So long as someone has decent communication skills, a fair idea of what they're looking for and what they're willing to offer, and some understanding of how to sexually please a partner or at least the patience and selflessness that is required to learn how, then I don't see why a lack of relationship experience is often seen as such a red flag or a dealbreaker.

I understand that it CAN serve as a sort of half assed indicator of someone's desirability which naturally influences our own (mimetic desire) but we all know realistically that it reflects people's standards and luck and circumstances more so than their qualities, so the number of relationships someone's had isn't really worth anything.

I know a couple of respectful, level headed, hard working, good looking guys in their late 20s who have never had a long term relationship, and that's not because they've been on single player mode trying to sleep with half the planet either, they just haven't met anyone who they wanted to commit to dating and not through lack of options.

Let's not pretend that everyone learns and matures from past relationships - they can help you clarify what you want out of a relationship and to redefine your boundaries and compromises, but I would say more often than not they leave people bitter and mildly traumatized. Half the population doesn't even seem to be capable of self reflection anyway.

Thoughts?

Edit:

Lack of relationship experience in later years can reflect commitment issues but consistent relationships can also reflect a fear of being of alone and desperation especially when you read between the lines.

And the point is that even guys who appear to have a healthy view of relationships with no other obvious red flags are still usually penalized for disclosing their lack of relationship experience.

I know people are just going by a heuristic rather than case by case so they assume if someone seems like a catch but has never been caught there must be some hidden issues but I think by doing so they're throwing away the gold with the gravel.

To those who insist that there are secret unspoken rules and clandestine knowledge to romantic relationships that can only be understood through first hand experience, do you care to enlighten us as to exactly what the hell they are?

I dated someone for 6 months once and all I discovered was that we weren't compatible and that I need a lot of breathing room in a relationship.

I know plenty of folks who have been and are currently in long term relationships who seem selfish and incapable of having civilized discussions let alone developed good communication skills and empathy or anything of that nature.

I have briefly dated a few women who had very long term relationships who were more like parole officers than partners with how insecure they were, and I've had dates with a few girls who said they never had long term relationships and I didn't notice any difference in their communication skills or maturity

And there's the issue of ex partners. There is nearly always some baggage with ex partners. Many people will always have a soft spot for their exes, many people will compare new partners to ex partners, many people will have resentful ex partners who you may need to deal with. One girl I was dating pulled the pin after 2 months because she realized she wasn't over her ex who she had dated for 8 years. That's a whole can of worms you don't need to worry about with people who have never been in relationships.

Those who have been single for life can hold a lot of bitterness of course but when I think of the most insecure people I've dated the common thread is that they've had toxic past relationships (whether they are a victim or a villain is another question).

So I think if someone doesn't seem noticeably fucked up and htey can explain their lack of relationship experience by being focused on other things or not meeting anyone they feel really compatible with and choosing not to settle just for the sake of being in one they're probably less likely to have issues than people who have been in and out of relationships.