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candyfox84 Archive

View 14 posts and 616 comments by candyfox84 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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9

Zanab is abusive. Being a woman doesn't absolve her of her of that. Being a HVW doesn't mean you date a man child so you can berate him the whole time. She's his partner not his mom. She 100% needs to work on her issues before she can accept the right partner, one who is her emotional equal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/22 06:32 PM
1

😅😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/22 02:26 AM
16

Horror movies 😳
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/22 03:19 PM
10

I know everyone will have a meltdown but it can be a very nice way to get to know someone. I appreciate seeing a man in the course of his work, it can bring out some of his qualities AND flaws. I am dating a coworker right now, after about two years of flirting. I wasn’t single at the time so that helped pace things a bit better. It started with him bringing me a coffee every time he would go get one. Then we started having lunch together, I don’t exactly remember how. We went to lunch a lot for…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/22 02:22 PM
27

In a perfect world, I would be ok with a semi-open relationship. But we don't live in a perfect world. STIs, crazy people, and my personal safety are reasons why I would not agree to it in practice. Plus I know that a man who loves you won't want you to sleep with other men. That said, I am a very flirty person by nature and I do wish I could enjoy the occasional hookup. But I don't for the reasons above. There's no such thing as casual IRL. It's way too risky for the woman, like literally the r…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/22 08:21 PM
20

Omg best movie EVAH!!!! Wow 20 years.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/22 02:02 AM
19

In her stand up, she made several references to being a forever girlfriend. He never seemed all that engaged.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/22 12:36 AM
6

For me personally, 4-6 months.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/22 09:01 PM
2

My ex couldn’t even use a drill, huge turn off.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/22 01:20 AM
95

"I personally could not go through an abortion myself" No one can say this for sure. There are many abortions that take place out of necessity where either the fetus will not survive, or the woman's uterus cannot sustain the gestation. Nature doesn't work perfectly (see ectopic pregnancy). For a fetus to be carried to term, the implantation and the uterus have to be functioning properly, and it's a very very imperfect process as anyone who's ever had infertility can attest to. I personally canno…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/22 10:13 PM
2

surprised at the settling tone I think this is partly a geographic thing, because where I live there are a lot of rural-type men who hunt, shoot, etc., but I didn't grow up around men like that. I totally support your preference and did not mean to standard shame, so I'm sorry it came across that way. Rather than dismiss, I meant to offer a counterpoint for discussion. I mentioned my preference to BlodelBabe because I struggled with this for a while as a woman who's had above-average educational…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/22 04:08 PM
15

Same, I have a master’s degree from an elite university and graduated at the top of my class. Yet the men who’ve been in my orbit fit your description. Men from the trades are just hotter to me (just my personal preference). I need a man who is fit, can lift heavy stuff and build things, fix a car or a roof, etc. It’s sooooo sexy to me. Most other things I can do myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/22 02:21 AM
16

This sounds pretty damn awesome.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/22 02:16 AM
137

This might seem uncharacteristic for a man but: nurturing. I’ve noticed this trait is related to a lot of other qualities I value, such as kindness, cooking, and being good in bed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/22 02:14 AM
22

I definitely reached this point after my last break-up. I'm trying not to let myself get too skewed in my thinking (in any subject), but what I will say is that FDS and the above thoughts that you listed are the reason I put myself first now and forever. I ended up getting my own place, and I will not live with a man again. That dramatically lowers the stakes for me (and I'm at an age where I can do that now). No way I could have accomplished this in my 20s or early 30s. Basically, the minute a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/22 05:13 PM
16

I got deep satisfaction from this
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/22 11:43 PM
63

No is a complete sentence. But I'm right there with you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/22 03:31 PM
11

hard lesson for him is in store when he realizes nobody is thirsting for him. This ^^^. The main issue here is he's blaming his wife in a "BuT My WiFE Won'T LeT Me" way. No fool, she's just telling you her bottom line. What he ends up doing with that information ultimately has nothing to do with her. This is why being grounded in your values (aka FDS) is such a good foundation. The pieces may move around you, but you won't be phased.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/22 03:25 PM
8

I understand the work now that goes into it is to avoid men like this Me too! I don't miss the days of being gaslighted by men who wanted a harem.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/22 03:21 PM
12

complaining about how much we were arguing. This is just a subversive manipulation. He knows why you're arguing. These are the same guys that tell women to ComMuNiCaTe once she's basically checked-out because his behavior is so bad..
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/22 03:19 PM
10

Fortunately, most are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/22 03:15 PM
15

Oh yes good point!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/22 01:37 AM
23

Priceless 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/22 01:35 AM
90

him insisting on her presence in your life Yup. The minute an ex becomes an issue, just next. The problem speaks for itself!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/22 07:36 PM
322

I know!! I’ve been gaslighted so many times by men and their ex gfs. At this point, it’s an automatic next.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/22 07:08 PM
79

I just blocked a pick-me friend after she got engaged to a very toxic person who gives me the creeps. It's hard but you have to do it to level up. If you're stuck living with someone that sucks! I know how you feel. I don't know if you can sublet or get around your lease somehow. Just try to meditate and let go of the anger. I know it's not easy! I was seething even as I blocked for all the shit she put me through. Like, a lot of put-downs like what you're describing. Just be glad you recognize …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/22 06:06 PM
16

I think in the US, you can force a sale on a joint asset, but I don't know about the UK. Either way, this sucks; scrotes always act like shit during a break-up. As long as she's safe, that's a win.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/22 03:43 PM
16

"Do we count it as a green flag or yellow/red flag if he calls us to say good morning each day before work, but doesn’t actually have much to say and then stays quiet the rest of the day?" A man can be perfectly nice and also be boring! Boring is not a quality that leads to good relationships. It's also really based on your compatibility, so if you're bored with conversations early on, it's not going to get better. That's my take on this even without addressing his other red flags.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/22 03:27 PM
26

Yay!!! Go you. I know it's not easy; I "kicked him out 2021" even though I kicked myself out of his house, the house we shared. I refused to pay for his mortgage until we were married, and his mom was constantly interfering with that, telling him daily that I was a mooch because I refused to pay his mortgage for him. It took about four months, but I'm feeling well adjusted now. I've healed a lot in a short time period. It was the best decision; I feel so relieved. I'm also able to invest that en…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/22 03:22 PM
35

Don't worry! When I broke up with my fiance, I lost around $1000 on our venue deposit. But: I saved money in the long run by a) avoiding paying for a wedding, which we were splitting 50/50 even though he made more than me and b) avoiding paying for a divorce. The Germans have an expression: The money you pay to learn something.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/22 03:17 PM
318

Doesn't she know she's his free prostitute? How dare she try to stay over as though it meant something? He even TOLD her he had to work the next day!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/22 03:13 PM
65

Scrote logic strikes again!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/22 10:33 PM
11

I was also told that the more I asked the further away it would be. That is some class A manipulation. You gotta hand it to em, they can spin a web as far as it will go. I went through something similar (see my last comment). When I first brought up marriage my ex told me "6-7 years from now." LOL!!!!!!!!!! I should have left right then. He proposed within about 2 years but by then it was too late. He didn't help with the wedding planning and I woke up one day and realized I wasn't even 100% sur…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/22 10:28 PM
15

I don't know...of all the posts we discuss on FDS; the waiting-for-a-proposal ones are the most infuriating to me! I feel like it's the hallmark of where we are as a society, women begging for marriage from LVs. Maybe it's because I went through something like this myself. My ex and I were supposed to get engaged shortly after we moved in together but he waited 7 more months. I kept waiting and I was sooooo frustrated, and all my friends and family were asking me when we were getting engaged. It…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/22 10:12 PM
33

He sees her like a piece of furniture that is malfunctioning if it doesn't robotically do 50-50. He doesn't love her. Yup!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/22 09:57 PM
45

Stingy and whiny, a potent combo!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/22 09:55 PM
2

I loved this podcast since I'm a massive fan of Love is Blind (I know it's trash, but it's also interesting). But I found the discussions around Kyle and Shane a bit too tame!! I think both these men are certifiably dangerous and I wish more had been made of their red flags. At one point, Kyle joked about murdering Shaina and taking her nails off. This was when they were out to lunch in Chicago. She needs to stay far away from him!! He has all the tell-tale signs of a sociopath, including a faci…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/22 05:43 PM
1

Thank you so much for this high-quality podcast.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/22 05:37 PM
3

I recommend you listen to the recent FDS podcast with Dr. Jessica Taylor. Like OP, we've all been socialized to accept horrible behavior and take the guilt.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/22 03:55 PM
5

Girl. The only problems in a relationship should be external problems, ones you solve together. If the man is the problem, dump him. This should be put on a plaque.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/22 03:47 PM
40

I know how hard it is to be in your shoes. You want his love and it's not there. I'm proud of you for coming here and acknowledging the problem. That's huge! 👏🥰 That's the big first step in realizing what you need from life, from yourself, from others. What you do with the information is up to you. But be strong. There is a bright sunrise waiting for you on the next horizon.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 09:59 PM
11

I would take ineffectual over the insulting, vulgar, misogyny I experienced the last time I OLD, which was about 3 years ago. Never again. It's a toilet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 05:30 PM
13

I used to look at couples with envy as well, but now all I see are red flags and I'm so happy I'm single. A lot of the time, what I see makes me feel like the woman is in danger.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 05:26 PM
90

I totally agree with you that asking doesn’t work! Why? Because if he wanted to… The thing about asking for a text is that you might get one, but it’s the underlying principle (the intention) that doesn’t change. He doesn’t WANT to ask you out, text you, meet your parents, buy you a ring, marry you, etc. Ask me how I know 🤦‍♀️ Asking is just the first in a series of many disappointments, we’re sooooo much better off without that. And it’s a waste of energy!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/22 10:19 PM
6

Hell no. If it’s not an addiction, it has the potential to become one. Anyway most HV jobs won’t allow it, either because of the policy or the risk of underperforming. If he’s still into that he needs to grow up. I’m into very minimal alcohol consumption as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/22 06:39 PM
1

Exactly! Imagine how much more powerful it would have been if Smith had walked up to the stage and said something inaudible to Chris Rock. Silent dignity would have spoken volumes. It’s a sad situation all around because Rock should have never commented on any part of a woman’s body but the physical violence took things even farther.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/22 05:49 PM
186

There were children in the audience and children watching. This is a new low for our already despondent society. Reading some of these comments here, I’m surprised anyone would condone violence under these circumstances. Male violence is not anything to be admired and if you don’t think it’s coming back to you, you’re wrong. It is a huge red flag.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/22 04:43 AM
11

Yup
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/22 04:27 AM
28

The men in my life I’ve known who while I can’t say for certain are HVM, but who have shown the most respect etc, NOT ONE cared about my looks, clothes, if I wore make up or not. Yea exactly. True love is so much higher than all this bullshit, seriously. If it's not, then count me out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/22 04:44 PM
22

Yeah, I hope she's moved out by the time he gets home from work.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/22 04:35 PM
24

It's hard. As you work to gain power, their attitude will undermine you. It's frustrating, but in order to succeed, women have to rail against the patriarchy and against women who've bought into it. Just stay pro, that's all you can do. That said, I'm not advising you to take shit either. Be clear on your expectations and play the ball, not the person.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/22 03:54 PM
29

I bet she paid for the hotel too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/22 03:45 PM
21

This is such good advice across the board, not just in romantic relationships but work relationships too. I often ask myself a similar question along the lines of "would I state something using these words?" Often the answer shocks me even more, because I realize how insensitive/obtuse someone is being. In your 20s, you apologize for everything. In your 30s, you start questioning your socialization. I'm hoping by 40 I just won't take sh*t anymore ;-)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/22 07:01 PM
13

Amen sis! Whether he's dumb, dishonest, or insensisitve, the result is same.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/22 06:59 PM
47

THIS! ^^^ Also, even if he's not banging these women, then he's emotional community dick, which is just as bad if not worse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/22 06:54 PM
62

Another tell tale sign is a guy who escalates your emotional connection way too quicly. I just experienced this over the weekend, just met the guy and suddenly I have three paragraph text messages from him asking how I am doing and trying to do a deep dive into my existential state. Look, if he does this with you, it doesn't mean you're special to him. It means he treats all women this way, which makes him likely to be a cheater since he's emotionally capable of limerence - huge red flag. Two pe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/22 04:45 PM
1

Swoon.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/22 12:08 AM
55

I listened to a podcast the other day and the interview subject was a 60s ish-year-old woman and her nephew asked her why she never remarried. She said most things she could “spot on a first date” were enough that she wasn’t willing to deal with, in terms of a longterm live-in partner. I’m single at 37 (no kids) and I don’t necessarily want to say that I’m unwilling to meet someone, but it definitely needs to be a man who presents no headaches aka “work.” If we need to live separately, that’s fi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/22 12:05 AM
270

I know, same here! That said, it’s been proven true to me time & time again. If a man loves you, he knows pretty instantly. I’ve heard so many men describe their spouse this way (in good marriages). If you’re trying to get him to “see” you, it’s doomed to fail.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/22 01:12 AM
0

I love the way we can have nuanced conversations here! For me, I’ve said this before but I like to apply makeup because it relaxes and centers me. I also like the expression of colors, seasons, eras that I can achieve through makeup. That said, I’ve never worn much and I almost never do all over foundation. My skin just won’t take it, I’ll break out. I agree though it caves to the pressures and demands on women to look a certain way, not just through the male gaze but also the commercial aspects…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 04:01 AM
6

I can’t wear heels for more than an hour tops. I love them but 30s me just doesn’t have the back for them 🥴
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 03:53 AM
11

About 4 months past a big breakup and I don’t want to date yet, but for the first time this week I felt like going out and having fun.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/22 02:38 AM
4

I’m sure it took a lot of courage to write all this and I’m a stranger over here telling you I’m proud of you and proud of your strength. Now for the nuts and bolts. Do you have to leave your job? You sound like you have a solid footing on your own. I’m not suggesting trying to stay in his house, definitely move out. But if you need to leverage your support network that is totally understandable as well. Either way, be strong.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/22 04:43 AM
12

I tried to make what I thought was a helpful post recently about where to meet HVM and I got some feedback about de-centering men from my life. I thought that was a little unfair, especially since there’s been so much criticism of OLD lately. My immediate thought was, is it not male-centered to post dozens of examples of their NV traits? I think it’s important to know and live by what OP is saying, but not turn around and weaponize it to call someone a pickme because they’re offering up ideas ab…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 11:51 PM
20

This is also the reason your friendships get better, whether they’re old or new friendships. I love getting older.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 03:42 PM
59

Wow!! Please keep writing these. This is really good for vetting and caused me to question things I had not previously studied.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 03:22 AM
1

I see your points and some of these posts are beneficial (and hilarious). But I agree with OP that in some cases, it's pretty redundant and serves little purpose other than amplification. Like anything, it's about balance. I think we all need to be engaged towards finding that balance with each other and work to support the posts that offer a positive strategy related matter.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/22 08:40 PM
2

This man is beyond analysis but I think I know what kind of attractive “look” he is referencing. This man wants a plastic doll and preferably one without ball sockets since any hint of personality or intellect would disrupt his fragile mental state.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/22 02:10 AM
59

I think those types of comments come from a place of…deep issues. She only gets more beautiful every year and I’ve taken a lot of HVW cues and personal aspiration from her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/22 02:05 AM
12

the preferred type doesn't "win" Exactly this. The flip side of Shake's propensity for white women is that he views them as sex objects. I believe these types of men will treat you like absolute garbage under the Madonna/Whore complex, and will never seriously consider a marriage outside their deeply conservative culture anyway. It's a hard adjustment merging two cultures within yourself and between two people.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/22 10:59 PM
14

Beaten up thumbs lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/22 10:44 PM
20

This is great advice! I love the idea of having another roomate lined up. That said, in some states, you have legal ramifications to the whole situation. Unfortunately, with or without a contract, he would be considered a tenant in my state, entitled to a 30-day written notice and requiring eviction proceedings without consent to vacate. I've gone through the process of evicting a tenant and it's not pretty. She may need an attorney to draft these documents, both the notice and the eviction, com…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/22 10:31 PM
12

I'm not sure what the FDS take on this is, but I don't do LDR because the term is an oxymoron, to me. Not that I've never done them. I'm just speaking from my own experience, but they are a big drain and there's no "real" way to build or foster the same intimacy as real life. But since he is relocating (Yay!), there seems to be hope with this guy. I would just keep him as a friend until he moves. Otherwise it would be so hard to try to create a specific dynamic off texting alone. Let's be real, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/22 10:25 PM
6

Therapy is great as long as your therapist doesn’t further gaslight you into the social narrative. Telling someone to get therapy, almost in a blaming way, is be pretty callous especially when they’re already coming from a place of vulnerability. I don’t think OP was clueless about her workplace, she’s already reported a few incidents. Have you ever worked in a male dominated environment? This is par for the course. Sure, you can burn every bridge you come across if you want to be unemployed. It…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 04:25 PM
15

If you didn’t mean to be rude, you failed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 04:03 AM
92

This workplace needs an overhaul and their HR department sounds pretty useless as far as addressing basic workplace requirements through common trainings. It’s not normal to have these types of screensavers. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this and I know it’s not as simple as “just leave.” But definitely get your feelers out and apply and interview as much as you can. You would be doing that anyway as part of a robust career strategy, even if you had a good workplace 😉. Good luck.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 01:40 AM
29

Agree re: 🚩🚩🚩 Shane and you really articulated the crux of the issue - the show treats him as a normal human without so much as a warning. He’s absolutely insane and I hope looking back that Natalie realizes how close she came to a very risky situation. I also loved what she said about her dad and hopefully she can apply that going forward. Shake - absolute ass and a complete misogynist. Women are just objects to him. So glad she dumped him. Danielle and what’s his name - they are trauma bonded …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 01:17 AM
18

I have two close co-workers, one male and one female. My female co-worker knows more about my personal life. My male co-worker is more of an advice person. He is someone I run different scenarios with and kind of get feedback when I’m stuck. I appreciate both friendships and they help me get through the work week. Not much contact with either of them outside of work though. Lunch occasionally. I certainly hope they are both trustworthy, they haven’t shown me otherwise. With work relationships it…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 12:44 AM
128

You couldn’t pay me. It’s not just about the ring, it’s everything else relative to him having such a passive attitude.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/22 02:10 AM
131

They don’t leave, that takes courage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/22 02:08 AM
5

A few years ago I made a troll account on Bumble because I wanted to see what the app was about before sharing my photo. I wasn’t familiar with the app at all, so I wanted to scope it out first to make sure I could feel safe. Within minutes, a scrote wrote to me to say “where’s your photo? Are you fat or ugly?” This was over three years ago and I am never going back to OLD because of that. It’s unbelievable to be honest.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/22 01:25 AM
20

I think one thing that impacted my use of dating apps is how they've changed over time. Maybe it's just me but I remember c. 2008 people on apps were specifically looking for a relationship. Initially the apps (mainly match) seemed to draw from a pool of men in their 30s ready to commit but who otherwise hadn't found the one. Yes, it seemed to include people who were more desperate to meet someone, but ready to commit nonetheless (a plus). The men I met offered a good date place and interesting …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/22 03:41 PM
8

It’s tricky with anything so personal, which may also bring up a lot of past hurt. I have infertility and I’ve tended to bring that up if I feel like we’re entering legitimate dating territory. Otherwise it feels too personal to disclose. I don’t bring it up unless I’m emotionally ready to expound on it, I guess, especially answering any follow up questions. I assume divorce is about the same.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 11:34 PM
3

Fair enough, it’s important to stay classy and not be too punishing in discussions about high profile women. I agree with you the tone on Kate went a bit too far.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 06:43 PM
8

I agree, the relationship feels toxic from the outside and people pick up on that. No reason a relationship should be a catalyst for the unraveling of your support network. 🚩
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 05:46 PM
2

Nothing wrong with bringing up pop culture on FDS, most posts do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 05:30 PM
5

Their relationship was textbook LV from the start, they love bombed each other and she dropped everything for him, then wondered why it went off the rails. Giving up your country, career, family, and friend group for a man isn’t a good idea. Then he had to do the same to appease her. It’s a mess and there are lessons to be learned here. Do not rush into a long distance relationship. No normal man would want that from you anyway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 05:25 PM
3

I saw this on the documentary The Windsors and I totally agree! She was quite the catch. It sounds like he really took the relationship seriously too, and by all accounts they were a very happy family.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 05:19 PM
4

Just because we’re bouncing around fun ideas about where to meet someone doesn’t mean men are at the center of our lives. I’m annoyed that a fun post about where to meet someone other than online gets turned into “STOP THINKING ONLY ABOUT MEN!” I’m perfectly happy in my life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 12:56 AM
4

My friend met her husband in a running group! I think this is a great idea and definitely will connect you with HV people.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/22 01:35 PM
4

I’m sorry. I know you weren’t intentionally arguing my point, but inadvertently it felt like yours and a lot of other comments are platitudes about not really trying because you’re living your best life. My OP is specifically about finding concrete ways to meet someone and ideas in response to a lot of recent posts about not wanting to date online. Organic is fine, but it’s okay to be intentional about your dating goals.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/22 07:36 PM
8

I agree, it’s just annoying. You’re on a dating sub yet somehow above putting yourself out there? Please head over to WGTOW.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/22 06:41 PM
10

This whole sub is about dating? If “meeting someone” isn’t a personal goal, that deviates from the primary purpose here. Of course we get a lot out of FDS beside dating tips (like being a Queen and having Queen energy), but yes I do hope to meet someone through these strategies. I don’t think it equates to foolishness or an ephemeral/unlikely outcome. This isn’t WGTOW, the point is not to give up on men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/22 05:59 PM
74

Best way to meet HVM? Live your life. Philosophically I agree. But on a practical level that kind of depends on where you live and what your free time looks like. For some of us, it takes a bit more planning than happenstance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 09:09 PM
21

not on OLD me too, which means I need to get a bit more creative. I live in a rural area and it's very hard to meet people without some strategizing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 09:08 PM
31

Really good points here, you can learn a lot about a man from his gym habits (and as a bonus, observe him in the wild seeing how he interacts with others) .
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 09:07 PM
20

OMG. The audacity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 09:03 PM
17

Sounds fun too!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 06:53 PM
83

building your sense of community This is so important as part of an overall strategy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 06:26 PM
44

I can see where there would need to be some discretion but it may depend on your field. There are a lot of great common points meeting someone in your profession who is equally invested in their career growth. My career track isn't pulling from a small group of people so the chances of meeting someone who would "tarnish" my reputation seem pretty minimal. I wouldn't date someone at my workplace, though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 06:21 PM
65

Love this! I agree about fundraisers, I am planning to check out an upcoming fundraiser for an animal charity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 06:17 PM
4

I want to thank you all because this whole thread is making me laugh so hard. It's hilarious how much they lie and misrepresent themselves. I don't date OL anymore because I can't stomach it at my age. When I was younger it made more sense to me and the apps were newer and more civilized. On match you could hit one filter and get exactly the types of men you were looking for and there weren't that many to vet through. There was no expectation of hooking up right away, in fact people were more ca…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 04:05 PM
82

struggling artists 😂 There I fixed it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 04:00 PM
8

Worse if it says 5"11 or 5'10, you can almost guarantee they're under 5'8.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 03:56 PM
13

The doctors/lawyers/businessmen These types of men either marry early or never. I haven't found any in between.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 03:55 PM
16

Massive eye roll 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 03:53 PM
35

That's a deal breaker for me. They're bums who think they're Steve Jobs (and even he was LV but at least he was successful).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 03:51 PM
24

Doubt: the ultimate litmus test. This is what it all boils down to!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 03:48 PM
1

women will describe the most insane things and genuinely not know if she was in the wrong for being upset. Totally! This is exactly what strikes a nerve with me every time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 03:43 PM
8

Do it and we can all post one idea?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 03:18 AM
10

I love book recommendations! Thank you for sharing, I will check it out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 03:04 AM
13

I agree, it totally impacts our health!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 03:02 AM
15

Be careful with this guy, sis. Especially if he knows where you live.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 11:00 PM
17

as a non-judgemental observer, they will full heartedly take you up on the offer of being a confession booth. They don't feel shame. I believe they are proud of everything they've done and that's why they enjoy telling such sick stories.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 10:59 PM
33

polyamorous relationship With her friend. Sis he ain't poly. He's asking to dump you but keep you on retainer when he's bored.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 10:41 PM
17

Omg the edit!!! Dafuck?! Now she has to defend herself on top of the fact that she's being treated like absolute dirt. My takeaway? This guy has banged her friend before.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 05:05 PM
184

super inappropriate to take any other women than your SO to Victoria’s Secret. Totally. This is why I take actually physical cheating out of the equation. If he's doing shit like this, he's cheating whether they're banging or not. It does not matter.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 04:59 PM
95

I'm sorry. It's always a big disappointment when things are going well and then, all of the sudden, a dealbreaker pops up! Not all communication is verbal, as the other subs like to imply. When a person consciously or unconsciouly does something to make you feel bad, that is a form of communication. Take it at FACE VALUE. Do not dissect. Do not make apologies. Make a mental note of his level of engagement and act accordingly. The reason I say mental note is because no man wants to be told what t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 04:49 PM
38

hese apps delete a whole chunk of "wooing a woman" away from the vetting procedure. 1000% I didn't know how to frame this, but you put it perfectly!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 04:42 PM
17

that would be amazing!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 04:38 PM
16

that toxic landfill like HAZMAT. lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 04:36 PM
62

"NO HVM is on dating apps looking for a wife." I agree with this. He might fall for you and even like you a whole lot, but so much of men's reaction to women is based on the initial contact and I think that presents a catch 22 with apps. He has easy access to you. He didn't fantasize for months on end about taking you out, working up the courage to ask you on a date, plot what you would enjoy through weeks of sublty getting to know you, and experience the absolute thrill of finally taking you ou…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 04:27 PM
52

I ignored him and he eventually came around Thanks sis! He likes the chase, which is why he only comes around when he's being ignored. You're right, I'm going to try to stop thinking about it. XO
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/22 06:01 PM
197

Such a great reminder, thank you! I was actually thinking about this last night because I have a semi-crush on a coworker but he's pretty inconsistent as far as I can gauge. One day, he goes out of his way to see me. The next, I don't exist. He needs to be all in and for his dreamgirl, he will be. You don't want to be anyone's runner up, it's a punishment that keeps on giving. To your point about the men that constantly fantasize about their ex, these guys are just not very grounded. To me they …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/22 04:57 PM
46

She is so so so funny and I love her! But she did describe her husband as not proposing until she forced him, so that's a bad sign.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/22 04:47 PM
95

I grew up in an expat household so I've lived within a few different cultures. What I've noticed is similar - that the US is quite superficial in terms of dating. It's all about attractiveness and whether or not you're going to get laid. Looking "hot" within a very conventional standard is highly prized. People go out to hook up. This would NEVER happen in some of the other places I've lived, even in the west. Some Germans have told me "American are very flirtatious." It's not about building a t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/22 04:46 PM
64

A shut up ring 🤣😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/22 12:02 AM
53

Yup, I know sooooooo many couples like this. The guy manages to post a picture of himself hunting or shooting, but can’t muster to change his relationship status or even acknowledge her existence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 05:33 PM
17

Notice he takes absolute zero, ZERO, responsibility for anything.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 05:28 PM
13

I don’t remember! I wish I did so I could go thank the person. When I first read FDS I had no idea how controversial it was, pretty much everything seemed pretty baseline to me. But when I linked to FDS on another sub and got banned, that’s when I first understood. I’m honestly much more aware of misogyny now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 05:25 PM
17

He’s already SO much work.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/22 06:30 AM
17

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/22 06:25 AM
11

To be honest, I sometimes think it’s just hormones. It was soooo hard for me to get over my crushes when I was in my early 20s. Now Im 37 and it’s so much easier, just kind of stick to the facts of what a man has to offer. If he’s not showing interest, I just stop caring. But I think my hormones are more even keeled than when I was younger. Don’t beat yourself up too much. It’s a university so try to open up your social network to other groups & activities, meeting new people will help, if COVID…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/22 07:04 PM
10

Because scrotes gonna scrote! 🤣🤦‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/22 05:49 PM
1

I noticed this too when I visited certain countries (besides the US), women were under way less pressure about their looks and it was refreshing to be around.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/22 01:44 AM
140

Should not be bringing up home purchases or other major life decisions without a clear position on marriage. My ex tried to do this to me, three years in we still weren’t married but he wanted to buy a second home with MY cash for the down payment and “both our names” on it. Girl, I dumped him and bought my own damn house.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/22 01:06 AM
21

Most men don't. To be honest, I don't envy men on this front. I think it would be so boring to have such a limited fashion palette and no way to express yourself through hair, clothing, and makeup. Nobody cares what they wear to the oscars. Women's fashion is an artform. I like to create "looks," I feel inspired by certain time periods and styles, 60s, 80s, goth, depending on the day. That said, I completely agree with you about the dark side of these expectations! Especially as far as conventio…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/22 04:47 PM
24

I am of two minds on this. On the one hand, if it's something you need to feel good, by all means do it. Personally, I look extra nice maybe once a week, or on special occasions. In those cases, I will go full glam (make-up, hair, put some thought into my outfit, and heels), and it makes me feel really good! I enjoy it. I get an artistic satisfaction from putting on makeup and it's very relaxing to me. Unfortunately, most of the time I just don't have time! I'm already not a morning person. I'm …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/22 03:56 PM
7

So true!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 03:55 AM
8

Imagine being told by a scrote that you will need to wait two more years, more time than it takes most couples to get engaged in the first place. The audacity 🤯.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/22 02:53 AM
20

I bet he uses school as an excuse even though he is 30+ years old. He is never going to marry her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/22 04:12 PM
116

I’m seeing FDS mentioned across other subs and I think women are waking up to the forever gf term. Uhhh no it’s not romantic or normal to beg for a proposal year after year.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/22 04:23 AM
11

Personally I have no idea. But I assume it stops showing your profile if you stop paying?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/22 04:01 PM
5

No man will withdraw faster than one who's being chased. Sure, he'll stick around for the benefits (mainly sex), but he won't commit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 05:25 PM
5

those are definitely red flags. yea, it means he wants you to carry the load, up front too. Major red flag.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 05:25 PM
4

Avoiding avoidants is the best way to get rid of them. I see your point, but I would argue that avoidants are actually weeded out with this strategy. I've kept avoidants around in the past by a) not responding to their energy with the same energy and b) maintaining the momentum on my own.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 05:23 PM
4

Lol, for real
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 04:29 AM
1

“am I overthinking?”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 04:13 AM
1

Awesome!! I am also glad to know about Mercury Retrograde so I'll be on the lookout. My ex-best friend reached out to me about a year ago. I went no contact with her and my ex on the same day, after I found out they planned to go camping together while I was out of town. It was so heartbreaking. I was hanging out with a lot of poly people at the time, and I was ostracized from my friend group for "over reacting" and being "insecure." She had the nerve to tell me they weren't intending to bang as…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 11:06 PM
136

Park in a safe, busy, well lit place. I once went on a first date to a very popular restaurant. Yet the parking lot was so large I had to park around a loop about 2 blocks away, it was still the restaurant's parking lot but it was dark, and sandwiched between large shrubs and dumpsters. When my date (whom I knew fairly well) walked me back to my car, he could easily have taken advantage of that situation. It's not a situation I would want to be in with a stranger. Even though most halfway decent…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 09:44 PM
2

Well said.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 09:37 PM
1

I know there are views on both sides of this, and I respect that. But this is one of the many reasons I do not online date. It's not fun for me if I feel like I'm low key trying to avoid an assault.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 07:37 PM
30

Sounds like a great candidate for roast-a-scrote ;-)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 06:59 PM
52

he knew he had to bring his best to impress me. Awesome! He had to earn it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 06:41 PM
37

I think in the past my ex thought I wasn’t into him because we didn’t see each other more than during the weekends. This is a good thing. He should yearn to have your approval and love, not see it as something that is owed to him. Weekends is plenty of time! I have a busy job and I don't have time during the week, most days.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 06:41 PM
44

Yes! There's a reason our grandmas had to wash their hair.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 06:32 PM
12

I am so sorry that you received such harrassment online. I had to block my message feature because the messages were so disturbing. Stay safe hun and don't let them get to you. You're totally right about their sick addictions and behavior! It means nothing, they are screaming into the abyss of their pathetic existence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 06:31 PM
2

I think this would make a great post.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 05:18 PM
7

Not sure what the FDS guidance is on this exactly, but 5 dates in three weeks sounds like a lot. In the Rules, it's one date per week maximum, which I agree with. I am glad you're done with him though!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 03:41 PM
22

I saw something similar on Say Yes to the Dress, it was absolutely horrible to watch. The groom put his hand on the back of the bride’s head and smashed her whole head into the cake. So disrespectful on what should be a happy day. Glad she is dumping him and that Prudence agrees. This, combined with waking up to the social conditioning from family, is the first day of the rest of her life, which is what a wedding should be 😇😋
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/22 11:47 PM
5

Single dads are the type of guys who have a major victim complex and twist the truth. Exactly. They're those types of men who typically divorce, the Joe Rogan types. That is why their marriages end. Ultimately, I think they're gay, maybe not homo-romantic but definitely homo-oriented. Their emotional and intellectual bonding happens with other men, not women. And they never compromise, their egos won't let them. When their wife complains, they triangulate another man, complain about "the bitch" …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 04:58 PM
5

I envy you living in a more cosmopolitan place, where it's totally normal to meet people in their 30s and 40s who either don't have kids, or have never been married! I live in a mid-sized US city (in one of the suburbs), and it's almost impossible. That said, I'm not relocating for the sole purpose of finding a man. Those days are over, thanks to FDS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 04:49 PM
13

He had children with a person and then decided to abandon both. Wow, very good point. It's true that in some respects, even with shared custody, there is still an abandonment issue. Abandoning the family either directly or indirectly (which may actually be worse, imo, nothing worse than a man who can't make a decision and instead forces the woman to leave). When my BFF finally divorced her husband, it was after years and years and years of trying to fix the relationship. She gave him every benef…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/22 05:40 PM
36

I have mixed feelings on single dads. On the one hand, a large percentage of single men my age (37) do have children. On the other hand, he probably can't be as liberal with spending money on you if he's got kids. Then there's the sad fact that, at some point, he left the mother of his own child. If he can do that, then why the hell would he stick around for anyone else? There are exceptions, but vet extra hard in these cases. Finally, I am childfree (not by choice). Ironically, this makes me le…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/22 05:14 PM
15

It's hard to pull the plug in those moments, so I commend you. It's certainly better than waiting around and dealing with a potentially aggressive man who doesn't have the emotional ability to make decisions about life. They tend to project that frustration onto their partners. Forever gf are deeply resented by the men who won't marry them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 11:19 PM
102

Good for you. I agree six months is plenty of time to declare yourself. Ideally he would be the initiator of those conversations. Had you waited two years, you'd be having the same conversations and probably moving over to another sub about begging for a proposal. Thanks to FDS I am so much better at spotting when a man is truly invested.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 03:40 PM
2

I’m right there with you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 11:30 PM
103

Reaching out on LinkedIn is so pathetic 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/22 11:31 PM
8

Yea, the yelling and following you part I can relate to. Never again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/22 04:47 PM
21

Yea, men with anger issues are like an awful teenager (at best).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/22 04:46 PM
322

I'm not a fan of them either, but I do remember after their engagement the media was calling their relationship a "whirlwind" because they got engaged after (gasp) 18 months. As opposed to his brother who had firmly put Kate in forever gf territory. What I do admire is that Harry was ready and willing to commit when he met Meghan.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 07:53 PM
67

Yea, that part is stupid but offers a good comparison with the past. In many ways, society has gotten more socially conservative than it was then! There is no concept of courtship anymore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 07:49 PM
57

Indeed! And it's just a great throw back to old time dating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 07:45 PM
17

OMG Robert was sooo hot.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 05:33 PM
24

"I'm a super calm and stable person." THIS!! Every bad boyfriend has tried to convince me I was the opposite.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 04:08 PM
23

Oh my gosh this is such a valuable discussion! It totally goes to show: you think you're getting security but really you just signed up for boredom. After getting out of my last relationship, I remembered how impossible it is to be with someone who isn't your perfect match, especially for a live-in situation. Yes, he does need to check all your boxes, otherwise you'll end up in a Miranda situation. I especially agree that she continued to grow and he just wouldn't budge. There is a point where s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 04:05 PM
13

Me too!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 03:59 PM
2

It just shows how lazy men can be. I take out the trash and I think literally nothing of it. It's not a big deal to me and it's certainly not something I hold over other people! Good grief.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/22 05:15 PM
2

#6 is the ultimate giveaway, I find that people with chronic health issues who should otherwise be healthy need to look at their relationship. Not always, of course, but it may be an indicator.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/22 05:11 PM
31

I think it's weird that he sent you his schedule, it's almost like he's staging a way to limit his accountability before the relationship even starts. F*ck that, be busier than him. Definitely do not text him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/22 04:59 PM
19

Eh, my friend works the COVID ward as an ICU nurse. She has exactly the job you're describing, but she posts on social media pretty reguarly. It's a form of relief for her to reach out. I think he has time to text OP.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/22 04:57 PM
31

I completely agree. I am using FDS to stay strong and avoid any apps. I refuse to put myself on those apps because it makes me feel devalued no matter what. I live in a small town, which makes dating more difficult. However, it also removes any anonimity if I were to put myself on those platforms. I would likely see co-workers and neighbors, something I absolutely want to avoid.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/22 04:09 PM
22

I'm about 5'9, maybe slightly taller, so when men lie about their height it is immediately obvious to me, especially if I wear heels. I didn't use to be picky about height, but I am now, mainly because men make an issue out of it. Their insecurities get the best of them, and they start to make me feel "too tall" or masculine in some way, which is ridiculous. If a guy comments on my height at all I become suspicious that he can't handle it. It's so weird how men will turn something that should be…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/22 03:44 PM
40

I'm with you on that one. I feel like the whole voice thing is so primal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 10:41 PM
19

👏💯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/22 06:05 PM
39

This is definitely a thing. My former JNMIL was a big part of why the relationship ended. She was very against my ex spending any money on me. Every JN has some tool for controlling her son’s relationship. In this case, it was a fixation on our money and how we were spending it. I’m sure there are about a million ways this unsolved dynamic between mother and son plays out though. Now I’m better at spotting problematic mothers, I count it among other fed flags. For example, I almost dated a good …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/22 06:03 PM
47

This is such a good reminder! If he wanted to plan a great date for you, he would. It’s hard not to make excuses in the moment, especially when everything else seems to be lining up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/22 04:16 AM
3

Yeah, I thought that was the worst part.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/22 01:40 AM
22

He’s such a creep and he’s never been funny. White boy upward fail exhibit A.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/22 05:43 PM
18

This man has actual blood running through his veins, meaning he is capable of an engaging, intelligent, active conversation. It was a pleasure listening to it. Edit: yes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 07:46 PM
5

It's only so so. But the designs are super cute if you're just trying to put together a fun outfit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 03:12 PM
27

I love Marshall’s but I don’t think it’s easy to shop online with them since all the brands are different. I also shop at Everlane and Cider.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 02:34 AM
28

Yikes!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 02:08 AM
17

Remember one of the tenets of FDS: dating should be a stress free experience for you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 01:33 AM
33

Agreed. I don't see how you can convince yourself to be attracted to someone, but women are socialized to disregard their own preferences!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 11:07 PM
74

Yeah, it gets frustrating. In this case, maybe see what happens, she may come to her senses. He will only get worse. A friend of mine recently got back together with a guy that she already broke up with once. He didn't have a real job when she met him and she admitted she didn't find him very attractive (objectively, I agree). Also, he just gives me a weird vibe (trust). Well, not even three months later they got engaged, and I'm not going to participate in that charade of a wedding.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 09:03 PM
11

Me too! I will be listening on my drive home.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 06:45 PM
1

I am way behind here but I just listened to this podcast and WOW! This has to be one of my all time favorites. The roast a scrote was so poignant, I once left a very expensive pair of boots at a guy's place but I never went back because I didn't want to see him and of course he made no efforts to return them. When Dr. Kaszina said to look in the mirror and say "I feel for you" really landed in my heart, what a good reminder to practice self compassion/empathy, instead of scrutiny. One of the har…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/22 07:20 PM
55

I will be somewhat frank here, there are men you can date for fun, but it's a whole other story planning a family with someone. I guess you have to be honest with yourself about how you would be the one staying home when you're the primary income earner? If you're ok with living off your hard earned savings then that's up to you, you will still need benefits though. 34 is not young. He's had plenty of time to grow up. A couple of years ago I dated a guy who was trying to start an app and it's al…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/22 05:49 PM
36

First, big hugs. I think telling other women about your sex life is one of the most disrespectful things a partner can do. That said, it’s not uncommon. I discovered my ex doing the same thing over text, just generally complaining about me like I was his mean mommy, asking him for things you should expect from a grown man. I slowly lost interest in the relationship/sex even though I didn’t know what was fully happening. In my case I couldn’t talk to him about anything, that may be different for …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/22 05:27 PM
21

I found love…with myself. It’s still a journey but I’m truly practicing self respect for the first time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/22 03:48 PM
13

Happy birthday love!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 04:43 PM
42

I am still a romantic at heart, I believe in destiny as an ingredient I guess (in addition to FDS of course!). We don't entirely write our own scripts and some of it is up to the universe. But it is hard to be patient sometimes!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 07:54 PM
21

How do you screen record?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 04:46 AM
8

Haha if the shoe fits! 😉
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 01:59 AM
35

Seriously can we all just imagine for a second if the scripts were flipped? I work hard and I'm financially stable. And then someone comes along to marry me, take care of all my mental load, clean my house on the daily, and raise the kids while I look like mother-of-the-year at work.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 05:46 PM
46

A LVM won't take care of you when you're sick anyway and most men die first so it won't even help in old age.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 05:43 PM
29

Suddenly I was the root cause for all of the misery in his life and I had to go. Men have an uncanny ability to transition to this phase of the relationship out of nowhere. Glad you got out safely.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 05:41 PM
138

Going back to work after the "holidays," how many men are completely refreshed while women look like they've been run over by a train from the past 10 days of intense emotional and physical labor?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 04:18 PM
86

women love being married in their 20s and early 30s. This is quite revelatory for me in terms of assessing marriage. I have a similar theory. Now that I'm pushing 40, I want to be married less and less. All I see from a distance is a huge burden. Your 20s and 30s are generally insecure years, financially etc. It helps to have a partner to navigate those years, but it comes at a price. But as you emerge from those decades more settled in your career and more confident, marriage is less necessary.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 04:15 PM
33

I listened to the Curveball podcast on this recently, "Single Mothers by Choice." Might be worth a listen if you're considering this. Here is the link: https://www.curveballmedia.com.au/podcast I'm sure it's really hard, and hopefully you'd have some form of support nearby, but by and large these women's experiences seem very positive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 04:05 PM
11

If they escalate instead of calming down, get rid of them immediately. Yeah, this is pretty much a guarantee of emotional abuse or worse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 10:24 PM
41

OMG you and me both sis. If I had even the slightest comment for my ex-fiance, I had to ornament my words in the most gentle uplifting fashion just to avoid a blow-up. So glad to be free from that oppressive state! I pray all other women get the same freedom.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 05:08 PM
152

Meanwhile...on breaking mom.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 04:58 PM
152

This is why I hate OLD. They gain unfettered access and then presume to own you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 04:57 PM
104

He probably put one dish in the sink (not even the dishwasher).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 04:55 PM
171

I was threatened with a ban from dating over 30 because I told a woman to stop messaging a guy who wasn't calling her/asking her out, and referred her to FDS. Um, don't worry, I won't be back. 💅
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 03:19 PM
1

Thank you, you too <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 03:14 PM
34

"I stayed because I wanted to save the relationship. But....I had to pay the consequences and it lead to losing myself completely." THAT STILL DOESN'T MAKE IT YOUR FAULT "getting accepted into a masters program, found a job related to my career, debt free..." WOAH YOU'RE WAY AHEAD OF THE GAME! BE PROUD!! "I saw that her parents are a lot more financially stable than my parents are...hence, better home, better area, better things, and it makes me feel like because she has a much more comfortable …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 07:14 PM
11

Yes! Me too sis. I am going to spend this year hiking, swimming and/or the gym. I am working to heal and get healthy following a bad relationship. I am so incredibly excited. Check in with us from time to time and let us know how it is going.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 06:17 PM
34

I know...vodka and hot dogs, where do I sign up?! 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 05:33 PM
3

When I relaxed them, I ended up on bad dates. Same. I've never had any positive experiences with men I met OLD. Unfortunately, my post is coming from a place of experience and being extremely disappointed bordering on unsafe **most** of the time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 05:29 PM
2

Also, yes, OLD makes it easier for men to date without needing to overcome social and other insecurities, and going out of their comfort zones. Yes, this is a huge litmus test imo. He needs to be willing to overcome this to prove that he's really interested. It's a natural filter.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 05:27 PM
10

😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 03:55 PM
6

In our capitalist society, we are literally inundated with gift ideas. I can’t think of anything easier than buying something for someone. Also, has he ever watched a fuck*ng TV show or a movie? There are thousands of examples of people buying gifts for each other. Asking you what you want is a manipulation tactic to make you feel unspecial. He can pretty much walk into any jewelry store to find something tasteful and nice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 02:18 AM
41

For me, it’s the psychology of dating apps that turns me off. While this can definitely happen in real life too, I just feel that apps create a low effort baseline for the entire relationship. Men use apps to cast a wide net and don’t value the catch because they can just keep browsing. It takes much more effort for a man to be convincing in person, take initiative to ask a woman out (overcoming any personal insecurities), and repeatedly demonstrate good consistent behavior in person. The requir…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 11:34 PM
221

He's never leaving his house again...thereby doing the world a huge favor 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 08:29 PM
125

Yup, if it serves male laziness/cheapness/depravity, then it's soooo funny & cute lol 🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 06:40 PM
5

I am living for this trend of young girls openly showing disgust to the creepy predator older men that approach them. Amen! I too would have felt pressured to be nice circa 2002.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 04:54 PM
8

The most narcissistic thing about this is that he took her tattoo as a personal invitiation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 04:49 PM
161

You just know he's married & using a fake name.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 04:38 PM
6

yeah, it's like a dirt tornado. I lived with a man like this and I thought I could stay ahead of it but it became impossible and soooooooo demoralizing. Sis glad you're free!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 04:25 PM
13

I don't have a single happy memory Same. Even the ones I thougth were happy in the moment actually cause me a stress response looking back, because I was the one doing everything.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 04:01 PM
17

Thank you for posting this as I've been noticing this term making a comeback among younger women around different subs. It's crazy to me that contemporary modern women are still using this word as a way to describe themselves, without a shred of irony! This is some married with children 80s type pejorative bullshit that we should be so far beyond we can't even see it in the rearview. It is such a gendered term too it might as well be up their with the other mysoginistic words. If your damn boyfr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 03:58 PM
8

I am so sorry that you were hurt by the people who should have been protecting you. We don’t always get a fair start in this life, be proud of yourself for surviving through such a difficult circumstance. You have already come so far. Forgive yourself, always. Be proud of your incredible enduring strength. Healing is like watering a plant, takes time, daily repetition. Heal, heal, heal. Always put yourself first, self care, journal, words of kindness. Nurturing. Create the most nurturing home en…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 08:28 PM
93

I ask myself this same question. I’m about to turn 37 and recently got out of a three year relationship where we were engaged. I am not in the most positive mindset right now because this felt like a Hail Mary, after so many years of trying to find the right partner and it still failed me. But, like most comments here, I’m just focusing on my own happiness and well-being. It’s been amazing to find FDS at this juncture, so validating. I did recently meet a seemingly HVM who was widowed, late 40s-…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 08:11 PM
16

Omg I feel you. I dated a similar type for who thought those bizarre YouTube videos were actual news.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 01:43 AM
96

What a dick. It's not an audition. I remember this guy that I was totally not interested in (back in high school), asked me if we could "talk." He was overweight and I was not attracted to him in the least. I also suspected he was gay. When I briefly agreed to a chat I had no idea what he might say. He felt the need to tell me that he was not interested in me. Um okay, that's great because I literally never gave it a passing thought. When they reject you and you haven't even agreed to date them …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 03:58 PM
9

I am still laughing about how downvoted that post was. They tell on themselves so bad! Obviously a guy with a nice package wouldn't have done that, it would make him smile.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 05:09 PM
11

"suddenly when he’s going to be dumped he knows just what to do." A million times this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 03:18 PM
35

My family is wealthy, and I think every boyfriend I have ever had has been resentful of it, and seem to harbor a special resentment for my dad. Okay also this!!! TBH, just proves it doesn't even matter what the issue is. Scrotes gonna find something to bring you down and/or criticize. Towards the end of my relationship, my ex started making all these horrible comments about my dad for no reason. Huge litmus test. At the end of the day, the only person he should be competing with is himself. If h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 05:53 PM
14

I met my ex OLD and that is it for me. I will never again put myself on a platform to strangers. There are so many men that are addicted to the "high" of getting matches through low effort, they never really stop seeking that validation. They view women as objects because of the way these platforms are designed. It's totally counter to expecting a high effort pursuit. I know it's super hard to meet anyone in person these days, but I think it's worth the wait.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 03:55 PM
12

If a man is in love with you, he will want to marry you within the first year. Hell, probably the first 3 months (I don't advocate for love bombing, though).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 03:34 PM
219

Notice the passive aggressive put down of her "wealthy" family. Instead of being happy for her success and good fortune, he resents her for it. He is too selfish to see her as an extension of himself, or a positive reflection on him. This has little to do with the check and everything to do with his inferiority. He's the one that's greedy, not her. She's a catch...and he's angry about that. So angry that he wrote to a magazine. She's better than him, so she better submit. That's how he sees it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 03:28 PM
15

NVM loathe the women who give them chances. Yes! Sad but true. A losing proposition if there ever was one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 05:51 PM
3

Thanks, and congrats on your break up as well. I know it's easier said than done. The pressure was definitely there and it was a pretty strange choice to break up right before Christmas. Luckily (or unluckily), my ex left me no choice. There was no peace left in the relationship and I had to leave in a span of days, more or less out of nowhere. It's really true what they say about negging (hence my post), it's only a precursor to worse behaviors like abuse. I am glad to be safe, women are never …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 04:47 PM
3

Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 04:43 PM
3

Can confirm.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 01:49 AM
40

I enjoyed holiday in the wild with Kristen Davis. On Netflix.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 01:39 AM
23

I’ll echo that height has nothing to do with it. What are your thoughts on hands though? I’m curious.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 12:46 AM
2

👏👏👏👏👏
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 07:23 PM
7

Yes, after I blocked the chat & message features. So I learned to block RC as well. Men (with small dicks who live in their mom’s basement) will resort to anything when they can’t aggress you directly, including abusing an anti suicide feature.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 06:54 PM
30

I left my toxic narc too and I already feel so much better! Go Queens!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 08:02 PM
29

Haha!! So true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 08:00 PM
17

Thank you Queen 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 11:44 PM
15

🤣 lol, thanks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 11:44 PM
16

Thank you sis <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 09:39 PM
32

Ha! Thank you & good point ;)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 09:38 PM
15

Long list but definitely tall! A big item I have yet to find is a man who doesn’t embarrass me in some huge way at social events (family gatherings, work holiday party, friend’s wedding etc). Kind, intelligent, funny, not overly political. Shows interest in me, my family, my life. Has a career and a retirement plan.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 02:50 AM
38

Well, it does makes you a better friend/employee/family member/etc when you're single, since you have a lot more free time and you're not prioritizing a partner. I get a bit weary of people, though, who seem possessive when your priorities change to incorporate a healthy relationship (like the friend that called you out). I mean, a primary relationship does need to come first if it's going to work, once it has earned that privilege of course. My BFF and I have been through it all through more th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 07:44 PM
22

THIS. When they act like basic cultural truths (like a fuck*ng birthday gift!) need to be communicated and explained as obscure unknowns.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 03:39 AM
37

Thank you for showing me the other side! I just got out of an LVR and I'm looking forward to reaping the rewards someday.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 08:01 PM
57

Notice the clothed woman is made to look more and more like a minor. At least they tell on themselves “turn her into...an actual girl!” This was written by pedos.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 07:53 PM
35

I simply try to gauge how he acts around women. Especially as he gets comfortable with your female friends (if you’re still in your 20s). Is he seeking validation? Being extra charming/funny/sweet around them? How is the eye contact? My friend’s new boyfriend whom I only met once added me to facebook friends. Even back then I thought it was a little weird but I let it go (pre FDS). Low and behold within days I had a message from him inviting me on a hike. Another example: My ex had way too many …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 04:03 AM
10

Burn!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 02:50 AM
8

After my last relationship, it’s hard for me to picture a peaceful, loving & happy marriage. So many men are toxic or bordering on mental illness. As long as I’m financially independent, I’m open to dating. But I don’t think I will ever live with a man again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 02:15 PM
42

I love her writing but I agree. I think she goes on too long, especially trying to make herself sound cool and accessible, almost apologetic for the earlier quips by reminding him that she's still breeeeezy, fit, and really fun. I don't doubt she is all these things, but he needs to seek that out, rather than her investing so much in convincing him before she's even met him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/21 05:13 PM
13

suburban house full of those stupid trinkets and wooden "is it wine o'clock" signs, HAHAHAHA nailed it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/21 03:19 PM
38

you’re my hero!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/21 03:01 AM
32

But he wants her to quit school?! 🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/21 02:57 AM
1

What is manic pixie again? I can’t remember what it means, but it made me so 💡the first time i heard it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/21 02:44 AM
1

me too, so beyond that level of insanity!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/21 02:43 AM
8

haha
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 05:03 PM
41

He'll choose a gamer girl he meets on the platform while she cooks and cleans for him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 04:05 PM
1

Yes! This is one of my favorite points in the handbook and I’m always glad to see it mentioned. It pretty much sums it all up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 01:43 AM
2

👏👏👏👏
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 01:35 AM
4

My ex was like this and it became exhausting. Just a constant barrage of questions and him never taking initiative. Also, this guy obviously takes all his dates to this Italian place. Low effort!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 01:35 AM
12

Yes. If you date a man you know is lower than you, he will resent you. Not right away, but over time. I promise you. He will work far harder to bring you down than he ever would raising himself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 01:29 AM
5

I agree and find that many social experiences are unfulfilling. I’m working on finding fewer-but-better-quality interactions. Keep in touch!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 01:24 AM
7

keep em coming plz!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/21 04:37 AM
18

thank you 🥰 i’m getting over a horrible break up where i was treated like dirt. Just wish i’d found FDS sooner but i’m glad to have it now. xx sis
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/21 04:29 AM
121

It's very sad. Women are socialized to accept the most abhorrent dehumanizing behavior from men. Luckily FDS is out there doing God's work. It wasn't until I joined FDS in my 30s (better late than never) that I fully appreciated what it meant to expect respect. I no longer tolerate these poor excuses for men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 10:19 PM
10

That men were shy and you had to show them you were interested. Today I wouldn't lift a damn finger. I would rather be alone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 04:20 PM
1

You’re asking her to be an activist-queen which is pretty much the opposite of a constitutional monarch. I appreciate where you’re coming from, encouraging change and having powerful people lend their voice to injustice. It’s necessary to prevent evil acts. But in this case Andrew has been called out. Most people are aware of his involvement and documentaries have been made. The case is getting tons of news coverage. The only thing the public can do is apply pressure on the justice system. Call …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 02:30 PM
25

I read through most of these comments and could relate to so many. It reminds me of how exhausting it is to be in a bad relationship. You’re just constantly picking up, fixing, intervening, gently coaxing, correcting, explaining. My ex’s car was always dirty, so we ended up just taking mine everywhere. If he insisted on driving, I’d have to stand there while he emptied the old plastic bottles and trash out of the front seat. He would always come home on an empty tank too, so we’d inevitably have…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 03:01 AM
6

The Queen isn’t the judicial system, thank goodness. I would hate for one unelected person to make decisions about who gets prosecuted, especially for foreign crimes. As far as her “attitude,” I know nothing about it and neither do you. I assume that removing Andrew as a working royal is the extent of her involvement, and she did that much. There is a court of public opinion. But it doesn’t rule western law, and she doesn’t influence it, regardless of her opinion. These kinds of cheap opinions a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 02:33 AM
3

She is the ultimate hero and HVW
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 02:21 AM
8

I agree, she was ahead of her time and I love her strength as an actress.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 11:17 PM
25

In general, I don't blame women for men's behavior.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 06:38 PM
24

I admire Elizabeth II (the Queen). I just appreciate how much she always maintained her composure and dignity in public and performed her role with class. I'm sure it wasn't always easy. She inspires me because she led a life of service and abstains from the hyperbolic discourse we see from so many famous people/leaders. I'm not a monarchist or anything, but in her case I think she makes a positive difference in the world. Even though it was granted to her by birth, she made a genuine career out…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 05:53 PM
25

I’ve gotten the 8/10 comment as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 06:01 AM
23

Ask him specifically about Nancy Pelosi or AOC. That will reveal if he is a misogynist. I’m not even super liberal, but see how he reacts to the mere mention of these women and you will learn a lot.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 07:29 PM
27

I worked in politics so I have a fairly moderated view of policy and how policies actually get changed/influenced/passed. My LVEx used to try to “school” me on his extreme uninformed views. That’s more what I take issue with than an actual political difference. Is he trying to mansplain his views, or is he a legitimately well-informed, concerned good citizen willing to listen to other viewpoints? Does he vote in minor elections and read up on candidates? Does he value and respect your opinion, e…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 07:26 PM
1

This is a great clarification, thank you! I am generally ok with OLD as a part of a larger dating strategy. I think if you are only meeting men online though, you need to revisit your hobbies, activities, and how you put yourself out there. Trust me, I get it. I'd rather sit at home any ol day with a cup of cocoa in front of my fireplace watching Emily in Paris *BUT* if you want to meet an HVW, you have to diversify your experiences.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 07:23 PM
130

This is so well articulated. When I think of this type of behavior (or any LVM traits), I'm always reminded to the great percy sledge song "when a man loves a woman" When a man loves a woman Can't keep his mind on nothin' else He'd trade the world For the good thing he's found If she is bad, he can't see it She can do no wrong And turn his back on his best friend If he puts her down If you sense any form of competition from his male friends for his time, affection, respect, approval, or apprecia…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 06:48 PM
2

you did the right thing!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 01:44 PM
40

I dropped a pick-me friend recently and I feel so much better. At best, the friendships are not worth it. At worst, they are destructive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 05:06 PM
18

I’m saving this thread! You just described how I’ve been feeling for the past year. One of the reasons I love this sub so much, it keeps me connected to other HV women. I also “pruned” my social group in the last year (to my benefit), but it does get lonely sometimes. My BFF lives abroad and also has kids. We’re here to connect with you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 04:37 PM
205

This is why you let a man go. Otherwise he blames you for trapping him, rather than assuming his own choices. I bet you this man didn’t ask her out on the first date and didn’t propose until 3+ years of “discussions” about “timelines.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 07:56 PM
16

Elle woods has a true FDS journey 😂🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 09:56 PM
4

Obsessed with her!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 09:54 PM
151

"Subjective Need: Someone you want to bang" I really want to echo this because women are so often discouraged from listening to their inner instinct when it comes to attraction. Remember, your body is telling you something. Society wants women to think that this is "shallow" because it allows men to continue to be unkempt out-of-shape losers while women exhaust and financially burden themselves into the highest standards of beauty. But pairing is firstly a biological process, in addition to an e…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/21 04:32 PM
26

Very good advice!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/21 02:23 AM
2

Yay!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/21 03:12 PM
6

I hope everyone reads your beautiful analogy. It’s such a eureka moment to realize the broken script. It’s wild too because now when I look back at some the other threads I used to read, I just see it immediately. Behavior being described for which I would have zero tolerance today. Women are so strong and only getting stronger.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 02:36 AM
5

Like the old saying goes, “no” is a complete sentence. I agree that almost any request can be handled with this approach. Always take that split second for the internal inquiry to take place before saying yes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 01:49 AM
35

I don't give people advice unless they ask, just like I don't want their advice. Occassionally, when I need advice through a difficult patch at work or at home, I go to a deeply trusted source whom I solicit. This year I am turning 37. I have grown a lot this year for a variety of reasons and I had to cut off a few friends because I have less tolerance for certain things. You change a lot as you approach 40. Definitely lower threshold for any type of BS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 04:01 PM
9

100% agree on doctors. They are usually extremely arrogant at best, narc sociopaths at worst. Also male teachers and professors creep me out. Just my experience after nearly 10 years in academia. I have had good experiences with: accounting, marketing, engineering (MS or PhD level), firefighters, traditional industries like energy or automotive. I think it comes down to good honest work that isn’t driven by ulterior motives. Some of these fields can be quite lucrative as well. Just say no to tec…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 11:48 PM
23

Attachment styles aren't casual things you can assign to a person based on a specific set of circumstances in one relationship. Serious issues with attachment stem from severe childhood neglect and abuse. A lot of research around attachment originated in studies around children from eastern European orphanages who received little to no physical touch and comfort. So I agree, use caution in any kind of self diagnosis here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 07:33 PM
14

It’s hard but I just try to remember this, you are not your family. Even the best family in the world can only take you so far, basically as far as it takes for you to be self sufficient. From there it’s on you. Every family has some type of dysfunction anyway, imo. I think as long as you’re aware of the patterns and how they affect you, you will rise above it. I grew up with a lot of abuse and manipulation, so I understand your pain. I think it took me a little longer to mature into the person …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 03:22 AM
29

I agree, plus explanations to toxic people rarely work because you can't change someone's relational skills without being a full-time therapist, it's too hard. They are flawed in the first place and will turn any rational reasoning into a manipulation. They rarely acknwoledge bad behavior too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 06:14 PM
17

That’s wonderful, thanks for sharing! I agree it’s the little things.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 03:34 AM
19

👏👏👏 make room for something to light up your life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 01:48 AM
181

Lately, it seems the posts have gone back to a really negative slant. This isn’t a page to vent about the LVMs you continue to allow in your life, is it? It’s a space to level up and be smart using the strategy. I’m all for supporting each other, but not dissecting LVMs to the 10th degree. If he’s LVM, move on. I thought the MODS recently made a post refocusing the sub? If you’re new around here, maybe go through the archives before you post.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/21 03:57 PM
12

Omg this sounds so hard! I’m so sorry you’re at this difficult crossroads. I think it’s really awesome that you’re pursuing graduate school and it sounds like you found a very interesting environment in which to do that. You have so much excitement ahead of you. I changed states for grad school (not the same as changing countries though.) But I did move about 2,000 miles away from my boyfriend at the time. Relationships weren’t top of mind for me, that’s probably why it took me so long to find t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 08:08 PM
5

It’s all part of the perpetual toxicity that women face on a daily basis. Your workplace should be a safe space. Anytime people behave outside the normal expectations of professional behavior, don’t hesitate to state a boundary. “No thank you” is a perfectly acceptable answer in many situations. I also recommend Beyond Bitchy podcast, that really helped me with boundary setting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/21 01:18 AM
10

I was raised libfem and it took a while for me to let men do things for me. Luckily, my fiance does it on his own, and I didn't have to change anything about myself. I agree that (real) men are doers, and open to giving. The real root of this is nurture. It's wonderful to feel nurtured in any relationship. Women are associated with the maternal (comfort, love, giving) - but men too have a parental attribute (paternal) which I associate with safety, among other things.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/21 04:36 PM
17

Exactly. Not everyone deserves the truth. The fake boyfriend thing works well in this type of context.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/21 04:13 PM
4

I used to have the same issue with height. I am tall, as I've said a few times, and I was always told by certain people that "height doesn't matter." Well, it matters to me. I also think that it isn't a purely selfish choice. If you're with a man that you aren't attracted to, that's not fair to either of you. Attraction is pretty subjective anyway, so everyone deserves to match with the right attributes that appeal to them. My sister, for example, is into super bookish intellectual city types. I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 06:03 PM
2

You know the FDS philosophy so I won't repeat it to you. I would encourage you to explore self-work specifically on codependency. You can also attend an al-anon meeting. Codependency/enabling are mechanisms that keep us tied to other people in ways that go beyond healthy boundaries. Everyone experiences this to some degree, but if it becomes destructive to you (if addiction is involved, for example), there are tools that can help. You cannot control another person. I hope this helps you find pea…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 05:56 PM
35

I don't like cheap jewelry. It doesn't last, stains your skin, is toxic, and tarnishes. When it comes to your actual freaking wedding/engagement ring, it needs to be high enough quality to last a lifetime. I clunk my engagement ring against walls, doors, etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 05:29 PM
17

This has been my experience as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 04:24 PM
11

It's so complicated. I aim for moderated views in all areas of life, since issues are often nuanced beyond the simple dichotomy our media creates. I'm not over here calling it "fake news" at all, simply saying that the media can only work within certain constraints. It's not a graduate level course. IRL, it's helpful to have a real appreciation for the complexity of global issues, and be humble in your perspective, imo. We have major biases and benefit from certain systems, while others are cast…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 04:20 PM
11

politically homeless Love this
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 04:11 PM
18

I would contrast “not seeing anyone else” with “locking this down.” Part of FDS is mate guarding. He needs to demonstrate enthusiasm for these next steps, because he doesn’t want to lose you. Keep your scrotation going and make less time for him. Don’t take him too seriously. Definitely switch it up so you’re busy next Saturday 😉. That’s your prime time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/21 01:53 AM
74

I find this phase (4-5 months) to be a bit of a watershed moment in any relationship (for me, 3 months is too soon). It will either escalate to commitment (2-3 dates a week), or naturally die out. Has he brought up making anything official? Does he express how he feels? If not, I would distance myself a tad and see how he responds. It may still be a bit early to put anything on social media. Just my personal preference, but I would wait about a year to share any kind of couple-ish photo.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/21 08:26 PM
64

I went through like 4 of these relationships before I decided on a zero-effort strategy. Fast forward a couple years, I didn't lift a f-cking finger in my current relationship. It worked out perfectly and he's everything I ever dreamed of. Let him come to you and prove himself, ladies!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 07:43 PM
63

Just be careful. You are putting yourself at risk getting involved in LVM lives. Block and delete, let people make their own choices. It's not your problem.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/21 08:47 PM
18

LOL!!!!!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 11:33 PM
9

Share neutral and non-sexual photos of yourself, limit to 3 pics. I wanted to emit a serious demeanor to elicit serious responses only. If I had super specific things I was looking for (such as height requirement) I put that in the description in a friendly way. Keep it brief, imo, describe yourself in two to three sentences. I met my SO OLD and used a picture with my work clothes and my hair back, with polished make-up but not glam. Save the glam for the third or fourth date.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 10:45 PM
6

I respectfully disagree for a couple reasons: We know nothing about this guy, but let's say we have a choice between opining that he is HV or LV, which taco would you choose? This site isn't about deferring to him. In my early 20s, any guy that made me feel "crazy" ended up being the cause by gaslighting, so I suspect that may be a factor here given their age and time together. My guess, after 5 years he is not ready for a commitment, and some of OP's turmoil is a convenient excuse on his part. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/21 10:05 PM
2

Welcome to the club 😉
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/21 09:16 PM
8

I hate to say this but I think this is kind of normal? Maybe to varying degrees? I don't want to minimize your pain, only tell you that you aren't an anomaly and there isn't anything wrong with you, how you view the world and how it shaped you. Now that you are forming your identity into adulthood, you are seeing the strategic ways in which you want to deviate from some of the cultural norms you were instilled with. This is healthy! And it's powerful! One thing that might offer a unique perspect…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/21 09:12 PM
6

The best thing you can do is remember the serenity prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. You cannot control someone else's feelings, and you can't control their actions. None of us has that much power. All you can control is what you do with the information in front of you. My opinion if you want it: If a man dumps me during a low point in my life, he is not high value TO ME, because a hi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/21 08:52 PM
34

Male leads have recently stopped interesting me completely though, I'll gravitate to a female protagonist every time. Me too. Since FDS, many shows or movies (like Friday Night Lights) have become unwatchable to me. At the very least, I expect a balance between male and female characters, and hopefully, a slant towards the female viewpoint. If it's only male characters, forget it, because I just know the story is going to be at caveman level IQ. The documentary also covers what goes on behind th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/21 08:34 PM
2

She really is! So down to earth and methodical, I love it because my brain just isn't wired that way. I need her clear thinking and explanations on pretty much any type of boundary and why things feel the way they do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 05:46 PM
53

No I don’t think you need to be perfect to date 🥰 But if you need time away from dating, that’s fine too! Sounds like you were spot on with this guy and your instincts were right, that is probably why you couldn’t quite find a connection with him. Leveling up is a lifelong journey.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 07:55 PM
27

Yes, I love this because “he’s just not that into you” is a concept that kind of devalues the woman. This guy is NEVER going to “be into” anyone. It’s usually someone 100% selfish leaving no space to fully love or cherish someone else. Trust he will treat his next girlfriend the same way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 07:13 PM
27

I would love to be able to detach my feelings from the boundary-setting process, both the fear of hurting someone else’s feelings as well as the fear of experiencing guilt for simply stating a boundary. I know there are some friendships that can overcome boundary differences but for the most part, I find myself having to walk away from that person.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 07:09 PM
55

I love Beyond Bitchy. It’s not feminist-focused, it’s something like 150 episodes on how to master the art of boundaries. It’s very pragmatic, tells you what words to use, how to repeat yourself, how to get clarity about your own feelings and needs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 07:07 PM
29

Omg OP you summed it up perfectly. Yuck.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 11:05 PM
153

I guess the red flag is that he seemed too perfect, maybe a little studied? Sociopaths often present as the “perfect” everything. I like my men with a little scruff and certain “male” characteristics, not overly groomed or suave. I don’t really know how to explain it but, I guess, I like that feeling of “what you see is what you get.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 10:58 PM
10

Your boundaries are like a value system. You need to analyze, define, and establish for life…find what works for you. I was never really taught boundaries and had to establish them around my self-respect “quota” if you will. I experimented a lot, used different words, learned to be assertive, immediate, direct, and strangely unemotional about them. They exist, that’s all. If someone can’t follow them, they can’t be around me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 07:45 PM
12

The world really is backwards sometimes. Just stay the course! I come here for actual female empowerment as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 07:33 PM
3

Thank you for posting this!!! I am home from work dealing with period paid. For me, it is caused by fibroids. I can’t even go into all the details, but basically it’s a struggle each month. In solidarity ✊
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 10:59 PM
7

Yes, very odd ending! No resolution.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 10:54 PM
16

Don't worry, the US has plenty of money. Don't let them fool you into thinking the likes of Bezos, Gates, and Waltons aren't capable of changing the world by redistributing a *small* percentage of their wealth. We have a vested interest in maintaining peace and authority in hot spots around the world. There is nothing wrong with ensuring peace through authority, especially when it helps to prevent mass casualties and other horrors. When I think of imperialism I think of selfish pursuits, for the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 08:35 PM
15

My heart is breaking for all the victims and especially the children, and I keep going over all the solutions in my head. Please God help them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 06:09 PM
27

This happened to me, so I understand the hurt you experienced. It took a few years of healing, but trust me you are sooooo much better off without them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 02:32 AM
12

Totally
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 02:30 AM
25

Oh my gawd these people. Notice how they can’t wait to tell you they’re poly?? Me: “slow down there, I only just learned your name.” It’s part of their wooing strategy, so they can prove how progressive and attractive they are. The worst part is how defensive they get if you touch the subject, they NEED to cling to the moral high ground with their pathetic arguments. Poly people are either playing games and attempting to triangulate you with their partner, or they’re no longer attracted or attra…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 02:27 AM
90

This!! After years of being told told to (literally) lower my physical standards, I stopped dating short men. My SO is 6’4” and I’m wildly attracted to him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 02:19 AM
3

On that note, there should be some really clear communication as you're arriving at the venue. Where he is, where to park, where he will meet you, etc, so you're not looking around like a derp and putting yourself at risk. That needs to be a public place, obviously. My HVM called me 15 minutes before our date to tell me he had arrived, and would meet me at the front door. He was exactly there to greet me and walk me in. It was so nice not to be embarrassed because I was looking around or felt al…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 06:15 PM
3

I am in the infertility CF sub, which is mainly women and very supportive. It can be sad at times, since it has a medical slant, but I was never really able to stomach the other CF subs on reddit. I told my HVM four months into our relationship that I was unable to have children. It was a very hard conversation, since it's a lot to ask of a partner if having biological children is a major goal. I was scared, but he reacted in the most supportive way ever. As we got more serious, we discussed the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 06:11 PM
35

I agree with this assessment and I think it's important for my sanity as well. I constantly find myself having to set "digital" boundaries in life, especially because I have a professional communications role. There is no need to hear form an ex five years on, and that still happens to me sometimes! Just the other day, some guy I made out with in college (barf) reached out to me on social media, even though I am very clearly in a relationship. Um, do we need to talk after 20 years? No. I know li…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 05:59 PM
12

Personally, I don’t stay friends with exes and I don’t make friends with men, period. A few of my male colleagues are close enough that I would consider them acquaintances but I wouldn’t hang out with them outside of work. 99% of the time, this is a mistake and creates a toxic work environment, unless it’s a sanctioned work event or public hang out, like a happy hour. I’ve debated this a few times on this platform, there is a heavy nuance of pick-me in the justifications that women make. That’s …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 06:20 PM
8

Don't forget Mr. Molesley! He was HV towards Ms. Baxter, always supporting her but not being a creep while they worked together. I rewatched it recently too in the context of FDS. Here's my take on it: Lord Grantham - kissed the maid Tom Branson - super possessive plus asking Sybil to give up everything for him Mr. Bates - criminal/shady and much older than Anna, plus he's always having employment issues Matthew Crawley - he's pretty High Value in my book, although he shouldn't have proposed to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 04:32 PM
3

That's what I was going to say. I dated 3 and they were all really arrogant. They have a God complex. After that I refused to date any more. Just my personal experience.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 07:06 PM
2

Orbiters! I like this word. It's just so accurate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 04:45 PM
56

OMG can I go on a date with you??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 03:27 PM
31

Why not save time and just get him a wind-up toy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 03:24 PM
4

What does it smell like? I’ll have to try it, thanks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 01:56 PM
6

When life hasn’t been good to you, it’s normal to feel low, but you can get through this. If you are having suicidal thoughts or ideations, please call 911. You can also contact the suicide prevention hotline at 1-800-273-8255 to talk to someone 24 hrs a day. There is always hope, don’t give up 💕 As bad as things seem today, tomorrow is a new day. Believe in yourself, be strong and be safe. We believe in you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 02:27 AM
30

I just want to share a tip on self care. I used peppermint oil in my bathtub this weekend (just a few drops). I also rubbed a bit on my neck and shoulders (this particular essential oil was safe for skin). The combination of the cool tingling peppermint oil with the hot water was so divine! Also, the fragrance was fantastic for opening up your breathing with the combination of the steam from the water. You could also use eucalyptus (although it's poisonous to pets FYI).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 08:26 PM
8

You had me at All Clad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 05:45 PM
1

Very cool, thanks for the book rec!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 05:42 PM
9

I can relate. I live in a small, culturally devoid southwestern city with no real industry. Unfortunately I can’t move right now. I think Philadelphia, Denver, Austin, or Seattle would be interesting options. I visited those cities in the last few years and they seemed packed full of interesting bachelors. DC is a performatively successful and insular bubble. I think it’s fine for your 20s, but less fulfilling in your 30s. Obviously there are awesome options abroad as well!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 02:55 PM
20

You need to have a mate that you find attractive, otherwise the relationship is doomed from the start. It's not shallow, it's about fairness, for you AND for him! I am 5'9", which is not even that tall, but with heels I can be closer to 6'. I have dated some shorter men, when I felt pressured not to judge someone by their looks. I don't anymore. The thing is, you can be attracted to someone's eyes, back, shoulders, butt etc. Why not their height? Dating shorter men became awkward for me, not bec…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/21 04:26 PM
15

“Manic Pixie” wow, thanks for putting it so eloquently. I can’t unsee it! I have heard of the Bechdel test before. I learned it as “evaluate whether a film or story insists on pushing the female lead towards a man as resolution/climax.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/21 02:49 AM
6

"The wall" is a way that society stigmatizes aging. Usually, this references any woman over 30. Of course, it's a myth. One we routinely disprove on this sub.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 08:03 PM
23

Abusers are always doing digital recon. My ex went deep into my e-mails, going back years. He would gaslight me with the information he found. Once you've seen one, you've seen them all. The severity may depend, but the patterns are the same.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 05:01 PM
7

Most definitely.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 04:49 PM
17

I agree! There are some really strong female characters on that show as well as a few HVM. I love the dialogue between Violet and Isobel, and how Lady Rosamund is childfree with all the emotions that come with that. FDS trip to Highclere Castle?? 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 04:47 PM
175

Eh, I would just move on. To be blunt, she doesn't owe you anything. But she does sound immature (like changing plans at the last minute, showing up late). You can't change her, you can only change yourself and your expectations of the friendship. You probably already figured this out, but don't move in with them. Living with a man you don't know sounds very dangerous to me. Plus you would have less power in that situation than "the couple" you're living with, who will inevitably act as a unit w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/21 09:59 PM
4

Dating in your 30s, 40s, and 50s. I apologize if this has already been covered!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/21 09:38 PM
2

It's a classic and there are definitely a lot of common points. It's a bit dated, but overall I still enjoy it and it helped me before FDS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/21 09:35 PM
3

I agree that there is a parallel. One of the first steps of recovery tends to be changing your friends.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 10:50 PM
4

I don't give friends, family, coworkers my unsolicited advice. If they specifically ask, I am very careful about what I say, generally veering away from telling someone what decisions to make. I'd rather say "let's unpack this" or "how do you see this unfolding?" This is how therapists talk to patients, partly because they don't want to be blamed later. You can't tell someone to divorce, for example. They have to be very secure in their decision to move forward with their lives. Over the years, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 10:49 PM
3

Taking accountability is a huge factor in expecting accountability from others as well. When I am able to draw clear lines for myself, that can include a battle line. Knowing where you end and others begin is a huge part of setting boundaries and expectations.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 10:33 PM
16

I used to have such a hard time with this until I started tracking my feelings better. I found that I would enter a sort of problematic attachment after a really great date. But after 4-5 days it would wear off. I strongly believe that you should only see a man once a week - at the most - in the early stages of dating. He should be pursuing and planning the next date, and eager to do so, but you should hold off on agreeing right away. I'd have to read up again on the FDS stance on this, but gene…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 10:12 PM
29

This is why you can't ignore the basic dating strategies of FDS, dating should be a stress free experience for you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 04:42 PM
41

I love this equation. Add to that your gym membership, cost of overall upkeep such as hair and brows, and your commute (tolls, metro, gas, or mileage). Also, I am following strict diet regimen, so if I eat at a restaurant with wine this blows my calorie intake, which means I have to make up for it somewhere else. I usually order fish, and that can be expensive at a nice restaurant.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 08:51 PM
11

When I leave on a trip, I hear from my SO more than usual, not less. I have a pick-me friend like this that I'm phasing out. She just annoys me now that I'm out of that phase. I have felt many times like saying "do literally the opposite of everything you're doing." But I'd rather phase her out than snap or say something mean.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/21 08:48 PM
2

Friendly reminder, it takes all of 10 seconds to write a text. No one is too busy. However, you may not be their priority.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/21 06:46 PM
3

THIS!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/21 06:44 PM
2

To me, a lot of this comes forward in the comments insisting that men and women can be friends, or that you can stay friends with an ex. I detect a lot of pickmeisha undertones in those comments especially.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/21 06:42 PM
3

It comes with maturity, imo. To me, it's hard to talk to exes without reverting back to a pseudo-relationship. I think it's a gimmick for people who deny this, and it holds them back in ways they can't always perceive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/21 06:40 PM
1

“think about how the other person must feel” Yes! I've heard "stick it out" or "give it a chance" or "maybe she's going through a hard time." Women are so drained because we're going around solving everyone's problems and "being there" for everyone but ourselves, even if that person walks all over us. Just NO!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 10:42 PM
6

So much of the time, I kept friendships going out of guilt or obligation. I just feel that women are conditioned to hold onto things that don't make us happy because we have to be "good" people. Okay, that's fine, but life is about choices. Whatever the reason, if this friendship isn't bringing you happiness, you don't need a dramatic reason to move on. You can just decide that you want different things. If it's a mistake, you will learn from that too. If you're at a point where you just feel li…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 06:15 PM
5

You should be proud! It really sounds like you made the right call. I recently left a friendship that was no longer making me happy. She too was criticizing my life constantly. Making comments about my job, my house, my relationship. She just couldn’t be happy for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 02:27 PM
77

This happened to me once. I was going to a concert with a guy who was good friends with some of my friends. The band was supposedly amazing. Well, within about 3 minutes of walking to the venue, I could tell he was drunk and/or high, so I just got overcome with anguish and anxiety. I just told him I couldn’t be there, that I was sorry but I had to go. He was shocked. I turned around and walked back to my car. Never saw him again!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 02:11 PM
36

Don’t feel guilty. You have to make room for the people you want in your life. You can’t do that by holding on to toxic energy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 02:05 PM
40

They almost always come back, it's part of the game. Their lackluster approach to relationships makes it easy to slide in and out of one. If you really cross the emotional threshold and give yourself to another person, you can't be so casual about it. I guess my answer to your question is don't take it personally! It is not a sign of love, it has no meaning relative to you. He's doing it to 10 other exes on a rotation, and you deserve better than that. If you bump into him, I would just ignore h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 11:46 PM
7

So much yes to this. I had a horrible bully of a coworker for many years. I had to be somewhat cordial with her due to my work obligations, but as soon as I left that job, I never spoke to her again. Surprise, she kept reaching out for many months but I was beyond done. Bye!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 04:03 PM
11

"Be careful how you employ this with frenemies or distant “friends”. I didn’t think these people would be able to tell as we only speak 3 or so times a year anyway, but apparently there are some ways of telling" It's always the same people who can't respect boundaries that become really sensitive to any changes in them. I used to feel guilty about ghosting but I just don't anymore (I'm 36). That goes for friends and exes, or quasi exes. Life is too short, and people who have wronged you in some …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 03:59 PM
12

Congratulations 🔥🍾🌟
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 06:05 PM
1

"If there's a really crazy story like the nest guy or the snail guy we may make an exception." Oh gawd, I'm sort of not sorry I missed that one, lol. I can only imagine! I agree with the refined moderation as we work all towards a more perfect sub. And I definitely agree we don't need to debate things that are sort of obvious deal breakers in the context of FDS. I don't think any woman should waste her energy on the incels, it's not your job to change these people. Just avoid them like you would…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 10:44 PM
7

To add a layer to the last point, you shouldn't be the sole initiator of conversations re next steps, such as exclusivity or marriage. I think FDS has a rough timeline on this, for guidance. It's such a core principle, DO NOT CHASE. Never ever.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 10:29 PM
6

I think real estate investors mostly make their money back within the decade, so the long term implications don't worry them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 04:53 PM
2

I think the next 10-20 years will be ok, but I've heard from many sources about 50 years from now will be beyond hope. It snowballs, too. I hope I am wrong.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 04:52 PM
58

* standing ovation *
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 09:34 PM
60

I absolutely agree with this, 100%. I compare it to having toxic energy in your life. Why cling to all that baggage? It's like clogging a drain, where the pipe leads to your new life. Imagine the situation reversed: If a man finds out you're still in touch with your ex, how do you think he will perceive you? I'm not trying to bring up stigmas, or shame anyone, but seriously. I don't think he will consider that HV. Men don't want to share you with your last boyfriend. Close one chapter before you…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 06:01 PM
283

I mean, if I say my age and a man immediately makes an issue out of it...then yea, not interested anymore. It reflects a lack of maturity on his part (and so does cruising women at the mall). Anyway, your age is kind of a personal question imo.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 05:42 PM
25

Just remember that alcohol, especially wine, is heavily marketed to women. I had a drinking problem throughout my twenties and I am so much happier without it. It will disrupt your life and is linked to many types of cancers. I would advise younger women to beware of our alcohol culture and its connection to what you described OP, basically lowering our threshold. Interesting about the liver, I didn't know that but it makes a lot of sense.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 04:35 PM
20

Me too
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 11:47 PM
1

This is so true and thank you for wording it so accurately. I think men who display this tendency are sociopathic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 06:24 PM
5

First, Happy Birthday! It sounds like you are already way ahead of the game so kudos to you. My biggest piece of advice is to love yourself & TRUST yourself. There are so many forces that try to disrupt these two basic principles. It may even come from a strong influence in your life, making it harder to ignore. Keep investing in your own future and listen to that little voice inside. If something doesn't feel right, there is a reason.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 05:50 PM
27

Yes, this is so true and so well articulated! You are a great writer! I agree that I was fed so much LVM-endorsing narratives through books and tv/movies that romanticized lack of commitment. IRL, men fall in love with you or they don’t. I don’t think there’s this huge grey area. If that isn’t present from the beginning, you’ll spend quite a bit of extra energy you could be using on your own Queen narrative.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 04:51 PM
17

The only time I dated a guy younger than me (by 4 years), he constantly negged me about my age. This was pre FDS of course. I dumped him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 04:34 PM
14

This is the only female focused sub where I post comments, all the others have either banned me, or I’ve been chewed alive for expressing my views (even if they’re pretty obvious/uncontroversial). I think you highlighted some very accurate points here. My only disagreement is that our society does not view femicide as tragic. Look at true crime, using this as entertainment. They love when the subject is young, attractive, and female. The entertainment value is celebrated, not diminished.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/21 06:58 PM
12

I think one delineating factor here is that you and your bf socialize as a unit. I get more respect from men when I'm with my SO than when I'm alone, and it sends a clear signal that I'm not available. However, when I was single, I could not socialize with men one on one without some issue eventually creeping in. I agree that it would be good for men to have female influences through friendship during their formative years, and perhaps the next generation will have a better handle on this. For t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 11:14 PM
59

Yea, I completely agree with this. They can't wait to use you as their mother, wife, bangmaid, etc. I work in a male dominated field and I would very quickly get exhausted if I wasn't aware of this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 05:02 PM
12

I tried this and when I click on followers, nothing happens, at least on desktop.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 04:59 PM
3

OLD. I wasn't looking for a serious relationship (this was pre-FDS). I was more interested in having as much fun as possible, and living a selfish life. By that point, men had taken so much from me, I was done giving: money, time, energy, you name it. So it was really a different approach altogether. Plus I was relocating for a pretty big step in my career, which left no time for anything else. He had to chase me, hard, like really hard. After I moved, I basically ignored him. Don't get me wrong…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/21 11:03 PM
6

I think general flirting in front of you, or just not 100% faithful in some way (texting, weird lunch dates, female FrIeNdS, etc). I used to tolerate a lot of things that made me insecure because men and pick-mes told me I was just jealous (one of these pick-mes actually ended up with my boyfriend, cheating). My current HVM never makes me feel that way. I think there is just a certain integrity/maturity where you know how to handle yourself with the opposite gender while in a relationship. If he…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/21 10:20 PM
2

👏👏👏👏
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 06:17 AM
44

Omg I love this! I choose me every time. Not here to serve.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 05:44 AM
10

Similar. There is a certain downside to wealth, people who maybe aren't connected to reality or struggle, perhaps because they were afforded a great deal of opportunities due to their inherited privilege. Not saying they are always ignorant, but I personally had to struggle to get to where I am. My value system is built around that, so someone who can't relate to this might not be a good match for me, personally. On the flip side, if he had to work for everything and because he succeeded doesn't…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/21 06:47 PM
18

It's not you, it's the world out there. I sometimes feel like the minute I step out my front door, I'm subjected to it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/21 05:10 PM
213

It's horrifying.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/21 05:08 PM
96

Entry-level trade jobs pay around $45K, usually with a pension plan. These do not require a degree (unless you count high school). He doesn't need to be wealthy, but he does need to be employed full time, with benefits, potential for advancement, and a good retirement plan. He should be working towards owning a home and building a future for himself and his family. Note: there is absolutely nothing wrong with not doing this. I can understand the downsides of the capitalist economy. If you want t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/21 03:58 PM
57

That was my thought as well. This man is not done being a bachelor!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 11:41 PM
38

Change is based off a certain criterion: is it a minor occurrence or a basic principle, like a core value? OP is referencing a basic principle that cannot be taught. Following Instagram models is just lacking maturity, respect, and needing validation from women who behave as objects. Some examples of the differences: Are you discussing ways you want to be treated, or are you trying to teach basic respect? Example "I don't like when you leave your socks on the floor" vs. "I don't like when you ra…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 08:53 PM
2

This is such an incredibly interesting topic to bring up, and it's on my mind a lot! I am French-raised, and we value a certain "natural" look as being feminine. You will notice it if you watch French films. And I appreciate that there isn't "one" definition of attractive or feminine, which is my interpretation of the requirements of American culture. As a woman, I have often waivered on my willingness to ascribe to prototypical and/or corporate beauty standard. I see this partly as a patriarcha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 11:52 PM
3

Ask yourself where you are willing to put your resources, time and effort and what the resulting benefit of that is to you. Also, do your choices help or hurt women as a class. Very well said.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 11:37 PM
3

Basically, the article doesn't want to "offend" men by stating the truth. This is just another example of having to apologize before even saying anything, which women have been conditioned to do. Still makes valuable points, but sugarcoated.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 08:22 PM
3

The fact that they use 'vanilla' in a derogatory way tells me everything I need to know.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 08:19 PM
5

Be careful for yourself and your dog. There are shelters that will support you if you need a refuge for yourself or your pet while you get on your feet. Can you move to a different complex? Remember you may be in a life threatening situation, he has shown clear signs of abuse. I would hesitate to tell him anything in person. Stage an exit without any knowledge on his part. Best of luck Queen, stay safe.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 08:11 PM
54

"Men don't take the time to end things. They ignore you until you insist on a declaration of hate." -Joan Holloway
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/21 09:44 PM
16

Once you start seeing things through this lens (aka reality), you may start to feel negative. Trust me though, it is liberating. Understanding and wisdom, self worth, and strength in yourself are just a few of the main objectives of life. It's harsh to grasp the way society is stacked against women, and how much we are a funnel for male anger (regardless of how it presents itself), it is omnipresent. This is the only way to be safe though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/21 06:26 PM
50

When referencing the past, I often hear "but there was so much hidden abuse," of which there is still plenty today.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 10:28 PM
60

Yeah, I don't have high hopes. I also worry about what is readily available online influencing not only how men view women, but how women view themselves. I'm not a fan of the tik tok doll either, that seems to be another step backwards for women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 10:26 PM
37

I think it's about greed, which is a specific emotional state that is difficult to deal with in the long term. Is he going to nickle and dime the whole relationship? Yikes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 06:12 PM
38

I think substance abuse plays a role here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 04:19 PM
6

Don't sell yourself short. You are working through it, ups and downs are a part of the healing process. This is true for physical injuries, it is also true for emotional ones. You have feelings and they are valid! <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 03:59 PM
10

A lot of people will tell you delete and block, but I know that is easier said than done. You wouldn't be asking if you had the strength to do that right now. Your honesty with yourself and others is a huge step! Be proud of how strong you already are. I would enlist the help of a therapist and give yourself 3-6 months to talk through these feelings with her. 10 years is a long time and you can't just flip a switch when it comes to your feelings, and even more so, your subconscious reasoning. A …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 03:48 PM
15

Indeed. That is the statistic that jumps out. Women are most at risk during a separation, I think something like the first 48-72 hours? This is why I am ok with ghost/block/delete. A high percentage of men can become dangerous in these situations, never underestimate the level of danger you may be in.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 10:25 PM
34

He has lowered her self-worth to the point where she doesn't want anything. But marriage is interesting, it is one of the few social rituals that is still taken seriously as a relationship indicator, make or break in most cases. By contrast, you can brainwash yourself to the point of actually being able to keep a straight face when he says "I don't want to rush into marriage" after 11 years. But you cannot get down that aisle without a real declaration of commitment on his part.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 07:49 PM
3

This. Most single women are single by choice ESPECIALLY if they’re older. Older women don’t take shit. The wall was invented by men who got rejected by them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 05:30 AM
4

I go to vintage shops. Not too expensive but have gotten much better quality than modern stores. And the pieces can be truly unique. I also like Etsy!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 05:11 AM
2

This is me rn and I get three paragraph texts from my niece and nephew, full of heart emojis 🥰💕being the cool aunt is fucking amazing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 04:53 AM
6

You and me both sis!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 04:48 AM
10

Queen!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 04:45 AM
48

One litmus test I discovered the hard way is, if your fights reach a point where the neighbors can hear them, you’re in an abusive relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 04:40 AM
6

Yea, I thinks she felt that as long as they could present a united front with minimal conflict, it would be less trauma for the kids. Hard to know, sometimes children are very aware of internalized pain or stress.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 09:17 PM
5

Wow, sounds like you dodged a bullet! The sad part is, whoever he ends up with will fall for this. LVM don't change. 10 years from now, he will pull out all the stops for his mistress while he leaves his pick-me wife at home. Men know the expectations for dating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 04:45 PM
2

Amazing! Congratulations!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 04:17 PM
1

Number 5 is a great idea!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 04:16 PM
14

I think she stayed for the kids.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 04:13 PM
4

I love this, so true. When I left my abusive ex, I felt a lot of complex emotions for about 8 months. Just push through.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/21 05:20 AM
18

I got moderated and warned that I would be banned if I mentioned FDS again. This was the dating over 30 sub. Apparently, they want single women over 30 to get treated like sh*t. I didn't care because I never went back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 04:24 PM
1

Yes
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 02:24 PM
5

They dated for 10 years. Cheated, dumped her more than once.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 02:18 PM
4

Yes to all of this
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 01:06 AM
27

Totally, no need to worship that relationship either, as they do in the press. He was very LVM to Kate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 10:13 PM
46

I heard about that after I posted this, definitely LVM behavior!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 10:09 PM
70

Agreed. Six years seems a bit excessive to me, though, especially if one partner expressed their desire to get married.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/21 05:48 PM
7

One particular hint is: look at the comments on his social media posts. If it's all women and/or his mom, I would step away.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 07:52 PM
11

If a man drives me to the point of throwing things, that's kind of a sign that he's not the one. Doesn't matter whose fault it is, really. Took me years to figure that out so I'm not on any kind of high horse. Drama makes for good television, but I think we've come a long way since SATC (which was made by men). That doesn't mean TV doesn't normalize bad behaviors, it absolutely does, especially in our society where people have a hard time differentiating it from reality. The best scene was in se…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 05:58 PM
1

As you grow old, yes. But what is old? 70? The flame has to be there for it to go out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/21 06:11 PM
9

There is definitely a point where resentment is the biggest turn off. I also think it’s important to be balls to the wall attracted to your partner, once gone it is very hard to get back. We don’t put a lot of emphasis on male beauty/attractiveness in our culture, but I would argue it’s extremely important. Women need to be physically drawn to a man. A lot of women will forgive this because he’s “nice.” Pfff None of them are nice. I stopped being attracted to all my exes, and they started to see…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/21 11:46 PM
23

New and emerging psychological and biological research points to the fact that women experience the end of limerence sooner than men - within two years. There are far more posts on s/marriage of women losing interest in their spouse. The men that post are posting that their wife is no longer interested in them. From a biological standpoint, this makes perfect sense to me, since you would want to diversify the species as much as possible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/21 09:29 PM
20

Yea and the LVM in this is married FFS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/21 08:21 PM
10

While he's gaming ON SPEAKER PHONE. I'm sure his sh*t is all over the place too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/21 04:49 PM
6

I can see both sides. It depends on regional factors, as marriage is really not a priority in big east coast cities, or western Europe. I will say though, men 35+ who are dead set on marriage and kids can come on a little strong. That was always a bit of a turn off to me, made me feel like a brood mare. Living back east, being 37 or 38 not married is in no way unusual.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/21 12:03 AM
10

I'm certain he's a "but equality" guy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 05:37 PM
24

I'm not opposed to online dating, but I think it requires just as much (or more) vetting as real life. I think the best way to meet someone is through mutual friends and interests, but it's hard not to supplement with some OLD since our generation doesn't socialize the same way as previous ones. I met my SO online, partly because I hang out with a lot of artist types and wasn't attracted to the men in my social group.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 05:15 PM
185

"No man wants a" BYE
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 05:07 PM
13

While I don't believe in intense levels of contact, initially, I do think a man will show interest pretty early on. Context matters. At least a little text or something after a first date, within 24 hours, followed-up by a phone call within three days. I believe in "the rules" on that front, that if he hasn't asked you out by Wednesday, he's not in your plans for Friday. I also wouldn't want a guy to text me every day if we just met.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/21 11:22 PM
12

I've enjoyed venturing over there on occasion.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/21 11:17 PM
27

She was one of my favorite characters!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/21 01:47 AM
7

If a guy brings up his ex right away, I am outta there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/21 05:18 PM
18

I am so sorry. Something that really helps me is stop self-blaming. You are not responsible for another person's toxic, horrible behavior. You are actively working to improve the situation for yourself, and that's really all you can do! No one has a perfectly smooth ride in life, how else would we learn anything, grow, gain wisdom? It comes from experiences, not all of them good. Your only job is to survive, and you're doing the best you can at that. Hugs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/21 05:15 PM
134

Nothing is worse than the wannabe-intellectuals.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/21 05:11 PM
3

Sure! Not painful, I can laugh about it now. I dated a lot of musicians since I was one myself. These loser LVM artist types usually don't have full-time jobs. They spend their time with "bros" in their band, and think of themselves as super talented. They rage against machine while their parents probably pay their bills. They spend their "earnings" on super expensive equipment or materials, or making professional videos that no one watches. Extremely non-committal because of their "free spirit"…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/21 04:58 PM
18

Saying NO is huge for me, and it's a lesson I'm still learning over and over. I think the main challenge in saying no, for me, is to let go of the doubt and discomfort from societal expectations imposed on women. I was raised to be excessively agreeable and polite, and that conflicts with the level of abuse that is leveraged at women. If our society were normal & equal, I could say "no" politely. But it's not that way. It forces us to be assertive, direct, focused, repetitive, etc. If you say no…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 09:09 PM
2

Agreed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 03:39 PM
31

Hmm, it's been a while since I watched it, but I remember thinking, generally, that neither of them really put the relationship first. This is a true story based on Noah Baumbach leaving his wife for Greta Gerwig, so that part is sad too since it's such a cliché. He seems like the non-committal selfish tortured artist type (I dated those guys for years, and ended up with the total opposite thanks to my awful experiences). Also, now that he's "moved on" with his life, it's ironic that he has to w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 03:35 PM
5

That’s awesome!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 02:19 PM
114

I was diagnosed with infertility at 22, so people who think they understand the human body are hilarious to me. Men can have infertility too, and they pretty much have the same clock as women. Advanced paternal age begins at 35, and fertility decreases after 45 in men. But the ones that use this argument are likely too dumb to understand they have biology too. Point being, my diagnosis made me laugh at people too, especial those who assume they are "fertile" and leverage that fertility over wome…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 12:00 AM
27

It's sad when you have to explain to the previous generation just how low the bar is now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/21 09:56 PM
3

I think it's just as random as OLD, but more expensive. I think the men in the service are generally a bit weird, though I'm sure there are exceptions. I would invest time and energy in having friends set me up instead, and pull from your own social circle. That avoids the drawback of anonymity, which is what allows men to behave badly without accountability. I am actively working to set up my single friends since I wish someone had done that for me and I think it's a tradition that should be br…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 04:13 PM
42

It's very serious and if anyone is following you or triggers your survival instinct (aka fear), yes you are in immediate danger. So many times, I have had friends tell me "I called my husband, I called my friend, I called my mom" because they were being followed. Okay, that's fine, but that doesn't identify your whereabouts or solve the immediate need for protection. It also doesn't hold the perpetrator culpable. Never be ashamed of wanting to be safe!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 07:43 PM
112

Me too, banning men from female focused thread is an absolute requirement for a safe, productive conversation space.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 04:37 PM
160

Omg, what the hell. Going into your private account information to use a phone number you did not give him? Yea, not ok. The same thing happened to me at a rental car company. The clerk used my phone number to call me. I was using the rental car because my car had been hit by another vehicle, and it was a generally stressful time for me. I did not need an uninvited creep. Little did he know, it was my DAD's cell phone number, since he was helping me deal with the situation and I was using his po…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 04:35 PM
472

100%. I once commented on a thread: A woman had been followed home into her apartment complex by a sketchy vehicle that waited as she entered her unit. She was scared. I told her (as a public safety employee with extensive knowledge of dispatch and emergency management) that she should have called 911. I recommended the Gift of Fear. A bunch of men descended on me to say that I was overreacting and that she was most likely safe. These men are nerdy gamers living in their mom's basement. They wan…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 04:11 PM
9

I think a HVM will plan the first few dates, including the time, location, and how you will get there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 01:49 AM
16

THIS! So many men "want" kids in theory, but they don't want to apply themselves to any degree of childrearing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/21 06:36 PM
16

I was diagnosed with infertility at 22, and again at 33. In that sense, dating was never about marriage+kids. I sort of laugh at people who "plan" on having kids like it's 100% guaranteed, especially if you spend anytime in the IF community around here you know that nature isn't in our control. Since some men are adamant about wanting children, I had to weed those out up front. It actually ended up being a great litmus test for those who didn't just love me for me. Spoiler: people who can't deal…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/21 06:06 PM
7

Why is Vice feeling sorry for poor men? Even with little education, they can get a good paying job with great benefits in the military, fire service, law enforcement, or other vocation, especially as a man. Are these broke men saying they don't want to work? And if so, who are they expecting will provide for them?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/21 10:11 PM
1

I cannot believe this comment was downvoted by a community of "supportive" women. This was disappointing to me, which I wrote about in another thread. I hope you learn something about this and understand the bigger picture around feminism and the role of motherhood, and how our bodies are condemned no matter what we do or say. I should be able to speak up for women and not get downvoted, especially here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/21 06:22 PM
0

Just a friendly reminder that this question isn't always appreciated by those in the infertility community, and can be hugely triggering. Infertility affects 12% of women. Please: no adoption, surrogacy, or any other type of bingo.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/21 05:09 PM
1

Me too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/21 10:40 PM
1

So true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/21 10:39 PM
6

Don’t blame yourselves that it happened, just make sure you are financially set up to walk at any time. Absolutely. Women get blamed again and again when men flip, for not seeing the "signs" (which are cleverly hidden), or you "wanted" a bad relationship to resolve trauma. It's never, ever, your fault. The best thing about FDS is it makes the vetting process a lot clearer, especially if you don't have other positive influences in your life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/21 10:36 PM
32

This guy just loves to tell women what to do. He is NVM to all his spouses but insists on promoting himself as a virtuous truth teller. His own advice doesn’t even work on him 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 02:37 AM
13

This relationship was both inappropriate and criminal, even taken out of context.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 10:05 PM
6

"Well, in my case, we both do!" Ah yes, bitter women with standards must not enjoy sex. Heard that one before!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 05:01 PM
18

This was the first negging and it definitely would have continued. You saved yourself an uphill battle.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 04:17 PM
9

I am so sorry 💕you’re not alone. It’s ok to have huge doubts, even when things seem like they should be this way or that way. You are on your own journey, and whatever happens you will grow from this and be stronger because of it. No one has a perfect life without hiccups, it’s not your fault. Just put your own well-being first right now. One day at at a time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 06:38 PM
2

Haha, right? Oh noes, he might leave 😂🤣don’t let the door hit you...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 06:27 PM
13

Don’t you get it! You have to validate him. Don’t try to change him, that will turn him off. Be sexy and fun! Don’t blink, you’ll seem human.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 03:39 AM
16

I don’t want to sound like I don’t trust medicine, but I really don’t trust the majority of female medicine. Too many bad experiences.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 03:37 AM
10

This! There are a lot of people who would actually be happier and live better unpartnered. We need to let go of this concept that everyone should be with someone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 05:27 PM
11

So beautifully said
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 05:22 PM
221

Omg how are you going to build a life with a man when he can’t even be bothered to ask you on a proper date?! Marriage should come with a big warning sign, “WARNING: rough seas ahead.” How are you going to navigate love, job stress, children, mortgages, weight gain, weight loss, CANCER, aging parents, debt, etc., just to name a FEW when you can’t even invite someone on a date because YOU’RE TOO LAZY! If you can’t plan a date, you are NOT ready for marriage. Seriously, hard pass on these specific…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 04:33 AM
116

I agree, in my experience you always end up feeling like a sister wife. It’s akin to navigating an open relationship, since those ties can’t really be broken.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/21 05:11 PM
4

My experience with true bonified "nerds" is that they have low self-esteem, poor hygiene, and atypical social skills. This doesn't make them nice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/21 11:53 PM
5

Soooo happy to see a bit of backlash coming to Diane Sawyer and Timberlake from this docu. Yea, I could not stomach the flashback to these interviews!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/21 11:43 PM
9

Coddled man-children with no motivation or ambition expecting a free bangmaid-mommy-wife-power-boss can't be reasoned with. Exactly. And they want all these things, but they don't want to be "dominated." I can't imagine trying to take on the entire load, and then have to come home and pretend to be some kind of subservient stepford wife. Plus, pretty sure one of the perks of being a stepford wife is that the husband is out there making money, not stuck at home all day playing video games.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/21 11:42 PM
18

Until recently, communication in relationships was a novel idea, born out of the pop psychology of the 70s and 80s. At that point, divorce rates had skyrocketed and people were seeking healthier lasting relationships. Women were asserting their power for the first time. At that time, it seems communication referenced a check-in on very serious/rare issues vs. today's daily digest, where communication is a band-aid for everything. Let's be real, men back then worked, provided, and fixed things. T…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/21 09:26 PM
3

No straight man reads that book unless required by a (justified) disgruntled ex 🤣just my two cents.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/21 05:11 AM
7

Lol, he was just a vessel for a song made by a great team 😉
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/21 04:08 AM
2

Completely
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/21 04:00 AM
13

Yup, the old: YoU MuST be HYsteRicAL. Sis, if you are being told you’re crazy, you’re most likely just asking for respect and being told no. I have seen her instagram and I agree with you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/21 03:49 AM
13

He is absolutely disgusting and behaves no better as a married father of two. Proves everything about FDS theory - LVM is always LVM, even with his next girlfriend.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/21 03:44 AM
20

Yes to everything you just said, the way she was characterized by the media shows a very specific cultural positioning of women and especially young teen women in a way that encourages consumption and sexual victimization, with a sick opposing notion of purity. She was so tailored to the image of women in pornography and the view of women from the white American male gaze. Slut-shamed for being exactly what they wanted her to be. By consequence, young women were also traumatized and influenced b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/21 09:51 PM
9

Me too!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/21 08:07 PM
36

Yes. I had forgotten about this until I watched the documentary. They showed an interview with Justin Timberlake (who comes across as quite the NVM) where he is asked if he devirginized her. It’s something out of antiquity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/21 08:06 PM
75

TW: this documentary is hard to watch, but extremely informative. Has anyone else seen it? I am watching it on Hulu right now. Captures Britney’s heartbreaking experience against the the cultural dynamics of the 90s and early 2000s. Especially for those of us who came of age in the 90s, shows everything that’s wrong with the cultural misogyny of that time. She was the victim of a lot of ruthless, perverse, exploitative adults who should have been protecting her. She was packaged as libfem at the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 08:42 PM
3

Thank you 💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 08:16 PM
64

Lol, no you are not too “angry.” But it’s OK to be angry. You’re seeing these patterns and it can be a rude awakening aka illuminating. Welcome to the Illuminati! 😂 Women are socialized to be abused by everyone, which is infuriating. And FDS is where we agree to level up, put women first, and make decisions that benefit women. The rest of Reddit is pretty much a misogynist dumpster fire, where women are encouraged to wipe a man’s ass for him (not kidding).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 06:15 PM
26

The majority of men have the potential to be dangerous. Live accordingly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 04:21 PM
19

Been thinking of blocking my loooooong long long term ex (15 years on/off). I barely hear from him anymore since I confronted him about all the crap he put me through. But when his mom died he reached out to me for emotional support and I was extremely polite but curt. As if I’m going to let his cheap, zero commitment, non-ring producing ass cry on my shoulder.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 06:06 AM
52

I’ve been there, and it just makes me question: how much healing do women have to do just to break even?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 05:58 AM
5

For me personally, it's more about being on the same page as my partner than a specific timeline. If you're not ready, definitely wait. There is no shame in waiting, only you know what's right for you. I think the rules of FDS are intended to warn women against extended courtships where the male partner clearly does not want marriage, and the relationship has reached a plateau. Again, there is nothing wrong with that if it meets both partners needs, marriage is not a requirement. I have infertil…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/21 04:55 PM
1

Wow.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/21 06:00 PM
125

If I wanted to adopt a dependent child, I would.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/21 08:09 PM
3

I love this! I am a huge fan of candle lit baths, so I take them regularly. But I might throw in some bath salts for Valentine's day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/21 06:29 PM
3

Beautiful mood for life, and as a woman of a similar age and life phase, I can wholeheartedly relate. "I realized that I've dealt with sexism, misogyny, rape, rape culture, grooming, and abuse my entire life." Same.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/21 09:04 PM
1

Yea, the willing to die on the hill of wrongness is such a male thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/21 07:20 PM
1

Those apps become addictive to men, that’s why I will never again...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/21 07:17 PM
1

This warrants a side post! Inspirational movies for break ups. I like my big fat Greek wedding, and Bridget Jones (even though it isn’t 100% FDS).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/21 07:16 PM
3

In some ways, I was too. I think it's easier when you're so young that you still have a family structure (albeit, it has to be a good one). As you get older and the stresses of life set it, jobs, finances, etc., you start to want a partner. That makes you less Teflon and more willing to forgive in order to avoid loneliness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/21 03:30 PM
38

Unfortunately, I know this is true
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/21 01:29 AM
34

Omg and they get put down for that?! What the hell is wrong with our society 😫
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/21 12:59 AM
43

“cutting people off is a normal response to being treated poorly.” 👏👏👏 This. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty or crazy for recognizing shitty behavior and moving on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/21 12:22 AM
45

If I wore that much makeup my skin would spontaneously combust 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/21 12:20 AM
31

This was very well said. There is something off with the human species. Something about our modern day social structure has turned men into what they are, which is dangerous to women. I agree their ego tries to compete or something.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/21 12:16 AM
30

Right, and proving it is difficult
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 11:51 PM
32

Indeed. I mean, you could still leave. You could get courts to bar him from your life. But who wants that nightmare.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 11:44 PM
35

What’s a trad wife?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 11:40 PM
288

Indirectly, yes. I have too much trauma to trust a man to be the father of my children. You can extricate yourself legally, emotionally, physically, and financially from a man. But you can’t extricate yourself when you have children.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 11:19 PM
11

I’ve heard really good things about him as well
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 05:19 PM
3

Lol, good point. Men can be perfect angels for years and then flip. Fuck if I know.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 04:19 AM
6

That makes sense, I agree 3 months is a good timeline to gauge where things are headed. With my SO, I can’t exactly remember but I think we waited around 4 months, and about 6 months to make commitment (a personal rule). I also get attached way to quickly after sex so I had to learn to wait after all that libfem crap I was taught.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/21 08:54 PM
1

This was before cell phones 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/21 08:32 PM
2

Late-stage capitalism doesn’t value anyone. I think this is hardest on the family structure but it’s also difficult on couples. I’m fortunate that I can mostly get through the week on 45 hours or less, but I know lots of people who work 50-60 hr weeks. It doesn’t leave much room or energy for quiet reflection and family time, vacations and other memories. That said, we’re still better off than we were during the industrial revolution. My grandmother started working at age 11. All that said, I lo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/21 08:26 PM
13

If this is based on concrete scientific research, then it’s hard to argue with. However, I go back and forth on the concept of withholding as a way to hook a guy who wouldn’t otherwise be able to stay interested. The flame is going to taper off eventually, regardless. I can only state what works for me, and that staying celibate in the early stages of a relationship helped me to discern between my head and my heart (or hormones). I agree that it’s better to wait a bit to weed out the flakes, at …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/21 08:20 PM
3

I had some emotional ground work to do to recover from the kind of father I had, and especially, the dynamic between him and my mother. Confidence was something I had to learn. I don’t blame my father, and I try to respect him for what he was able to give us in spite of his struggles and weaknesses. But I do acknowledge what was lacking, and where I need to compensate through emotional work. I looked for a partner who would be affectionate and use words of affirmation. I also needed a partner wh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/21 08:12 PM
1

Wow, um okay. I think you're being a little harsh towards my comment. I wasn't stating a "platitude" to blow smoke up anyone's ass. I'm simply stating that, to me, being female is beautiful. That was something that I personally needed to feel after suffering an entire childhood of bullying. I don't equate beauty with physical appearance at all. Quite the contrary. Everyone has different lived experiences.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/21 05:32 PM
5

Same to you! Thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/21 12:27 AM
13

My feet certainly appreciate more sensible shoes these days. OMG when I think back to the "feats" my feet used to achieve. I could not do it today. But I agree with you, there is something to your 30s that just feels so good. I hope the next generation even more so, because hopefully they won't feel as beaten down. As long as women continue to support and encourage each other, we will be ok.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/21 12:26 AM
75

Yes, all women are beautiful. I found this challenging in my 20s, and was always scrutinizing how I looked due to negative messaging that all of us women receive. Now, in my 30s, I feel more beautiful when I do less. I let my eyebrows grow out a bit, and I wear almost no makeup. I feel best with clean hair and some chapstick. When I have good confidence and feel happy, I know that's the best beauty tip.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 07:41 PM
1

Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/21 04:23 PM
1

exactly
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/21 08:24 PM
2

I always wondered about this too, I mean - who is really verifying this except the jeweler? I have no doubt the online jewelry industry is full of scams, and it's the one thing where people are blindly willing to spend money with little to no vetting. Obviously they're going to tell you it's the gold standard. I guess you just have to go to a reputable place, and even then, wasn't there some Cartier thing that turned out to be a fraud?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/21 08:19 PM
1

Thanks
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/21 08:15 PM
9

Thanks, yea I totally understand and I would hate to be the other person. Not sure how you could do that anonymously when the details could easily be traced back to you though. I had a friend who the same thing happened to, and she not only got her car window smashed, but the wife showed up at her place of employment. It’s not like this LVM wasn’t already low value in multiple ways, and gaslighting her in the extreme. At that point it was a little late to explain the details to anyone, including…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/21 07:33 PM
29

No and this is something I would advise against for a couple reasons. 1) I don't need that drama 2) I don't need to make myself a target to help anyone 3) people have made agreements we know nothing about. I promptly deleted and blocked. This doesn't make me complicit as I'm not responsible for others' narcissistic behaviors. I respect where you're coming from but we don't live in a safe or rational world. Always assume that someone is dangerous, especially if they are capable of leading a doubl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/21 05:29 PM
34

With everything I'm hearing about this guy, I just know he's going to end up on an episode of true crime.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/21 04:33 PM
2

Genuine question, is Etsy reliable for gems? I've never used it but I always thought it was independent sellers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/21 04:27 PM
5

Yeah, this is why I can't watch 90 day fiance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/21 11:09 PM
15

Congratulations lady! Leveling up and up!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/21 04:17 PM
3

I'm treating this as a relapse and part of me hopes he comes back, but another part of me isn't sure if I can do the lies and constant uncertainty anymore. You will never know. A person can be sober 5 years and still relapse, as they say the "world record for sobriety is 24 hrs." I think it takes a really strong person, or a really self-effacing person, to stick around through the uncertainty. I don't think it's fair to ask that of someone. Unfortunately, addiction "thrives in isolation" as they…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/21 03:43 PM
22

Hi there, I'm an alcoholic! First, my heart goes out to you. Alcoholism is one of the most painful diseases, for anyone going through it themselves, or watching a loved one. It's a war and I've been on both sides. Support groups can be helpful. Just know that there is an emotional toll to being involved in al anon or AA and it's not for everyone, although it works great for some. I recommend the Addicted Mind podcast, which feels like free therapy to me, but can also be useful to loved ones of a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/21 09:13 PM
1

I've always liked Alan Alda, lol. And I'm on way too many blind gossip sites to include George Clooney ;-)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 10:49 PM
7

A lot of perfect family men, especially in politics, are being propped up by very devoted wives. I'm not saying he doesn't have qualities and isn't a role model. I think he's matured nicely. But I also think he grew up with a bad father, so it was hard for him to live out a higher standard.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 10:44 PM
1

You're not alone. These are difficult but important conversations, I'm only now (at 36) learning to dive deeply into these topics. I knew a friend who got married and a few months into the marriage her husband told her he had more than $30K in credit card debt. I would really rather remain single than have anyone destroy my financial situation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 09:40 PM
10

It's hard! I value having my family in my life, but there've definitely been some difficult moments. It took me longer than average to find a good partner because I grew up around unhealthy patterns and I guess I had to replay them to understand what I didn't want (learned the hard way, but learned nonetheless). Most of the women in my family depend on a man for financial security. These were my role models until I developed my own world view. I try not to judge, but hold steadfastly to my own v…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 09:30 PM
33

1000%. There is often a MIL component to these posts that is highly cringe worthy. I usually see them cheering on the yet unsubstantiated relationship in the comments. I theorize this is because a) they can't believe their LVS has a girlfriend b) they're emotionally over involved in their son's life, or to a lesser extent c) the pick me is auditioning for both the LVM and the mom.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 07:16 PM
29

and give LVM a false sense of superiority. I see this often. Look, we're going steady! Even in photos where the LVM clearly doesn't want to be there. It's like telling the world "I'm getting laid with little to no effort or commitment!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 06:31 PM
75

So true. I started to notice this more when I lived in the South as well. There are two potential negatives here - one, the 7+ year you described. Two, the too-early stage where it's giving him more value than he has earned.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 06:24 PM
33

I'd highly encourage all women to seriously examine their use of social media and how it helps/hinders their goals. Yes, I think this is the crux. In several instances, it can be linked to love bombing (on either side), and it creates a certain pressure to maintain the image even when the relationship starts to disappoint.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 06:23 PM
3

This is completely true. As a self-described described attractive woman, reformed pick me, I got no respect from men until I started respecting myself. Men will do the bare minimum.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 05:16 PM
2

This reminds me of a pickme friend of mine. She literally dragged her boyfriend to the store with her to pick out a ring. And they still weren't engaged after that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 05:14 PM
11

Queen!! 🥂❤️👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 01:17 AM
14

I grew up in France, and I have a couple points to emphasize. French men cheat. They have a real child (re immature) like quality that enable a good sense of humor, charm, and funess, but they are missing the "puritan" trait that makes room for respectable monogamous relationships we see in America (at least as a goal). Marriage is just plain old fashioned in France, and few people get married anymore, except for the very catholic people who are rare. There is a lot of pressure to cohabitate for…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 11:36 PM
17

Love this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 02:42 PM
15

Interesting. When I lived in Austin over 10 years ago, you definitely couldn't get dinner for 2 for under $50. So he's spending even less than I thought.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 11:52 PM
26

He doesn't want to inconvenience himself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 11:03 PM
27

Yea, I make way less than that before taxes, I don't even blink at spending $500 on something that is worth it to me, like furniture for example.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 11:02 PM
22

Well said.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 08:27 PM
66

LOL indeed. It's like he wants a cookie from mommy for being such a good boy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 08:20 PM
252

This is sooooo about her making more. It's Manhattan we're talking about, so that equals about 4 dates, and maybe one little gift or flowers, in one month. Doesn't seem excessive to me. Definitely a scrote. Update: a warning to others: an LVM slid into my DM's to reply to this specific comment with multiple very rude messages (I assume he's already been blocked from commenting here, but I promptly blocked him). I love this community and I love that it's a space to feel free and empowered as a wo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 08:01 PM
18

Personally, no. I think he can be very interested, though. Calling consistently, planning your next date, and just generally creating an enjoyable time for the two of you to get to know each other. I know this doesn’t apply in all cases, but I fell for an abusive NVM because he seemed so sure about me. Only later on did I understand about love (and life) bombing and guys who take up too much space up front. I am now very wary of men who make any big professions before a relationship has had the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 06:01 AM
14

Every notice how she deeply angers men? It's because she represent everything about female success.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 06:51 PM
2

ITA
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 06:44 PM
7

This is why I would never, ever date the guy with "intimate female friends." I know I take a pretty hard line on this compared to some, but it has never worked out well for the woman, in my experience. The only reasons he has this type of friendship are a) he seeks and enjoys the validation, b) he's hasn't yet, but is hoping to sleep with her, or c) he relates to women better than he does to men. All of these are red flags. Watch her try to cut this woman out of his life and he has a total meltd…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 06:43 PM
55

Totally agree. An example on not too tall not too short: I'm 5'9, which isn't even that tall, but have been told my entire young adulthood that I was "SOOO tall!" If I wear heels, forget it. It's all they can talk about. This is mostly by scrotes who were also 5'9 (but really closer to 5'7, because men's heights are bizarre reverse shoe sizes). That is why I categorically refuse to date men my height or shorter. Not because I discriminate, but because they do. I broke this rule a few years ago (…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 05:38 PM
6

He had his chance. They really do come crawling back. I just blocked one this morning. I realized he's probably got me on a texting rotation among several other women. That's how he pursues his sense of completeness, rather than fully investing in one relationship at a time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 05:06 PM
3

That one time he went on a hike...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 04:24 PM
8

Lolllllll
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 07:22 PM
7

Yup. The thing I’ve learned is, you just can’t win a boundary debate with these people because their definition of a boundary is NOT having one. There isn’t a gray area here. She told him not to and he did it anyway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 08:59 PM
7

Baba ganoush is so much better
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 07:37 PM
51

lol, the amateur photographer dudes are THE WORST. And yea, monologue texts are a deal breaker.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 06:31 PM
35

Ughh, so he tried pressuring her into a video call WTF!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 06:22 PM
10

Yes! Friends with Benefits was on tv yesterday and it was the most insulting cringe fest. Amazing how FDS has completely changed my view on what’s watchable!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 06:21 PM
21

Honestly, he sounds like the exhausting “it’s one thing after another guy.” I’ve dated a few like this but one in particular with the female-friends-issue and it never got better. A buh byeee.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 06:13 PM
135

Hugs!! You just saved yourself a lifetime of limp dick with a side of cheater. Even if he didn’t have these issues, his reaction tells your everything you need to know. No grown ass man whines like a toddler when a hot woman tells him to give up porn for real life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 04:24 PM
10

To add to that, whether or not he knows is irrelevant. The result is the same, and the person who pays the consequence is none other than? Yup, it’s the woman, the pick me, his last girlfriend, and his next one too. Probably his mom, and his sister. His female colleagues. Etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 08:47 PM
14

Going over the “haha” for meaning, omg. She is a gifted writer, it’s so important to articulate these experiences to help other women understand.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 08:44 PM
3

Queen Shit!! It’s gorgeous.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 04:56 PM
14

Totally! I blocked a few of these yesterday.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 04:54 PM
35

Peter Pan scrotes!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 05:26 PM
47

Because lying is such a great baseline for a relationship 🤔
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 03:33 PM
43

Looks like 2 HVCs right there! 💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 03:28 PM
11

Jury is still it out on him. I would not reschedule, just stick to Friday date night which was planned. Depending on how long you’ve been dating him, two dates in two days could be too much anyway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 02:18 AM
9

Nail on the head! The whole “but secretly loves her” thing is soooo cringe.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 02:00 AM
22

There was a nah sis post like this in Dating over 30, and I got deleted for referring her to FDS. Apparently telling her to dump the NVM who was still crying about his ex was a no no.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 01:50 AM
5

And that is the bottom line.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 11:50 PM
1

"I am pissed off because this isn't the first time pOlYaMoRoUs people have been secretive and sketchy and involved me without my consent." There is a lot of pathological triangulation in the poly scene, and that's just the surface layer. It's not only present, it's specifically sought out by the key players. You're calling it out for what it is. I'm sorry you went through this, but look at the bright side: you dodged a bullet!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 11:42 PM
2

looks like a walking hot topic ad from 2012 Always!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 10:12 PM
1

They are the worst of the pickme/cool girl combo, in my experience. Convinced herself he's not cheating on her, then stoops even lower by helping him do it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 10:03 PM
7

She will, sis! You are brave and on your way up. We all go through these challenges as we discover the road to unapologetic self-respect and strength.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 09:49 PM
11

Yes, me too! I wish I could go back in time and hug the younger version of myself and tell her she was right!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 06:40 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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