Discussion: Do people put enough effort into targeting the types of people they want as partners?

rivertorain- · 2020-09-09T11:31:08+00:00

Most men would be happy if they could just get a woman who's not fat. That's it. But many men can't, because any thin woman holds out for hotter or richer men.

Barely-moral · 2020-09-09T12:05:02+00:00

Sounds like a good idea for anyone that has options. If you don't have options then you cast a wide net and thank god if you catch anything.

_swallowedtheredpill · 2020-09-09T10:09:34+00:00

Ahh yes these men are striking out with everyone let’s narrow their focus then they’ll have success! Your abundance privilege is showing.

DangZagnut · 2020-09-09T10:01:08+00:00

You want an introverted, homely woman who spends her Friday night talking about philosophy? Easy - slide into the DM's of girls who post on reddit on a Friday night. There's literally THOUSANDS of them except you never meet them because they're introverted, homely women.

Well you got reddit girls pretty accurate.

But are reddit girls the kind anyone wants?

Gravel_Roads · 2020-09-09T13:51:09+00:00

No, most people don't. But most people also suck at screening for good friends, and most people suck at recognizing which family members should be cut out of their lives, most people suck at recognizing when a work environment isn't healthy, most people suck at figuring out what living environment works best for them...

People just really struggle with stuff like this. What we need isn't always the same thing as what we want, and people will go through a lot of pain in their personal lives if it helps them enforce personal narratives they desire (or are accustomed to) in their lives.

It almost always comes down to low standards, low self esteem, scarcity mentality, sunken cost fallacies or, most tragic of all: not knowing or not believing it's possible to do better.

TazeThemAll · 2020-09-09T11:21:08+00:00

As a short, average looking guy, my options are whatever lazy, overweight woman gives me the time of day or nothing.

It doesn’t matter where or why I approach women, there’s only a tiny proportion who would ever seriously date a short guy, so focusing on specific things I’m interested in is a waste of time.

May as well just spray and pray as I’ve found a wide cross-section of women to be almost equally shallow and dismissive.

AidsVictim · 2020-09-09T14:10:18+00:00

This works well for women and to some extent men in the upper tiers of attractiveness. For average men this advice mostly falls flat. There are not many single available and reasonably attractive women in most hiking groups, yoga groups, or volunteer groups (yes I have done these things and am speaking from experience in the late 20s to 30 something age group). Usually women in those groups are already in relationships and/or over 40. Some cities and towns are going to have better ratios (i.e. clubs in a college town) but I live medium sized city in the South with nearby colleges and this is my experience.

Is this better than OLD? Yes theoretically, you can get a much better handle on the persons personality than three lines on a profile. Unfortunately most places the density of available women is simply far too low for this to be a reasonable avenue for meeting women. Compare this with OLD or a nightclub if you prefer where you have far more options even if the rejection rate is much higher.

Sid_Insidious · 2020-09-09T15:52:57+00:00

Although "He didn't choose wisely" is the biggest cringiest thing they Blue Pill idiots say, there is merit to getting to know one's perspective partner and looking objectively at what kind of partner they would be, and whether or not people have the same interests, lifestyle and direction in life. That said, people change - sometimes completely - during relationships. The "perfect match" might not even be the same person 2 or 5 or 7 years down the road. Your "healthy fit happy horny wife" could become an over-weight alcoholic on ten different psych meds. Then, when it finally goes all to hell after one person has been sabotaging the relationship for 5 or 10 years, they say the other person didn't choose wisely. So why does the Blue Pill so religiously keep saying this is so?

To hide it from themselves that what you see is not what you get and that people change, often for the worse, and that "For better or for worse" is just bullshit lies in a church.

Barneysparky · 2020-09-09T11:12:22+00:00

Most adults put a great deal of thought into who they pick as a partner.

Which is why people who marry at 30 tend to stay married.

akihonj · 2020-09-09T11:56:06+00:00

I agree with you, I know many men who are on dating apps and every time we go to the bar the first beer is usually spent with them swiping.

I'm sitting there like a spare cock in a gangbang because I don't use them anymore. I wonder why they constantly end up meeting women who always turn out to be crazy and think to myself if every time you go out to eat and there's an issue maybe it's you.

I think you're right, you attract the kind of person who fits the profile your looking for within the environment that mirrors the behaviour, this is actually not a new concept though as anybody will say for example your church statement, yes it's true, if you want a chaste woman a church is probably the place to find her.

I think the same applies to women too though, accepted they are more selective and as women age their selection decreases most often, as I'm the shopping list shrinks each year but they are still very selective even as they age and still much more so than men. I think a lot of women just sort of expect that thunderbolt, that they will look up and the image they have mentally will suddenly be there made flesh and then meet with disappointment when it doesn't happen, I think in that regard then it's worse for women because they are naturally far more selective than men.

Freevoulous · 2020-09-09T13:22:05+00:00

as with everyting in life, you are better off finding a NICHE and sticking with it.

Think of what kind of a person you are, at your very best.
Think of what kind of person you are attracted to.
Think of what kind of person could be attracted to you.

the intersection of groups 2 and 3 is most likely going to be a small and very specific pool.

For example, from personal experience, the types of women who are attracted to me are slightly above average, aged out goth/metal chicks, with cynical personality and dry sense of humour. You know the type: they used to be queens of the alt-scene, but the 30s caught up with them. By luck, this is also a group Im attracted to, so I stick to Tattoo Fests and Old School Batcave Parties to look for them. I do not bother with anybody else, because why waste time?

Hoopy223 · 2020-09-09T19:06:06+00:00

From what I’ve experienced Men lack effort and Women lack common sense.

OddButton6 · 2020-09-09T22:49:07+00:00

I’ve been preaching this for awhile now. If y’all want a gym rat, then go to a gym. Same shit different pile.

tripleundone · 2020-09-09T11:49:11+00:00

The premise is sound, but actually reading personalities based on these superficial life traits is pretty hard, especially if it’s a field you’re not familiar with. Like you would think doctors and health professionals would be some of the most empathetic people but a lot of them have weird power issues or are functionally sociopathic

ethinker · 2020-09-09T13:34:41+00:00

Putting effort is overrated and just a sauce of drama, if two people like each other, things will be smooth as fuck and both will show constant signs of care and interest without putting effort, it comes naturally.

People shouldn’t bother putting effort if the other side isn’t doing anything and just sitting there waiting to be convinced and satisfied! You can already see how it goes so easy if both really like each other, there’s gonna be some games and drama but it’ll be so easy to get over it.

2020-09-09T18:45:48+00:00

I want a thicker girl. Belly and all. I approach those women. I still get rejected. Doesn’t matter if she’s big or small or what. Lack of interest in the party I am pursuing will always end in failure. I just learned to not take it personally. Many of these women already had boyfriends.

AnarchoNAP · 2020-09-09T21:30:07+00:00

You want a chaste, virgin? For God's sake, get off Tinder, and go to church.

Lmfao at this because it's true. But yes to all of this. Among other things, you have to go to where what you want is. Going to the car lot? Going to find cars for sale. Going to Enterprise? Going to find cars for rent that have been driven by tons of people. Going to the circus? Going to find elephants. Going to the club? Going to find sluts. Going to the library? Going to find people who read. Its that simple. Getting them to fuck/marry/date you is another matter.

trail22 · 2020-09-10T00:40:28+00:00

You seem to think if you hang out with a group of people that you want, they will auto like your. That has not been my experience in 10 + years of running groups

PickleLine · 2020-09-10T03:04:45+00:00

OP's list is biased against men. Why are there so many examples of male preferences and so few of female ones?

It's missing the flagship example: women who want a relationship don't target the men who would want relationships. The nice guy, jerk trope. Women keep targeting douchebags.

Also, female hypergamy and high standards. Women seek men who have higher SMV than them. SMV difference in favor of the man is negatively correlated with the man's willingness to have a relationship with her. People generally want to have relationships with people with similar SMV.

These are especially important because targeting is mostly for women. Men take what they can get. Men who change their targeting won't change their results by much. Women who change their targeting can completely change their dating lives. This is something that women need to learn.

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Mimoxs · 2020-09-09T13:53:45+00:00

The one I have an issue with is the last one. That's exactly the type of boy I want. Recently I told one of my friends in a conversation - "it sucks because the type of boy that I want, is sitting at home all the time so how will I ever meet him?"

"Slide into reddit dms" tried that, gotten men from around the world and never within a close radius of me, and I don't do LDRs.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2020-09-10T04:57:00+00:00

Nice post, OP. People confuse their opposites with their complements. It's quite funny, actually.

mensahi41 · 2020-09-09T11:15:38+00:00

No. No they don't. Check divorce rates

Title	Discussion: Do people put enough effort into targeting the types of people they want as partners?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	51
Comments	222
Date	September 9, 2020 9:38 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/purplepilldebate/comments/ipcu5e/discussion-do-people-put-enough-effort-into-/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/discussion-do-people-put-enough-effort-into.1628109 https://theredarchive.com/post/1628109

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