Gifting a massage and saying the therapist has to be a certain gender

Notanothrshitthrow · 2023-02-03T16:42:10+00:00

Is someone planning a valentine's day gift? 😉

The vast majority of women will want a woman massaging them. Hell, the vast majority of people would prefer a woman.

YaKnowEstacado · 2023-02-03T18:02:56+00:00

This happened to me, my ex bought me a massage ticket and expressed he would feel uncomfortable if a man massaged me. So I requested a female masseur because I didn’t want my SO to feel uncomfortable.

In another comment you say this also happened to you and you have decided this is “weirdo” behavior.

I completely disagree. Jealousy is a normal human emotion and it makes sense to me why a man might be uncomfortable with another man rubbing down his shirtless woman for an hour. If a man is demanding or threatening you to get a female masseur—that’s a different story. But if he’s just communicating his uncomfortableness, I don’t see how that’s “weird”.

YaKnowEstacado · 2023-02-03T16:57:12+00:00

If this is something you care about, just give a different gift. A gift with stipulations is awkward.

Background_Active250 · 2023-02-03T16:33:17+00:00

I prefer a female just because of my comfort level, as does my husband. It is not that either one of us are sexualizing it, its just a comfort thing

CimZim · 2023-02-03T16:44:43+00:00

If you pay for a massage for your partner, do you expect to have the right to say what gender the massage therapist needs to be?

No, imo that would be weird from every angle. Like, it's a massage, not sex lol. It's up to whoever is on staff when my partner redeems it as well as my partner's personal preference for who he wants.

If you’re gifted a massage with that limitation would you honor the request or just take the therapist who is available, regardless of gender?

If I was told about the limitation prior to getting the gift, I would politely decline it. I don't like massages, but hypothetically if I was being given a paid one, I would not accept a silly limitation on it. Better for the person to save their money.

uglysaladisugly · 2023-02-03T17:47:36+00:00

No one have a "right" to decide anything in those manners. Now, everyone can express their discomfort or comfort to their partner and work from that.

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-02-03T16:50:47+00:00

It would never occur to me to care what gender the massage therapist was. On the other hand, every massage therapist I've ever had has been a woman.

KayRay1994 · 2023-02-03T17:17:00+00:00

i feel like for something like a message complete comfort with the therapist is important, so if the person giving the gift isn’t considerate of this then they should probably pick another gift

MistyMaisel · 2023-02-03T17:38:33+00:00

I mean, I've taken my man for couple's massages knowing most massage folks tend to be women. I don't care so long as he ain't making it sexual. Me personally, I'd prefer a woman touching me. I just feel safer and more comfortable. If only a dude was available and I knew my man didn't care, I'd let a dude massage me. If he cared, obviously I wouldn't. That's just respect.

ChadChasingB · 2023-02-03T16:59:18+00:00

I would pay for my own massage and question my relationship. I don't date controlling insecure people.

northernlights190 · 2023-02-03T17:04:26+00:00

I’d be really weirded out by a gift for massage therapy from a partner that stipulated gender. Would be such a weird turn-off.

I’m someone that will only go to female doctors for intimate exams, but I’ve had massages from both male and female massage therapists and can attest it was not sexual in the least. Didn’t even feel particularly intimate. No different than going to a male physiotherapist.

I would simply prefer to go to the best massage therapist available at the time without having them have to be female just be because my partner was weird about it. If they had an issue I’d rather they got me a different gift.

mrcs84usn · 2023-02-03T17:26:21+00:00

If I’m taking my clothes off, I’d prefer a female.

If it’s one of those massages I get at the mall, I’d rather have a male.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-02-03T17:40:13+00:00

I'd be wondering why that's a preference for you. Unless you're going to a sketchy place where you're worried the masseuses might do something, why does it matter? Those people are professionals doing their job. If your partner goes to get a breast exam, does it matter if the doctor is a man or a woman? What if they needed physiotherapy and the therapist was a guy? Seems like a weird hill to die on, honestly.

Personally, I'd be weirded out if someone gifted me something with strings attached. ''Here's a 100$ gift card to Swiss Chalet, but you can't get anything with meat, cause I'm vegetarian and you getting meat would make me uncomfortable'' would be a really silly thing to say and people would think you're a bit nuts. Giving someone a gift with stipulations kind of feels like that person is trying to control you or is shit-testing you.

volleyballbeach · 2023-02-03T17:45:39+00:00

I would politely decline the gift

DarmakJalad · 2023-02-03T18:04:49+00:00

I’d follow his preference, but would be put off if he absolutely refused to allow me to get a massage from a man.

purginggastonist · 2023-02-03T19:13:38+00:00

yes the gender of the therapist matters lol, getting a massage is an intimate physical experience of course he would care if you were getting one from a man

INFPneedshelp · 2023-02-03T20:16:29+00:00

If my partner had a gender preference for my masseuse, I would think he is insecure, which isn't attractive to me. I'd be questioning the relationship, honestly.

The_Entertainer217 · 2023-02-04T01:45:05+00:00

I mean I don’t think it’s necessarily weird to be uncomfortable with the idea, but if you are uncomfortable, then I don’t really get why that’s a gift you would even consider giving in the first place.

lolleygn · 2023-02-04T02:57:39+00:00

My Wife and I got His and Hers massage session. I got a very attractive female and my wife got a very attractive male. My wife and I were completely undressed and loved it. We even discussed having another session with the same therapists alone. Never once made any massage sexual.

Gilmoregirlin · 2023-02-04T03:06:03+00:00

If you trust your partner then you should allow them to choose whatever gender they prefer. It needs to be said again but you cannot prevent someone from cheating on you. If they want to they will, people have free choices. If you are confident in yourself, confident in your relationship and confident in your partner, then I don’t get why this is an issue?

NJFlowerchild · 2023-02-03T16:29:25+00:00

That's weird. It's a massage, not a sexual experience.

PapaPinyun · 2023-02-03T17:10:30+00:00

I ask for men because women aren't strong enough to get in this tissue right

Radiant_Specific6542 · 2023-02-03T18:28:38+00:00

There's nothing wrong with setting a boundary. If she/he makes a big deal out of it, trust me, she/he is not someone you want to pursue any further anyway.

empresa_josefina · 2023-02-03T19:46:49+00:00

Im a guy and I have had male massage therapists. They are typically just as good as female therapists, but they are especially good at sports and deep tissue massage because of the strength requirement. Whereas a female therapist might need to use her elbow to really dig into a trouble spot, sacrificing fine movement in the process, the male therapist might be able to use his knuckle or finger and get really precise.

Massage therapists are professionals, thinking something sexual will happen because of their gender is like thinking the doctor doing your checkup will try to fuck you because you’re naked.

KissCutMe · 2023-02-03T20:34:53+00:00

Seems like a dumb thing for a guy to care about in my opinion. I’d prefer a male masseuse.. stronger hands. No one’s fucking their masseuse in the high end massage parlor filled with college educated professionals trying to make a living. Dumb.

FlyV89 · 2023-02-03T22:22:50+00:00

I don't like to be touched by men, period. A dude rubbing your back with oil like, come on, FUCKING disgusting.

I mean if you're homo that's fine, but I don't like dudes, so whenever I need a massage I go with girls. They don't need to be hot of course, but if they are hot, well...

As a note, I actually had a boner once, but she was absolutely asking for it, rubbing her tits on my face and going really low on the hips... No complains thou, great post-sales service.

Now if I need one of those massages who make your bones crack, I go with dudes because of their strenght you know, but those are completely different stuff, they are not rubbing their hands on your back, they just go for the arms and shoulders and "crack crack" you feel like brand new.

begayallday · 2023-02-03T22:08:38+00:00

No, that’s fucking weird. There is nothing sexual about a professional massage. I was a licensed massage therapist for many years, and for a long period of time I was the only female therapist at my workplace. We would honor requests for therapists of a certain gender, but I always thought it was stupid.

Islandboy2000 · 2023-02-03T17:20:43+00:00

If the person was an intimate partner, then I would hear them out, and then decide to honor their request or decline the gift.

IMO, this type of request requires husband privilege (maybe fiancé). In other words, if they’re just dating, then requests of this nature should be pushed back and you should say, “I understand you’re uncomfortable , but what you’re asking of me requires a ring on my finger. If you’re my husband, then I would consider your request. Until then, I will choose my therapist.”

Trust me, this will go over much better than, “you don’t own me!” 😄 be playful with him, even flirty. And then you get your way (choosing your therapist) and he contemplates progressing the relationship. Win-win

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CruelAngelGradThesis · 2023-02-03T17:51:42+00:00

Once my undergrad dorm booked a massage therapist for finals season.

I honestly wasn't a fan. Even though it was a woman it was just too much physical contact with a stranger for my taste.

I wouldn't be opposed to my SO seeing a massage therapist of either sex but I'd like to be able to learn and do them myself if possible.

Impressive_Sport_975 · 2023-02-03T18:21:32+00:00

No? Why u are so anxious?

_Mythic_Punk_ · 2023-02-03T18:23:14+00:00

I don't really think the gender matters

januaryphilosopher · 2023-02-03T18:37:54+00:00

If they were worried about it for my safety or something, I'd listen, but ultimately they can't dictate how I view my safety and shouldn't give the gift if they want to do that. If they're worried because they think it's cheating or will lead to it or something, that implies they don't care if I cheat with a particular gender, which is concerning.

ThisBoringLife · 2023-02-03T19:39:07+00:00

Never mattered to me. I've had both, though.

But I usually go for deep tissue, and tend to have my eyes closed most of the time.

bodaciousbonsai · 2023-02-03T19:47:46+00:00

It would say a lot about your insecurities.

It's perfectly normal for a person to have a gender preference in the person that will be touching them for an hour or more.

DiamondLilyD · 2023-02-03T20:25:57+00:00

I wouldn't want a man to touch me, I'd contact them and clarify I only want a female therapist.

ItWasBrokenAlready · 2023-02-03T21:24:23+00:00

I would listen to and consider my partners preferences and comfort level regardless of who paid for the massage. Gift or not, I would not want to make him feel bad. That is for fun/relaxation massages.

My limit would be my physiotheraphy / sport massage. I don't use it very often, but I had two or three injuries after which it really helped. It's hard enough to find a specialist who's doing something that brings relief (I bounced back and forth between doctors, therapists etc), he's touching my knee and calf not my butt, he fixed my previous problems so I trust him, so if it's a problem that he's male, sorry, but but that's a 'you' problem.

DoinIt989 · 2023-02-03T22:42:55+00:00

Trash behavior tbh, typical of the arrested development you see with the lower class and immature. You're an adult - don't give the gift if you can't handle your girlfriend/boyfriend being touched by another man/woman.

AngelxEyez · 2023-02-03T23:25:33+00:00

I (f) prefer a male masseurs because their hand are larger. I find with the pressure coming from a smaller surface (women's hands/fingers) makes me more ticklish and harder to relax and enjoy.

I don't think it's weird to have the opposite gender massage you, it's a paid service and not sexual in any way. It would be like getting upset that a women cut my bfs hair- weird.

To each their own tho, just not something I could fathom caring about

RocinanteCoffee · 2023-02-04T00:39:58+00:00

If you pay for a massage for your partner, do you expect to have the right to say what gender the massage therapist needs to be?

No. Their (the receiver's) comfort is what is most important.

Title	Gifting a massage and saying the therapist has to be a certain gender
Author	ivyleaguehoodrat
Upvotes	1
Comments	161
Date	February 3, 2023 4:23 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/10socwf/gifting_a_massage_and_saying_the_therapist_has_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/gifting-a-massage-and-saying-the-therapist-has-to.1151036 https://theredarchive.com/post/1151036

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