I highly recommend this book for those of you who struggle with infatuation, codependency or feeling ‘addicted’ to someone. It goes into the neuroscience of limerence (romantic obsession) and how to get rid of it.

catlady4u · 2021-09-08T12:56:43+00:00

I despise limerence. I've had this pattern of infatuation since I was a kid, and made a fool of myself over males so many times.

Not so much now that I have more awareness. I'm going to check out this book. Thanks for posting.

JulyParade · 2021-09-08T15:12:33+00:00

FDS book club is awesome! I just finished Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. It helped me see all the excuses we make for abusive men.

loraren · 2021-09-08T15:58:27+00:00

Thank you so much for the recommendation, I just heard the word “limerence” for the first time recently. I’m not open to dating for the foreseeable future because I recognize I act like a drug addict when I’m in a new, promising romantic relationship. If I can’t keep my head on my shoulders then I can’t allow myself to date.

KaleidoscopeEyes12 · 2021-09-08T13:32:22+00:00

Where was this book when I was 17??? Could’ve potentially saved me so much time, energy, and heartache. Looks like a great read!

TieDieEye · 2021-09-08T15:12:58+00:00

I hate limerence so much. It feels like a mental illness.

I've only felt it a handful of times in my life but in the times that I did it messed me up bad.

It's weird because I never have crushes or even get attracted to anyone but then rarely this happens.

Then I become loyal to the point where it's toxic because everyone else becomes background noise.

It sucks and it feels so restrictive and unhealthy.

PhilosopherStoned12 · 2021-09-08T12:04:30+00:00

Thanks for the recommendation, will definitely check it out 👌🏾👌🏾🙌🏾🙏🏾

SugarspunSis · 2021-09-08T18:19:32+00:00

Wow, I’ve never heard of this before, but I’ve looked up limerence online and I think it describes what I’ve been going through recently.

I had an online relationship with some guy for the best part of a year… He’s been hot and cold, which must have triggered an “addiction” in me. He recently cut things off and I’ve been in despair, but this has opened my eyes. Thanks OP.

I also have a tendency to be obsessed with someone until they reciprocate my feelings, then I get turned off and pull away. When they do the same I again become obsessed with having them return my obsessive feelings, and on and on. Can anyone else relate to that, and what is it that’s going on there?

waywardheartredeemed · 2021-09-08T11:05:16+00:00

Just ordered it, Ive been meaning to look more into this book.

FlockAroundtheClock · 2021-09-08T12:59:32+00:00

14 year old me really wishes she'd known about this. Thank you for sharing!

Wild_Artio · 2021-09-08T12:55:48+00:00

Thank you!

Professional-Ad-457 · 2021-09-08T17:18:30+00:00

The book says if we are limerent we should seek out guys who also experience limerence or the relationship won’t work - I’ll just add that to the long checklist then 😂

greatornothing · 2021-09-08T18:27:43+00:00

Limerence is so hard to get over. And I feel like our culture encourages it for women. Obsessing over a guy is seen as romantic, not unhealthy.

academinx · 2021-09-08T14:12:15+00:00

I learned about this term recently and resonated with it - thanks for sharing!

lolihylo · 2021-09-08T12:54:11+00:00

Thank you !

spicyspa · 2021-09-09T04:22:58+00:00

I'm a sucker for crushes. Even when you know they won't go anywhere and you have no intention on acting on a crush, they're still bad.

Through therapy, realized that I used crushes on unavailable men at work as a way to look forward to going to my shitty job for yeaaaaars, even when I was married (shame). Now I never acted on any crushes. I loved my husband at the time. It was a very weird coping tool I picked up in high school. I was bullied and I dreaded showing up. However, knowing I would be able to see my crush made it bearable.

So 2020 hits, when I was pulled out of the workplace and couldn't see my crush, it added to all the other events that caused me grief.

It's all fake. It's not even real. Hell, it's not even on TV. Now that I know where and when it started, I can end it.

Lizard301 · 2021-09-08T14:16:51+00:00

Oh, wow! Kindle version is only $3.49 in the US! Purchased. :)

DoversBlue · 2021-09-08T11:52:30+00:00

This seems like a great read. Thanks for the rec. 😉

CDVHSDVD · 2021-09-08T12:18:18+00:00

I have this! Only the object of my desire has been dead for over 40 years and i've never met them.

krykket · 2021-09-08T15:09:32+00:00

Wow this is a great recommendation. I never knew there was a name for this!

tweakhacker · 2021-09-08T23:47:47+00:00

It's been hard for me to work on this phenomenon in my own tendencies to get addicted to people. About six year ago, though, I think I finally had enough heartbreak and loss to wise up. Now I have the opposite problem and don't get attached to anyone. Sometimes I miss that feeling of having a crush on someone. I got crushes all the time. I never made it their problem. I liked the feeling. But now I don't experience anything like infatuation. In fact I stopped dating because I just didn't get excited about or interested in anyone I met. Is there a limerance rehab?

excusemeILY · 2021-09-08T12:47:13+00:00

There’s this guy I went to class with that’s been lingering in my head for the past few days. We were never together, nor did I like him. I think this book might help me get him out of my mind

kitypurrry · 2021-09-08T16:44:48+00:00

Omg an amazing book! I finished this a few months ago and it was so helpful!

sfshia · 2021-09-08T15:42:40+00:00

Damn, this is just what I needed. Talking to someone new and came across this term when looking up what to do about these emotions like yesterday. Thank you. Look forward to reading it.

I_know_right_AS_IF · 2021-09-08T15:42:42+00:00

Omg!! I could really use this - thank you!!!

TumbleweedForeign699 · 2021-09-08T18:28:06+00:00

Oh my god. OH MY GOD. I need this. This has been an issue my whole life! THANKYOU!

WinterDoughnut · 2021-09-08T20:18:08+00:00

Wow, perfect timing. I've dealt with someone who literally cannot express their feelings for me. It's so hurtful. But makes me want them more and do the whole dance of... can I do enough / be enough to get them to share words of affirmation? Ugh

queeninprogress · 2021-09-08T14:54:17+00:00

Bless you, I need this

leblonpill · 2021-09-08T23:21:47+00:00

Thank you so much for recommending this book! I really enjoy it so far. Understanding the science behind relationships helps me understand my feelings better and recognize when I’m being irrational. On a side note, I’m wondering if it was really written by a neuroscientist (it’s written under a pseudonym so we can’t check). Everything the book presents seems to be true but I feel like it lacks scientific evidence and doesn’t get as technical as I was hoping it would. Maybe I didn’t get far enough into the book. Just some feedback from a fellow skeptical scientist.

Edit: I'm near the end of the book and I'm 90% sure that it was NOT written by a scientist. This is a very promising self help book that got ruined by the author trying to make it look "sciency"

Hasadevilputaside · 2021-09-09T02:53:24+00:00

This was me to a “T” growing up. Always infatuated with one guy here and there for years at a time. I’d overanalyze our interactions to death looking for signs. I discovered through therapy I always felt “not good enough” due to experiences with my parents and this lead me to being really risk adverse. I’d chase after these guys (some who liked me and some who didn’t) who were just as avoidant and so I just stayed frozen in time in these relationships never having to make hard decisions about them.

Particular_Place_804 · 2021-09-08T13:27:27+00:00

Wow. Why does it feel like I get this recommendations when I need them the most? Thanks FDS!! 🙏🏻

Risas1239 · 2021-09-08T18:43:19+00:00

Okay so you jumped off the bed today and chose violence??? Thank you! But also I feel personally attacked.

waywardheartredeemed · 2021-09-08T18:05:18+00:00

It's 4 bucks on Kindle. Sweet.

One_Bat_2525 · 2021-09-10T20:33:11+00:00

I don’t like getting crushes. I hate the fact that the person is all you can think about and the overwhelming analysis that comes with every interaction. I developed a crush on someone that I played a sport with a couple of years and ended up having to avoid them completely. I even joined another sports league so I wouldn’t interact with them. I hated the giddiness I would feel and the overthinking that followed. It distressed me because I am in a loving and committed relationship. I know now that it was some unresolved issues from my past that weren’t addressed, and going to a therapist helped. Another thing that helped was bumping into them fairly recently and focussing on their really ugly t-shirt that had a picture of a rat on it 🤣

OvarianSynthesizer · 2021-09-09T00:38:16+00:00

Oh god…I recognize far too much of myself in this.

XMochiixMochiiX · 2021-09-09T10:08:44+00:00

THANK YOU QUEEN 🤩💅🏻 I really needed this. So badly. I can't even put into words how thankful I am. It'll help prevent much heartbreak in the future!

Jerryriggedusername · 2021-09-08T21:33:04+00:00

Well if this book doesn’t describe every cringe anime ever…

No_Mention8422 · 2021-09-08T18:20:36+00:00

Thank you!

Blaphrodite · 2021-09-08T21:58:12+00:00

Cool. Thanks for the recommendation. Hope it’s on audiobook.

fromyahootoreddit · 2021-09-09T12:50:35+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. I've been dealing with my pattern of obsession in therapy for years, so any new resources I come across are always appreciated.

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