Men should stop Cold Approaching.

wtknight · 2022-05-19T13:26:06+00:00

Re-flaired to CMV as this post is making an affirmative claim.

SmarmyPapsmears · 2022-05-19T13:34:03+00:00

Cold approach is tough, and I give props to guys who do it for women. I literally cold approach for a living (d2d sales).

That being said, no. It's not rape to cold approach. Relax my dude.

CocoBabeNYC · 2022-05-19T13:35:41+00:00

How about we stop fucking and even going out of the house because our presence might make someone uncomfortable? I certainly feel eye raped when I see fat slobs outside with their bellies exposed thinking they look sexy. They should know better and not rape everyone's eyesight. I also want poor and ugly people to not breathe my air. They make me uncomfortable.

Siukslinis_acc · 2022-05-19T13:24:26+00:00

I think it's more important to stop the cold approach on the woman when she give a first rejection.

Example. You cold approach a woman, she rejects the approach, you say "have a nice day, bye" and move on from her (instead of trying to convince her to take back the rejection)

Friedidli · 2022-05-19T13:39:22+00:00

I think gaining social skills as a late bloomer is useful when interacting with strangers.

If you can leave a good impression on a stranger then you can do it with people you know.

The consequences.for bombing with people you know is much worse than with total strangers. It can get back to the social circle and brand you with the mark of creep worsening your chances overall.

Cold approach to develope indifference to rejection.

back_in_blyat · 2022-05-19T13:25:41+00:00

1 - nothing succeeds for men most of the time, or even often at all in terms of %: a 1% success rate for say online dating would actually put a man solidly above the overwhelming majority of his peers

2 - yes, but if the opportunity cost is literally nothing sans 15 seconds of your time, why not? this point is easily the most obvious refutation

3 - rape culture is a myth and there is far more evidence woman have a mental illness/neuroticism culture if we want to play that game

4 - women hate any kind of remotely sexualized interaction with men whom they don't find attractive

5 - except when it does

melody_of_ · 2022-05-19T13:26:07+00:00

Forcing yourself to cold approach is an excellent way to practice talking to women and become more accustomed to rejection.

Even if you arent attracted to the person it's still good practice.

Antonija_Blagorodna · 2022-05-19T13:20:53+00:00

I highly recommend starting off this debate with your definition of what constitutes a "cold approach."

There are drastically different styles and methods of going about it. Some are safer bets than others.

yo_saturnalia · 2022-05-19T20:18:47+00:00

Met my fiancé through cold approach. So kindly stay in your lane , don’t generalize.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2022-05-19T13:41:01+00:00

I think lots these posts are made by dudes that don’t understand there are certain places women are more open to cold approaches AND have no clue about flirting and body language.

Some dudes here act like saying hi to the girl at the edge of the dance floor swaying to the music and smiling at you while playing with her hair would be just as bad a cold approach as yelling at a woman trying to work on her laptop with her headphones on at a coffee shop.
Come on, bros. Read the room!

Antonija_Blagorodna · 2022-05-19T13:56:22+00:00

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PlayfulLawyer · 2022-05-19T14:35:53+00:00

Nah, if you see a nice honey walking by and you think you have a shot in that moment, go for it, as long as you do the following

Actually looking presentable stepping out of the house, one thing I heard from Michael Jordan when I was younger that stuck with me was, he always dressed to the nines when he was out in public, cuz it could be somebody's One and Only Time seeing him and he always wanted to put his best image forward, and while I'm certainly no Michael Jordan, and I'm damn sure not going to wear a suit everywhere, I don't dress like a complete slob either, pretty much everything fitted, a good pair of shoes preferably Chuck Taylors and we're good to go, maximize your looks fellas
Actually having something funny or witty to say, hopefully the scenario presents itself but even then, it never hurts to have prepared statements or jokes or whatever
Be brief, you got somewhere to go, she's got somewhere to go try to make a really good impression in 30 seconds, unless she asks you questions in order to keep you around longer, and don't lay it on too strong, if she doesn't want to give her number take her Instagram, it might even be good to ask for her Instagram off rip( I don't take Snapchats though)
Take the soft rejection well, rejection is a part of life if she's not feeling it just say "hey thanks have a good day" and move on, if she escalates it or if she's a feminist or uses terms like "grape culture " unironically or something like that, you don't want to be with her anyways

There are valid concerns and the odds are not in your favor I do get that but at the end of the day it's your choice to make

bison5595 · 2022-05-19T17:06:57+00:00

Its completely dumb to never cold approach. Men should use every available avenue to meet women. Too many guys are simply afraid to approach women, and use the MeToo movement as an excuse to avoid facing rejection.

2022-05-19T22:28:46+00:00

100% agree

YoungArabBrother · 2022-05-19T13:26:24+00:00

holy shit its surreal walking down your points and seeing every single one wrong. you just arent good looking dude imma be brutally honest. in the past six months alone i went on a camping trip deep into the mountains with a random woman who sat next to me on a plane two months prior. Spent Valentines Day with a woman from San Diego I met on the beach while vacationing there. Just went out yesterday with a woman i met while eating breakfast at my hotel lobby (travel for work). “cold approaching” (which i dont like that term cause half the time these women strike up convo with me and half its me striking up with them) works wonders for me and is a billion times better than shitty dating apps. And women have specifically told me how refreshing it is to be approached by a polite guy who is pleasant to talk to. Yeah I can’t even agree with a single point of yours.

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RinoaRita · 2022-05-19T13:34:05+00:00

It depends on where. An approach can technically be a cold approach in that you don’t know them and you’re just going up to them but still kind of warm if you’re at a social event like a convention or a concert etc. I guess they eliminates the know nothing about as in you know they might also like the same band or like sci-fi/anime etc.

ogsimpology · 2022-05-19T14:06:04+00:00

Don't stop doing anything if you're single. Get used to women not liking men, and be surprised when a probable No turns into an unexpected Yes.

PinkPurpleGreenx · 2022-05-19T14:39:35+00:00

Just don’t be a creep or the “I will convince you you want me” type of guy and nobody normal will think you are harassing them. Also don’t just walk to a girl and start with “hey sexy / nice ass / nice tits or why aren’t you smiling?” and don’t stand way too close to her.

Smitten_Squire · 2022-05-19T15:50:02+00:00

Women dont take initiative lol

Any_Drama3272 · 2022-05-19T16:07:36+00:00

“There, I cold approached her and asked for her number while striking up a conversation. Why didn’t it work?”

Because you approached me while I was at the end of my work day, and all I wanted to do was get home, and the conversation you attempted to strike up with me revolves around you trying to convince me “I don’t ‘really’ know who I’m dating”.
Because you approached me in a bar while I was out with some friends, and just wanted to play pool. When I explained ‘I’m not here for a hookup’, you asked me what you needed to do to get my number, and then suggested I ‘give you a test of strength’ by pointing out any other man in the bar for you to fight them.

So… yeah you have to read the room. I have guy friends who are very good at cold approaching women:

They have their own printed cards, similar to a business card, if the situation allows to strike up a conversation like waiting in line for something, they’ll talk and give the card when they part ways. Or if the situation does not allow—someone is in a hurry or not that talkative, then give the card and walk away.

The business card usually has a little design, a name, a nickname, a title, and a phone number to call or text, with a little one line message. This card is equally useful for meeting people in business opportunities or non date related items, also, so frankly, it’s just useful to have in daily life. One of my other friends has two versions. I have one actual business card, and another card for people I meet as well—it’s a good practice to have regardless of age or gender in 2022, to be honest.

Additionally, the mentality is not correct: ‘if you are hot a woman will appreciate your cold approach’ because that leads to people thinking the opposite: “she did not like my cold approach because she did not find me hot.” —this is not always true.

I was cold approached by probably one of the hottest men I’ve ever met. He cold approached me by asking if I had a dime to spare because he was short on his train ticket, (change machine was broken at this station) then he started telling me how beautiful I was, and then he flexed his bicep and kept insisting I squeeze it to feel him up…started explaining that’s why I should give him my phone number. I said no, and he pulled up his shirt to show his abs. Visually yes, dude was nice to look at. But this dude is also speaking loudly having me feel him up, pulling his shirt half way off, flexing like a photo shoot in the middle of a crowded rush hour train station…this is completely ridiculous. The level of hotness and fitness level is irrelevant if you are behaving so awkwardly that I’m afraid you might be on drugs…. So I just wanted to point that out there.

The actual correct mentality is: “If she appreciates the approach, then she already finds something attractive. But if she does not appreciate the approach, then she is not interested in meeting anyone.”

… because yes, even male strippers get rejected, and not for their looks— like the weird one asking me to grope his arms or the drunk asking me to make him ‘fight anyone anyone in the room’.

Or the opposite: a guy who was definitely not a male stripper, a little overweight, but we had a pretty awesome conversation for a good ten minutes. He took out his phone and held it meanwhile I had to go…. And then I proceeded to walk away and start to mentally kick my ass for realizing he was trying to ask me for my number and I was too distracted by being in a hurry to freaking think about it. And I proceeded to cringe for a year afterward, every time I thought about it because he seemed that cool, regardless of what he looked like in comparison to other people.

If you are cold approaching, your goal should probably be in the interest of getting ‘an answer’—not to persuade or sell her in to giving you a yes. It is not harassment to ask a question—you’ll notice the weird stories I give is when the person sticks around to try and persuade after already getting an answer…and that part is common as fuck.

MrMushySauce · 2022-05-19T17:16:44+00:00

Nah, works for me, gonna keep doing it. Plus my only LTR was the result of being cold approached (I'm male) so... yeah. It definitely works. Honestly I prefer being cold approached bc it indicates interest immediately but that's not always going to happen so I'll settle for doing it myself too

revente · 2022-05-19T17:24:49+00:00

For men, it doesn't succeed most of the time.

So what? Yo don't need to seduce every woman in entire world to be happy. Often you only need a single one.

through friends

Only low-value men resort to what's given to them. Also, it's best not to shit where you eat.

online/app dating

It's for people who have more looks than personality.

Women will publicly voice their displeasure of being Cold Approached

A loud minority will. The majority hold a pleasant conversation even when uninterested.

Frankly it's mostly unkempt feminists who are the loudest here. I doubt they ever got approached.

Smoogs2 · 2022-05-19T17:33:06+00:00

I've had far more success approaching women in bars, clubs, venues, mutual places of interests, on vacation etc... than OLD.

OLD is brutally competitive and statistically produces worse results while also being a time suck opportunity cost. Instead of swiping right all night long, you should be at the climbing gym chatting to gym rats and having fun. OLD is probably the worst thing you could possibly do.

I think when women hear "cold approach" they think of the homeless man shouting "YOOO SHORTYYYY" at them at 7AM. That's not only what the term refers to. Building rapport by saying simply saying hi and introducing yourself to the girl you see often at the country club is also cold approaching. It doesn't even have to end with getting her number as you will likely see her again there. Just approach, say hello and that you wanted to introduce yourself and then leave it at that. It doesn't have to be more and you are building a foundation for future interaction.

szclimber · 2022-05-19T17:36:08+00:00

The issue is most women get way more attention than they want. Most of the time the guy is just annoying the girl.

AelfredRex · 2022-05-19T17:58:14+00:00

It's like playing Hide-n-Seek. You don't want to be "cold". Last thing you want in romance is "cold"... cold shoulders, cold beds, cold showers. Not the ideal.

There's also this thing called "warm approach", when you actually know that she's interested in you to start with. That comes from eye contact and reading reactions. If she's not giving you any signs, she ain't into you. That's "cold" and there aren't any magic words that will change that. If you're exchanging glances and smiles before even saying a word, you're definitely "warm".

Cold approachers don't care about reading her mood. They just want to "shoot their shot" (sounds like ejaculation) and they don't care about her. It's all a little ego wank at her expense. "I hit on a hot girl. She said no, but I did it, so that means I'm awesome." It only works if she's incredibly desperate for a date. Even the PUAs say it'll take hundreds of attempts before you find one insane enough to actually say yes to a complete stranger with less than a few minutes of conversation. That's a helluva lot of effort for very little reward with a high probability of sticking it in a whole lot of crazy.

HazyMemory7 · 2022-05-19T18:45:26+00:00

Cold Approaching plays into Rape Culture.

No it doesn't. Shitty human beings that don't respect consent play into rape culture.

You approach, girl is receptive, you continue. Girl is uncomfortable and not receptive, you politely tell her to enjoy her day and leave her alone. If you are polite and respectful and a girl perceives it as harassment that's her issue. Cold approach does not have to involve harassment nor does it have to play into rape culture.

humdf · 2022-05-19T19:37:13+00:00

Sorry. Why do women approach me then? Didn't they know their own teachings?

cvslengthbucketlist · 2022-05-19T20:59:08+00:00

You can't say cold approaching doesn't benefit either gender when you already admit that it actually does work for a minority of people, men and women.

Just like nutritional and fitness advice, dating advice is only ever important and relevant on an individual level (for obvious reasons) so you can't help but account for the exceptions, and any sweeping advice that limits personal choice and says to all men or all women NEVER to do something is both undemocratic in spirit and should be viewed with suspicion.

Edit: I'd even posit that any man who is afraid to try difficult things in life like cold approaching simply because it has a 1) low rate of success and 2) high risk of rejection/criticism is probably the type of guy who is easily deterred by uncertainty and overly eager to people-please, and likely not attractive personality-wise to a broad swathe of women.

Stunning-Spirit5275 · 2022-05-19T21:56:30+00:00

Never approach if ugly. Cold, warm, hot or whatever. Unnatractive = creepy.

Lateralanouncer · 2022-05-19T22:39:27+00:00

I personly dont get the cold approaching thing and get why it is perseved as predatory. For me I just talk to people and enjoy doing that. I could be chatting with a fat 40 year old then a hot 23, then avoiding a stuck up hot 23 year old.

EugeneCezanne · 2022-05-19T23:34:35+00:00

Cold approaching works a lot actually, provided you pick your moment well, arent obnoxious, and arent just doing it to every woman on sight. Also, women are divided on whether or not it's cool.

yo_saturnalia · 2022-05-20T05:45:01+00:00

I actually hate this word “cold approach” and labeling it so. We are born into this world alone and everyone we meet in this life is at some point a stranger , even your own mother. If one has the attitude that introducing themselves to someone new is labeled as “cold approach” and supports rape culture, it’s an attitude with questionable logic. At some point many years ago you would have “cold approached “ your best friend . Extending this argument, there is nothing wrong or objectionable in introducing yourself to a new woman - call it “cold approach” or whatever you may want to . If we are discussing the skill involved in the social interaction - it’s a different matter completely . So cold approach does not exist - or conversely every interaction in the world starts with cold approach .

MepleLeef · 2022-05-20T15:37:26+00:00

Older men have been cold approaching me since I was 14. Never at any point have I given into one of these men, I'm now in my late twenties.

When I see a man cold approaching I assume he's doing it for sex, I see his appearance and usually it's a huge "no". I tend to walk right past.

Dagenius1 · 2022-05-20T23:06:31+00:00

If you’re getting good dating results with whatever you are doing now, continue on.

If you are a guy who is struggling or who isn’t happy with the results you are getting.. spend 2-3 months cold approaching and making adjustments from trial and error. Adjustments like where you approach, your personal style and look, what you actually say etc.

By the 3rd month you will be in a different and better place in dating. You will look back on yourself and be amazed at the growth.

Good luck

cangero0 · 2022-05-24T02:20:03+00:00

Alright as someone shy I can't really cold approach. On the other hand OLD is also shit. What option is there left

Ectoplasmic1984 · 2022-06-01T03:04:35+00:00

why do i get the feeling cold approach will never die, and a lot of women unfortuneately get made uncomfortable when a guy approaches them in a public place

Title	Men should stop Cold Approaching.
Author	Antonija_Blagorodna
Upvotes	7
Comments	158
Date	May 19, 2022 1:17 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ut38b5/men_should_stop_cold_approaching/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-should-stop-cold-approaching.1119356 https://theredarchive.com/post/1119356

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