If it's a chore why get in a relationship?

SlothMonster9 · 2023-10-24T17:02:52+00:00

You know when I see it as a chore? When for multiple consecutive days he hasn't given me any attention or affection, he didn’t ask about my day or appreciated any of my efforts, doesn't have time to just sit and talk and connect, cause he has more important projects to work on, but miraculously he DOES have time for sex and he expects it.

JNRoberts42 · 2023-10-24T16:14:53+00:00

Good sex with an exciting, independent man who takes care of himself and his household and family responsibilities is a perk, not a chore.

SianOiseau · 2023-10-24T16:35:35+00:00

I'm surprised how many people view inherit parts of relationships as tedious chores and things they have to "just go through with". For women it's usually sex, for men it's more often romance, dates and just spending quality time together. I guess they do enjoy other parts of their relationships or they just don't know any better so they put up with it.

It probably happens because a) low compatibility, b) viewing relationships as a mean to get something (sex/money/kids/whatever) and c) long-existed relationship issues that steam resentment. It's hard to enjoy sex or time with your partner if you're bitter and angry or if you view them as nuance. With sex it also can be a lack of sexual attraction (for reasons listed above as well), health issues, stress, other needs being unmet etc.

I don't view sex or romance as chores. I want both things in my relationships. But my husband is an attentive lover and we have good sexual compatibility. When we tried to match his libido, it did feel a bit like a chore - we were going for 3x a day and I soon got exhausted (there's too much of a good thing too), but it was an experiment not something we do all the time.

leosandlattes · 2023-10-24T17:18:03+00:00

Sex is only a chore when the affection and tasks aren’t balanced in a relationship. Ideally everyone wants to have a good sex life and romantic life.

NJFlowerchild · 2023-10-24T19:14:33+00:00

I have a great sex life with my husband because we have a great life outside of the bedroom too. The romance isn't dead. Sex isn't something that happens in a vacuum separate from every other aspect in the relationship.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-10-24T17:01:03+00:00

Ah, from the creator of ''Most women here hate men'', we have ''A bunch of women here think sex with their partner is a chore''. I'd like to say I'm shocked, but I'm not.

Sex shouldn't be a chore. If you view it as a chore, there's something wrong between you and your partner that goes way deeper than sex.

Safinated · 2023-10-24T17:18:30+00:00

It’s not always a chore, and I can always dump the ones who become chores

Isn’t dating and having sex before marriage great ?

januaryphilosopher · 2023-10-24T17:27:08+00:00

What have you actually seen stating this? Be as precise as possible. Links would be ideal.

TheAvocadoSlayer · 2023-10-24T19:15:19+00:00

OP, you might benefit from getting off Reddit. Everyday, you come to this sub and make these weird posts. What's going on?

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2023-10-24T16:39:50+00:00

You’re acting like sex is the only thing that makes up a relationship. It’s not

Sillysheila · 2023-10-24T19:41:19+00:00

I think the reason some women think it’s a chore is they’ve been taught sex is bad, so they don’t touch themselves or explore or know what they like. This often happens if raised in a conservative or fundamentalist religious background. It’s really hard to go from “sex is evil” to “sex is good” when you get married like it’s a switch. It’s not, and these women will probably struggle with sex as they were indoctrinated to think they’re harlots with scarlet red letters if they have sex.

Another reason: low sex drive. Some women in the population suffer from a very low sex drive. Pretty self explanatory, but some women, no matter what, only want sex on very rare occasions where everything aligns. This obviously makes relationship difficult for her and her partner. It can happen in men but is more common in women.

Not being attracted to their partner: imo people on here and in society still seem to operate on the assumption women should pair with a man they find unattractive in order to be “fair” to unattractive men or less attractive men. People argue constantly animal attraction is not as important for women and they should settle down with “Mr Good Enough”. I believe this causes dead bedrooms. A lot of dead bedroom accounts from women talk about this.

On a personal note I don’t find sex a chore, many women still don’t. Sex is pretty amazing imo

Novadina · 2023-10-24T19:44:22+00:00

I've seen quite a few women on here acting like having sex with their man is a chore or some arduous slave task that you all don't wanna do

Really? Can you give me a link to one? I’ve never seen that here. Honestly the only people I’ve seen here saying women don’t like sex is men, like there’s that one guy obsessed with it and posts about how women lie about enjoying sex in a conspiracy to control men but that they don’t have nerve endings to be able enjoy it lol. He sometimes pretends to be a woman too, maybe you saw that and thought it was a common sentiment?

Now bad sex would be a chore for most people I assume, some women might do that if they like the man otherwise I guess. I presume they get in a relationship because they are getting something else besides sex out of it, maybe they love the man even though he’s bad in bed.

TenaciousVillain · 2023-10-24T17:03:21+00:00

It’s a good question. As a woman, I wonder the same thing. Plenty of women brag about sex during dating and how they feel so boosted that he desires her. When it turns into a relationship, that same energy becomes a nuisance. Some women put on an act when it comes to sex and will hide the fact that they have an inexistent libido or they’re asexual. Then try to make guys feel bad bad for wanting it.

On the flip side some guys have a problem. They are sex crazed and have unrealistic expectations about how often sex is needed. They are horrible and demanding in bed and only out to please themselves. In those cases, yes it is a chore if he thinks it’s a woman’s duty to screw him when she gets nothing out it. She didn’t view it as a chore until she got with him and he made it a chore.

All the more reason not to overvalue women being virgins. They’re not going to know their bodies sexually to know what they want and need.

gothiccbitch · 2023-10-25T08:54:48+00:00

Good sex isn’t a chore. But if my man is lazy and not taking care of things around the house or initiating foreplay I don’t want it. I was getting upset about having to ask for things to be done and left without our usual morning sex because although he was hard and I’m attracted to him— lack of emotional support made sex at that time unappealing. I came home to my bf having folded my laundry and vacuumed my floor after a stressful day. We had great sex afterwards because he showed he listened and did something to make stuff easier for me.

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Laniekea · 2023-10-25T00:54:51+00:00

Companionship, a father figure for kids, financial security, cuddles, social relationship perks.

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RayRayGD · 2023-10-24T18:43:22+00:00

Sex starts to feel like a chore when there is a libido mismatch, men and women can experience this, though it’s usually women.

I don’t think men fundamentally understand or care to understand that even good sex can be uncomfortable for women at the start. Sex when she isn’t arosed can be uncomfortable to downright painful. Men don’t experience this. They take it for granted that sex is always pleasurable for them.

So the libido mismatch means men want more sex than women, weekly, when a lot of womens libido only peaks around ovulation. To keep her man satisfied, she’s going to have to have a lot more sex than she might normally want, which means being in an uncomfortable/possibly painful position multiple times a week. That’s a huge sacrifice that men take for granted.

So for some women yea it becomes a chore. Men say women should love their man and sacrifice for them. And they are. They still have sex with him, maybe not as much as he’d like, but they do. They might not be too into it, but they still have sex. She’s borderline forcing herself to do it for his personal pleasure at the expense of her discomfort.

Title	If it's a chore why get in a relationship?
Author	Gold_Supermarket1956
Upvotes	37
Comments	237
Date	October 24, 2023 4:11 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/17fghe7/if_its_a_chore_why_get_in_a_relationship/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/if-its-a-chore-why-get-in-a-relationship.1236254 https://theredarchive.com/post/1236254

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