Surely it's a benefit to monogamy if you rarely find somebody attractive?

likestocuddleandmore · 2022-03-01T13:09:53+00:00

Yes, most men don’t evoke sexual urges. I have met maybe 5-6 my entire life. They had more than just good looks though. But my desire for men evolves inside relationship. The more the man invests in me=>the more attractive I find him =>the more he evokes sexual urges in me. Random hunks are just easy on the eyes. Like a vase in a museum. You might admire their physical beauty but not really feel like you wanna do anything with them.

Spacechicken1998 · 2022-03-01T11:58:48+00:00

I'm female, there are only very very few men I find so physicaly attractive I think of sex on viewing them. Maybe once every several months.

However men I know and who are in my social group I definitely think of fucking regularly as they have rapor with me.

qclady · 2022-03-01T14:13:00+00:00

I see a lot of attractive men. However, I do not want to have sex with them.

Artsyhipster · 2022-03-01T14:24:04+00:00

I'm the same as you, and I feel it is great as I am in a relationship with a man I find very attractive and rarely ever see other men that attractive.

poppy_blu · 2022-03-01T13:00:51+00:00

There’s too much focus put on attractiveness on this sub. Blame the black pillers for that.

Most people want love. Most people want intimacy. Most people are want genuine connections with others. And that includes people who aren’t objectively attractive.

That’s why people still choose monogamy.

Do you not see people you would consider unattractive in relationships every single day?

The idea that only attractive people can be in or be happy in relationships is a narrative peddled by incels and black pillers who want yet another excuse to never try. They also can’t wrap their heads around the fact that female sexuality differs from male sexuality. They’re not the ones to listen to about anything.

There’s nothing wrong with you only finding a few men attractive on first glance. It’s not abnormal and it doesn’t mean you’ll never have a relationship with a man who you are attracted to.

amyg36819 · 2022-03-01T13:28:41+00:00

it’s already questionable that im checking out another guy… but to think “yeah, he’s attractive, I’d like to MAYBE have sex with him?” Gurl, WHAT?!!! it’s been said to be problematic cause it is problematic.

i didn’t think of fuckin another guy when i was with my last boyfriend. even checking out other guys made me feel super bad 💀

PapaDragonHH · 2022-03-01T16:58:27+00:00

I give this post 4 out of 5 kitty litter packs.

Mark_Freed · 2022-03-01T12:33:07+00:00

From a individual’s pov, it’s great. I hope you found someone or find someone attractive.

But trp claims that most women are like you and only a small fraction of men are attractive to them. So there isn’t enough of them to go around if we stick to a monogamous system.

Either girls have to share the guy

Or girls end up “settling” with a guy. No guy likes being settled for.

So the issue is, how many girls will be happy and get the guy they like. Are women’s tastes varied enough that the competition trp paints is inaccurate. Maybe no one has to settle and almost everyone can pair up happily.

wtknight · 2022-03-01T12:05:54+00:00

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250umdfail · 2022-03-01T13:05:33+00:00

The average woman might find only about 2/10 men attractive, but it has never been easier for her to have access to those attractive men. So there's really no benefit to monogamy. If she wanted she can easily hookup with anyone more attractive than her partner, even if she found only 1% of men attractive.

Most men don't have a problem keeping a girlfriend, but rather finding one. That's why the 80/20 rule is to their detriment. Moreover, when men are worried about their partner's n-count, they're not worried about her cheating on him, but rather about not measuring up to her previous partners.

Women fear men cheating on them, while men fear being settled for.

tiposk · 2022-03-01T17:06:36+00:00

The benefit of monogamy is having a partner that will be faithful to me, but it also comes at the expense of my need for variety. I'm pretty sure this is the case from my partner's point of view as well.

To answer your question, I see sexually attractive men everytime I go out. I don't act on it for many different reasons but the desire is there.

TheEternalGhost · 2022-03-01T12:07:19+00:00

In fact, if you consider the model of monogamy and one guy for one gal etc, then surely its a BENEFIT that I feel that way.

It's not at all a benefit. It only takes your partner cheating on you with one man for the relationship to be completely ruined.

If I was a man I'd find it more comforting to know that my girlfriend wasn't eyeing up every other man that walked by, right?

No, it would be comforting to know that my girlfriend is able to control her urges and thinks that cheating is morally reprehensible. Even better if I knew that she wasn't promiscuous and would never sleep with a man outside of a committed relationship under any circumstances.

Gravel_Roads · 2022-03-01T12:17:24+00:00

Like most things, it probably comes down to moderation, what you do about it, and who you let it affect. How frequently you find someone attractive doesn't, after all, say anything about you as a person.

Are you saying your standards just happen to be so high, most men just aren't attractive enough for you to notice them romantically? (this isn't a criticism, just a question.) Do you gauge men by other things than just physical looks? ie, if a man isn't immediately viscerally attractive to you, would you care if he had other positive non-physical traits, or does the fact that he's not physically attractive disqualify him right out? (Factually speaking, some might call this shallow. But it's also normal human behavior, so while men might complain I'm not saying it isn't also probably unavoidable.)

Does you low attractive also mean low sex drive? Do you not experience arousal more than every month or so? Most men would prefer their gf not be checking out other dudes, but they do tend to prefer she be checking him out pretty regularly.

Again, I'm not saying any one thing is "good" or "bad". I also don't really do standard monogamy, so I'm just kind of hypothetically guessing.

its_radical96 · 2022-03-01T14:02:14+00:00

I agree with you. There’s nothing wrong with being super picky- I often go for a month or two without seeing someone I’m genuinely attracted to and when I do it’s not the same kind of excitement I used to get. At times I’ve wondered if I’m asexual but I do still want sex so that’s not quite it, I’m just really selective and tend to find people gross either mentally or physically a lot more often than I find them attractive. I realize that this means I have very few options and opportunity, but I just don’t care because I’ve seen enough mismatched relationships in my life at this point to know how they go. Surely if I ever do end up with anyone, it will be incredibly monogamous.

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I-IV-V-ii-V-I · 2022-03-01T13:52:40+00:00

We are not biologically monogamous just socially. Every human is checking out the other humans they like around them. All of us yes females are the same species. The scholarly idea of females even having this low of a libido comes from the very same time they were treating the same low libido half for hysteria.

Return_of_Hoppetar · 2022-03-01T14:06:42+00:00

Well, I'm an adult. It almost never happens.

Not that I can't tell people of either sex to be attractive. But been there, done that, I have things to do. Why would I randomly stop what I'm doing to have sex? It gets boring. Sure, when you are 18, it has novelty value. But do it for a decade and it won't make you go outta your way anymore. At least that's what it's like for me. I would be doing fine without having sex, except for having kids.

Now if your gf is like, 22, you might not want to generalize from me to her.

sarkington · 2022-03-01T16:06:42+00:00

It’s not a benefit to the male sexual imperative, which is “as much as possible, at any time”

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-03-01T16:11:40+00:00

I agree.

It's definitely a gender difference, and so in that sense it's a masculine trait that women have too.

I think it evolved so to increase monogamy and thus increase parental investment.

But it's also something that's influenced by culture, we see women are acting more masculine today than 50 years ago. We also see a rise in women cheating.

And so when men have their sexual choice restricted culturally, like through religion, they move toward quality, they tend to develop oneititis, and they tend to find less women attractive too.

CbLydian · 2022-03-01T17:07:34+00:00

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decoy88 · 2022-03-01T18:58:32+00:00

If you aren't used to dealing with something you are worse at dealing with it.

This a general rule for all learning and exposure. I believe it extends to temptation from the opposite sex as well.

Midnightchickover · 2022-03-01T20:03:42+00:00

I know I'm probably in different category to some people, but considering I'm a trans woman. You know we are stereotyped and notorious for being "thirsty for attention, especially from men...cis-het men at that." I also throw in pan-, pan-sexual and pan romantic. So, y'know another meaning for someone who could be interested in everyone. I digress, but the number of men who caught my eye and attention for than a few seconds. .. over the last decade or so...Going back to 2010.

********* A grand total of .... 2, maybe 3 (times). Yes, only 3 men have ever had that effect on me. I'm being super liberal.

2011/2012 -- A crush on mutual friend from a far eastern Asian island. To be fair, I knew what he looked like from his Myspace, but what fascinated me about him was his humor and light-hearted nature. He was a cooked, who liked to travel to many different parts of the world and surf. He was older than men and slightly below average in height. He was a literal angel, going by what I observed, what other people said, and my conversation with him.
2013 -- At work, I started to get into a random conversation with this guy about some nerdy things and thrift stores. He was short, 5,4 or 5,5, though thought he was very cute and smart. I'm 5,9/5,10. I used to regularly get hit on at work, especially in customer service or hospitality. Usually, because I am super fem, when I'm at work.
2016 ??? -- Maybe, somewhat, but I thought he was really attractive. Conventional good looks, like a magazine model with tall and dark features, pretty curly hair. He seemed like a pretty nice guy, and was very funny.

Just about every time I go out, or every other week, I get approached by guy at some point. This is going all the way back to 2010, and do not let me be dressed up or showing a little bit of flesh and makeup. Even my partner noticed, how many men might stare at me or check me out, when I don't even notice at all. Granted I do have a lot of curves below the waist. I know alot of men on this site are obsessed with looks, height, and man needing to have money, but to be honest those things are probably the furthest thing away from me wanting to entertain someone to date, have sex with, or be in a serious relationship.

Dating apps and social media-- I had to ghost my profile, and would not like to be visible to hetero-men. Alot of nice looking dudes out there, and someone of them overly endowed, but did not strike up any interest in me. I don't care about any of that stuff, and I am a little bit more attracted to women, aesthetically, personality wise, openness, and platonic (non-sexual) friends.

With that being said, there might have just been 1 for sure, maybe a 2nd and 3rd woman that grabbed my attention in passing. The woman was similar to the first guy, but from Latin American, a little older and very long curly blonde hair. Very sweet and humble woman, always had alot to talk about. 2nd woman was also super nice, a few years older than me. She was also kinda funny, too. So, I think that peaked my interest, alot more, than usual.

It's not to say the people I actually hooked up with where unattractive or lousy, because they weren't, but I wasn't initially attracted to them or had any interest, so much.

caption291 · 2022-03-01T21:41:12+00:00

In fact, if you consider the model of monogamy and one guy for one gal etc, then surely its a BENEFIT that I feel that way.

Let's say you have 1 ball of each color(purple,red,blue,yellow,pink,green,etc...)

I like purple.

Bob likes red.

Kyle likes yellow.

Jake likes pink

Taylor likes green etc...

If there's one ball of each color and each man likes a different color. You're going to have a nice "monogamous" pairing and everyone will be happy.

Kate likes purple

Sarah likes lilac

Eve likes violet

Jessica likes dark lavender

Jane likes mauve etc..

If you still have the same set of balls, the overlap between these women is going to be strong enough that they will end up fighting for the same balls making a nice "monogamous" pairing that people are happy with much harder to achieve.

You're looking at things from an individual perspective when you should be looking at how things work at a large scale. But even as an individual, it doesn't really matter to me if you find a lot of men attractive. I find a lot of women attractive, and BECAUSE of that I'm used to having to deal with that emotion appropriately and that's what actually matters imo. If you rarely find anyone attractive, how you react to finding someone attractive is much more up in the air which makes you more of a liability in a monogamous relationship.

just_nosey92 · 2022-03-01T22:14:20+00:00

Depends on the time of the month for me. If im ovulating everything is attractive. It's when I question my sexuality for 3 to 4 days lol 😆

bleb_ploleman · 2022-03-01T22:39:49+00:00

I get along with a whole lot of people but rarely find one I actually find myself attracted to. That’s why you gotta scoop those ones up when you find em.

BigFatBigPotato · 2022-03-02T03:51:17+00:00

Me and my wife always tell each other when we find someone hot. Who cares, we love each other and its fun to check out people, haha

Dapper_Art_8269 · 2022-03-02T06:13:22+00:00

I never think about sex when I see someone attractive. Just seeing or meeting hot men doesn't make me want sex. Just like seeing naked men doesn't make me horny. Yes I see that they look good. But I need to be kissed or touched to think actually want sex.

When I fantasize, it's never about real person. I don't even think about positions or sex acts. I always about how it would feel to have my neck kissed etc.

xcheshirecatxx · 2022-03-04T04:56:35+00:00

I never think I'd have sex with them

Like, I tell myself "he looks nice"

Women though ... Fiance and I, we talk about it

Caring_Cactus · 2022-03-04T05:25:54+00:00

Eh, I completely disagree.

Love is a choice especially for those who are secure with themselves. We choose that one out of all the other ones. People who have a strong sense of self will lead more with the feelings they proactively choose, than passively be led by the motions of life.

IcarusKiki · 2022-03-01T20:30:55+00:00

it is obviously. Men want polygamy for them monogamy for women which obviously cant happen for every man unless they somehow genetically engineer humans to have an uneven sex ratio.

Whenever I see men complain that feminism destroyed traditional monogamy and started the casual sex trend I like to point out that it was mostly men fueling the “free love” movement because they assumed it would be free use instead of women using sex to get monogamy from her choice of man (often the best she can get). Feminists only latched onto it because they assumed that instead of soft harems we would be like bonobos or something (lol).

The funny thing is - even though bottom tier men complain about hoes the top tier men are the ones who created this casual sex market and are enjoying it. But because that destroys their “men good woman bad” narrative they blame desperate sluts instead. It’s like when low income republicans blame mexicans stealing their jobs instead of the company owners outsourcing.

purple-libright · 2022-03-02T02:21:20+00:00

If you're a woman, yeah I guess it can be

If you're a man who isn't insanely attractive though, good luck - you don't have the luxury to pick and choose

Title	Surely it's a benefit to monogamy if you rarely find somebody attractive?
Author	Narrow_Bridge5804
Upvotes	63
Comments	184
Date	March 1, 2022 11:55 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/t469u8/surely_its_a_benefit_to_monogamy_if_you_rarely/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/surely-its-a-benefit-to-monogamy-if-you-rarely.1104704 https://theredarchive.com/post/1104704

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