I lurk on the relationship advice subreddits and I’m shocked by the amount of people that casually suggest plan B, abortion, and adoption as these easy things women can do in place of having and raising a child. I do think it’s part of the larger social conditioning towards women to make us believe we can “have sex like men” because there are all these options for us to circumvent unwanted motherhood. But these options aren’t as simple as some people believe.

Plan B - Plan B is a trauma for your body: abdominal pain/cramping, headache, nausea/vomiting, and a menstrual cycle that may take a month or so to go back to normal. Plan B is basically like dropping a bomb on your body’s natural systems in order to prevent a pregnancy.

Abortion - Requires multiple clinic visits and healing time. As with any surgery, there is always the risk of infection, organ damage, etc. Even if you opt for a non-surgical abortion, there are risks like excessive bleeding or incomplete abortion which means you’ll have to go back and get surgical abortion anyway.

Adoption - If you carry a child to term and give birth, you will still be flooded with maternal hormones that compel you to be attached to your child. Even if intellectually you’ve decided to surrender your baby, your body will be traumatized by the loss. Many women who willingly surrender their children never stop grieving the loss as if it were a death. There will also be social pressure to suppress this grief and “leave it in the past”, which increases the chance of unhealthy coping mechanisms. - Placing children up for adoption is not necessarily safe or to the advantage of the child. Adoption agencies are running a business, and it’s a business that prioritizes white babies above any other type of child. If not adopted, children go through the foster care system which is rife with abusers.

If you’re with someone new,don’t tell him you’re on birth control, ask him to wear a condom. Do not let a man coerce you into having unprotected sex. Don’t have sex with a man who thinks any of the above options are not a big deal. He is not the one who will deal with the physical trauma, the bills, the looks and stares, the photos of dead fetuses shoved in your face from “protestors” and he won’t remember the birthday of a surrendered child. Remember always pregnancy is high cost for women and low/zero cost for men. The system is not set up to support us.