Do any of you NOT want to get married one day?

kumquat_fds · 2022-01-06T19:37:48+00:00

I don’t see the point in marriage for myself. I don’t want kids, I want to sustain myself and I don’t want to be anyone’s stepmother. But I’m not closed off to the idea of a long-term partner.

LonchuraStriata · 2022-01-06T16:21:56+00:00

For me it would depend on a few factors.

I think for a rich, independent woman without a child-wish (or with prexisting children from a past relationship she has sole custody of) or a wish to live with or co-own something with a partner, marriage is actually a bad deal and she can only lose. The benefits a marriage may bring do not outweigh the risks for her.

But I would never have children, make sacrifices that impact my career or financial independence (and that includes playing the nurse or housekeeper for someone, even part time) or buy property with someone I am not married to. Not a chance. As long as women disproportionally take the risks of arrangements like that (pregnancy, childrearing and other care-work and their impact on your health, finances and career, division of assets in case of a divorce or death of her partner etc.etc.), I will demand legal commitment and legal security before even thinking about it.

The_LadyAmalthea · 2022-01-06T16:39:09+00:00

I share the same stance as you OP. For my personal circumstances marriage will only ever harm me so it's not something I have ever wanted for myself, I'd be fine just "dating" someone without the legal binding, as long as there is a discussion and action to show commitment in lieu of marriage.

I think I'd feel more comfortable if I had my own house/life/finances separate from any future partner. I know 'in this economy' it'll be more difficult and a privilege if I'm ever able to do that, but without a legal precedent it seems more secure. IMO marriage is not the end all be all as long as you play it safe and keep yourself as a top priority :)

katiekat0214 · 2022-01-06T16:56:10+00:00

These days, having already been married twice for 25 years, big big NO to a third marriage for a lot of reasons. Mainly, I've had my happy marriage the second time around, so that lifelong, strong vocation simply ended when Jack died. I want my assets to go to family, not a man. And I'm extremely comfortable on my own, and I need my own space. Plus, the idea of being a step-parent is my version of hell on earth. I have no kids by choice, and I damn sure do not want anyone else's ever.

Having read the comments here and on this sub for nearly a year, I feel I should also throw in the "nurse and purse" comment too. I was a nurse and a purse for Jack, before I knew the term, and yet, I was honored to take care of him, hard though it was. That said, never again. Caregiving can wreck your health in all kinds of ways. I just don't want to nurture anyone except those I choose! And I've always been like that, my whole life. Being expected to step into that Good Wife nurturing role is just such an oppressive, limited, straitjacket type of role. Again, big no thanks; it doesn't suit my personality, which is far more independent, and I simply have better things to do than cook, clean, and care for others.

I would like a living apart together situation, as I've said before. For a lot of older people, who do have assets to consider, it makes a lot of sense. When you're younger, you're building a life together, so combining everything makes sense. After about age 40, though, less is more; you start divesting of extraneous things, and I became a committed minimalist especially since Jack was a low-level hoarder. We didn't need an A&E special, but there was a lot to get rid of. Never again.

I see a long-term partnership as something that can be sustainable so long as people are on the same page. I've said before, he'd have to be his own person, with his own house, money, and social circle. He'd have to be a complete person in and of himself. More than likely he'd also be an introvert like me, someone who needs his space, but who also wants love, companionship, devotion, monogamy.

jupitarianrise · 2022-01-06T20:22:54+00:00

Marriage isn’t appealing to me.

It’s not something I dream of, I need a lot of space and, after being abused, I don’t know if I want to be legally “chained” to a man. Personal space and freedom are really important to me. I couldn’t even date a needy, controlling man.

I haven’t met a high-value man who is both my lover and my best friend, tho. When I do, I might change my mind, but he’d have to be truly exceptional. He’d have to be my “soulmate”.

DarbyGirl · 2022-01-06T21:32:35+00:00

If I'm with a partner long term, I want that commitment. Prenups are a thing and there are ways to structure them to protect both parties. I can't really put it into words why. I simply know it is important to me.

My perspective does come from a bit of a different point of view;

I didn't have that with my last partner, I was a forever girlfriend of 13 years. I tried my best to convince myself that I didn't need to be married. That it was just a piece of paper. All that did was make me resentful, especially as I saw other people, in relationships shorter than mine, get married. How by times he'd get me exited and ask about what kind of a ring I wanted etc. How if he died tomorrow I'd be left with nothing since we were common law and my name wasn't on the house. And as time went on and I was disappointed over and over, I realized I still wanted to be married...but I no longer wanted to be married to HIM.

My biggest regret is not dropping his ass sooner. My dad passed away several years ago and I'll never get to have him walk me down the aisle. I want to go dress shopping with my mom, and have all those experiences. But I want it with the RIGHT person, not just any person and that may never happen.

BasieSkanks · 2022-01-06T19:36:04+00:00

Unless we share assets or have children, I am not interested in marrying.

Squidwrd_Tortellini · 2022-01-06T21:55:07+00:00

Yeah marriage is not for me. especially because I'm never having children. I'm fiercely independent and need my complete and total freedom. I answer to no one, I consider no one but myself when making decisions for my life and my future. I do what I want, when I want, with who I want and I don't ever see that changing.

also, marriage means the marriage of you and your spouses finances. legally there is no distinction after marriage. FUCK that. my money, my assets, my investments, those are MINE. ain't NO ONE legally obtaining half my shit.

ChrisLovesStocks · 2022-01-06T18:34:57+00:00

I'm on the fence. Some days, I'm excited about the possibility of spending the rest of my life with someone. Other days, I feel it would be the worst decision to make in my life. Part of my hesitation is losing my identity to a man or having to give up my peace and freedom. I don't want to give up so much for the sake of marriage.

frogchickenhorse · 2022-01-06T20:35:53+00:00

I’ve never wanted to marry - the thought leaves me with horror or the possibility of being a maid /sex slave or fights over cleaning. I discovered the term for what I have been explaining over the years - living apart together. Now to find someone who I like to agreed with it. Most guys act offended when I suggest it.

GeorgiaPeach_94 · 2022-01-06T17:17:24+00:00

Good question. I want someone to have the INTENTION to marry me, but I'm hesitant on the practical side on whether it would actually benefit me or not. I think with an actual HVM it might, but I'll have to assess then.

LallieDoo · 2022-01-06T19:42:33+00:00

I personally have zero interest in marriage. I have a very high income, good career prospects, savings, investments.

The chances of me finding a man in a better financial position than me are slim. I’d rather look after myself and any potential children financially and not intertwine my finances with any man who might end up claiming half of it in case of a bitter divorce.

throwawayastrogirl · 2022-01-06T18:51:00+00:00

Me, I cannot imagine a worse situation than being married to a man, I'd literally go criminally insane. I don't believe in the happily ever after nor I want a man in my house so naturally I like the together but apart kind of arrangement. I don't care what the rest of the society or men think of this.

Cocoo_B · 2022-01-06T16:24:07+00:00

I am anti-marriage because it is one of the many tools of the patriarchy that keeps women subjugated to men

I have no desire for marriage but I would like to be in a long term comitted relationship eventually, and I don’t necessarily agree that a man being marriage-minded is a positive trait. There are so many subs where wives describes how much of a burden their LV husbands in their lives… These men were marriage-minded and yet they only see their wife as a maid/nanny/cook/house manager

We say that women should be not be forever girlfriends (dont move in, cook, clean, etc. for him) until you have the ring. But married women still find themselves carrying the burden of domestic labor and childrearing, so how exactly did the ring benefit them? Are we saying that a ring makes a woman’s domestic servitude to a man worthwhile? I genuinely do not understand this

Junior-Lion7893 · 2022-01-06T19:21:15+00:00

I want to get married and be with someone I love. I don’t want children, because I think it’s not conducive to my lifestyle. It is the only reason that I date. I think wanting marriage is dependent on your age, where you’re at in life, and why you date.

I have my own prerequisites as well. I will never be with a man for more than 3-5 years if he hasn’t expressed any interest in marriage. He has to propose with a ring, and we have to get married in a certain time frame (2 years). I’m not here to “have fun”, play games, and he’s out the door the moment I see something I don’t like.

The reason why I do what I do is because I’m terrified of being a “forever girlfriend”. I come from a family where this is rampant and I’ve seen women get the short end of the stick (not paying child support, being a bang maid, and growing resentment because they haven’t been married, but not wanting to leave the situation because too much time was invested) and men leaving women with no repercussions. That being said, some of the commenters have expressed that there might be too much at stake with assets, and becoming a “nurse with a purse” and I do agree with those statements.

europoor24 · 2022-01-06T19:48:32+00:00

meh.. it's not really on my mind right now. I'm past the phase of idolizing dating and men and that happily ever after bit.

SakuraGirl88 · 2022-01-06T19:53:54+00:00

Meh. Marriage doesn't appeal to me. Unless I marry the man I've formulated in my head 🤣. I'd prefer being the rich auntie 💅

pickmieshaexorcist · 2022-01-06T20:53:10+00:00

The stance on marriage here is to combat the typical losing scenario young women find themselves in: they want marriage and children but get trapped into forever girlfriend situations giving wife benefits to a man gaslighting them about how marriage is “just a piece of paper”. That’s not even getting into the cultural shaming of a woman daring want a nice ring or wedding. So we’re here to say, if you want to be married, that’s a perfectly valid life goal and here’s how to best maximize that outcome, and no one here’s going to tell you that you’re frivolous or demanding for it. It’s about what YOU want. Plus marriage confers very real benefits that being a baby mama or girlfriend doesn’t, so I would say for children or buying property it’s important to consider.

That being said, personally, marriage would not be my goal. I’m middle aged on my second husband. If he should happen to leave this earth before me, I have zero interest in marrying again. If I wasn’t already married, it still wouldn’t be high on my priority list. But I’m also not in my 20s/30s looking to have a family, either.

spicyspa · 2022-01-06T21:00:15+00:00

A lot of the women have a goal of getting married but it's putting the cart before the horse. A woman should date, vet and if he passes consider marriage. If a woman puts marriage as a goal, she will feel unnecessary failure and grief if she doesn't get married. It isn't a loss to not be married. Just don't spend time on go nowhere unfulfilling situationship.

DifferentBar6 · 2022-01-06T18:45:49+00:00

Don't want to be a personal slave.

Don't want to date or marry a man.

MsXxSelfDestructxX · 2022-01-06T23:17:20+00:00

I honestly can't see myself getting married. Every time I try to picture myself in a marriage situation like planning the marriage, talking to my spouse I always picture it as me being incredibly annoyed and stressed at <non-specific> spouse and having to end up doing everything by myself anyways. When I think about sex with a spouse I think of it as being unsatisfying and it being a hassle, I could take of myself quicker with my satisfyer.

I would maaaybe loosely consider marriage if it was with a partner that could properly court me, date me, provide for me, show up for me and I could grow in my personal life... so basically a HVM fantasy lol. Just writing this out had me sweating and needing a drink.

MamaGia · 2022-01-06T20:39:08+00:00

I don't.

sleepysiri · 2022-01-06T22:20:08+00:00

I’m not sure but I want to know this.

I do not want children, I would like to either have separate bedrooms or separate living spaces with the occasional sleepover, and I am intending to go into a career associated with wealth.

Zitrone77 · 2022-01-06T22:42:59+00:00

I have been married once before and that’s enough for me. I tried it and I’m done. I do not want children either. I would be perfectly fine with dating one person forever and living part time with them.

preppykat3 · 2022-01-06T21:05:28+00:00

I get confused on here cuz on one hand I read comments and posts like “he’s been with her for 10 years without marriage!” But I also see a lot of comments that are against marriage. So it’s hard for me to even pick a stance..

MorthaP · 2022-01-06T20:59:44+00:00

Yep. Not looking to get married ever. I understand the benefits of it for some women but it ain't for me.

fallen-summer · 2022-01-06T21:23:17+00:00

I always did want to but I find myself desiring it less and less not only have I not been treated well by my previous partners or men in general. The more I realize how unhappy and loveless most marriages are the less I wish that for myself also the fact that women are the least happy overall in marriage. I would still accept marriage if I found the right guy but im not sure I love marriage as a whole feels very patriarchal.

I do really like the idea of going to a sperm bank to have children and raising them in female centric communities

AphoticEnigma_ · 2022-01-06T22:47:20+00:00

I don’t want kids, I’ll be fine financially career-wise, but I do want to get married

Noemie_Mathilde · 2022-01-06T22:53:37+00:00

It definitely depends on what "you" want. Marriage is not for everyone, and I see too many "get that ring" comments here on FDS for my liking. It also depends on what country you live in and the relevant laws. P.S. not all of us are in the US and in some countries living with a man will automatically make you his defacto partner after a certain amount of time.

PalmTreePhilosophy · 2022-01-07T10:24:12+00:00

It's not that I'm against the idea but the problem for me is that I dont think I would ever want to share domestic space with a man.

fireforestfairy · 2022-01-07T11:28:13+00:00

I don't want to get married. The law requires couples to combine their assets and then split it in half if they fail to agree on how the money should be split up. Getting married hence seems risky financially given how there is no way to fully "prove" a guy is HV.

I'm also Asian and theres the culture of daughter-in-laws being expected to prioritise the needs of their parents-in-laws before her own needs. I don't like that. I can get away with this by having a "forever boyfriend" who lives with me - husband benefits without daughter-in-law duties.

spoonxxm · 2022-01-06T23:29:32+00:00

I really wished I didn’t want to but I do. I grew up without a father and without a „happy“ family. One day, if I find a HVM, I want to get married and build the family I never had. I’ve asked myself many many times if I really need to get married but when I start imagining myself at 70 without a family, children or husband I get depressed and feel like I’d be really lonely.

I mean yeah I would have close friends but those friends will be married and have their own families too, so it wouldn’t really be the same as having someone around you all the time. And I’m saying all that as someone who’s independent and never even had a boyfriend before, because I didn’t really feel like it.

AnniaT · 2022-01-07T00:08:05+00:00

Relationships with no ring are only doomed if the woman wants to marry and the scrote knows it and keeps dangling the marriage carrot but never proposing, future faking and stuff just wasting her time. That's what a forever girlfriend is.

But if you don't want to marry and he's ok with it then it's not a forever girlfriend situation nor bad. What's important is only being with men that are on the same page as us and ditch men who don't.

lvrcalii · 2022-01-07T00:29:14+00:00

melympia · 2022-01-06T20:19:12+00:00

I think it depends on where you are in life, and what your plans are.

If your plans include starting a family or being a SAHM/SAHW, then marriage is a must.

However, I'm beyond having children. (I still could, for a couple of years. But my daughter is an adult already, and I have no inclination of rearing another child now that I'm mostly free of that duty.) I have my own job, I'm financially stable. There's currently nothing that could entice me to marry.

I mean, if I met a HVM who absolutely blows me away (in all the good ways only), and even after prolonged vetting proves himself to be HV, then I might be tempted. But that's a lot of what-ifs, and I'm not going to assume it's going to happen.

NotYourBizThrowAway · 2022-01-07T00:05:46+00:00

Same, OP! I’m also child free so I don’t feel the need to get married. Everyone in my family has basically been divorced so I don’t really see the point in being legally bonded to someone. Marriage does not mean they won’t cheat on you or treat you like shit. I’d rather have a long term partner and if it’s no longer working out then we end things.

NotMyRealName814 · 2022-01-07T03:13:27+00:00

I'm nearly 60 and I would be ok with having a long term partner without marriage. I've never wanted to marry and I can't reasonably foresee that changing. I'm financially independent and no matter how good the guy marriage just wouldn't be a net benefit to me.

Spiritual_Cockroach · 2022-01-07T06:14:01+00:00

I would only get married if the legal and financial consequences are actually beneficial or neutral to me. Probably would involve a prenuptial to protect my assets. No shared finances ever. I feel like default marriage is not beneficial to most women.

Sakurablossom90 · 2022-01-07T09:11:09+00:00

A big part of me is like meh marriage what is it really needed for anyway and I think of the archaic reasons why marriage was needed like for purity (too late for that lol), togetherness (I mean you are together anyway), family alliances (is it just me that like finds it awkward when family's meet), for money like when women needed a man to get something like a bank account etc.....

Those things aren't needed in this day and age, I remember how much of a hurry my mum was to get her partner to marry her when she wasn't even divorced yet, somewhere along the line he changed his mind and they have been married for almost 10 years now. But as much as I love my mum it just felt so rushed like she had to get married to claim this man to prove to people it wasn't a mistake for her to leave her ex husband.

There is a small part of me that's like "ooh a nice dress would be lovely and being together forever where our friends and family can see us" etc, but I think that is social conditioning at play there - Iv seen alot of friends get proposed to on NYE and Christmas eve recently and my brain and oxytocin levels are like "Aww yes so cute I love it I want it" and when they announce a baby my brain is like "come on you know you want another one", but then reality hits and I'm like "I don't need to be proposed to or get married as proof the guy I'm with loves me and I don't need to have another baby either", as I realised when my childs father proposed to me whilst pregnant and then how quickly he turned abusive if I had married him and said yes to his proposal there was no way I'd had been able to leave that abusive relationship easily saying that it took me a year to leave save up money find a way out etc...marriage would of made it harder.

Me and my guy have spoken about it and he said he isn't interested in marriage or having a kid, not because his parents are divorced and not because of undue trauma or anything, his parents are friendly with each other nothing bad happened etc he just believes marriage is also outdated and not needed. So we are on the same wavelength there, he's accepting that I have a kid and is happy to be part of my kids life when it comes to it but doesn't have any urge to get me pregnant which is fine with me haha.

Title	Do any of you NOT want to get married one day?
Author	biwinny
Upvotes	502
Comments	57
Date	January 6, 2022 4:11 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/rxi6is/do_any_of_you_not_want_to_get_married_one_day/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/do-any-of-you-not-want-to-get-married-one-day.1094302 https://theredarchive.com/post/1094302

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