Kissless virgin at 20, might be until I’m 21. Do I have any hope of true redemption/becoming a confident man?

letmereaddamnit · 2022-03-31T11:38:42+00:00

Nah G. Just get in good shape and take it easy. As long as you aren't horribly awkward you can make it happen

AnonProgress22 · 2022-03-31T11:53:47+00:00

I mean, you're still a man whether women are involved or not. They don't get to take that away from you, despite what the media will try and fool you to think.

cheesywipper · 2022-03-31T12:13:13+00:00

I didn't know fuck about shit when I was 21. Get your head down and work on yourself. Grow and learn, the confidence comes naturally with life experience and growth

bonix · 2022-03-31T11:58:30+00:00

You will never be a confident man if you are basing that confidence on your interactions with other people. Real confidence comes from within. Once you figure that out, the rest will come easy.

norwegiandoggo · 2022-03-31T11:47:26+00:00

Can't know the answer to that if you don't try. You have to figure this out on your own by trying

FettuciniGoldsmith · 2022-03-31T12:27:08+00:00

You just focus on being the best version of yourself. I remember seeing this one video of Will Smith where he said that you need to get the car rolling on your own. That’s something you gotta do for you and no one else. People will see you and hop in because of how you know where you’re going and how much you’re working hard to get there.

I lost my virginity at 22 when I thought that I would be alone for the rest of my life. Life changes in a second. You just do your thing, bud. The universe has got you :)

Starshiee · 2022-03-31T13:45:29+00:00

Don't be such a little bitch about yourself. There have been millions of people before you and there will be billions of people after you that were and will be virgins at twice, and sometimes even three times your age.

First things first, stop putting pussy on a pedestal.

Get in shape even if it means just buying 15 lb dumbbells and working out in your bedroom three times a week. The difference that even a tiny bit of exercise makes for your self-esteem and mental health is incredible, people don't give exercising enough credit.

Learn to dress yourself, practice good hygiene and self grooming. Take care of your feet and scrub between your ass cheeks. Shave your trash stash and patchy beard- A lot of women don't mind and some even find it attractive, but you will feel better about yourself and attract more attention if you look clean and sharp.

Stand up straight and stop slouching.

All of that will help you feel better about yourself from within. It is not an overnight process, this can take a year or two of confidence building.

Go out and socialize. You don't have to bar crawl, but go to neighborhood events like flea markets, local music, coffee shops (local, not Starbucks) etc. This will put you in situations where you can potentially meet someone, but also allows you to feel comfortable being out in public by yourself. A good looking man hanging out on his own will stand out. Having some special flair to you like long hair or jewelry or even just dressing nice will attract eyes. Be lowkey when you're scoping the room and you'll see it. Approach women for casual conversation, to compliment, or to just say hello.

Have you ever played an MMORPG, and stood around in the common area talking to random people? It's that easy.

All straight men have the same goal when approaching women- they want pussy. Women know this. It's incredibly obvious. Your job is to subvert that and not come off like you're just trying to get your dick wet. Hitting things off in a casual platonic friendly matter will take you much farther than going straight for the kill. Plus, it gives you practice rather than the fear of facing immediate rejection

Drop your preconceived notions, your biases, and your unwanted opinions about women, their bodies, and what they do with their lives. Literally just approach women as you would approach another man. You wouldn't ask another dude out of the blue to suck your dick, so don't ask a woman. That requires building trust and communication first.

There is a big difference between cringe and awkward, awkward can be funny and charming. Cringe is always off-putting. It's about reading the room, and maintaining the atmosphere. That said, don't be afraid to nerd out and talk about your passions and interests, it shows that you have the capacity to be more than one dimensional cardboard. I myself am quite the awkward fellow, but it almost always comes off as charming and funny. Don't overthink what you should and shouldn't say or how you should and shouldn't react, because when you do you will always make the wrong move.

SoulessAatma · 2022-03-31T12:58:23+00:00

Same here. Just I am 24. Almost 25. Dw

MostlyHarmless_87 · 2022-03-31T12:36:11+00:00

There's no race to this, dude. Take it easy, practice your social skills by being social (the suggestion about learning how to dance is absolutely a good one), and learn to let that stress over being a virgin go. You'll get there in your own good time. Go out, have fun, and learn to *be* fun. Fun people are absolutely attractive, and if you can show a girl a good time by being fun to be with, the kissing and sex and everything else can follow.

Regards,

Someone who was a kissless virgin until 23.

Commercial_Habit_923 · 2022-03-31T12:35:03+00:00

Yes dude. Thats the past, it doesnt matter anymore.

like others said work on yourself

originalgainster · 2022-03-31T12:52:19+00:00

Yes. Just stop being a bitch and start talking to girls.

jetbond · 2022-03-31T12:26:57+00:00

Get off the internet and meet people. Do your thing, next thing you know you'll be with someone that likes you. Be patient.

CptGuerra · 2022-03-31T13:01:48+00:00

Hey man, it's not late at all. I was kissless until 20 and virgin until 23. I'm 26 now and I honestly think I'm great at sex.

My current girlfriend says that I'm way better than most guys that she had sex with (and she used to fuck with a lot of guys). There's many confident man that doesn't know shit about how to pleasure a woman, so try not compare yourself to much with others.

The first time was hard bc I was really insecure I had no experience at all, and honestly felt that I was no use to women. But all it takes its practice, and don't try to learn a formula, sex is to be felt with your partner. You'll find with time what you like and what she likes.

Don't be ashamed to fail too. One girl I had sex with said I was in her top 20 lmao. It was devastating but I find it pretty funny nowadays.

Purplegetraenk · 2022-03-31T13:00:45+00:00

Fuck escorts

ikeepon · 2022-03-31T11:47:56+00:00

Not late at all.

Naveh2610 · 2022-03-31T11:34:56+00:00

No, you are doomed.

mjornir · 2022-03-31T12:53:37+00:00

Lol you’re relatively early tbh

CompetitionFair7686 · 2022-03-31T11:40:26+00:00

How many girls have you approached this week in person?

lanraebloom · 2022-03-31T12:57:49+00:00

Talk to some bitches

KDOGGG196 · 2022-03-31T13:26:54+00:00

It makes you feel any better, I’m still a virgin at 28. I did have some experience with 2 girls in my teens but still haven’t gone all the way with a woman. To me, the older you wait the more mature you’ll be about it. When you’re young that’s the only you’re thinking about. Looking back on the day I almost lost my virginity I’m glad her sister was home and we didn’t do it because I was so in the moment that I wasn’t going to use a condom. So who knows what could’ve happened if we did end having sex without a condom. Just work on yourself and other things will come.

pubbisanon · 2022-03-31T13:28:17+00:00

You've been posting the same shit for 3 months, replying the same to every replies. Did you actually do anything at all in 3 months ?

Indian_Cap · 2022-03-31T14:26:43+00:00

I lost my virginity at 20. Also getting laid will not give you confidence, if that’s what you are hoping for.

zedpapa · 2022-03-31T14:30:47+00:00

I got my first kiss and had sex for the first time at 27. I didn't regret all the missed opportunities because when it finally happened it was under circumstances I wouldn't even dream about at 21 years old. Then I realized it isn't even such a grand thing as society makes you to believe. It's a blessing in disguise to be alone so long because you are forced to learn how to be happy on your own and once you achieve that nobody will be able to take it away from you.

Feisty-Sun8561 · 2022-03-31T15:47:34+00:00

I have a 26 year old close friend who completely turned his life around from being an obese gaming addict virgin to having a relationship in shape working out and still enjoys playing games. It’s almost as if he threw out all his flaws and what he is left with is the best possible version of himself. Crazy transformation.

Start with the gym, either that’s working out, doing cardio at the park running laps, or swimming. Do something that adds a challenge and gets you disciplined. That’s the first stepping stone because you’re striving for a long term goal that will boost your confidence in the long run. Also step outside your comfort zone. Go out with some close friends, go to clubs or bars, edit your dating profile and meet people there. Expand from your circle of friends, meet others and add them to your circle, or have another circle of friends you can potentially be invited into. Social networking is an exceptional way of getting dates and job opportunities.

gyrocosec · 2022-03-31T12:12:23+00:00

Bro you blackpill incel, try harder and stop victimising yourself

OneWayUnicorn · 2022-03-31T13:27:52+00:00

You're still young. But drop "kissless" word, its first step to be confident, even if you have never kissed someone. But that word imo oozes lack of confidence and is cringe

Snoo30468 · 2022-03-31T13:27:59+00:00

Why do you put so much importance in putting your dick in a wet hole? Just be alpha (high self esteem/high self confidence, masculine, dominant) and women will automatically find you attractive. Its that simple.

khalidski · 2022-03-31T13:39:22+00:00

Brother.. you have to be an alpha! Watch winningwithwomen on YouTube. That guy will help you improve massively on have to interact with girls. I really recommend that account. He spits pure facts and be giving out our secrets left and right on how to get laid

passengerpigeon20 · 2022-03-31T12:58:12+00:00

What is your height and how would you rate your face out of 10? Have you ever gotten any signals of interest from girls?

_pathak · 2022-03-31T13:02:43+00:00

Yes. It's called arranged marriage. Or you could work on ur game and get fawking

m2niles · 2022-03-31T13:12:32+00:00

Confidence comes from taking on challenging tasks and winning, so if you’re willing to do what it takes you can develop confidence. I feel like being a virgin at your age isn’t the biggest deal, but being kissless is pretty odd, I wouldn’t bring this up with women if I were you. Form some intimate relationships with women and you can change those 2 things quick, but you have to be comfortable with yourself first.

Dernuld_Trumpet · 2022-03-31T13:15:49+00:00

I felt the same way, I had my first kiss at 22, and lost my V just before Christmas just gone at 24 , whist its nice and a big tick in a big box, you quickly realise that it is not the be all and end all of your ambitions.

It might make you feel good but it wont make you fulfilled.

hit the gym
Learn, read books, learn the mans role in the sexual "game"
Get a good job that you like, think outside the box dont just settle, constantly think of avenues of expansion.
hit the gym
find some hobbies

BangaiiWatchman · 2022-03-31T13:21:14+00:00

Read models by mark manson

muymuylejanense · 2022-03-31T13:22:37+00:00

Ok ima 26year old female, first of all, you have to remind yourself youre young, like really young.. i dont want to say a “child” but trust me, later in life you’ll realize how young is 20-21 year old, 2nd you’re in a really normal situation, i think men tend to lie about this things since they’re like 13 year old but trust many men lose their virginity later in life, and i know for a fact that if humanity couldn’t lie we all would have a big surprise because i feel like majority of men and women aren’t sexually active until they’re 20’s. I lost mine at 26, and im a woman and it wasn’t because men didn’t like i just always rejected them. And guess what i still have 50 years of fucking ahead of me. So don’t worry about it, you’re young and you’re normal. But i do accept that is less socially acceptable to be virgin in men that in women, so i do agree that you don’t bring it to the table when you talk to a girl, because girls when we’re younger we tend to be judgemental about it i admit, and is because everyone at that age is stupid.. then we grow up and we understand how dumb we were

NinasFit · 2022-03-31T13:27:33+00:00

id address within myself where the idea that you're not confident came from.. the belief that you're not a confident man is a defining identity program (brought on by your words about yourself) and once programmed with that code, your brain will go to work looking for evidence that proves that, and won't act against that protocol. so, once you deal with the resistance you have (because maybe in your formative years, you weren't allowed to speak up, or your confidence was crushed by someone.. and so to protect yourself you had to shut down that part of yourself.. in order to maintain connection to your caregiver and not risk threatening your source of survival) if you look at yourself as though from an outsider perspective, objectively, and ask yourself to notice aspects of you that your are confident in.. you'll be able to see that 'proof' that you're confident, and the act of kissing someone you like will be in your wheelhouse, and then you'll be able to kiss someone. not having done so before now, is not proof that you wont ever, and its not proof that you aren't confident. your brain is just blind to any aspect of you that shows confidence.. bc before now, the "showing confidence" brain pathway was closely wired alongside the "threatens my survival" pathway. and it might be another consideration that stops you from kissing a girl whenever you've gotten close to trying to make that move. something deep inside said to you, dont do that, you'll die if you do. the good news is, once you get conscious of beliefs like this you can easily see how they no longer serve you and are now an inappropriate survival mechanism that just needs to be thanked for its service, and then switched off. 😊

good luck, and don't stress about not having kissed anyone yet. its not a big deal. knock em dead :)

GingerbreadKnight · 2022-03-31T13:28:17+00:00

I was in the exact same situation as you at age 20 in college. I put myself out there and got what I wanted. So yes, there's hope for you...

That being said, my perspective has shifted a lot since then. You know literally nothing about me except that we were the same age. So is it really worth comparing yourself to random people in very specific metrics that don't even matter? Seduction is elegant when you're uniquely focusing on yourself. Otherwise it's just a numbers game of who can succumb to most to their basic impulses which sounds like a pretty stupid game.

Shadow__Account · 2022-03-31T13:38:24+00:00

Yes, don’t worry. It’s all about time you put in, experience you gain and how you analyze it and better yourself.

Routine-Profession51 · 2022-03-31T13:41:30+00:00

Your overthinking it my man. Work on yourself and it will come naturally. (Hit the gym, find fun hobbies/activities)

Salfredo · 2022-03-31T13:47:45+00:00

I didn't lose it until 25. You will be fine.

PresidentGanker · 2022-03-31T14:02:36+00:00

Just try to be around women in a casual way and study their body language and mannerisms. Try to see how many second dates you get. Try to see if you learn anything about a given woman or women in general. Don't be in a rush to bed. If you can reliably pick up dates and hang outs, especially second+ dates you will definitely be fine by 30, in my view.

gugasbee · 2022-03-31T14:06:17+00:00

I'll be honest with you. No. I've been there, lost my virginity with 22 y.o and unfortunately you can't change the past. You'll always be insecure and with the feeling that you missed something. I'm currently dating a girl and I make her suffer 90% of the time due to inexperience.

Hopefully your mindset is not like mine, but Idk if it's possible to ever get back. It's similar to a traumatic experience

il_auditore · 2022-03-31T14:16:28+00:00

Hire a hoo-ah

Joel1471 · 2022-03-31T14:17:16+00:00

Had a mate who was a 30 year old virgin. By 34 he has slept with more women than most and is now in a 6 month relationship. Don't worry about it too much, just relax and practice.

HisRoyalAwesomeness · 2022-03-31T14:17:53+00:00

I was a late bloomer, mate. Don't let that be a limiting factor against what you can learn and apply in terms of dating and seduction. Take your time, go through the trial and errors, and you'll soon hit your stride.

All the best.

FaithInStrangers94 · 2022-03-31T14:28:56+00:00

I think reshaping your objectives and definitions of success might help. There’s a lot more to life than women / sex and it shouldn’t be your main source of confidence

FRlEND_A · 2022-03-31T14:32:46+00:00

maybe dont place your self worth on how much sex you have

lazy784 · 2022-03-31T14:35:43+00:00

Man, i had my first kiss at 23 and lost vcard at 26. I'm 30 now and pulling girls every weekend. You'll be fine.

b4madison · 2022-03-31T14:35:54+00:00

You're asking the right questions. Keep asking. Don't be afraid, keep moving forward. It will happen if you work at it

putcoolusernamehere · 2022-03-31T14:49:06+00:00

No, you’re life is competent over because you haven’t kissed a girl at 20 /s.

ThePenTester88 · 2022-03-31T14:49:20+00:00

Honestly, I don't think most girls care unless you make it a big deal and part of your personality/who you are. If she likes you, it won't matter. If it's a hookup scenario then who cares what she thinks?

randomlystandard · 2022-03-31T14:54:40+00:00

I lost mine at 21 so youre good i was extremely introvert before that. Moved country and all that

chunaynay · 2022-03-31T14:57:59+00:00

I [M27] was 20 when I got my first kiss and lost my virginity and 26 when I actually had enough knowledge about dating to be confident in myself and focus on my own needs, instead of bending over backwards for anyone that I ever had the slightest chance to sleep with. I also got with my first (and only) girlfriend last year. It only lasted 3 months but I learned a lot! I'm glad I reached this far. I still have a lot of work to do but man, I cringe so hard at the person I was (in a dating context) between 20 and 25-26. I was very clueless and awkward, still am, but I care less, embrace it and try to go for the type of people that likes me for me, while still treating everyone around me with respect and kindness.

It takes time and experience, so just do what you want and try to push boundaries and find things that you enjoy (hobbies). And remember to be kind to people. Also, don't reflect past experience with bad people onto new people. This is advice that has helped me a lot in general

You're not at all late and I never thought I was. Maybe if I was 20 now and using reddit (and other social media platforms) as much as I am today, it might have affected my perspective, idk

Ecofre-33919 · 2022-03-31T14:58:54+00:00

You are being your own worst enemy, people used to wait till marriage before sex and often that would not happen till they were years older than you. Also sex has consequences. I am willing to bet that many of your friends that got laid 10 years earlier would for the most part wished it had not happened so early.

If you are that stressed about it - go some place where it’s legal - find a prostitute who is not being exploited, explain your deal and just pay for it a few times. It will take the pressure off.

Various_Bass_7553 · 2022-03-31T15:15:52+00:00

I mean yeah you’re a little late to the game, but you asking if it’s possible to recover is pretty laughable. My advice would be to do everything in parallel. Don’t just focus on your career or money, don’t focus just on self improvement, don’t just focus on trying to get with girls, do all of it at the same time. Dating is frustrating and you’re gonna have to see what works for you, and compare real work experiences to what you read in books and online. You’re still super young, but just start the process now and be consistent with your growth.

daminitus · 2022-03-31T15:23:44+00:00

It’s all mindset bro, fans it till you make. Check out AMS on YouTube to help with mindset. He’s a little intense and i don’t agree with everything he says but he’ll definitely give you that kick up the butt.

MidasLovejoy · 2022-03-31T15:43:03+00:00

119 year old Virgin kissless Male here still haven’t given up so shouldn’t you boy!! Hope is not his a 4 letter word!!

Agreeable_Ad_7551 · 2022-03-31T15:51:02+00:00

I would say focus on setting goals for yourself. Start with small goals and have a long term goal as well like pursuing a career. Women like men who are going places. Lifting will also help make you look more physically attractive but I personally think the mental benefits alone are worth the consistency. Talk to women you see in public and just strike up small conversations. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there.

Nefertiti2021 · 2022-03-31T16:08:45+00:00

recover from a sexless youth? youth is 20-30years old bro

Potches · 2022-03-31T16:09:55+00:00

Don't measure your confidence based on your interactions with women.

The confidence you build in other aspects of your life (fitness, hobbies, team sports, things you are good at, etc) is what will attract people into your life

2022-03-31T16:25:55+00:00

Remember, no one knows you’re a kiss less virgin except yourself. You are literally the only person putting that label on your self.

Get a nice haircut, wash your face, wear more trendy clothes, smell nice and step out of your comfort zone.

It’s hard but approach girls, don’t even try to game them. Tell them you just need advice. They’ll tell you they think it’s cute. Learn to be vulnerable and be your true self.

The changes are magic

c6h4i7r3o8s · 2022-03-31T16:29:43+00:00

It's a numbers game. Sure not every female is going to want you but someone is. What worked for me was just shooting my shot with as many as possible (that I found attractive) and eventually someone thought I wasn't absolute dog trash.

WilhelmTrooper · 2022-03-31T16:33:14+00:00

+1 to everyone else saying that you shouldn’t hold sex on such a high pedestal. I’m 19, turning 20 in July, and I’m in the same boat as you. However, I’m not worried about it. I’ve been in a couple relationships (long distance), and they didn’t work out. There were a couple reasons as to why, but the main problem that I only realized a year or so ago was me.

Are you desirable? Would YOU want to be with someone who doesn’t take care of themselves, who isn’t ambitious about their future, who isn’t independent and needs a partner to feel good about themselves 24/7? Who only looks at potential partners as a fuckdoll and doesn’t actually want to develop a strong bond with them and learn about them, make compromises with them, and live a life with them? I sure know I wouldn’t want that in a woman, and I think women don’t want that in a man.

You have to make yourself desirable, and not so much of a complaining Incel. It’s a pathetic way to live.

saito200 · 2022-03-31T16:42:08+00:00

That begs the question, why are you a kiss less virgin at 20?

Kitchen_Ad_4429 · 2022-03-31T16:46:12+00:00

I think there are certain things that can make you present as more attractive like hygiene is a big one. Make sure you have on deodorant, cologne, brush your teeth, hair is presentable, etc. And then of course what you have on makes a difference. Put more effort and pride to what you have on, you don’t have to walk around in a suit and tie but just maybe business casual! (Jeans and nice shirt)

Nukethewhails · 2022-03-31T16:50:05+00:00

I didn't have sex till I was 25. Focus on yourself/self growth. You have plenty of time to grow that confidence. YOU WILL BE FINE.

I was in the same mind set when I was in college at that age. One of the older guys in my program was 27/28 at the time and when I told him that I haven't had sex yet. He said "that's something you can be proud of, because you are looking for a flower and a patch of weeds. When you find that flower it will be way more worth it and sensual".

God speed my friend.

Frodo_Vagins · 2022-03-31T16:56:25+00:00

I lost my virginity in the 10th grade, most in our friend group had done it by grade 11-12, but one of our friends when he was 24. Pretty sure he was kissless too, at least we never saw him kiss anyone. I’m not going to lie to you…people were starting to wonder, some jokes here and there, but eventually he got a girlfriend, and we all celebrated. He’s a regular guy in his early 30s now, had a few girlfriends and some hookups since then. Was it tough on him? Absolutely. Does he feel like he missed out? 100%. But he got his shit together and I would say is a confident man both in his personal life and career. Only benefit I got from losing it earlier, is that it almost instantly took away all my anxieties about girls, relationships and such, because as a teen you make it out to be a big thing, and then when it happens you’re like “wait, that was it????”. Don’t worry, everyone has their own timeline.

DoctorForesight · 2022-03-31T20:19:00+00:00

Don't feel bad. I lost my virginity at 24 a year ago to a hooker. That was also technically my first kiss even though there was a girl before who wanted to kiss me and I didn't let her.

AccomplishedAd196 · 2022-04-01T03:56:36+00:00

You're overthinking it. And sex isn't your end all be all. I'd rather you be a successful virgin than a chick magnet loser. Your goals snd ambitions come first. Women are dead last, and I mean dead last.

And. If you want to ask some chick out. Go ask her out. Don't even think about it, go up to her, ask her.

"I was going to go to get something to eat, you wanna go with me?" That's it. If she says yes, great. If she says no, who cares? She's just some chick, there are literally billions of others, she's not special. Pick another. The guys who you see with plenty of ass take more shots than you pay attention to.

Title	Kissless virgin at 20, might be until I’m 21. Do I have any hope of true redemption/becoming a confident man?
Author	GhostRidersInTheSky7
Upvotes	119
Comments	250
Date	March 31, 2022 11:31 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/tsxp7i/kissless_virgin_at_20_might_be_until_im_21_do_i/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/kissless-virgin-at-20-might-be-until-im-21-do-i.1263282 https://theredarchive.com/post/1263282

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