Why is virginity shamed?

Notsonewguy7 · 2020-12-09T05:15:27+00:00

Because it's associated with immaturity in men. Human beings are supposed to achieve certain milestones by certain ages like learning how to drive, getting your first job, or getting a apartment.

If you don't achieve certain milestones at certain points in time you are seen as immature and a failure.

neubs · 2020-12-09T04:02:39+00:00

I had a job in a factory in my mid 20's and was honest about being a virgin when guys were talking about sex stuff. I ended up pretty much becoming a celebrity there because of it. Basically I was a huge joke to everyone which was fine because I didn't care about these people and they seemed to enjoy laughing at me so I let them do it. A lot of these guys had kids and it must have been tough having a family with our pay so maybe they wanted to feel better about themselves because at least they were getting laid.

BrownEyedGringa · 2020-12-09T03:42:01+00:00

I have definitely been shamed for being a virgin until I was 25. I was shamed by the guy who was my first kiss, in fact. He told me I was "probably asexual" for not having had sex yet, despite me telling him I was religious. He also seemed to think it implied I was "weird" or crazy.

Women who aren't virgins are also more judgmental of me.

Young people are under an insane amount of pressure to have sex or be looked at as someone attractive and desirable. I felt pressured since I was 15/16.

TheBookOfSeil · 2020-12-09T02:25:22+00:00

Virginity is shamed mostly among men because "body counts" are indicative of a man's value to the opposite sex, and therefore the species. Reproductive fitness relates to a person's/animal's genetic quality.

I'd be curious to see the numbers on men's partner count spanning across a few ranges like physical attractiveness and socioeconomic class. It's known that poor people tend to have more sex and reproduce more than wealthier, upper class people, but are poor ugly men having sex with women as much as average-looking lower class women are having sex with more attractive, wealthier men? I'd think not.

bkrugby78 · 2020-12-09T03:22:57+00:00

The other day I was meeting up with a group of people I know through a podcast, and one guy mentioned how there was this guy at work that seems rather small for his age and who him and the rest of the guys "think" is a 30yr old virgin. They said this in the vein of them thinking they needed to get him a "professional" and, the reason this comes up, is explaining how getting a professional for a "girlfriend experience" is a lot more expensive than they thought it be.

My response was "maybe he just isn't that interested in sex." Which, I guess fits along with my way of thinking. Not that I am not interested in sex or a relationship, but more than it's not something I actively pursue or feel bad about (ok, maybe a little, sometimes).

As for why it persists among men, I think it is generally one of these things that has long existed as a rite of passage for men. Probably something that became a societal thing when it was no longer ok to prove yourself by killing an animal.

Bandit174 · 2020-12-09T02:13:36+00:00

I guess it's similar to how people who are ugly or stupid are often mocked and shamed. Being a male virgin is perceived as directly or indirectly a low value/negative characteristic and people tend to find satisfaction in laughing at those they perceive as being beneath them. There is also the factor of how sexually/romantically unsuccessful people are more prone to bitterness and other people hate bitterness more than most other traits, including arrogance. This creates a bit of a feedback loop in that people who are sexually/romantically unsuccessful become bitter which makes people want to mock them/kick them while they are down which leads to more bitterness which leads to more mocking ad infinitum.

theoracleofosiris · 2020-12-09T05:17:33+00:00

In a gene centric world, success is reproductive success, hence virginity shaming.

xXxINCELFAGGOTxXx · 2020-12-09T06:10:39+00:00

A large part of men's value comes from their sexual success.

Mimoxs · 2020-12-09T02:09:28+00:00

I personally haven’t met a woman who was shamed for being a Virgin but I’ve heard it happens.

I've experienced that. It's bizarre.

I experienced it directly, but lots of women experience it indirectly - basically, a lot of women get into their first relationship and the guy is frustrated that they don't fuck like porn stars or goddesses and get mad at the girl as a response.

For shaming virgin men, however, its a part of actual toxic masculinity culture. The perpetual dick measuring contest between men requires certain standards to be set for what is or isn't a qualifier.

And no, it's not innate. If it were, it would be cross-cultural, and it isn't.

Carl_Johnson_Grove · 2020-12-09T07:37:25+00:00

I’d like to hear the same about guys with high SMV but still stay chaste due to religious or cultural reasons. Funny thing is that, even they get shamed by people with lower SMV.

Like it doesn’t matter if you’re a billionaire or PhD holder from an Ivy League school. Are you virgin? Ho ho. Worthless.

But i think its merely a way to feel good about themselves. Don’t you think the guys who’re having a lot of sex would feel jealous about rich guys?

Humans envy what they don’t have. So a rich guy may envy some middlewage person with High SMV. But that high SMV guy may envy the wealth and opportunities the rich person has. Including sexual in his case. He’d have got a lot more if he was richer.

I can’t really relate to what you said. As mostly i’ve seen women being shamed for not being virgins. Meanwhile its fine for men, to either be virgin or not.

So this is obviously a cultural difference. I think what you’re saying is applicable to more sexually liberated countries.

ninetiesbaby16 · 2020-12-09T07:43:24+00:00

I think it’s insecurity and immaturity. The bullying that virgin/inexperienced girls receive from non virgin girls/women can be super vicious. But I think it’s because it’s the easiest way to feel superior or better about yourself, I’ve noticed the girls who virgin shamed the most didn’t have anything else to be proud of, or felt they didn’t. Also there’s a narrative amongst teen girls that if you don’t “put out” as fast as possible no guy will have you. So if they see a girl who doesn’t put out, but still gets romantic attention/validation from guys it forces them to face the fact that maybe they didn’t actually have to do those sex acts that they didn’t really want to do. They could have got the care/kindness/validation/respect they wanted without doing things before they were comfortable, and then had sex on their own terms when they actually wanted it.

As for guys I don’t think the virgin-shaming they get from other guys has as much maliciousness or cruelty. I think (I may be wrong) that they’ll make fun of him at first but then try to help him out.

sthlmtrdr · 2020-12-09T09:21:44+00:00

It's seen as a failure, that the man is rejected and discarded by all women. That the man is undesirable and unattractive. Male virginity above a certain age is viewed as a failure by both women and men.

Also part of the ever ongoing dick-measuring contest among younger men. The higher amount of women a man has conquered, the higher his status. It signals he is desirable among women.

LeadInfusedRedPill · 2020-12-09T02:11:27+00:00

Because it demonstrates a lack of ability and/or a lack of preselection

This is assuming one wants to get laid, which is generally but not always true

ThisIsMyAccount135 · 2020-12-09T14:10:25+00:00

I got bullied for being a virgin when I was 17 and 18... brutal by my 'friends'.

Jokes on them now they're drug addicts and losers now, I've got way more pussy and relationships since then.

MasterTeacher123 · 2020-12-09T01:48:50+00:00

It’s only shamed if you are actively trying to lose it and continually failing. The same way someone who has been looking for a job since he was 16, is 26 now and still is unemployed.

2020-12-09T13:15:37+00:00

Because women love to shame men?

LooseIndication · 2020-12-09T16:00:35+00:00

A male virgin is an incompetent man, and incompetent men are bad company.

Cimorene86 · 2020-12-09T01:57:32+00:00

This mostly happens among men, I personally haven’t met a woman who was shamed for being a Virgin but I’ve heard it happens.

Hi there. 👋

From what I’ve seen is it doesn’t end after high school/college, as an adult in the adult workforce I still hear negative comments towards someone if they are a Virgin or inexperienced, even if they have accomplished other impressive things.

Truth, but most of my experience after college was that it was a joke, not meant cruelly like in high school.

So why does this happen? Is it an evolutionary thing or is it a societal thing?

It's probably a little of both, like just the fact us childfree people get mocked and told we're selfish or uncaring. If a man or woman isn't fulfilling their "reproductive imperative" or whatever, then they fail as a human.

But I think the majority of it at this point is social. And the reason is, many people suck.

LittyKitsune · 2020-12-09T04:03:56+00:00

Just the other day I saw Tim Tebow on the TV for the first time in ages and was reminded of how much crap he got online from mostly men over being a virgin.

In that particular case I think he was seen as "wasting" his chances to go out and sleep with a ton of women that most men would only dream of. A lot of conventionally attractive Christian guys I know get treated similarly, particularly the athletes. It's almost like they'd be excused if they were unattractive but specifically because girls are throwing themselves at them being a virgin is especially shameful. I think that also when you put a bunch of popular/dominant guys together they're going to try to split hairs and build a hierarchy on some basis, and body count goes into that. With guys who aren't a threat to them whatsoever they seem a bit more forgiving/neutral toward virginity.

shoeboxone · 2020-12-09T07:25:15+00:00

People are sexual (on a spectrum), whether they like to admit it or not. Most people like sex, and try to participate in that act. If you fail to participate in a popular activity, you're usually considered a weirdo.

Why are men shamed for being virgins while women are not?

It's because men are expected to seek sex while women are expected to withhold sex.

Brilliant-Hornet1916 · 2020-12-09T19:09:39+00:00

On the whole women want men who other women find desirable, and can demonstrate they have had success with women previously (social proof, pre-selection). They also like men who have sexual experience as they're more likely to "know what they're doing in the bedroom".

It's really that simple. Everything men and women are shamed for are generally a result of preferences the opposite sex have. If women find something unattractive in a man, it will be seen as a low-value trait by the whole of society.

Think of men being mocked for their height because women find short men grotesque.

Think of men being mocked for living at home with their parents because women think they're losers.

This works the other way round too for what it's worth, slut shaming exists because men inherintly find promiscuity unattractive due to paternity certainity, STDs, increased infidelity, high divorce rates etc.

Why do a lot of men take part in shaming other men, and women take part in shaming other women? It's partly sexual competition. If women can lower other women's social value by pointing out an undesirable trait then it puts her in a better position in comparison to the competition, and the same for men who virgin shame other men.

rubbooyuri · 2020-12-09T21:03:11+00:00

Why is virginity shamed by immature people and children who don’t mind their own business?

Fixed that for ya and answered it.

2020-12-10T07:26:48+00:00

Simply means nobody finds you attractive. That’s what it all boils down to. You can go and on using all the big words you want but being a virgin as a guy simply means no one finds you attractive.

DXBrigade · 2020-12-10T13:28:46+00:00

Losing your virginity is seen as a rite of passage for men and to a lesser extent for women too. Also High Ncount is perceived to be related to higher attractiveness.

SaBahRub · 2020-12-09T02:19:13+00:00

Because if you want it and can’t get it....?

TacoMcNeely · 2020-12-09T03:08:30+00:00

Virgin men are shamed bc they are unattractive losers who can’t get a girl

Virgin women are not shamed* bc, as a woman they’ve had guys trying to get at them and have chosen to stay celibate

*in the circles I run in, I mean; they aren’t shamed but they would be given a fair bit of shit about it

xFallacyx69 · 2020-12-09T03:54:45+00:00

How else is society supposed to tell men that we are completely and utterly useless unless we grovel for a woman brah? No, seriously though, nobody I know who isn’t a complete dickhead would shame a virgin regardless of gender.

LeJacquelope · 2020-12-09T05:31:32+00:00

[deleted]

Sufficient-Ad-3586 · 2020-12-09T03:20:55+00:00

I was excluded from my sorority for being a virgin.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2020-12-09T08:57:26+00:00

Because having sex is a normal, natural, spontaneous behavior that proves you can function as the ape you are.

If you are not having sex when everyone else is, then there's something around your capacity to function socially as the social ape you are, that is off.

AutoModerator · 2020-12-09T01:44:55+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

stats135 · 2020-12-09T02:31:47+00:00

Some things are just so important that its not just an act, but a statement of value. Do you not vote? You have stated to the world that you do not value democracy or don't know the value of democracy. For that, the people that do care about and value democracy will shame you. Are you a virgin? You have stated that you do not care about sex or do not know just how valuable sex is.

Of course you can say democracy and sex just aren't important. But that is equivalent to spitting in the face of everybody that fought for democracy and everything that men have ever done to get laid.

throwOyVey_ · 2020-12-09T06:27:00+00:00

we test gold with fire, we test women with gold, and we test men with women.

status

atelitus · 2020-12-09T16:32:42+00:00

Because society still tells men that a woman's sexual interest in them is inherently valuable and that attaining it is the goal of his existence. Thus men who aren't successful are seen as failing in their duty to attract mates.

It's gynocentrism plain and simple; woman good because woman and man must get woman because woman good.

Throughawayman80808 · 2020-12-09T16:41:13+00:00

Women want men who other men want, unless you're model tier levels of attractive it can be presumed that if you're a virgin that's not a choice you've made but a choice that's been made for you. It's that simple. Women assume that if other women have rejected you it's most likely for a good reason. Fortunately, lying exists.

DuncanIdaho88 · 2020-12-09T17:14:39+00:00

I think it's largely because of media influence. That's why a woman who's a 30 year old virgin is "pure", or is "simply saving herself for the right man". It's also why every guy who's out of high school and still a virgin is a loser.

Stevefr0mYellowstone · 2020-12-09T17:53:07+00:00

Because when you really get down to it, from a biological/evolutionary perspective, you exist to procreate. If you don't have offspring you are a genetic failure. Hundreds, thousands of generations of couplings were needed to create you over the millenia, and you terminated it. And you can't produce offspring if you don't have sex.

Not that people are thinking of this when they shout out "incel!" at someone, but that's the main genesis of it.

no_value_male · 2020-12-09T17:58:14+00:00

A male virgin failed at one of the most basic aspects of masculinity. A male virgin is not considered a full man. They exist in a weird limbo state between boy and man.

classicliberal1 · 2020-12-10T00:25:16+00:00

Women are highly influenced by mate pre-selection. A man being a virgin is like a job seeker who is currently unemployed. If no one else wants you, why should I?

SteveSan82 · 2020-12-10T01:08:53+00:00

Talk to religious virgin men. Religious don't want them. They want the sinner who fucked lots of women.

IncelandrosOfAthens · 2020-12-10T11:20:50+00:00

People here are really overthinking it. The real reason is that it is simply an easy, convenient, and potentially effective way to attack someone (depending on the listeners/recipient of the attack). That's really all there is to it.

DaddyCindric · 2020-12-11T06:20:14+00:00

I dunno I talk to my male friends all the time and never hide that I’m a Virgin. They’re all supportive and keep on telling me they gonna help me score once COVID is over.

Mind you we’re in University and they have all had sex at least once so it’s actually quite surprising.

Holler4Heller · 2020-12-11T21:20:40+00:00

In simple language men are defined by their use to women. A virgin man is a man with no interest in women and thus it follows clearly no interest in serving women.

onyxx8 · 2020-12-14T16:24:19+00:00

To add on this: I’ve had girls (two) flat out ask “are you a virgin?” In bed, right before hooking up. If you ask this as a girl then you have the EQ of a spoon with asd....

cunningcaring · 2020-12-09T02:07:53+00:00

I don't shame women who are virgins but I would not want to marry one. Experience counts in every area of life.

Clariecefun · 2020-12-09T04:00:09+00:00

Just like everything else.

If you’re male, it’s shameful.

Cleanit_up_Jannies · 2020-12-09T05:56:01+00:00

why are male virgins shamed when female virgins are not?

A female virgin can get laid any time she wants. A male virgin cant.

male virginity is still an insult even if the male has committed extraordinary achievements

The insult remains the same, "you're genetic trash deemed unworthy of reproduction" and the proof of that statement is the very status of virginity.

so why does this happen?

Because were socially competitive and this is one of the greatest insults against a competitor. Likewise, women tend to prefer a man with experience to a virgin, so women agree wholeheartedly with virgin shaming. If virginity in males were desirable, incels would be cream of the crop.

mrjolly123 · 2020-12-09T06:59:27+00:00

It’s society trying to pressure people into coupling up (especially men), because that’s what makes society stable.

2020-12-09T07:01:12+00:00

I think any guy who is a virgin at 18 and unhappy about it should just go get a hooker

Just get it out of your system, seriously

Naxxremel · 2020-12-09T08:34:45+00:00

Women aren't shamed so much as pressured. For young women, the potential of sex is like them walking around with 20,000$ in their pocket. There a lot of guys wanting to get what she has but there's also a ton of indirect pressure that comes from media and the influencers they see to spend that personal capital. They try to make it the high status thing to be "experienced" and to "find themselves". Because being a whore is so incentivized and being a virgin is inherently more valuable; you will see some girls shaming others for being prudes or nerds who haven't reached the lofty heights of putting out but mostly it's very abstract stuff in the media they consume. You might call it WAP culture.

For men it's no mystery. Being a virgin means you're not successful. There's something wrong with you. Simple as.

Fuego213 · 2020-12-09T03:03:33+00:00

Virginity is not shamed.

What is shamed is using virginity as to fulfill some sort of superiority complex, using virginity as a ways to fetishize “pureness”, and using virginity as a means to shame people who are promiscuous.

As for inexperience, I think the negative light on that is a result of the above. Usually inexperienced people express frustrations in off putting ways related to one of those categories or one related to them.

Title	Why is virginity shamed?
Author	Sufficient-Ad-3586
Upvotes	36
Comments	139
Date	December 9, 2020 1:44 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/k9i6wj/why_is_virginity_shamed/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-is-virginity-shamed.731981 https://theredarchive.com/post/731981

Comments