When it comes age gap relationships, what is considered too big of a age gap?

leosandlattes · 2024-07-14T13:49:07+00:00

Flair changed from Debate to Discussion due to asking a neutral question.

Makuta_Servaela · 2024-07-14T14:06:20+00:00

It's less about exact numbers and more about stage of life.

For example, a 13 year old and 18 year old are 5 years apart, but their life stages are drastically different.

Meanwhile, a 21 year old and 26 year old isn't that bad. (EDIT: A bunch of people are saying the 26 should be lower- I agree with y'all, my bad).

In teenage years, the stage of life range is about 2-3 years.

In young adult years, the range is about 5-8 years.

In established adult years (30+) the range is about 10-15 years.

It also depends on the kind of relationship. Friend is different from Friend With Benefit, which is different from a couple (being a couple generally requires you to be on the same page and mutually building each others' lives up in a stable way).

Junior_Ad_3086 · 2024-07-14T16:33:01+00:00

the age gap is too big if one of the parties involved thinks it's too big.

other than that, it's highly subjective. personally i don't care about the opinions of other people unless i have a good amount of respect for them. some average joe chiming in that he thinks dicaprio should date women his age means nothing to me (or him of course, lol).

wtknight · 2024-07-14T14:04:01+00:00

Despite it often being considered a dumb trope, I really think that "more than half plus seven" seems to be the general rule when normal people start questioning the propriety of an age gap relationship.

Mr_Vaynewoode · 2024-07-14T15:55:02+00:00

Is she over 18? Was she groomed?

If the answer to both is no, I don't care.

TSquaredRecovers · 2024-07-14T18:18:35+00:00

It's not the age gap itself that matters, but rather the age of the youngest partner in a relationship. When there is an extreme age gap of, say, 10 or more years, most people aren't going to care if the the younger partner is over the age of like 25.

So, a 32 year-old woman with a 48 year-old man? Not really a big deal because, despite the large age gap, the woman has plenty of adult life experience at that age. Some might think it's weird, sure, but most won't consider it to be actually problematic.

But a 19 year-old woman with a 35 year-old man? That will cause many people to feel uneasy because the woman is so very young.

harmonica2 · 2024-07-14T17:04:13+00:00

I'm in an age gap relationship and sometimes I think people who are against it or being somewhat unrealistic because dating is tough and a couple is not going to have every single thing in common and compromises have to be made in every relationship.

Left-Conclusion-8932 · 2024-07-15T02:16:04+00:00

When he's ugly.

AreOut · 2024-07-14T16:32:21+00:00

the general rule is half your age + 7, I am 42 now so it would be 28 for me, although my preferred range is still 25-35, as it was 15 years ago(needless to say I have way more success now than back then)

BeReasonable90 · 2024-07-14T21:33:21+00:00

There is no age gap that is too big.

Anyone who believes two consenting adult should be forced apart because of some third parties judgements is the only one with a problem.

And there should be no problem with some old men/women asking out a young man/woman either.

harmonica2 · 2024-07-14T20:22:01+00:00

Well it seems to me most people only care if it's the woman who is the younger one but if the guy is the younger one people's attitudes are well he can handle it.

Solondthewookiee · 2024-07-14T18:14:49+00:00

Half your age plus 7 is the rule of thumb and once you're about 25 or 26, go nuts.

A_real_keeper_LOL · 2024-07-14T22:18:12+00:00

There is no "too big" if both people are down and legal adults. 19 and 84? Yup, perfectly fine.

I don't know why we have this obsession in this country of telling other people who they can and cannot fuck. You're a man and want to fuck a woman? Go for it. Want to fuck a man? Not my problem. Want to fuck an adult that is 60 years younger than you? Go for it. 60 years older? No sweat off my sack.

People need to stay in their lane, and other people need to stop worrying about what people think of them and live their best lives.

Who gives a flying fuck if some 50 year old internet Karen doesn't like the fact that I'm fucking a 20 year old as 50 year old. She's legit just bitter.

DarayRaven · 2024-07-14T14:00:55+00:00

I'm 32 and can't date anyone below 27

Siukslinis_acc · 2024-07-14T14:19:35+00:00

For me when the other person based on age could be your child.

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K4matayon · 2024-07-14T13:55:03+00:00

I think most people will say that it depends on the person's age, at 18 a few years will mean a lot more than at 30 I don't necessarily agree with this but it's the most common take I've seen both irl and here

jamalzia · 2024-07-14T19:03:11+00:00

After 23ish, I don't think age matters. The potential issues in an age gap relationship can exist at any age. The whole "brain not developed til 25" is parroting nonsense.

Before that, I think the half your age plus 7 is a good rule. I think that's a decent rule past 23, but doesn't matter much after a bit.

Fallen-Shadow-1214 · 2024-07-15T00:10:19+00:00

Too big as a hard rule is really just an adult and a minor.

The reality is that big age gaps are a red flag because they have a higher risk attached to them but they’re not an immediate deal breaker, there are multiple big age gap relationships that have worked out, it really comes down to risk assessment and compatibility.

Nihi1986 · 2024-07-15T00:29:55+00:00

Depends on stage in life and experiences, also life style but to give a number, 10 would seem the limit to me.

Youngest I have dated was 6 years younger (32 and 26) and wasn't a problem at all. Now it's 5 younger (38 and 33) and again it's not a problem at all.

What's more of a problem is my health after an accident and serious injury, even people my own age find me too old 🙈 but I also find people who's interested so it's fine in that sense.

Oldest I have dated was 3 years older than me, again no problem.

Faeriemary · 2024-07-15T04:54:31+00:00

Age gaps are not acceptable for those 25 and under. After you’re 25-6, when it’s estimated that the prefrontal cortex is fully developed, you can date an 80 year old for all I care. Let the brain cook first, then make your decisions.

Able-Finish7013 · 2024-07-15T05:10:45+00:00

I don't think there's an age gap that's too big but that might because of my social circles and my own dating history. I have a friend 33. Whose married to a chick whose 23. I myself dated a woman for 8 months who was 32 when I was 20. If the two people involved are fine with it, then it shouldn't matter.

purplish_possum · 2024-07-15T09:02:57+00:00

The answer is obvious. A gap the person you're asking thinks is too big. No one else's opinion matters.

CatchPhraze · 2024-07-15T12:21:32+00:00

Within 4+5 years I don't blink an eye after 26. However 8+ year age gap relationships have extremely high levels of failure and domestic violence so if your a numbers person I'd skip it.

Proper_Frosting_6693 · 2024-07-15T13:49:59+00:00

Too big! Al Pacino & Noor Alfallah

Having a child when you’ll be dead before he turns 10 is very selfish!

But generally 15 years+ is too high to me unless it’s later in life 65 & 50.

Comfortable-Regret · 2024-07-15T16:09:58+00:00

Depends on how old they are. A 3 year gap is gross when they're 13 and 16, but a 6 year gap is no big deal when they're 30 and 36.

Flightlessbirbz · 2024-07-15T22:04:02+00:00

The half your age plus seven rule works pretty well because it takes into account that larger age gaps are less of an issue the older you get. But I’d go so far as to say you only need to worry about grooming/manipulation if the younger person is under ~25… if a 35 yr old for some reason really wants to date a 60 yr old, I don’t see what difference it makes vs being 40 and dating a 60 yr old. They’re both kinda gross but not predatory. Half your age plus seven can also be funky at younger ages, like a 30 yr old with a 22 yr old can be okay but can also be a problem. So yeah, it’s mostly the age of the younger person that matters vs the gap.

ISitOnGnomes · 2024-07-15T22:52:33+00:00

Im 38 and my gf is 23. We've been together for 3 years, so you are free to docthe math on that. Neither of us has any issues with the age gap. In fact, the only issues that arise is when people feel they have the right to butt into our relationship and try to shame us for finding happiness with each other despite the age difference.

I would love if people were simply more open to letting two consenting adults live the life that makes them happy, rather than trying to break us up or convince one or the other why we are actually doing something wrong. If a 20 year old wants to date a 60 year old, i might even look at it as a bit odd, but i would never condemn their love for each other as unnatural.

McPigg · 2024-07-17T18:24:19+00:00

It depends on the individual case, generalizing that is dumb af ewhen theyre both legal

egalitarian-flan · 2024-07-14T13:57:17+00:00

My boyfriend is 13 years older than me. I'm the only age gap relationship I personally know of irl, but over on the age gap sub there's people anywhere from 7 years apart up to 18 years apart (although even over there this is extremely rare...I believe it's only 2 members).

For a good long-term relationship, it's really going to depend on the people involved, and if they're at similar life stages, if they have the same overall goals, if they have similar interests, etc. Pretty much the same as a "normal" healthy and mutually beneficial relationship, tbh. A lot of people make the assumption that people of two fairly different ages can't have a lot in common, but again that is really an individual thing, not a generational one.

Gilmoregirlin · 2024-07-14T22:44:31+00:00

Most of my experience has been dating within a year or two of my age. But I had two age gap relationships. One when I was 32 and 7 years older than the guy and my longest one (7 years) when I was 36 and he was 44 at the beginning. The age gap caused problems in both. All of that being said I do think age gaps can work if you love the person and are on the same page. What I look out for is a person who only dates 7 years younger male or female. If they are open to all ages that’s one thing but only younger? Red flag.

KamuiObito · 2024-07-15T02:32:48+00:00

Anything over 2 years. Imo. I genuinely hate age gaps. It’s super pathetic. Usually the women is younger meaning less young men get to be happy because women DO NOT DATE men younger or The exact aame age as them. women are weirdly obsessed/feitshizes being with being inferior to their partners in some way..”im smol” Mentality. Which is just depressing when you dont wanna be 34 chasing 23 year Olds. Any man that doesnt like younger women is FUCKED.

Kairoxnova · 2024-07-15T03:35:00+00:00

Uhm, it depends on how old you are. If you’re in your 40’s you shouldn’t be dating someone younger than 21. They can’t even legally drink yet, the hell are you guys gonna talk about and do? The rock and Will Smith? Go golfing? Canoodle?

HighestTierMaslow · 2024-07-15T00:45:52+00:00

Oh people excuse it when the man is much older. Roles reversed people lose their minds. It's a misogynistic double standard

FromAuntToNiece · 2024-07-14T17:31:34+00:00

Anyone is 21 and above is fair game. Whatever is the "New 18."

Men shouldn't have to care about some "half your age plus seven" convention.

DankuTwo · 2024-07-14T21:00:49+00:00

It’s hokey, but half your age, plus seven, seems to work pretty well in my experience.

katecard · 2024-07-15T04:18:03+00:00

The woman should be older. After that, pretty much everything is fine as long as it's reasonable obviously. The woman being older eliminates the problems most people have with age gaps.

yemma257 · 2024-07-15T04:38:59+00:00

23F, 3 years younger 3 years older is my limit. I’m not dating a 30 year old or an 18 year old. Weird on both ends.

Title	When it comes age gap relationships, what is considered too big of a age gap?
Author	Far-Technician507
Upvotes	7
Comments	86
Date	July 14, 2024 11:21 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1e2zy97/when_it_comes_age_gap_relationships_what_is/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/when-it-comes-age-gap-relationships-what-is.1524265 https://theredarchive.com/post/1524265

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