How can people separate love from sex in regard to casual encounters or LTRs?

purplish_possum · 2022-03-28T22:41:27+00:00

I have to like a woman to have sex with her. But I don't have to love her. If she's attractive and pleasant enough but missing something she's at most a FWB.

Also, sex comes first. Sometimes it grows into love. Many times it doesn't.

PlayfulLawyer · 2022-03-28T23:14:07+00:00

One is a physical act based around physical attraction, the other one is feelings.

I can go hug a stranger on the street, but hugging my best friend has more emotion tied to it, that simple for me anyways

Feisty-Saturn · 2022-03-28T21:24:13+00:00

On PPD today I saw a guy say that men often know before they have sex with a woman whether or not they are willing to invest time into her. As a woman, I have found that to be the case. By the time I’ve slept with a man we have already time together and I know he will be there after we have sex.

While sex can deepen relationships, I don’t think that is what creates love or the inklings of love. It’s the things that happen before and after sex. If you are only having sex with someone I can’t imagine how you feel love for them. When you hear about someone in a fwb situation falling for the other person, these situation the couple are doing more together than just having sex.

ashpr0ulx · 2022-03-28T21:13:57+00:00

I specifically pick partners for casual sex and friends with benefits situations who I have no desire to be in an actual relationship with. That makes it easier.

2022-03-28T21:26:32+00:00

I can't either. All you can do is put up boundaries so that men who can separate them don't use you in a way you don't like. Not everyone has casual or should have casual. If it's not for you, who cares what the rest of the world does?

Swordfromthecement · 2022-03-28T20:48:39+00:00

It’s hard to explain, it’s just like performing any other action for me. I don’t get that invested from sex, especially if it’s from someone I don’t know all that well.

On the other side, I don’t understand how people aren’t able to separate love from sex. You can’t just want to sleep with someone you think is cute? I personally feel like that’s a cop out that women give unattractive men but that’s just me coming from a different end of the spectrum 🤷🏾‍♂️

Now sex can deepen something that’s already there. But quality time, conversation, and words of affirmation are generally what win me over.

Aviadcool111 · 2022-03-28T21:17:21+00:00

I do think it varies from person to person and this is for men and women in general. I do think at this point I could make the statement that people have a large degree of variation to which they can enjoy casual sex, this ranges from demisexuals who I believe can only have sex with people to who they are attracted emotionally to others who let's call players for men and party girls for women who can have NSA easily though I would argue that men, in general, are able to be satisfied with purely physical sex more so than women, however, women can enjoy it just as much it is just the amount of them who can is most likely less.

A lot of grief I think is generated between the sexes when you have sexually restricted women being pushed for sex by men and also sexually restricted men wanting women to pair up with them. I also think that a lot of men on here have the idea that women who are more sexually restrained are willing to let go of that restraint for above-average men but will only do so for a short period and after that period become sexually inhibited again. Typically sexually unrestrained men and women have no issues with each other, and I think there may be a gap between sexually restrained men and their counterparts who may have an experimental phase that women typically don't enjoy(sexually restrained women would most likely feel more regret/disgust from NSA sex than the party girl counterparts). Then the sexually restrained men feel they need to catch up to their counterparts and hence they may get into pickup culture and other subcultures focused on increasing the number of people they can sleep with.

wtknight · 2022-03-28T21:42:37+00:00

Some people are attracted enough to the physical and mental indicators of a person that they can have biological arousal without the emotional need of love. Even an FWB relationship could have friendly intimacy but without actual "love" in the romantic sense, too.

I'm personally not capable of separating love from sex, but I can understand how other people might be. Maybe it's because attractive women can still somewhat arouse me, even if I have no desire to want to do anything with them.

FlamingCoochies · 2022-03-28T22:21:52+00:00

Some people naturally see sex as only another urge similar to hunger or thirst, some see it as the most intimate act of love. I don't think you can learn to do it, either you can or can't.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2022-03-28T23:17:02+00:00

As a man, there's no feelings towards the other person to begin with. She's just a sex toy for a while.

That's how casual sex works.

DrinkItInMan11 · 2022-03-28T23:19:57+00:00

Because sex is fun and I want to do it with a lot of people.

decoy88 · 2022-03-29T16:39:08+00:00

I wasn’t told from an early age that I will definitely catch feelings from sex and that I couldn’t otherwise.

I think it’s a narrative that gets pushed so hard that we all believe it, and then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I’ve seen women try to convince themselves they love a man they had sex with in order not feel like a slut. Why? Because they’ve demonised the idea pursuing someone solely out of lust so it has to make more romantic sense for them.

To me having sex is like playing tennis. It can be a good or bad with a stranger, better with someone you know and like and fantastic with someone you love.

If you don’t see sex as some sacred, all encompassing thing and instead just an act done with sensitive parts that provides pleasure, it becomes okay to have it without love.

2022-03-29T17:25:52+00:00

sex feels good

anonymousUser1SHIFT · 2022-03-28T21:16:31+00:00

Here's how you do it.

You have to objectify the person you're having sex with. Don't think of them as a complex human being with wants, dreams, and aspirations. Don't humanize them, because that's how you fall in love. They are there for your pleasure and you are for theirs. It's a transaction. That's not to say you treat them poorly, but they are a means to an end.

For example, when you hire a plumber to fix your sink, you are exchanging money for his service. You likely got money from a job, so you are exchanging the compensated work you did for his plumbing service. Likewise if you are a man, you are exchanging the function of your male body for the function of her female body. Transactional dopamine, epinephrine, oxytocin, serotonin, ect.

Basically, it's a drug deal with extra steps.

7186997326 · 2022-03-28T20:52:00+00:00

Are you in love with your massage therapist? How about you doctors? No see even though there is physical tough involved when interacting with such professionals, you aren't in love with them. Sex can be the same thing, service provided for a fee.

-ShesACarnival- · 2022-03-28T20:53:20+00:00

i dont think i "can" separate love from so so much as in many cases i just organically do. for me sleeping around was a chemistry hunt more than a sex hunt. i dont think i can "Fall in love" til AFTER sex and chemistry. in most of my sexual encounters it just kinda never formed, in some it formed and petered out quickly because the guy disappeared, in others he caught something but i didnt. in every case where mutual chemistry formed, an LTR was attempted. im simply not particularly adverse to pain. id rather kiss a lot of frogs and suffer when it doesnt pan out than not have the kind of insane love chemistry all my LTRs started as

Prize-Thought-4205 · 2022-03-29T00:11:53+00:00

For most humans they can only do it when they've had enough casual sex, become desensitized to it or have gone through a ton of trauma or have some sort of childhood trauma.

This trauma makes them terrified to grow attached or be too trusting of other people so their minds literally block themselves from it to avoid pain.

This happens to a lot of men & women who are actively in the casual sex scene & not looking for a serious monogamous relationship... just endlessly chasing causal sex.

These people need therapist, they're just damaging themselves even more.

And real serious issues like sex addiction happens for celebrities, it ends in true depression, more sense of loneliness & deeply lacking something in life.

Urbantexasguy · 2022-03-28T21:08:41+00:00

If I may ask, are you a man or a woman? We men are often better at mentally compartmentalizing thoughts and feelings than women are. That includes the ability to separate sex and love, both in terms of objectives, and emotional investment.

Don't get me wrong, we men are certainly capable of feeling as deeply, or perhaps more deeply, in love as women are, but the way to our hearts, is typically not through our dicks.

2022-03-28T21:09:05+00:00

Maybe I’m broken but I can easily separate the two.

mmm_try_again12345 · 2022-03-28T20:49:25+00:00

Nobody can but a lot of people fool themselves into thinking they can. Sex releases chemicals in your brain that are also related to attraction and emotion and that’s unavoidable.

Also, whether they realize it or not, sleeping around destroys their ability to pair bond

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cantcatchabreak69 · 2022-03-28T21:17:56+00:00

I believe it starts with having boundaries. If you don't have boundaries you can fall sideways into "love" from having casual sex. Like if I pay for sex or do a casual hookup its a transaction. I'm doing it as a form of pleasure not love. I may like that person as a human being but not falling in love and wanting it to ever be a relationship. It's just having fun and that's it.

reignoferror00 · 2022-03-28T21:23:00+00:00

How can people separate love from sex in regard to casual encounters?

If it is a casual encounter you don't know them well enough for love to occur: physical attraction, lust, maybe you think the beginning of some sort of connection - sure. love? no. Sometimes it is just a cocktail of hormones, lowered inhibitions, and wishful thinking - there is a reason why the term "post nut clarity" exists.

How can people separate love from sex in LTRs?

Check out the low libido partners in the dead bedrooms subreddit for starters. Some people there believe they still love their partner but have no desire or even an aversion to even being touched by them.

sarkington · 2022-03-28T21:24:50+00:00

Because you don’t need to know someone to want to bone them?

Do I know Oscar Isaac? No. But pictures of him sure make my swimsuit area feel happy

flapperfemmefatale · 2022-03-28T21:31:49+00:00

It just seems self-evident to me. My first relationship had consistently fantastic sex, but zero love.

ruboyuri · 2022-03-28T22:57:39+00:00

Really, you can’t understand how love is not lust and vice versa?

floralgirl2002 · 2022-03-28T23:21:41+00:00

who knows,

I have 4 brothers and they say sex is like a handshake to them

so im assuming for them its the same as not falling in love with someone whose hand you shook lol

for me there doesnt have to be love involved but an emotional connection is necessary (expect for one time) haha

flowerwoven · 2022-03-28T23:25:18+00:00

Separating love from sex? Many people already do that. Real love isn't super common. Separating emotions from sex? You'd literally have to be on drugs. Or so tormented by casual sex that you have no feeling anymore. Our brains are not built to separate emotion from sex.

PMmeareasontolive · 2022-03-28T23:49:14+00:00

I got too many hang-ups for casual. Plus, if the sex is good it feels like my soul is leaving my body.. and I'm merging with that person in various ways. It takes a certain interplay to get past inhibitions to allow any level of abandon to happen. Not saying casual isn't interesting as a phenomenon. It can makes some good memories for the ole mental scrapbook. But it's not going to be that out-of-the-body, abducted-by-aliens type experience.

kaiden08 · 2022-03-29T00:49:05+00:00

They can’t but they have to pretend they can

Lateralanouncer · 2022-03-29T01:06:16+00:00

It's really easy if she's easy as you know it means nothing.

2022-03-29T02:39:04+00:00

For casual and ONS it's easy. Love was never established in the first place. But, why would you be in a LTR with someone you love?

Profession_Mobile · 2022-03-29T03:44:59+00:00

I’m a woman and sometimes I can but almost every man I’ve met has told me they do.

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-03-29T06:26:01+00:00

I've been looking into this awhile and found the answer, and the answer to your question is simple.

The answer is: It takes practice.

People who say they separate love from sex, are well practised at it.

iamthemovie1992 · 2022-03-29T18:21:37+00:00

It’s just the capacity that many men have. Men can fuck a girl once and never speak to her again, and will be willing to do it the next night with an entirely different girl.

_lexxxi_98 · 2022-03-30T06:15:14+00:00

I guess it comes from attraction and communication. When I go on tinder I know I’m most likely not going to find Prince Charming to swipe me off my feet and marry me. Found some guys worth dating, but not bring home to mom and dad.

Title	How can people separate love from sex in regard to casual encounters or LTRs?
Author	OfCatandPagan
Upvotes	18
Comments	155
Date	March 28, 2022 8:33 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/tqinml/how_can_people_separate_love_from_sex_in_regard/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-can-people-separate-love-from-sex-in-regard-to.1109738 https://theredarchive.com/post/1109738

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