Marriage question

ryanduty · 2022-07-28T19:53:23+00:00

Not worth it buddy. Going through my second divorce now. It’s always the same story. Starts off good. Husband works his ass off to pay the bills. Woman spends her money on clothes and 250 haircuts. Things get stale. Nothing ever satisfies her even though she had nothing before you but she thinks she knows best. She gets more disrespectful and things dissolve. Now you struggle to rebuild while she gets a chunk of your assets and you get none of hers because she has none. I’ll never get married again. First marriage 17 yrs, second marriage just a little over a year. (You notice red flags way sooner. Actually missed a few during the dating process being “blinded by love” but they were there and I chose to ignore them and thought things would turn out better. Honestly, once you get married, she can turn your life inside out if she’s crafty. Even claim she feels afraid and get a no contact order, which means even your divorce attorney is prohibited from contacting her. You’re on the streets with just what clothes you could fit in your car and she’s living like normal in the house you paid every dime for that she never contributed to. Don’t do it!

CRobinsFly · 2022-07-28T17:09:01+00:00

It's not worth it. I have never, not once, heard someone describe a benefit men receive from marriage that they couldnt also receive from just a girlfriend.

r/Againstmatrimony

Millhouse201 · 2022-07-28T19:21:57+00:00

Legally marry another man for tax benefits. .. keep a girlfriend otherwise

Road_to_independence · 2022-07-28T19:42:38+00:00

It's funny. Once you've been through the process from beginning to end, it is so obvious that it is a pointless arrangement. Why should the government be involved at all?

Rock_Granite · 2022-07-28T23:33:29+00:00

It's been worth it for me. I read your stories and I know I got lucky. My wife is good egg. She treats me well. She stays in excellent shape. I've always "liked" her as well as loved her. And I believe she would say the same about me. 35 years later it is still that way.

I did one thing early on in the relationship to help ensure I wouldn't get screwed in a divorce.
I made it very clear that I expected her to work as hard as I did and I expected her to have a job/career that brought in substantial money. In the event of a divorce I didn't want to be left having to support her "in the lifestyle she's become accustomed to". And she did what I asked. Our incomes were pretty close throughout most of our careers.

Could we have just been boyfriend/girlfriend? Maybe. But I wouldn't have had kids with her if we weren't married. It was more or less required for what I wanted to do in life.

MartyMcFly7 · 2022-07-28T17:47:08+00:00

As a society, we could definitely do better. Our society is changing and we need to change with the times.

If you were going to build a society from scratch, you'd probably want to help people live happy, content, fulfilling lives. For many people, marriage is a part of that, as it gives them a greater sense of connection.

However, when things go bad, being married makes the separation process much too difficult (especially here in the US). Again, if you were designing a society, you wouldn't design the separation process the way it is now; you wouldn't design it with costly lawyers, judges, expert witnesses, depositions, and so on. The end of a relationship is difficult enough as it is!

Personally, I think the government ought to exit the marriage business. Individuals can still register as married, but then it comes with no other special rights or privileges. You are still both seen as individuals by the government. You both earn your own incomes, file your own taxes, and any contracts you choose to enter into are up to you (i.e. rights of survivorship, power of attorney, home ownership, etc.). When and if you choose to divorce, you complete a form online, pay a minimal fee, and you're divorced. It doesn't need to be complicated.

Theedon · 2022-07-28T22:01:03+00:00

No it is not worth the pains of a divorce. Just be boyfriend/girlfriend until she doesn't want you any more. Then the break up is easy. She takes what she purchased and you change the locks. The next time she enters your house give a clear warning before pulling the trigger.

Complicatedlogic · 2022-07-28T19:05:54+00:00

For women it is. There’s no benefit for men that I’ve experienced personally or that my married friends have shared with me either.

YeTuMamaTambien · 2022-07-28T20:56:13+00:00

I would marry again… if I found a woman who was not: emotionally/mentally unstable, lazy, in unbelievable debt, in a low paying career or no job at all, immoral at her core, on drugs, invariably the victim, unable to accept responsibility for her own actions.

Fun-Possible7676 · 2022-07-28T18:39:43+00:00

The main benefit is religious in nature. Most Christians are required to marry because otherwise it's fornication. Atheists should never marry in America.

Focus_On_A_Check · 2022-07-31T15:54:21+00:00

I’d rather staple my nuts to a park bench and cover my ass in fire ants than ever do this shit again.

NothingIsEverEnough · 2022-07-28T16:56:22+00:00

If your state has common law, you may become classified as “married” even without having a license.

So I’m not sure you can always avoid it.

Marriage is a social norm, signaling a different level of commitment. It also allows for benefits to be derived by the married couple.

So it’s not just what’s bad about it. Many have successful marriages. Just not us :)

crypto_keeper88 · 2022-07-28T17:33:21+00:00

There is no point to get married.

gunperv51 · 2022-07-28T20:26:56+00:00

If you really want it to work, go to couples counseling then go into personal counseling. Work everything out before getting married and miserable.

iM3d1CdUd3 · 2022-07-28T20:43:45+00:00

There’s zero incentive. And even less incentive for a woman to stay married

Getting married just gives the female an nuclear warhead and you’re just supposed to hope she doesn’t use it

mrmrmute606 · 2022-07-28T23:14:06+00:00

Marriage is the only contract where one party is incentivized to break it

Data_Fan · 2022-07-29T02:17:00+00:00

You are correct

Fabulous-Zombie-4309 · 2022-07-29T13:41:51+00:00

If you were to set it up as a financial investment, getting married is like playing Gamestop and Tesla options you bought high on crack at 2am. There can be an upside (every time I look at my kids, I pull back from thinking that I wish I never met her) but man that downside is steep.

tanotsurewhattodo12 · 2022-07-28T17:37:18+00:00

[permanently deleted]

tinrooster2005 · 2022-07-28T17:45:49+00:00

Why not just date snd have a girlfriend and be loyal to her instead?

This is my solution. She'll still push for marriage though, gotta have a spine to say no.

MillenialShift · 2022-07-28T16:50:09+00:00

Well, decision making rights in times of emergencies, joint inheritance, etc.

God forbid, I'm in the hospital, in a coma, and unable to make medical decisions for myself, I would not want my narcissistic, evil parents making them for me. And if I were to die intestate, I would not want a red cent of my money and property going to them.

Now yes, I could get all of those things with lot of legal instruments (POA, mPOA, wills, etc), but a marriage license gets me those things with little to no cost.

And, frankly, since she's a securities lawyer, and I'm just an IT director, and she makes multiples of what I make, she's the one who would have to be worried about spousal support should we get divorced at this point. :)

rockhoppernostopper · 2022-07-28T19:34:11+00:00

I feel like you're going to get a very biased answer here. Are you looking for a real response or an echo chamber?

BirdsNest87 · 2022-07-28T19:58:23+00:00

Nope. Never again. Depending on where you live though you may not need to get married to have the same legal responsibilities after living common law.

tanotsurewhattodo12 · 2022-07-28T20:57:06+00:00

Right now.. not really. Other than those that are both religious and believe in the union for religious reasons (e.g. before having sex, kids, etc).

But today.. assuming (at least in USA) we don't get the far right elected (especially with today's news about a new 3rd party that really seems to be perfect.. democrats, republicans and moderates.. combined in to one moderate political group. .yes please.. hopefully get rid of the far left and far right and see this group win for good).. the far right because of their crazy ass religious tie ins and beliefs..

Yah.. what REALLY needs to happen is divorce law needs to be simple.. rewritten. Everybody who gets divorced.. no judge, no lawyers needed. EVERYTHING is 50/50. 7 days in a week.. divide x amount per kid (based on age and various medical needs if that is an issue).. by 7.. each day each kid is with one parent.. 1/7 of the "money" is paid by the other parent. If it works out to say $30 a month.. mom gets them 4 days a week, dad 3.. then dad pays $1 per week.. or $4 to mom. (making the math easy here.. obviously you figure out what the real value is).

Alimony.. similar to what it is now with rules.. alimony goes back to what it was when it first came in. The person making more money pays a small amount (sliding scale based on how much more.. up to a maximum of "enough to live on comfortably for a period of time") for a set number of months.. giving the other person time to find a job. Period. Essentially it means every marriage is a prenup automatically.. nothing needing to be signed. Any/all assets in marriage divided equally. Stock, cars, house, etc.. Something like stock.. that is the owner of that that earned it. The woman worked and earned that stock. She should not have to give half of a 5million pay out to the ex. He didn't work to earn that. The house, cars, retirement.. all of that split. But stock (especially pre ipo) should be the sole owner of the person who earned it. Period.

I can imagine a LOT of woman crying "thats bullshit.. I took care of kids while he earned that". OK.. sure.. but he kept the job.. earned that stock. You think taking kids full time is worth 15mil? That's bullshit.

A per kid value over 18 years should be established. If its 250K per kid (to raise them.. school, food, clothes, house, etc).. then figure out how much longer to 18.. if they are like 14.. maybe an additional 50K is owed till they are 18. So.. if the man made millions.. mom is stay at home.. alimony + 50K for that kid, + child support.. sure.

HERE is the one I dont get.

IF I make millions on my stock.. and she gets half of that. WHY THE FUCK do I ALSO owe any alimony. She has millions.. that is beyond more than enough for her to live on for good. Why should I STILL pay alimony too? This is where divorce is so fucked up its beyond belief. Alimony for the stay at home mom.. while dad made money.. sure.. to some extent. But a stay at home mom can live comfortably on 100K (if that) in most places a year. If we're 40.. she lives to 90.. 50 years at 100K a year (assuming man made a lot of money) is 5 million. If I am worth 100mil, I shouldn't have to give her 50mil of it. As well.. if she got 5million.. why the fuck would there be any further discussion on alimony. That's just so stupid to me that their are people that hink "I only got 5 mil.. that's not enough.. I need an additional 20K a month for life to live on too..". How does that even register to anyone as making sense.

2022-07-28T21:14:05+00:00

Never, ever, ever getting married again without a pre-nup.

samk002001 · 2022-07-29T01:35:41+00:00

It’s not meant to be like this! A man marrying a woman is like singing up to give half of your life away! They will go out their way to cheat, to victimize herself, etc. and the system reward them for it! Think twice before you make the move if she’s worth it!

azsb23 · 2022-07-29T03:03:28+00:00

Amen Brother! Don’t know why people get married anymore. Vows don’t mean anything anyway. Basically signing your life and money away not only now but later when she leaves your ass and takes half with her. Plus spousal support. No thanks.

halcylon · 2022-07-29T13:49:04+00:00

Nope

jnkboy64 · 2022-07-30T19:24:21+00:00

I was married for 7 years, SAHW, 7yo kid. She was huffing air duster and getting multiple dui's. Im paying alimony for 7 years and because she is not working the court couldnt give me 0$ in child support, so i get a whole $30 a month that she vemo's to me. I still send her 1300 in alimony, im a single dad, and she got to take half of everything. We didnt even fight about

posessions. It was a super easy divorce as far as i can see, but it still was horrible and is horrible. Luckily i own a business, so my employees can run it while i raise my boy. Ive never felt so free yet so exhausted. Raising a decent human being takes a shit ton of work. I do feel that without this mess i would not have ever been as good of a dad as i need to be. That being said, i had a vasectomy the second she said she was pregnant. Wasnt supposed to happen. Its been a year and a half and im dating again, but dating whoever i want. Its super nice. Not ever getting married again.

Ever-learning271 · 2022-08-08T00:07:10+00:00

Absolutely a difficult choice ! Only you can determine the risk for yourself but I’d recommend just dating, loving each other and learn what constitutes common law marriage in your state.

ProfessionalFail718 · 2022-07-28T23:35:37+00:00

Nope.

Title	Marriage question
Author	MillenialShift
Upvotes	28
Comments	107
Date	July 28, 2022 4:44 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/waeqwy/marriage_question/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/marriage-question.1125370 https://theredarchive.com/post/1125370

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