What’s the magic number?

Steakman1 · 2023-12-01T11:54:40+00:00

This answer is going to be different for everybody. Not everyone will be pleased by whatever actions you choose. If a woman was trying to sleep with me after the first date, I would see it as a red flag and probably no longer pursue her. And no I would not sleep with her first before moving onto the next person. Other guys would love it if a woman slept with them after the first date.

MikeArrow · 2023-12-01T10:59:07+00:00

Always wanted to use this line.

Say it with me now.

Men aren't a monolith.

SupposedlySapiens · 2023-12-01T17:36:37+00:00

I’ll never understand why so many people are so obsessed with numbers. Number of dates before sex. Age gaps. Body counts. Who gives a damn about any of it?

Two people should have sex with each other when they both feel like doing so. What does it matter whether it’s the first date or the five hundredth?

Notanothrshitthrow · 2023-12-01T10:52:23+00:00

The three date rule is a very common belief, hell I heard of it before I even started dating.

There's no "magic number". The three date rule is a popular one, but if you both want to fuck on the first date (or after whatever number of dates) then there's nowt wrong with it.

Don't take the beliefs of Redpillers/Blackpillers so seriously, they are certainly not the representative view of men.

MrBrittle · 2023-12-01T14:26:55+00:00

Men aren't a monolith.

LoopyPro · 2023-12-01T12:32:57+00:00

The "magic" number (to get your foot in the door) is the lowest occurring one.

It's about men wanting to feel desired and not wanting to be held to different standards in a negative way. If he has to follow rules that other guys get to break, he's being held to a different standard. If you put out on the first date for one guy, and withhold for the other guy, that other guy will see it as a lack of sexual desire. Men don't want to date women who don't sexually desire them.

purplish_possum · 2023-12-01T19:01:01+00:00

There is no magic number. If you feel like having sex do it. If you don't feel like having sex don't.

No one should ever feel pressured to perform a sex act they don't want to do.

Conversely, no one should let themselves get talked out of doing something they want to do.

AlmostKindaGreat · 2023-12-02T01:48:42+00:00

There's no good, universal answer. For me I have a bit of a rule of thumb but it's not really about the number.

To continue seeing a woman I want to know 2 things:

She is genuinely attracted to me
She is genuinely interested in sex at approximately the same level that I am

It's fine if a woman wants to wait a while to avoid being pumped and dumped. It's fine if it's longer than X dates. But I need to be getting some kind of signals that she is interested in sex and specifically interested in sex with me.

I don't really have an answer to your damned if you do, damned if you don't predicament. I don't think there is an answer and I think it's a legitimate problem for women.

I have experienced getting into a relationship where a woman kept me at arm's length for a while, then put on a performance to convince me she was sexual and attracted to me, later to end up in a sexless relationship, later to be dumped for someone she actually found attractive. Finding out you're a rebound or "good enough" placeholder boyfriend and the woman you were with was never genuinely attracted to you is a painful thing.

You seem a bit dismissive of the idea that women can use sex (the withholding or the giving) to manipulate. That's fine. Unless it happens to you maybe it's hard to relate. This is just to say there are aspects of this that you might not be considering.

Getting pumped and dumped is painful. Getting strung along for years is also painful. I think we should approach the situation as empathetically as possible and try to understand that there are often valid motivations for the behavior of others. Everybody is trying to protect themselves and their feelings.

KayRay1994 · 2023-12-01T14:28:02+00:00

honestly? there is no magic number. If it feels right for both of y’all at date 1, go for it, if it feels right for both of yall at date 10, go for it. Don’t think about it farther than “do i actually want to do this or am i just caught up in the moment?”

FromAuntToNiece · 2023-12-01T12:46:16+00:00

Even though my n-count is 2, I'm not sure what is appropriate for me. I don't feel comfortable with the three-date rule (too short), but I do understand why older women would want this.

Is sex upon moving in too late nowadays?

WilliamWyattD · 2023-12-01T13:02:35+00:00

This is complicated. So much depends on the overall environment. If everyone else is giving it up early, then women who wait are at a disadvantage. And they may even be signalling a lack of attraction when in fact they are very attracted. There is a reason that the biggest slut shamers were typically other women. They understood that managing overall sexual expectations is a collective endeavor and important to women.

Furthermore, men are weak and flawed creatures like everyone else. A man may recognize intellectually that it would be better if most women waited longer; but he will often still get overcome by desire and try to make sex happen sooner than he intellectually feels is ideal.

PrecisionHat · 2023-12-01T17:04:51+00:00

Oof this post reeks of bitterness. But I'll answer.

There is no magic number. It depends on the person you are dealing with/trying to date. It depends on your dynamic with that person.

Now, generally, giving it up on the first date can perhaps signal you are too available and that can harm you in terms of perception. But, if a dude is asking for that, and you want to as well, go for it. I don't believe many men at all shit test women like you suggest; that's more a woman thing to do. No offense.

Wattehfok · 2023-12-01T19:04:00+00:00

There’s no timeline, there’s no wrong time for the right person, and anyone putting arbitrary numbers on it is a clown.

Plenty of happy, successful relationships started in one night stands. Plenty were chaste till marriage.

wtknight · 2023-12-01T12:08:16+00:00

I don't think that there is a "number". I personally think that sex would be when both people are "in love" with each other.

I don't agree with, but at least understand it, when someone says that a couple should have sex when they "have feelings" for each other, even if they are not actually "in love" yet.

When there is some actual number of dates involved (including the first date, completely disgusting to me), I personally think that it's kind of gross and it's the sort of thing that is going to make a woman's N count higher when those "relationships" don't end up working out. This is the kind of woman that I used to avoid in the past.

Onefamiliar · 2023-12-01T16:03:32+00:00

Imagine thinking all men are the same lol

DarayRaven · 2023-12-01T16:49:23+00:00

There's no magic number because it's all about her genuine desire to the guy, is she arsoused by him that she'll have sex with him by the first date

Again women will break rules for guys they found arousing

Jazzlike_Worth_9908 · 2023-12-01T15:02:01+00:00

When i sleep on the first date it can be both a redflag or a green flag. If the date went exceptionally well then the sex is a result of a great match. If the date was meh but we still bang, it’s almost purely physical and i dont want my wife to sleep with a guy so easily

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Acceptable-Truck3803 · 2023-12-01T14:27:40+00:00

There isn’t a magic number as every man is different. For me it’s 3-4 dates. Number 5 is where I throw the big hurrah and invite them over for dinner, bring a bottle of wine, whiskey, bourbon to sip on over food. No sex ? You just want attention.

I want someone who is just as interested in having sex as I am, and I’m not going to play the game as we are older to use sec as a reward after jumping through so many “hoops”.

It’s that simple

soupmastwr · 2023-12-01T15:43:26+00:00

It's not that women shouldn't have sex on first date it's more like we want to avoid women who have sex on first date especially when we are young. It's just not our lifestyle you know. Yes there men who are hypocrites but not all men are like that though

philseven12 · 2023-12-01T18:55:04+00:00

if we ain’t freaking we ain’t speaking

AFuzzyMuffin · 2023-12-01T19:23:45+00:00

no magic number just fucking communicate that’s all

WowYouMustBeJoking · 2023-12-01T19:44:13+00:00

Why shouldn’t a woman have sex on the first date if she’s feeling it?

You don't quite understand the man's point of view here.

Yes. Yes she should. But she should only do so with me and not with other men.

Many men just won't bother finding out if this was the first time she did that. That is a fair assumption, though, that it's probably not the first time. (not necessarily strictly first, depending on her age and how often these things happen, but you get the point - this has to be an exceptional case and shouldn't happen consistently).

Neptune-Jnr · 2023-12-02T06:44:30+00:00

There is no magic number. It depends on when both you and him are ready. There is a balance. Most guys don't want to date a slut that's going to fuck anybody but also aren't going to want a woman who think sex is a disgusting act and barely tolerates it.

Anti_Thing · 2023-12-03T01:25:24+00:00

Most men here are wrong.

I can't speak for others, but I refuse to have sex outside of marriage. I wouldn't be willing to marry a woman who approves of sex outside of marriage, in fact I don't even know if I could knowingly date such a woman.

> Yet another says a woman should “keep her legs closed” until marriage.

This is the answer.

Sex outside of marriage is foolish & immoral (perhaps especially so for hetero women).

Title	What’s the magic number?
Author	NefariousnessLife220
Upvotes	7
Comments	210
Date	December 1, 2023 10:48 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1888zqh/whats_the_magic_number/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/whats-the-magic-number.1239776 https://theredarchive.com/post/1239776

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