Why go on dates if he's not attractive ?

wtknight · 2023-10-28T00:57:04+00:00

Re-flaired Q4W in order to prevent circlejerking responses, as this post is a question for women specifically.

leosandlattes · 2023-10-28T02:04:36+00:00

The majority of women don’t do this lol.

I’ve done this once with a guy I wasn’t really that interested in, but it wasn’t because he was unattractive or ugly. He just didn’t seem like my type (by personality and sense of humor), but our mutual friends insisted we’d get along great. So I was like, why the heck not, let’s try. And it actually was an enjoyable first date!

Too bad on the second one he made a weird af comment about “All the Asians coming over to infest American universities”… and I was like uhhhh (‘cause I’m Asian, and an immigrant).

But yeah, normally women only say yes to guys they’re actually interested in.

On occasion you’ll see women who are just dating to go on dates; it’s a hobby activity for them more than it is actually trying to find a partner.

MistyMaisel · 2023-10-28T03:36:31+00:00

For me at the time: I was raised in a religious household that kind of accidentally treated lust for women as irrelevant and that it was all about picking a good dude who would become handsome due to love. And who cares because you're waiting for marriage anyway. Secondarily, I was raised around men and hanging out with men, so I had trouble differentiating sexual attraction and platonic attraction. And thus I'd leave open the option the spark just hadn't happened yet.

It wasn't some malicious con job on my part. I just assumed lust and romantic attraction were something that happens later.

The other thing I've seen a lot is women being pressured by friends or family into "giving a guy a chance". Friends often tried that on me and I'd stand strong, but I often caught flack for that. And I can imagine other women caving to the pressure where I didn't.

Financial_Leave4411 · 2023-10-28T01:06:39+00:00

If flared for women men could still comment under the auto mod or respond to women’s posts. Usually if men comment on these types of posts listed as a discussion things turn ugly as the men commenting are usually just creating an echo chamber and dismiss everything women say.

But in good faith I will answer your question. The vast majority of women don’t do that. Women go on dates to get to know a man because men push women to go on an in person date early on (rather than chatting over text or through private messages) to check for compatibility. Men seem to think that if they can get an in person date and break the touch barrier on that date then they will get laid asap so they are angry when women give them a chance on a date and their fantasy doesn’t play out. Women go on dates to meet men half way as a way to get to know men. Women don’t know if they want to have a committed relationship with a man without conversation (in person or online) so this is a way to do that and every conversation is not going to lead to a relationship and or sex.

Justwannaread3 · 2023-10-28T01:02:50+00:00

I’ve gone out with men who I didn’t think were objectively attractive. I’ve never gone out with a man who I knew I could not be sexually or romantically interested in.

Seems like a waste of my time.

Ok-Coat7665 · 2023-10-28T05:41:00+00:00

Because he’s potentially attractive. Some women are open to getting to know a guy and spending more time with him, even if she’s not into him yet. They’re giving attraction a chance to develop because he seems like someone she could like if she gives him a chance.

Pola_Lita · 2023-10-28T08:48:08+00:00

I've never done it and I don't know any woman who has.

Safinated · 2023-10-28T05:43:20+00:00

I would only do that if someone I care about is pressuring me to

dishonouronmycow · 2023-10-28T05:48:52+00:00

There would have to be at least some kind of attraction there for me to go on a date with a guy. I don’t like to leave the house much so I don’t see the point if I don’t at least hope for a future relationship

Hysterical__Paroxysm · 2023-10-28T16:42:48+00:00

The only time I've done this was because the man was annoyingly and uncomfortably persistent. We were both part of an integral friend group, and he and our friends would constantly harass me about it.

It got to the point that I began to doubt myself. Am I being a bitch? Snooty? Intolerant or worse?

I genuinely tried. I had told him from the first time he expressed interest that I was NOT interested due to our lifestyles and goals being drastically different. The second time. The third time. The fourth time.

I felt awful, like I had wasted his time or lead him on. He went full blown nuclear no contact when I started dating someone else officially. I really did feel bad, but looking back, I had no reason to. He did that to himself. How is whining your way into a "date" any good for your self esteem or the foundation of the relationship you are trying to create? For myself, personally, I would always be insecure with our attachment to one another, like a fake it till ya make it situation.

He has since found a wonderful person who he is remarkably compatible with. She's dope as hell and perfect for him. They are very happy together.

TheAvocadoSlayer · 2023-10-29T01:21:31+00:00

Because they were told “just give them a chance!” Yeah I don’t know if this is the case or not. I am not one of these people you speak of and I cannot speak for them. But I have seen some people say women should lower their standards and try going out with someone even if they’re not the best in the looks department.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-10-28T09:16:24+00:00

I did at one point because I thought I could find him attractive in time. Which would've been a fair assumption, as it takes time for attraction to develop, if I didn't already know him well. It wasn't like anyone else was asking or saying yes to me asking so I figured I would shoot my shot at least. And no, he didn't "pay the bill" for me in any way, I wasted his time and money no more than he wasted mine. Although we did have a nice time, it was in a friendship way, and we're still friends to this day.

Katatonicsnake · 2023-10-28T12:07:26+00:00

Whenever I’ve asked my friends this question, the answer has been the same: “I was a bit bored”.

Bright-Personality70 · 2023-10-28T10:58:56+00:00

So I can secretly film the date, show my friends and have a good laugh. Sometimes we have a drinking game where we take a sip everything he says something stupid.

A lot of women do it, it's a trend called 'nobbin"

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sweetbrown89 · 2023-10-29T12:14:03+00:00

I can’t say I’ve ever done this and I always go 50/50 or separate bills

Don’t know of anyone doing this in my own personal life

Men also like to complain about women not wanting to go on dates with them because said men aren’t attractive….

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Title	Why go on dates if he's not attractive ?
Author	Gold_Supermarket1956
Upvotes	32
Comments	213
Date	October 28, 2023 12:48 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/17i25cf/why_go_on_dates_if_hes_not_attractive/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-go-on-dates-if-hes-not-attractive.1236675 https://theredarchive.com/post/1236675

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