Never stop getting the bag Queens! 💰

Equal-Ear2312 · 2021-06-22T18:30:47+00:00

This, all this is so true. Being able to rely on yourself does so much for your self esteem.

And don't take anyone and anything for granted. Don't even take yourself for granted. Take care of yourself, see a doctor regularity, do blood work regularly, gynecological and breast exams.

If someone tells you: quit your job because you can rely on me, don't believe it. You have to be able to have enough money to last you 6 months+ with no work/ salary. You need to be smart and create passive revenue for yourself. You always need to have emergency money. Living from paycheck to paycheck is very stress inducing.

When you think you want to quit your job, try getting another job offer before you say goodbye. Always have a plan b.

ButterfliesHurricane · 2021-06-22T16:12:24+00:00

Don’t ever place your fate in somebody else’s hands!

RecordingImportant94 · 2021-06-22T18:24:16+00:00

I’ve learnt from my mistake, giving up my financial independence actually meant giving up my independence across the board. I feel rich, even though I’m working a low paid, part time job, because I can finally make my own decisions regarding my finances and don’t have a scrote wasting any income on beer, gambling and video games. Becoming financially dependent on any man, HV or otherwise, is a deeply naive and risky move. Economic independence is liberation.

radfemmd · 2021-06-22T16:31:35+00:00

Any man that’s worth having will be completely understanding and supportive of you having your own separate finances. Men who take your financial independence as a personal threat are likely the same men who will want to keep you under his thumb!

Davina33 · 2021-06-22T19:24:38+00:00

I was dating an airline pilot when I was 20. He would send £50 notes to me in the post, lavish me with shopping sprees and nice dinners. Something changed, one night out, he wanted me to wear a jumper instead of the nice sleeveless blouse I had on. I refused. Then it was he wanted me to give up my job and he would pay me my salary. Red flags became apparent so I dumped him. I only wish I had kept that intelligence throughout my 20s.

Unfortunately I became financially dependent on my last ex due to ill health. That's why a women's refuge was my only way out when he turned violent. I will never put myself in that position ever again.

StainedGlassCat · 2021-06-22T18:59:32+00:00

This even applies if you marry a HVM who never mistreats you. What if he dies suddenly? Is your shit in order? Will you be left with nothing? With debt you can't afford? Are you in a position to live life alone if your partner died in a car accident today? Set yourself up to be ok no matter what, because things can go wrong even if you marry someone amazing.

TiredLaura · 2021-06-22T17:33:35+00:00

Don't put all your eggs in one bastard...

SakuraGirl88 · 2021-06-22T18:17:30+00:00

It would be nice to be with a financially stable partner. But my mama always told me to make my own money, get my education, and to be independent. I've seen too many women end up with nothing when they left their careers for a man. And that way you never have to feel like you owe somebody something because they are able to provide for you.

SupremeDearLeader · 2021-06-22T19:29:44+00:00

The Price of Motherhood by Ann Crittenden should be required reading for all school girls. We are exploited for our labour .

CescaTheG · 2021-06-22T21:17:40+00:00

I can’t even comprehend only spending someone else’s money. I like being able to buy whatever I want whenever I want. Don’t want to have to justify my stupid spontaneous purchases to anyone in life 😂

CAgirl17 · 2021-06-22T17:41:01+00:00

Really though. So many posts on these subs asking for advice on what to do because they’re stuck in an abusive relationship. It’s so sad to see.

straightouttashtetl · 2021-06-22T17:46:34+00:00

Kinda wish I was a mod so I could see the (so far) 5 missing comments of the supposed 9 that are on here.

sunshinewynter · 2021-06-22T16:59:36+00:00

This I think, is the number one mistake women make. Especially if they have kids.

LaLonelyLeo · 2021-06-22T20:08:13+00:00

True story. I moved in with my fiance in 2010, thinking I found the one. I was a single mom on welfare at the time hoping to improve my life. Found out he was cheating in 2011 and didn't have the means to leave. I have a daughter from my previous marriage that I'm the sole caretaker of. Didn't want to disappoint her or make her suffer, so I sucked it up and married him anyway. Was miserable for 10 years and gained over 100 lbs. I'll be filing for divorce next year once I can save up enough money for the lawyer fees.

Never move in with a guy if you don’t have a backup plan. Trust me!

polite_as_fuck44 · 2021-06-22T19:55:24+00:00

This is why I never gave up my apartment

HumanAdhesiveness360 · 2021-06-22T21:07:26+00:00

As true today as it was 100 years ago. We make less, giving up years to take care of a household makes us vulnerable. Be smart. Put yourself FIRST always. Most marriages end in divorce

frostedgemstone · 2021-06-22T21:16:49+00:00

Yes this is literally my mindset. I think it helps that I am childfree so I can really go all in and choose/pursue a career (which I am doing) that is very intensive but also high paying because all the women in prior generations of my family were stuck, because they couldn’t financially afford leaving. People tell me all the time “guys don’t care about your career” as if I’m doing it to attract men specifically lol nah I want my own professional life and money

M00nchild1988 · 2021-06-22T18:59:00+00:00

My ex did this in a really sneaky way. He bought a home really quickly when he got out of the military (we were in a long distance relationship while he was away) and though I could have left and afforded a small apartment, I felt I couldn't leave him with a mortgage he couldn't afford alone.

He also invited in roommates that had previously violated my boundaries to help pay for it. Manipulation and narcissism are scary things.

daenerysstormbornfan · 2021-06-22T17:08:23+00:00

Yup I want a guy who has the ability to treat me and pay for our lifestyles but I absolutely want my own career. I likely don’t want kids so the fuck am I gonna stay home for?! 😂

Winter-Firefly · 2021-06-23T01:34:20+00:00

If you are completely dependent on a man, it can be very difficult to set boundaries or make requests of him. Especially if he is LV. Financial independence is a basic but crucial safety net when dating.

throwaway23er56uz · 2021-06-22T16:41:09+00:00

Élisabeth Badinter! Such an important philosopher and feminist. I'm glad people still feel she's relevant. Her writings were a huge influence on my generation.

EsotericKnowledge · 2021-06-22T19:31:51+00:00

This is where I'm stuck right now, and desperately trying to find my way. <3

Stay strong, my sisters stuck "making the best of it" in a trash situation.

spicyspa · 2021-06-23T03:03:15+00:00

When my SAHM, religious nut, pickme sister who always ridiculed me for being a feminist told me she thought her husband had cheated on her, I told her to get a job. She said that that would mean she didn't have faith in her marriage. I said your lack of faith in the marriage isn't the problem. She said she was going to work on the marriage and make it work. I told her he might decide for her that it won't work and she needs some savings. She's still married to him, but she's had a full-time job for 15 years now. Shed be better off without him but at least she has a bag.

MilkMadeMe · 2021-06-22T20:14:20+00:00

Leaving my LVX has taken all my savings to relocate, reestablish, too, even though I am frugal and have a very good paying job (not long out of graduate work, however). I will rebuild but WOW. The struggle is real.

Keep up the good fight, ladies! Make a little nest for yourself. Time will come when you need it. Without a doubt.

_electrafire · 2021-06-22T20:17:54+00:00

Despite the libfem agenda sucking, we can’t deny how critical financial independence for women is. It’s easy to take for granted

Ubiquitousilence · 2021-06-22T20:31:46+00:00

I wish I had known this 6 years ago.

breadandbunny · 2021-06-22T22:33:40+00:00

I firmly believe this. You never know what could happen. That is part of why I am determined to have my own career and make enough to at least support myself. Plus, I have been in school for way too long to not make something out of it for myself. I refuse to not be making my own money. My boyfriend is very caring and a provider, some of my favorite qualities in a mate. He even offered to lend me money to stop me from once again getting stupid monthly fees for having a balance that is too low (I know, I need to ditch Bank of America), and while I appreciate that, I feel good when I spend money that I worked for.

vvioletwwitch · 2021-06-22T23:18:42+00:00

This is so important!! And it goes beyond finances too, never fully rely on your partner for something that you could learn to do yourself because if the time comes when you should leave, you’ll feel like you don’t know how to function independently.

Courtster24 · 2021-06-22T16:56:24+00:00

I made this mistake once. Will not ever happen again!!

MACMUA · 2021-06-22T20:14:46+00:00

I will never rely on a men. My mom didn’t raise an idiot

Watzoo · 2021-06-23T16:04:24+00:00

Think of it this way:

Do you want to live in a beautiful house in a gorgeous neighborhood?

Do you want to send your kids to a great school where they are happy?

Do you want to look 5-10 years younger than your age forever?

Do you want to travel the world?

Do you want to drive a lovely car that never breaks down and is well maintained?

Do you want to try a nice new restaurant every week?

Do you want to spend your old age on a cruise ship instead of a nursing home?

Women are conditioned (and men, honestly) to think that we get these things by choosing men wisely.

But we get these things with money. You can get them with your money. Traditionally, men have furiously wedged their penii into the money flow between us and the cash source and insisted that it is a necessary gateway to our having that house and car and food and happy kids but…. Thanks to the fearless efforts of our foremothers, money can now be the man you thought you wanted all along.

As a bonus, men are always more forgiving if they think they’re leveling up. So it’s much easier to meet men and you’ll have more men of value to pick from if you’re financially secure.

feelgoodlost_ · 2021-06-23T00:12:24+00:00

Always have your emergency fund and the ability to leave with all your stuff in a day’s notice. I get goosebumps reading so many of these posts.

gouttrout · 2021-06-23T00:13:42+00:00

Ok, so. I love you all you strong-independent-dont-need-no-man ladies, and admire your strength so much, but did you all notice wages stopped going up when women entered the work force? Im not saying you have to rely on a man, but it's really really effing hard to make it on your own since wages are trash. Doubling the work force forced everyone to take a paycut. I just wish we didn't have to tie our strength and independence to a paycheck. I know the first part comes off sexist as hell, but it's my stoner theory. You're enslaved no matter what

spicyspa · 2021-06-22T20:07:06+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Space_Gators · 2021-06-23T02:18:24+00:00

This is never guaranteed, and while I agree with the message, it is a luxury for many.

I became psychologically disabled in 2020 and am only just now beginning to feel recovered. When I do return to work, it will be part time at first.

Prior to this I was an extreme high achiever. I was a star performer in college and went on to get a 4 year professional degree. I worked very hard jobs to gain as much experience as quickly as possible to increase my earning potential. I made mostly financially motivated decisions about my career and future.

The whole time I was following this advice. My mother raised me to become independent of a man, because she herself became dependent as soon as she had me and she didn’t want that for me. She wanted me to have options. So I worked and worked and worked, and was a high performance workhorse. I was able to buy a new car and pay it off, and go to music festivals and travel, but paying off my huge debt aggressively meant I barely had anything in savings. I know this was ill advised, but six figures in debt that can’t be discharged in a career that doesn’t pay as well for similar education changes how you make financial decisions.

I had multiple smaller breakdowns but was always able to take a short break or switch jobs and keep going, but the core problem never went away: chronic stress was literally killing me. Every financially motivated decision screwed me over in the long run. Prioritizing pay over happiness and long term sustainability destroyed me. I even tried running my own business but found out the hard way I wasn’t cut out for it (luckily only an additional $20-30k in the hole for the attempt - I have colleagues half a million in debt before they realize they hate ownership).

Now, I can’t ever go back to what I used to do. I can still use my degree, but I’ll never be able to match my prior earning potential. I developed a stress arrhythmia (literally “broken heart syndrome”) because chronically elevated stress hormones is toxic to the heart. It took 6-9 months for it to subside, and now it just comes and goes depending on my stress levels. I also developed a hand tremor that also comes and goes, and it took a year to consistently subside.

I didn’t know when I started school that I had extremely severe complex PTSD. Workaholism was the addiction that kept me from having to face my demons. I also didn’t know everyone in my family had the same diagnosis - I was just the only one to get treatment. I also didn’t learn until 30 that my grandfather (who died before I was born) and uncle on my moms side both had schizophrenia. Thank god I don’t have that, but I will always be at risk for future psychological strife.

I didn’t know how vulnerable I was. Neither do you. I haven’t had to tap into it, but I have long term disability insurance. You need it, too. You aren’t invincible. At any time, you could lose your ability to work. I tell you this so you don’t make this post’s message your identity. Disability can strike anyone, and while it’s looking like mine won’t be for the rest of my life, I paid dearly for working myself to the bone. Always have a contingency plan.

Thesseli · 2021-06-23T12:04:46+00:00

TRUTH.

Title	Never stop getting the bag Queens! 💰
Author	HoneyBouquet
Upvotes	2739
Comments	82
Date	June 22, 2021 4:08 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/o5qnut/never_stop_getting_the_bag_queens/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/never-stop-getting-the-bag-queens.786200 https://theredarchive.com/post/786200

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