Why not just avoid telling a potential boyfriend/husband about the past?

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2023-09-21T19:17:09+00:00

I’d rather be honest with a guy and not have to keep track of lies.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2023-09-21T18:48:55+00:00

Most people don’t go into long details about their past relationships and n counts. You might tell a story that relevant where a previous partner was there, but it’s not like this long drawn out background check PPD act like it is. Most the time people can kinda tell who you are and how “wild” you are/were/will be by just hanging out and chilling for a while.

belachewhm · 2023-09-21T19:20:46+00:00

This is why lying is the #1 red flag I look for in people.

People who think lying is okay when it benefits them are not worth my time or energy. I also do my very to always be honest and tell the truth.

crushmynutsplz · 2023-09-21T19:07:14+00:00

If you want to lie to your partner, go for it, but one day this will come back to bite you unless you're incredibly good at maintaining a web of lies over the years. I recommend just being honest. Despite the obsession with body count by some people, there are plenty of men (like me) who really don't give a shit about your past. The only thing that matters are your actions today and tomorrow. Yesterday is pretty much irrelevant.

Relative_Bee8356 · 2023-09-21T19:21:46+00:00

Because one of the bonus benefits of having had a bunch of sex with a bunch of people is the guys it filters out. If I keep it secret I don't get the filtration effect, which I very much want.

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2023-09-21T19:28:43+00:00

Most women do lie.

silverhippo15 · 2023-09-21T18:54:37+00:00

you should consider yourself lucky that of all the guys she's slept with, you're the one she's choosing to settle down and have a future with

Strong contender for the most ass backwards statement of 2023

a-person-who-lurks · 2023-09-21T19:21:01+00:00

Your ex dodged a bullet

DesertShifter · 2023-09-21T19:09:01+00:00

it boggles my mind how some girls will tell their partner [the truth] and expect a better result [than lying]

How do you not genuinely see the problem here? If there was ever a statement to show how damaging hook ups can be, its your own words right there.

you should be thankful shes settling down with you

No, I shouldn't be thankful that I'm being deceived into signing half my shit away to her in a marriage. In no way should anyway be thankful they were manipulated into a relationship.

why not just avoid the drama?

Because its not your call to make. You either tell the truth or refuse to answer, no one can blame you if you refuse to answer and he accepts silence as good enough, but you're entirely to blame if you outright lie to secure commitment.

TheMedsPeds · 2023-09-21T18:55:49+00:00

I don’t want to date a man that assigns value to a woman based on her past hook ups. So I’m open about how I “tried casual sex and realized it’s not for me” and if he has a problem with that, good to know early so I can move on.

Contrary to what RP guys say, there are tons of men who aren’t concerned about it. They get women are just people figuring out what makes them happy. I want to be with one of those men. Not a dude sitting around figuring a “formula” out to see if I have value or not lol.

MistyMaisel · 2023-09-21T18:51:18+00:00

Some will ask, and it's not really ok to lie to people especially if you're claiming to love them and want to build a healthy, loyal, honest future relationship with them.

Some want to be able to be that open and vulnerable with their partner because that's what intimacy means to them.

It really is as simple as different strokes for different folks. I don't really need to know everything about my dude or want to recount all my dating. But, if he wanted that, then, ya know, I kinda have to honor his wishes.

cactusbeam777 · 2023-09-21T18:49:17+00:00

This is why TRP says that AWALT.

alby333 · 2023-09-21T18:52:41+00:00

Someone here likened lying to get sex is tantamount to rape earlier. So by the same token lying to secure a relationship should be considered a similar offence.

uselessloner123 · 2023-09-21T18:59:20+00:00

Because guys with a strong social circle can pretty easily find out about your past without you explicitly telling them. And believe me they use it.

I have always for some reason or another had a few Chad and party boy friends who would tell me a lot of crazy stories about different women they knew.

Even if you’ve moved away and are say in a big city like NYC and went to random state university, chances are one guy’s friends knows another guy who knows another guy… and yeah your secrets will all come out of your college hoe phase

Guys never forget about these things and Chad is always willing to help a lesser bro out when it comes to this.

So sure, go ahead and lie but the fact you are a liar will be found out and that will be added to your reputation the next time a guy asks about you.

AngeCruelle · 2023-09-21T19:10:35+00:00

I don't have anything to hide

Mobrowncheeks · 2023-09-21T19:26:02+00:00

Why do you think you can lie about it lol. If you had a hook up phase. Especially a big one. You just saying you didn’t isn’t enough to make anyone with any amount of social sense believe that

Safinated · 2023-09-21T19:47:19+00:00

Because women want honesty and full disclosure/knowledge, so they give it. I think it’s a good idea. You don’t want to end up with a hypocrite or shamer

Z1ayer · 2023-09-21T19:48:57+00:00

All those other men dodged the bullet, but the last one didn't.... soo luck (for you, since you got everything you wanted).

You had your cake and ate it.

Well played.

Probably already have exit plan ready too, when you no longer feeling it. And the courts will side with you most of the time.

Can't blame you for winning at life!

Information is out there, for everyone. Fools get used all the time.

Some people keep falling for the same old trick

gntlbastard · 2023-09-21T19:21:53+00:00

And this is why I would never look at a western woman as anything but recreational use.

duenebula499 · 2023-09-21T19:32:52+00:00

This is why you gotta run background checks boys 🫡 this one’s for the streets

InjectAdrenochrome · 2023-09-21T18:59:46+00:00

I always have a pretty frank discussion about bodycounts and past hoe phases. Mostly because I have a preference for men with a much higher bodycount than me. Like at least 3x as high as mine.

But I'm weird. I also share my sexual history as well. There isn't really a point in hiding it and it's never turned guys off from me because my count is usually a lot lower than theirs.

Jimmy-Jizz-Jazz · 2023-09-21T19:08:46+00:00

More proof that the world deserves to burn

Aggravating-Donut269 · 2023-09-21T19:19:53+00:00

Some things are better left unsaid okay Pornstar 😊

TSquaredRecovers · 2023-09-21T19:33:37+00:00

If I was actively dating again, I would disqualify any man who asked about my body count early on. It’s extremely rude and intrusive to ask someone this information, especially when there have only been a couple dates or whatever. So, that would be an automatic no for me, meaning that the dating situation is done at that point.

As an older person, I can assure some of the younger people here that this was not a common thing to inquire about outside of religious communities a couple decades ago. The rise of the manosphere has popularized this phenomenon. And we all know the manosphere doesn’t have good intentions.

MotherPermit9585 · 2023-09-21T19:54:50+00:00

My n-count actually isn’t super high. I got married in my mid-20s after spending college as an evangelical though not a virgin. Then I was monogamous for like 10 years before becoming ENM. And even now I like to have a real human connection with someone before sex. That being said I completely agree with you. There’s no reason to go into specific details about past sexual partners (dick size, specific acts/kinks etc.) with your current man… unless he’s one of the rarer guys who gets turned on by cuck stuff (if he is, he’ll let you know). It’s best just to be vague.

OzandtheWizard · 2023-09-21T19:08:23+00:00

Absolutely agree 💯👍

_Neonderthal_ · 2023-09-21T19:56:07+00:00

It seems like guys have an insecurity dating girls with a high body count.

Prove it

Prove its just an insecurity and not a valid concern, or else its just an insult

Imagine saying females are insecure for dating guys taller than them, stronger than them, or wealthier than them

How long would it take before you got banned

Why not just avoid telling a potential boyfriend/husband about the past?

If I told him or any guy I dated the truth about my past, then obviously they'll get insecure and leave

Hilarious how you literally answered your own question without even noticing it

Why you should tell him about something that is so insanely important for him that its literally the matter of life, or death for the relationship itself?

Imagine a story where a guy pretended to be a millionaire in order to lure a female into a relationship?

Wonder what the public's reaction would be

The hypocrisy is insane

Justwannaread3 · 2023-09-21T19:49:46+00:00

I don’t go into a ton of detail about past sexual experiences with my partner, but he knows I’ve had casual sex. He doesn’t care. Some men don’t.

He’s very secure about ME; my “body count” doesn’t come into it.

I don’t think you should assume that all men would feel insecure.

John_Oakman · 2023-09-21T19:06:30+00:00

If lying about years of one's life is that easy then vets would lie about what they did in their youth and how they get fucked up the way they are.

But they don't, because comprehensively changing their behaviors is way harder than it sounds, and because they still retained a measure of pride in what they did in their past.

Besides, why would you want those losers who can't stand the truth of who you were and the uplifting journey to who you have become?

TheIncredibleHarry · 2023-09-21T18:54:05+00:00

Damn OP What is sorry as hell.

Barely-moral · 2023-09-21T18:58:09+00:00

If you love someone then you believe they have the right to make a fully informed decision about whether commiting to you or not to.

If you don't love that someone then sure. Do as you please.

operation-spot · 2023-09-21T19:56:40+00:00

If someone is that insecure there’s no reason to marry them.

Schmurby · 2023-09-21T18:49:44+00:00

Your logic makes perfect sense to me. I have reinvented my past several times.

I control the truth about myself

darkredpintobeans · 2023-09-21T19:56:47+00:00

I feel like going into a relationship with a don't ask don't tell policy about your sexual history is probably not the best idea. At the same time I kinda understand not wanting to know.

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OzandtheWizard · 2023-09-21T19:11:06+00:00

Having said that, where you are erring in your logic is that while a guy should be happy you chose him instead of the fuckboys, he also wants to know you chose him because he's the biggest and best in bed you've ever had. So, be enthusiastic in that lie especially or you're in for trouble...

grillopie · 2023-09-21T19:39:13+00:00

Most guys will not care about a few hookups, maybe you thought it would be something the guy didnt. Maybe you did something crazy thats way out of character once. If its a whole phase, i dont think its necessarily only insecurity thats the issue. Imagine a guy who never had or was interested in a hoe phase. He might see someone who had a significant phase of this as incompatible.

Lying is a bit unfair. You dont have to get into details…

DietTyrone · 2023-09-21T19:43:28+00:00

Lies by omission definitely never blow up in anyone's face 😗

Trikger · 2023-09-21T20:01:20+00:00

Why not just not tell just tell him something he'll want to hear and avoid all the hookups stories?

Because this is manipulative and undermines one of the most important characteristics of a relationship to me.

I am an honest person. I don't want to lie, especially not to my partner. Respect is also very important to me, and lying would contradict this.

What I did in my past is in my past. If my partner does not feel comfortable with my past, then that's an issue I want to tackle with him head-on. My last partner was a pathological liar, and I find the concept on its own very anxiety inducing. If my partner wants to know, then it's not my place to give myself permission to lie because it would help me. I genuinely don't understand liars... they're selfish and weak. If you can't deal with the consequences of your actions, then you should have never done it in the first place.

If my partner doesn't want to be with me due to my body count, then no matter how much I'd lie, he would still not want to be with me. He will only stay with me because I pretend to be someone else, and he will fall in love with someone who doesn't exist. That's not beneficial for either of us.

I'd rather respect my partner than lie to them. Lies only cause more drama.

Sub94 · 2023-09-21T20:11:06+00:00

So you’re basing a relationship on a lie

No-Rough-7390 · 2023-09-21T20:16:32+00:00

It’s safe to assume every girl had a hoe phase and act accordingly. You’re never gonna know.

xItaliax · 2023-09-21T20:19:51+00:00

Well, I subscribe to telling the truth so if someone doesn’t like it, it’s not for me. Girls also get very insecure about a guy, how he is, was and conducts himself. Seems like you omitted to your ex partner.

LoFiPanda14 · 2023-09-21T20:22:16+00:00

Because dudes dont want the mother of their possible child to have been a schmutt.

Ohmaygahh · 2023-09-21T20:28:33+00:00

You are exactly the woman I try to avoid, a pure blooded narcissist.

You may have your boundaries ( or lack thereof in your youth ) but you should respect other people's boundaries. To try and circumvent it because it would be more beneficial to you shows a tremendous lack of integrity.

Your lack of shame at suggesting just omitting something that was a part of yourself in the past shows how small you are.

NittyGrittyDiscutant · 2023-09-21T20:34:00+00:00

if u were lookin for a partner u r livin in a lie

General_High_Ground · 2023-09-21T20:41:06+00:00

Because if you are with a dude who cares about it and if he ever finds out the relationship will be over and it'll be far messier ?

And at that point it wont even be because of the body count, but because of deception and lies.

Just date men who either also have a high body count or men who don't care about it.

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rumcapital23 · 2023-09-21T20:54:08+00:00

are you ashamed of your past?

do you believe a promiscuous past make a woman less valuable?

what will you answer if the question ever arises?

does he deserve to hear the truth?

do you believe in lying to your partner?

if sleeping around isn't bad or doesn't hurt women, why not come clean?

Wolvengirla88 · 2023-09-21T21:10:49+00:00

People change. Most men have had casual sex at some point. I don’t date people who have a double standard and expect different from me.

Title	Why not just avoid telling a potential boyfriend/husband about the past?
Author	glowbrie
Upvotes	1
Comments	128
Date	September 21, 2023 6:46 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/16onruz/why_not_just_avoid_telling_a_potential/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-not-just-avoid-telling-a-potential.1232555 https://theredarchive.com/post/1232555

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