This is not hypergamous behavior

Grow_peace_in_Bedlam · 2024-10-25T23:50:02+00:00

Cheating and physical abuse are perfectly valid reasons to leave, and leaving for those reasons is not hypergamy. Cheating is evil, and I hate how normalized it has become. Hot take: cheating is worse than low-level physical violence that doesn't leave a wound, given the psychological wounds that cheating almost always leaves. If even light physical violence that leaves no wound is a crime, I see no reason why marital infidelity shouldn't be too.

I don't think any of us here would be complaining if spouses only left each other for serious things like that.

Plazmatron44 · 2024-10-25T23:00:02+00:00

It's not hypergamy to to leave someone who's making your life a living hell, it is hypergamy to leave them because you're bored and think you can do better.

EulenWatcher · 2024-10-25T17:15:55+00:00

On a side note, it’s interesting to witness and discuss “walk away wife” syndrome. When a woman stops hoping that her partner will change his ways, she checks out and becomes emotionally distant with time. Her partner often believes that everything is great and then is blindsided by the inevitable divorce.

It’s not that women are less committed - women have limit to their patience, and commitment doesn’t mean to stay with a partner who ignores idea your needs. Of course, some women are fickle, but when we’re talking about years and decades of relationship ending with a woman walking away, I don’t think she wasn’t committed.

StunningSort3082 · 2024-10-25T19:21:24+00:00

You could probably tell in the dating phase if someone wasn’t going to cook or clean. I know it was abundantly clear to my husband that I had a lower bar for “tidy” than he did while we were dating, and he chose to accept that part of me. Sometimes he gets frustrated with me, but I just remind him this is my best and he’s always known it’s my best. Happy to pay for a weekly cleaner though, but it creeps him out lol

50 extra pounds of chub can completely change how a person looks. It’s not unreasonable to be surprised and off put when you realize that physically you are married to an entirely different person a few years later.

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2024-10-25T18:05:24+00:00

Seriously. Men here talk about hypergamy like women are soulless emotionless robots only looking for the best upgrade. As if we dont have a history of desperately trying to make a situation work, despite the issues.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-10-25T17:25:08+00:00

If you're a shitty person, it's unlikely that you'll see how your behaviour contributed to the deterioration of your relationship. It can't be that you did something, the other person is just unreasonable/too sensitive/ hypergamous/ an ungrateful asshole. Is the person who left any of these things? Probably not. Should they give a shit if their douchecanoe of an ex is acting like a victim? No. Let them stew in the misery of their own making.

63daddy · 2024-10-25T19:44:35+00:00

I agree that leaving an abusive relationship isn’t an example of hypergamy in action. Leaving a relationship to “upgrade” or to obtain the wealth of the ex might be examples of hypergamy.

No cherry picked example is really hypergamy in and of itself. Hypergamy is when a large number of individual practices get to the point they represent a social norm.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2024-10-25T19:14:23+00:00

I left my first marriage because he was a dick. I then co parented with him till they went to uni 50/50.

He claimed I was the problem no one would want me etc etc. I have since been married for ten years, very happily. He can’t stay with anyone more than a few years but it’s never his fault.

My sister left her husband after years of begging him to be present for her and their daughter. She now has a long term boyfriend and they are very happy while he can’t hold down a relationship.

When a relationship ends it’s very important to be very honest with your self and learn from it even if you are the one who left. We both have had therapy etc and improved ourselves learnt from our divorces.

Fun_Breakfast697 · 2024-10-25T17:06:16+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Lexipad_1992 · 2024-10-25T19:47:57+00:00

Define "really good women" and define "treat them poorly".

Cunning_Linguists_ · 2024-10-25T17:03:25+00:00

No but how do we know she's "good"? Because all women are wonderful?

MaleficentFig7578 · 2024-10-25T21:21:52+00:00

what do you think "hypergamy" means?

Jaded-Worldliness597 · 2024-10-25T17:38:36+00:00

You have to define "mistreatment" because if you look at almost all high profile cases like this... it's much more common that the husband is the one putting up with abuse and toxicity.

I think Eat Pray Love is kind of the perfect example of this phenomenon. How was that guy abusive or toxic? Is it abusive to simply not be rich enough? Is it toxic to not have six pack abs or be 6'2". I mean let's cut the crap.... not meeting ridiculous expectations isn't the husband's fault. This IS hypergamy.

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Raii-v2 · 2024-10-26T01:53:14+00:00

You realize both the accusation of hypergamy and having a shit husband are baseless accusations without proof

Hot_Road3076 · 2024-10-26T02:53:29+00:00

This might not be an example of that, but sometimes an otherwise normal relationship can be justified as abusive if she's looking for a better partner and needs a reason to leave.

Able_Meeting_7534 · 2024-10-27T00:11:17+00:00

I thought hypergamy is the act of marrying someone who is a financial/social strata above yours

whatever8482 · 2024-10-30T15:05:41+00:00

I find that there’s always a little more to the story than he was abusive

BrightAutumn12 · 2024-10-25T20:14:00+00:00

Strawman post

BigMoistTwonkie · 2024-10-25T17:24:31+00:00

I mean, that all depends on how you define "treat her well" or "mistreat her", right?

AcephalicDude · 2024-10-25T18:37:19+00:00

I think most people would agree that "hypergamy" really only applies to superficial things like physical attractiveness, wealth or social status.

hearyoume14 · 2024-10-25T23:18:15+00:00

I agree.Leaving an abusive situation isn’t hypergomous.

In context of some of the discussions on the this post I’ll point out a couple of things.

There are people like me with NVLD who require verbal communication. I can’t process most non-verbal communication but I always make that well known to others. I still get people who get mad when their more subtle non-verbal communication goes over my head.

I’ve seen women do indirect references and complaints but not address the elephant in the room. As an AuDHDer I require direct and clear communication.

Overfunctioning is a real issue for women. Mom is particularly bad about it.

Tywinlol2 · 2024-10-25T17:10:56+00:00

What does "treat them poorly" mean? Does that mean he was a gambling, drunk who beat her black and blue or does it mean he failed to buy her new villa?

Slipthe · 2024-10-25T17:15:07+00:00

It's the branch swinging that makes it look like hypergamy.

If a woman waits until she has a better option before moving on.

DecisionPlastic9740 · 2024-10-25T17:59:06+00:00

A lot of times they aren't treated poorly, they just say that that to justify leaving.

Title	This is not hypergamous behavior
Author	HappyCat79
Upvotes	36
Comments	207
Date	October 25, 2024 4:59 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1gbz3zi/this_is_not_hypergamous_behavior/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/this-is-not-hypergamous-behavior.1532978 https://theredarchive.com/post/1532978

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