of other guys, witch I realize is a form of emotional abuse. I dumped him few months ago and feel sooo great now. I will never tolerate a LVM in my life again.

plummyjellyfish · 2021-01-12T04:53:51+00:00

What I often point out to people is that it is rightly considered creepy and disturbing to watch people through windows, keyholes and the like, let alone watching people while they have sex. So what's the damn difference between watching a couple go at through the window of their house or watching via an internet connection?

"Oh, but the porn stars consented to it!" Maybe (that's a big maybe), but the point is it's the same voyeuristic, fetishistic impulse. It's definitely not fucking normal. Normal human beings don't watch other people have sex, they have sex THEMSELVES. "Oh, but no one will date me!" Gee, I wonder why, maybe it's because you're a pervert incapable of forming healthy relationships?

TheSuspiciousChard · 2021-01-12T12:43:16+00:00

I interacted with some woman today that posted about the porn problem she has (as we know there are multiples of these posts everyday now on mainstream subs ) and she kept saying she MUST be wrong about how she feels. I don’t get how deeply brainwashed everyone is on this.

Especially knowing the science is out there outing this issue and that people remain brainwashed and not talk about the proven scientific effects on themselves and their relationships is just unbelievable to me. The brainwashing goes deep.

Sewud · 2021-01-12T07:53:44+00:00

This is why the modern "boyfriend" is a joke. What "commitment" does that entail from the man exactly? He gets to fuck you and he can keep watching porn. Absolutely zero effort or sacrifice or downside for him. He can walk away at any time, he doesn't even need to be emotionally attached. It's the biggest sham. Living sex doll or free prostitute would be better words for a girlfriend.

SpectralCadence · 2021-01-12T08:13:26+00:00

HELL YEAH. I'm sick of normies telling me I'm "old fashioned" or "possessive" or "toxic". It 1000000000% is cheating and always will be!

fdsonlynoscrubs · 2021-01-12T05:52:31+00:00

I think porn is so messed up that the question of whether it’s cheating is like.... the least of porn’s issues.

Fuckdoesithurt956 · 2021-01-12T01:21:35+00:00

Studies showed that men who masturbated more frequently had a reduced risk of prostate cancer:

https://www.health.harvard.edu/mens-health/ejaculation_frequency_and_prostate_cancer

I think since then, men decided this meant they're entitled to visual stimulation for the good of their health. Using their imagination (or sex with their partners) was too much to ask, apparently.

relationship_reddit · 2021-01-12T22:42:55+00:00

It's absolutely cheating. Everything is the same as having sex with someone, except for the physical aspect. Think about it, if you found out your man was cheating, is the only part (or even the main part) that would upset you knowing his penis touched her vagina, or would it be the betrayal behind it? The knowing he was thinking about her, wanting her, seeing her naked, hearing her sounds, lusting after her, etc. All of that would be much more hurtful to me than his body touching her body, and a man can get all of that with porn.

Useful-Lion · 2021-01-13T05:03:57+00:00

Also I will never understand how men need to be so visually stimulated by women at every hour of the day. Like when is it enough? And why is it so normalized for them to be perpetual 12 year olds horned up over titties? I think Jason Momoa is the sexiest man to walk the planet but the most I’ve ever done is leave a thirsty comment on his instagram, I would feel like a complete creep touching myself to his pictures and I don’t even actually have that impulse. The bar for men is just so incredibly low.

arnaq · 2021-01-13T01:58:18+00:00

I think women have been gaslit into believing that porn isn’t cheating when in reality our inclination is to feel cheated on when men watch it.

It’s so “normal” now that we are literally supposed to accept porn viewing is just another aspect of being in a relationship with a man (in addition to cleaning his house for him, cooking his tendies for him, etc)

It will never stop until women as a whole demand better

SayNad · 2021-01-12T19:24:38+00:00

I mean it’s normal to be attracted to other people

I am a demi so I am only physically and mentally capable of being attracted to ONE person, and can't comprehend how you can feel attracted to many people, especially when you already have a partner. Like, why?? That's wrong, really really wrong.

I don't really think I heard women having this kind of poly attraction either - it is mostly men. Is this normal or is it their fucking bullshit again?

_thewoman_ · 2021-01-12T15:30:39+00:00

it's not porn , it's men .

Saitschik · 2021-01-12T01:10:38+00:00

I don't consider it cheating but it's depraved, misogynistic and causes a limp dick. Enough to stay far away.

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abstractsadgurl · 2021-01-13T03:22:20+00:00

This subs view on porn gives me hope for the future

serilda2020 · 2021-01-13T09:34:42+00:00

Absolutely, I actually made a post a while back because my boyfriend straight up told me you find a girl you pretend to fuck and Thats how porn works. So if pretending isnt cheating to you then I guess it's not

Yeah_hey_kittycat · 2021-01-12T07:33:23+00:00

IT IS MOST DEFINITELY INFIDELITY! It shouldn’t be accepted AT ALL. PERIOD.

Suspicious-Leg-1407 · 2021-01-12T17:28:25+00:00

TheSuspiciousChard · 2021-01-13T01:49:21+00:00

I hate that we have been so gaslit on this that even HERE we are asking “is it normalized cheating”

OF COURSE it is ABSOLUTELY cheating.

lucid_sunday · 2021-01-12T20:14:16+00:00

Not being facetious, do y’all consider masturbation to be cheating?

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Title	Is porn just normalised cheating?
Author	greenteaapplepie69
Upvotes	499
Comments	126
Date	January 12, 2021 12:57 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/kvgnqe/is_porn_just_normalised_cheating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/is-porn-just-normalised-cheating.748330 https://theredarchive.com/post/748330

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