How do you come to peace with the money you spent on an LVM?

Platipus6 · 2021-09-06T03:34:16+00:00

A small price to pay to find out they're an asshole and escape with your life.

creamtart_ · 2021-09-06T03:35:43+00:00

Look at it as a lesson to learn from. No point ripping yourself apart for something you cannot go back in time to change. All you can do is reflect, learn from it and not repeat it moving forward.

lostmillenia · 2021-09-06T03:36:34+00:00

You let yourself accept you did your best. That's what you thought love was. We all have a rock bottom.
Also it's a bit like coming out of the matrix since society brainwashes women to give give give!

It's not to your benefit to beat yourself up. You finally escaped! Be a good example for other women!

08__80 · 2021-09-06T03:45:48+00:00

That was the tuition you had to pay to learn that men ain't shit.

londochig · 2021-09-06T03:37:15+00:00

I'm so sorry love. It does hurt. I hope this comforts you, money is something that you can always make back and have an abundance of. Be happy you broke up with him because time is not something you will ever get back. You gave and you have and you gave. You were kind, compassionate and it's time to turn that kindness and compassion towards yourself. It's a learning curve. Be kind and gentle with yourself. Forgive yourself the way you forgave LVM. Sending you virtual hugs.

RabidWench · 2021-09-06T04:27:52+00:00

Did you go to college? Vocational school? The money you paid there was to get you ahead in your career.

The money we sacrificed to the idiots we left behind is tuition that may save your life. And it is definitely saving time now that you can immediately cull the prospects instead of wasting your resources (time, energy, money, love) on them ever again.

Also, I let it go. It is no longer on my balance sheets. Neither are those men. Buhbye. I've got bigger fish to fry.

DivineGoddess1111111 · 2021-09-06T03:41:30+00:00

You have to learn to let it go and concentrate on levelling up. I lost everything when I split from my ex husband. I always remember that it was better to lose everything than still be with that scrote, hating my life. See it as the cost of educating yourself because you will vet more stringently next time.

finalbosskitten · 2021-09-06T03:42:41+00:00

Ok this is gonna sound very trite and duh, but, well, it's just this: money is just money. It's not necessarily a loss, because you won't repeat it and learned from the experience; you will naturally adjust and spend your money more wisely (even in ways beyond men) in the future, which in turn will make the loss naturally correct itself.

msinclaire · 2021-09-06T05:03:49+00:00

For me it’s the time I wasted. I can always make more money, but time and youth I can never get back.

Junior-Lion7893 · 2021-09-06T06:25:13+00:00

Unlike every guy I’ve dated, I don’t keep track of the amount I spend on the dude. Honestly, what made me feel better was giving myself an estimated amount I spent on him, take up extra shifts and work until I got to that amount.

With the first guy, I took out $3000 from my savings. I ended up working extra shifts through weekends and holidays for six months. By the end of it, I had a little more than I intended and took myself on shopping spree.

I never had to spend money on the last guy that hurt me, so I assigned a number which was how much he was monetarily worth to me. The thing was if I was still moping about him, then he was worth more, which meant I had to work more shifts. Turns out, he was only worth a little over 2 months of pay.

I guess I just threw myself into work, let myself heal with time, and treated myself when I could spare the expenses.

dancedancedance7 · 2021-09-06T10:35:02+00:00

Oof yeah there's no good way to look at it. I once had an LVX tell me "oh you're so thoughtful with gifts, I wish I could give such good ones" when the baboon made way more money than me. 😳

Don't spent money on men, ever! In the future when you're tempted to be thoughtful, go buy your grandmother or female bestie a gift, or put it toward your goals.

Choice_Net482 · 2021-09-06T05:49:31+00:00

I just let it go I spent the money I wasted the time I learned the lesson simple as that I did better on my next attempt for a good spouse and it worked out well

LWF3957 · 2021-09-06T08:24:35+00:00

It's the money you spent to learn a lesson. Sometimes they're more expensive (like the 300€ train ticket I once bought) and sometime less (like a dinner or lunch I paid for) but ultimately that's <500€ I've spent to learn that men are not all that, and now I can protect myself 100% better! My uni degree was more expensive and taught me less valuable skills.

Sentientbeingofvenus · 2021-09-06T08:34:57+00:00

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself ✨

miwamus · 2021-09-06T14:28:20+00:00

I was married to a man where all financial decisions were in his favor.

I've been angry, bitter and sad. Sometimes I still am.

I acted according to my values. I believe in being generous towards your partner, family and friends. My actions weren't wrong. His were.

I did right by me.

queen-wannabe · 2021-09-06T09:15:43+00:00

I’m happy I haven’t had to pay for a man. I’m sorry for everybody else who had to learn the hard way though 😢

bonghits4jess · 2021-09-06T15:58:24+00:00

Charge it to the game! It sucks but sometimes it takes losing something material to understand the damage being done to your psyche. For example, I gave my baby dad my old car and paid the insurance so he could work and have a way to transport the child around. When I asked him to start paying the insurance, he laughed in my face and was like “you aren’t doing me a favor by giving me the car and paying the insurance.” Something in me finally snapped. The realizations that this man was just an ungrateful sack of shit to his core, smacked me in the face at that moment. I had to lose that money to realize how selfish and entitled this guy was. The very next day I sold that car, canceled the policy, and recouped my losses.

ThxFDS · 2021-09-06T03:47:51+00:00

It sucks. I watched my savings disappear as I covered him for rent here, paid for all our nights out there. It stacked up but wasn't a crazy amount of cash because I didn't have too much to begin with. He still took me for everything I have. They're out here for $$. 🤡 Rob em, sis.

fdsonlynoscrubs · 2021-09-06T12:54:15+00:00

“Sunk cost fallacy.” That money is gone now, but you do have control over your next financial decision. Make it wisely :)

lolmemberberries · 2021-09-06T14:30:00+00:00

Remind myself that I'll earn it back and then some.

madonna_whorecomplex · 2021-09-06T07:30:51+00:00

I'm sorry but the use of this flair is making me 💀

europoor24 · 2021-09-06T11:19:55+00:00

Made him buy me food/takeout most of the time and a bit of clothes, bedding and a ring I think I can sell. I think with the money I spent on him it evens out a bit. Also small price to pay to learn that I'd rather be single then with a shitty lvm who throws dirty underwear/clothes at my face as a joke despite me stating I don't like it. At least it only lasted 3 years.

Topotoon3 · 2021-09-06T11:27:52+00:00

OP, I have been there. I too am still ashamed. I let him move in with me. At one point he told me that I was so good for him - because he'd been able to save money in his bank account that he wouldn't have been able to save without me. Somebody shoot me.

All I wanted was to be the cool girl who wasn't a golddigger and to be liked.

jcrissnell · 2021-09-06T13:23:34+00:00

I remember that I tried to date someone back in my pickmeisha days (a few years ago) and in a hang out (what it actually was), I paid for food. We didn't have too much money back then (but his family earned much more than mine) so I didn't pay too much. You know, street food and drinks. I also remember that months after that, he asked me to "lend" him money to pay for a university course. I have my limits, specially since I don't have a lot of money, so of course I didn't. And glad I didn't because I don't think he would have ever paid me back.

When you asked how I came to peace with the few money I spent on him, I concluded that I paid what he was (unconciously, it seems) worth to me based on his behavior: a little. 🚮. Even if I had a lot of money and even if I ever found a HVM, I'm careful with my finances.

About money that could have been better spent in self growth than anything else, I kinda regret the following year to that spending money on food and other treats for ME (specially considering I didn't have a job), but then, I was starting to heal emotionally and by the end of that year, I was feeling better about myself. This didn't last too long though, but I cut everything off late last year and now I'm here! I also learned thanks to the FDS handbook that besides not paying anything for men (I used to believe in 50/50 but not anymore), I need to treat myself ONCE I'M FINANCIALLY STABLE. Once in a while is ok but not spending a lot and too often when my earnings aren't a lot (that was given money I managed to save, and spend). Now I'd rather focus on my internships and earning at least a little, but MY RIGHTFULLY EARNED money while passing my courses for graduating university, than dating.

WaitWaitHeart · 2021-09-06T06:58:37+00:00

My coworker helped me reframe the money I lost to my ex-LVM as charity. She found me crying in the bathroom because I was upset at the response I got from my ex when I confronted him about the bounced checks in the past when he tried to pay me back for the plane tickets I bought during our long distance relationship. There were so many red flags in that relationship. I wish FDS was around back then.

shamshels · 2021-09-06T15:13:06+00:00

There's no use ruminating on past mistakes. Take it as a lesson learned and move on with your life, and be glad at least you know better now.

2021-09-06T16:42:05+00:00

I don't know if you're familiar with Marie Kondo and her Konmari method of removing clutter from your life, but your post sort of reminds me of it in a way.

She encourages people, when they remove something in their life, to express gratitude for the object for teaching them that they don't receive joy from that particular thing, before discarding it. In a way, you could almost be grateful that the money spent helped teach you a valuable lesson about your ex LVM. That you don't need him and he doesn't bring any joy to your life. And now you don't have to make the same mistake twice <3.

s_slayer · 2021-09-06T17:19:54+00:00

I know two women who put their scrotes through college. One of them left her after he graduated, the other one turned out to be an incestuous pedophile who destroyed their family. Thank God both of them found HVM after their horrific experiences but be careful, the lesson is don't support a man through any of his endeavors. It's too risky.

riseaboveagain · 2021-09-06T05:29:56+00:00

Be proud of yourself that are responsible and successful enough to have plenty of money to spend!

xfelugirlx · 2021-09-06T17:25:46+00:00

A price to finally wake up and never gave a lvm a chance again :) i feel u girl, u used to help him financially with some things, please forgive yourself. His loss

s_slayer · 2021-09-06T17:31:38+00:00

My partner and I are truly a team and we look at our finances as a shared endeavor, he has offered to pay my credit card debt but I said let me help you with your business and work it off. He is cool with that and it makes me feel good. We both buy each other things without much thought. It's not like, oh I spent $100 on you last month so now you need to pony up $100 for me. We don't even think like that. We're a true team. I would never be able to be with a man who kept track of shit like that and frankly I've been with more than one man who offered to pay my debts off. One I did let him because he was pretty loaded, but current partner not so much. I want to work for him to work it off. I can increase his business too. It's a partnership. I've dated a few lazy scrotes who ate all my food and contributed nothing, not even good sex. They come in all types. I will never settle again. My boyfriend is so generous in every way and I can't wait to return the favor someday. I know some guys that won't even buy a woman dinner if they can't be sure they're going to get laid. They are all perpetually single, unsurprisingly.

sunset74420 · 2021-09-06T19:38:03+00:00

Sometimes I still get pissed at the money and effort I threw away on LVMs, even though I put a stop to it a few years ago. I try not to stay there because getting angry isn't going to put that money back in my pocket. I just tell myself that, as far as I am concerned, I brought that gravy train to a screeching halt. There's probably some pick-me or parents or someone else enabling them, but at least it ain't me.

I've also had to take a step back and take a hard look at why I felt compelled to do any of this for them. I had to correct the thinking that I somehow had to "pay it forward" for having had a not-so-easy life myself. To realize that all this shit that guys say about gold-diggers and about "the love of a good woman" changing a man for the better is just typecasting to manipulate women into bending over backwards for them.

Please don't blame yourself. You learned a valuable lesson, so at least you didn't walk away empty-handed.

pozzalovah · 2021-09-06T20:09:31+00:00

A cheap price to vet whether he was a lvm or not and to find FDS.

LizardInFirst · 2021-09-06T20:46:58+00:00

Become wealthy enough for it not to matter.

thowawaywookie · 2021-09-07T13:07:57+00:00

You see it as a lesson, forgive yourself and remind yourself not to do it again. $50k mistake. I'm OK with it now.

boiledgatorade_ · 2021-09-06T18:15:04+00:00

I emptied out my 401K that my company matched for years 🙃 still not recovered from that one, but I just look at it as an insanely hard, expensive lesson learned and I’d never do anything remotely similar again!

ububTkuc · 2021-09-06T20:47:30+00:00

You never forget an expensive lesson……

nancylibra · 2021-09-06T22:30:24+00:00

I'm always making more money and the way I see it,he always spent more than I did. In the end, I am the one who returned all his expensive gifts (with my name on them of course) he kept all mine to remember me by 🤢. I don't have a negative relationship with money, so to me it doesn't really bother me too much.

Kimpractical · 2021-09-06T23:16:55+00:00

I lost thousands of dollars because my ex scrote decided to cheat on me immediately after we bought a house together. Small price to pay to get him out of my life

Edit: you can also get the money back by budgeting and saving. Better to do that than be stuck in a relationship with him still

galian84 · 2021-09-07T19:42:48+00:00

I understand and am in the same boat! I totally regret all the money I spent on three L/NVMs.

But, there is nothing you can do now and you can’t change the past. Just keep saving from this point forward and don’t make the same mistake. That’s what’s helping me move on!

cherieblosum · 2021-09-07T22:55:05+00:00

The worst thing you can spend on a lvm is your time. Just be happy it's over and you can move on. You will have more opportunities to make money in the future and you stopped yourself from losing more.

DifferentBar6 · 2021-09-09T06:13:02+00:00

Look on it as a charity case

Title	How do you come to peace with the money you spent on an LVM?
Author	jiiiiimvnch
Upvotes	307
Comments	59
Date	September 6, 2021 3:24 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/pircbu/how_do_you_come_to_peace_with_the_money_you_spent/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-do-you-come-to-peace-with-the-money-you-spent.1067356 https://theredarchive.com/post/1067356

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