How long should it take someone mid-20’s actively trying to get a relationship?

heyitsjeape · 2021-09-21T13:05:41+00:00

I have no way to eyeball this. When I was that age, I know I thought it would be no big deal. I thought there would be plenty of people looking to talk and get to know me a little and some would like me and some wouldn’t. Well, to my surprise, those people never came to fruition and here I am 15-20 years later. I am a very average guy.

ex_red_black_piller · 2021-09-21T10:00:39+00:00

Couple of weeks for the girl and attractive dudes.

Several months for average dudes.

Never for unattractive dudes.

Creation_Soul · 2021-09-21T08:34:40+00:00

for me, if you have an active social life and regularly interact with different types of women, after about 6 months I would ask I would ask friends about stuff that I am doing wrong and after 1 years I would take more "aggressive" steps to improve/try out new approaches.

SuperSupremeKai · 2021-09-21T08:33:49+00:00

His entire life, from my experience.

Then again, it is an anecdote, so my experience has no value here.

AsstonCocking · 2021-09-21T12:20:21+00:00

As long as you feel is necessary man, everyone has their own time, people saying otherwise be damned

medlabunicorn · 2021-09-21T13:12:37+00:00

Depends on if you’re looking for something long-term or not, and what your standards are, and whether you’re a niche market or the lowest common denominator.

Artistic_Guest4386 · 2021-09-21T09:40:21+00:00

Men actively LOOKING for a relationship and approaching the dating scene as if they are LOOKING to commit to one single girl will without a doubt be coming across as unattractive and beta AF to the majority of young single girls.

Attractive men who don't treat women seriously at all and couldn't give a hoot about getting an LTR have girls banging their door down looking to tie them down.

Rosifer433d · 2021-09-21T10:58:58+00:00

About 6 months to 1 year if he's a normal man with developed social skills, has a decent group of friends, is social and goes out of his way to meet women, doesn't have it so hard making new friends, and isn't expecting getting a 21 year old Alessandra Ambrosio as his girlfriend.

Dude, I met ugly/plain-faced skinny dudes who didn't make much money and they got themselves a few decent-looking girlfriends back in college, and after college, so it shouldn't take the average red piller that much time to find a girlfriend.

And stop with the Be attractive/don't be unattractive mantra. It's so weird as a dude with the ability to grow chest hair to see these 18-25 year old ''young adults'' acting like women, complaining about their physical looks. Maybe these guys difficulty in finding a girlfriend is because they were born with a female brain?

Maybe a sex operation is in order?

Nice_Pass2393 · 2021-09-21T12:56:10+00:00

We should be able to take our time but in reality I've noticed a short window from about memorial day until the beginning of October. After that cuffing season starts and everyone is taken

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cupcakegensis · 2021-09-21T09:46:45+00:00

Depends on where they live, in my home town people are married before 18 so if a 22 year old was looking it would probably take 2/3 years. Also the 22 year old isn't really going to places for relationships. Bars and parties are more for hookups. Does this man/ woman go to church? Play in rec leagues? Join hiking/ camping groups? Do you make a point of going to places where the opposite sex frequent in large numbers? I would say if they don't use online dating 6 months to 1.5 years. If they use online dating 3-6 months.

SpanishM · 2021-09-21T10:39:23+00:00

You have to find a match -you like her and she likes you-. You start by looking in your circle, and if there is no match you keep looking outside, it. How long? Until you get tired.

XtoDoubt · 2021-09-21T11:48:22+00:00

The mistake is the monogamous relationship as a goal mentality. You need to develop your dating skills. Monogamous relationships are hard mode.

quiturbitchn · 2021-09-21T12:49:13+00:00

I’d say 1-2 years to find the right person. You lack nuance in whether you want a random relationship or a quality one

TryLambda · 2021-09-21T13:04:38+00:00

If you are a average to hot looking woman, you will find someone within one week, due to the demand from men on social media and dating apps.

If you are a man with not much money or good looks expect 1 year or more - and be called incel by rude females, if you are man with a bucket of money, expect to only wait between a week and a month.

PlayfulLawyer · 2021-09-21T14:42:24+00:00

I've never been with the concept of actively trying to get into a relationship, best relationships as far as I'm concerned happen organically and especially that young too lol

And I guess it depends on what he looks like what his personality is and what exactly you mean by actively looking for a relationship, if he's your typical average looking 22 year old, in decent shape, and now that he's fresh into his post college career and hopefully without a shit ton of the student loan debt, and he's doing all that while online dating with an actually decent looking profile, going to social events that aren't just bars, Maybe 2 going back to college to get his master's and interacts with the girls there still I don't know but yeah as long as he's not coming off way too desperate he should be able to find something in definitely under a year

-Ivar-TheBoneless · 2021-09-21T15:00:07+00:00

It depends how high their standards are. Some chicks that demand more than their worth will be single forever. Some guys that don't have any self respect won't have trouble at all finding someone.

szclimber · 2021-09-21T15:57:37+00:00

Took me years as an average guy

iamthemovie1992 · 2021-09-21T16:39:11+00:00

Hard to say and give a specific number, but I’d say generally it could take about 6 months of “passive trying”, and 2-3 months of “active trying” depending if you’re on the higher or lower end of average.

So when it comes to passive, I mean you more or less go with the flow but still try if you see a girl catch your eye. You shoot your shot when you feel it’s worth it, but generally you’re there to have fun and chill with friends. Maybe you meet someone at a gathering where friend groups combine. You still really have to want it though, and by that I mean you can’t be looking for a hookup or expecting one because you’re average and a hookup is very rare for you.

By active, you’re really putting in effort to impress and be around women. Your shoot your shot a lot, you’re on dating apps, you’re putting yourself out of your comfort zone. You’re essentially making finding a relationship a somewhat mission. But you can find someone with enough effort.

I would say I’m average and short, but I spent about a year and a half trying to get hookups and failed. As soon as I switched to relationships I found a partner in a month. But I would say I’m a somewhat rare case and I’m aware of that.

chalkandapples · 2021-09-21T16:45:53+00:00

It took me two years. But I date very seriously. If you're looking for a life partner, you should be pretty careful with it and not just go into any relationship because "it could work".

flamingoinghome · 2021-09-21T17:10:39+00:00

It depends on what they're looking for.

Some people's standards for a relationship are "my Fantasy Dream waifu/husbando, no exceptions." Some people's are "any mammal that doesn't sexually repulse me." I don't care how "active" these two parties are, it's going to take the former a heckuva lot longer than the latter to meet someone.

Are you looking for someone you really click with, or just someone okay to go out with? You've described this person's social life sort of, but do they have any particular interests/hobbies? All of this stuff is relevant.

CatchPhraze · 2021-09-21T17:33:07+00:00

A year is fine? I was single for a year after my breakup by virtue of avoiding dates until I was interested again (actually an accident). If your single and really putting yourself out there for say 8 months. I mean more then swiping (lowest effort) but going to social gatherings, joining a hobby or volunteering and putting yourself out there with 0 results? I'd take a break for a year and calibrate what the issues are (looks or personality or both)

M_LaSalle · 2021-09-21T19:40:14+00:00

Three or four months at the most , and at six months you're either an unattractive man, you're doing something seriously wrong, or you aren't interested.

Let’s take the average 22 year old fresh out of College in their first real job. Parties with friends on the weekend, works during the week, after work drinks every other week or so.

I'm not sure how many 22 year olds fit this description given the wreckage that the Covidians have left of society

IcarusKiki · 2021-09-21T21:21:09+00:00

you shouldnt try to get into a relationship

Notsonewguy7 · 2021-09-21T21:54:56+00:00

Six days to three weeks if better than ok looking.

Historical-Agency335 · 2021-09-22T01:53:02+00:00

Ill let you know

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2021-09-22T06:20:39+00:00

Actively trying to get in to a relationship id say a few months to half a year; it can be hard to find someone to meet your standards for one.

Trying to hook up or go on dates but not exclusively date? Maybe 2 months. If that fails then you probably are ugly or autistic

IndependenceSoft3250 · 2021-09-23T15:18:10+00:00

As long as it takes, experience is the only way.

JB8511R · 2021-09-21T08:32:04+00:00

Imo I’d expect 3 ish months of searching to find someone. Maybe it doesn’t work out as often happens, but 3 seems reasonable.

I’d say that it becomes clear that something is wrong around 8 months single and searching

Title	How long should it take someone mid-20’s actively trying to get a relationship?
Author	JB8511R
Upvotes	13
Comments	89
Date	September 21, 2021 8:26 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/psel3q/how_long_should_it_take_someone_mid20s_actively/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-long-should-it-take-someone-mid-20s-actively.1075225 https://theredarchive.com/post/1075225

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