Do you have a “one that got away”?

Lift_and_Lurk · 2023-08-05T16:11:42+00:00

There were three women before my wife that I found myself thinking “yeah we could get Married” but that’s just cause they were amazing women. Fortunately when I did find “the one” we have pretty much been each others best friends since we met.

tinasnow-poty · 2023-08-05T15:53:00+00:00

F. My ex and I broke up because he moved away. He was the sweetest guy. Handsome too. I would’ve loved to get married to him and have a family but oh well.

I would get back with him now if he moved back, we still talk so I think it would work out but I wouldn’t leave a current/future partner for him if I was happy with them.

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-08-05T16:20:26+00:00

Female. I had 3 that got away - my exfiance and his 2 boys. I loved my family. I loved helping raise those kids. And on paper he was a great guy. The reality is that he cheated on me multiple times and I do not miss that. I think it is more the general Brady Bunch, happy family that I missed. The chaotic holidays, the family movie nights, etc. And no, I don't want him back. I am happy with my husband and it would take a grievous sin indeed on his part to make me leave him.

wtknight · 2023-08-05T15:43:46+00:00

No. I have women that I regretted not pursuing more, but I'm happy with my wife. I think that there are a lot of potential ideal matches for people out there.

purplish_possum · 2023-08-05T16:36:25+00:00

None I'd want back now. However, several relationships (for better or worse) wouldn't have ended when they did if I'd known then what I know now.

SianOiseau · 2023-08-05T15:47:11+00:00

Not really. I had some crushes, but I've never really dated anyone else besides my husband.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-08-05T17:24:32+00:00

Honestly, the more I think about anyone else I've tried to be with, the more I realise that this is the only way it could've worked out.

SlowEffective8146 · 2023-08-05T19:11:08+00:00

Male. I had a woman in my life when I was much younger who I thought at the time was the one, however I was young and naive. We had very similar personalities and sense of humor, very flirty together and she was physically exactly my type. For as long as I knew her, she was always in relationships with other guys. Then when she was finally single, I would be in a relationship. So it was like back and forth chase of being unavailable for each other.

When we finally were both single at one point, she essentially explained to me that she would be down to fuck me but not a relationship; because I wasn't making enough money at the time. Then when I was making enough money, it was something else. Then something else. It really did feel like she was looking for some mythical man that doesn't exist. She had a way of making me feel inadequate even though I know a very large chunk of women would love to be with me. Even better looking women than her. I guess you could say she was emotionally abusive to me and I didn't know any better because I was young. Maybe I had trauma bonded, and that's why I feel like she's special.

But no, I would not leave a partner for her. She still currently messages me and I am trying to avoid her due to the brain damage she wants to give me.

CptKillsteal · 2023-08-05T19:32:23+00:00

I only have this with a girl I wanted to fuck that got away.

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blebbyroo · 2023-08-05T20:17:22+00:00

Nope I’m thankful that the ones who got away are gone

bread93096 · 2023-08-05T20:46:29+00:00

From age 20-25 I was with a girl who was close to my ideal of physical beauty, was hornier than I was, and the kinkiest person I’ve ever been with. The sex was just mind-blowing. We didn’t have a ton in common personality-wise if I’m being honest, but we genuinely liked each other, and we stayed together for years because we spent most of that time in bed. I think it was inevitable that we would part ways eventually but goddamn if I don’t miss the crazy, passionate, filthy sex we had all day long.

grown_folks_talkin · 2023-08-06T01:17:56+00:00

With her. She’s been my primary partner the last several years. We didn’t get together in college despite my being insanely attracted because I was entangled in a toxic fundie religious situation.

She was still as hot 20 years later and fortunately thought I was. It’s a good situation, although not perfect. But it’s a big deal emotionally. Generally speaking, no matter what happens from here out, it’s like I can die content, and a huge part of that is our relationship.

No-Rough-7390 · 2023-08-05T15:40:02+00:00

This sounds like a one-itis or alpha widow question, but I’ll bite.

I’d say I have “one that woke me up”. After I ended my first LTR (roughly 6 years), I dated the hottest woman I had ever been with. 23, similar field as me, former college soccer player, insane body, super nice. Once she found out I was single, she actually poached my number from a coworker of mine to get in touch with me. The attention was insane, we had tons of fun together, insane sex, all that stuff. Ignored every red flag in the book (super toxic ex and relationship drama, former SA victim (not hating on these folks, just know that it can have adverse effects in future relationships), definitely was love bombing me). I honestly thought I had hit the lottery, my ship had come in, etc and became the biggest simp you could imagine.

She went back to the ex. I was devastated. Didn’t talk to her for a year until she actively confronted me about it still wanting to be friends. Fortunately, by that time I had figured my shit out and learned the lessons I needed to.

She’s now married to a pretty awesome dude and has kids. Very happy for them both.

You gotta take the lessons you can. She’s not yours, it’s just your turn.

daddysgotanew · 2023-08-05T19:39:10+00:00

No. Women are women. There’s billions of them out there and millions I’d be compatible with. There are no unicorns.

cetus_lettuce · 2023-08-05T21:12:08+00:00

Woman. No. When I fall in love I forget all about my exes. I haven't given any of them a second thought since meeting my husband.

PanzerKatze96 · 2023-08-05T22:31:04+00:00

Nah. My wife would have been the one that got away, but I locked that shit down aggressively the moment I was able to. Last chopper out of vietnam these days, looking at the dating scene now.

abaxeron · 2023-08-05T23:15:45+00:00

A man.

No, and I don't plan to. Maybe too late in life, but I learned to be happy by and with myself. It's actually really surprising; at a certain point, whenever I remembered any of my exes, I caught myself feeling... nothing. I still remember many moments, but it's like they're in a black and white mute film that was improperly stored.

StarLord120697 · 2023-08-06T00:26:05+00:00

Yeah... pretty recently as well. I'm a guy btw and now I don't see it working out with anyone else, she raised the standard for all other girls for me. Just... shitty circumstances, timing and shit like that happened. Also I was a damn coward... but anyway, yes, I would try to get back with them if I could.

No, I do not have a partner rn, but if I did, idk, can't say I wouldn't accept her coming back if I did... Right now it seems I would 100%.

What makes her special to me... well she was cute, smart, which many girls are, but what got me was her personality, her care, kindness, ability to understand me, it was so easy to talk for us, everything just clicked and came so naturally, I don't know how exactly to describe it. You know, with many people I felt like I needed to persuade or make to give me attention, I just thought that's how people are, just how things worked. Then she came, she gave me all the attention and more I thought I needed and would never get, never felt distant, always made time, was curious about everything about me. It was like this since the day we met... and now I lost that. So yeah, that is now my standard and what I want, no going back once you've experienced that. God damn do I miss her.

houstongradengineer · 2023-08-06T04:28:14+00:00

Yes.

My childhood love. Like I was literally a child.

I am married now. Life moves on. There's no use in fantasizing. He's a good guy, and I still know it, but what's done is done. Anything else would be in a different lifetime or different universe.

AndyBrown65 · 2023-08-06T10:32:15+00:00

M, mid to late 50’s. I am one who got away. My GF between aged 16 to about 20 was on and off. Not that we fought, it’s just that I needed space to study so I would say “see you in a month or so after exams”

Her parents loved me and dropped hint after hint. So after one of our breaks she has met another guy. He ends up beating her up etc and I moved jobs. Just before I left she told me she was going to leave him so I said “hey, join me in X” I got to X and met my future wife about a fortnight in.

I propose to my wife and the very next day the old GF rings and wants to hook up again…

Years later I caught up with her and her life had gone to shit. Her mum ended up popping in to see me one day, tells me they wish their daughter married me. A few years later she dies and at the funeral her dad says to me “if you married my daughter we would not be burying her today”…. Awkward

baiser_vole · 2023-08-06T10:45:41+00:00

I have an in-between guy. You know the kind of friend that you made a deal with to marry one another when we are at this age and still single. I think about him whenever I am out of a relationship. Otherwise, no. I would never have dumped any of my exes for him, even the most shitty one, let alone my lovely boyfriend.

I was my boyfriend's "one that got away" before we got back together. He didn't date anyone else but me, and stayed a volcel. He apparently didn't feel anything for anyone else? One PPD member has joked he got alpha widowed.

Hoopy223 · 2023-08-05T15:49:41+00:00

Yes but didn’t try to get back with her. We met in college she was the first girl I ever really dated. Unfortunately I screwed it all up because of inexperience and she went back to her ex, then bailed on him for a guy I had never heard of & had 3-4 kids. Last I checked she is still hot too. So yeah major fuckup on my part.

ZealousidealWish9392 · 2023-08-05T16:41:43+00:00

Yes.

I'm not going to try to get back with them.

aslfingerspell · 2023-08-05T17:41:08+00:00

I've encountered (not dated) plenty of people I've thought were good-looking over the years, but the one and only time so far I've ever fallen in love with someone was in high school. My family was out on vacation, and I happened to meet someone in a hot tub. We really clicked, maybe not soulmate-level clicking, but wow, it was there. There was that "spark", electricity, that fire. In an alternate timeline, we'd be married with 5 kids or something.

Our parents also got along great during the vacation, and by sheer cosmic coincidence, despite this being a totally random encounter on a vacation, they don't live that far away from where I do. Note: this feels miraculous because it seems I have a curse where I simply cannot make a friend or partner who doesn't live an hour drive away.

They come over to my house some time after vacation, I make a slight move (putting arm around them while watching a movie), they turn me down, and while we stay friends for a while more, that was that.

We're still Facebook friends, but I haven't talked to them, or even seen a post from them in years. I've heathily moved on, but since you asked the question, yeah, I'd have to say that if anyone in my life would have been the one who got away it was them. Had just a couple more stars aligned, I wouldn't be a regular on this sub.

It was nobody's fault. It was just that both of us were going through a lot in life (particularly them), and a relationship probably wasn't in our best interests anyway. This wasn't an excuse on their part, by the way. They actually trusted me with a certain side of their life, and I was privy to things that were like "Yeah, it's understandable you want to work this out before dating anyone."

Birb-brained · 2023-08-05T17:57:43+00:00

Definitely not. Had to kiss a few frogs and luckily my good one didn’t get away!

Salt_Mathematician24 · 2023-08-05T18:05:08+00:00

Female. NONE. All 3 of my exes before I met my husband were not good for me at all. 2 were just a poor match and were rather immature and 1 was a flaming asshole that if I ever see again it will be too soon. He put me off dating for my entire early to mid twenties so I could rethink where TF I was going wrong and when I met my husband I think it was a combination of good luck but also the maturity and lived experience to know what was right for me and what an early red flag looked like.

That's why I do not at all resonate with TRP belief of lusting after your exes from your youth after being getting married. Not my experience at all. I just shudder when I think of the asshole and feel complete indifference if I ever think of the other two. I wish them well and all but I'm glad we're not together.

BeneficialRush4171 · 2023-08-05T18:12:26+00:00

No that would be very depressing. I think someone I know does and apparently everyone around her can tell. I kind of feel bad for her husband and hope that doesn’t get worse.

jverveslayer · 2023-08-05T18:14:53+00:00

If so, would you/have you tried to get back with them or is it more of a fantasy you know wouldn’t actually work out better the second time?

Yes, I would get back with them

Would you dump a current partner if they came back?

I moved away before, but I probably wouldn't leave a new relationship. I find myself comparing potential future partners to her and look for someone on that level (I've come very close a few times since).

What makes this person special to you? Were they a first, a best, or you’re not really sure why?

She was really my type physically, had a really cool style, and had this super sweet, feminine, gentle, introverted in a cute way personality that gave me butterflies to be around her. I don't think she was perfect however

Ayaka_Simp_ · 2023-08-05T19:38:17+00:00

Yes. I broke up with her during the pandemic.

If so, would you/have you tried to get back with them or is it more of a fantasy you know wouldn’t actually work out better the second time?

If we're both single and I'm in a better place? Sure. I would love to get back together with her. But I'm not going to destroy her current relationship because of my selfishness.

Would you dump a current partner if they came back?

Probably. It depends on how compatible my new partner and I are.

What makes this person special to you? Were they a first, a best, or you’re not really sure why?

We were extremely compatible in every way, plus the relationship was perfect and kinky. I'm pretty sure she added years to my life, lol.

Edit: To expand on this: She had a body count of 1. So she wasn't extremely bitter and jaded about men. She was mentally healthy and open to compromise, but she trusted me enough to be overly submissive. I say overly because she was too submissive even by my standards. But yeah... we both loved anime, adventures, food, working out, kinky sex, and being corny. She owned her home, car, had savings, and generally had her head on straight. Neither of us wanted kids. It was perfect.

13choppedup2chopped · 2023-08-05T15:54:53+00:00

In college I had a FWB that was brilliant. She went on to have a phD in some field of science. She had a voracious sexual appetite and once told me her super powered work ethic would falter if she did not have intense anal sex. She also introduced me to deep throating. Again, it helped her practice focus. She works for an investment fund now and advises them on the scientific feasibility of different proposals. Her husband also works in finance but I suspect they owe their life style to her.

Looking back, I think she was using me like, “this is not a guy I’ll run into at a board meeting years from now so he’s safe to act out my most depraved sexual fantasies.” Maybe i could have proved her wrong. The realization she kinda looked down on me made me stop using cocaine and leave my job at a gas station.

heartofpeerpressure · 2023-08-05T23:45:44+00:00

I am the one that got away usually.

nunchuckbitch27 · 2023-08-06T01:56:21+00:00

Kind of but not really. When I was single I was dating a lot quite and yes a few at the same time. When I met the guy that became my husband I was also dating a few other people I had a hard time deciding between my husband and one other guy. I obviously went for my husband I did however on occasion wonder what my life would have been like had I went the other way. Even though I wondered about that I knew I made the right choice I can’t see how I would be more compatible with anyone else. So no I definitely would not dump my husband or try to get back with the other guy.

megabeast2001 · 2023-08-06T09:18:34+00:00

Sorta? I have some feeling somewhere that my most recent ex and I will find our way back to each other. My mom and her boyfriend dated back in high school, and were together a few times, and now they’ve been back together post divorce (with different people) for a long time now. A lot of people told me that my ex and I reminded them of my mom and her bf. They were very volatile back in the day in the same way my ex and I were. Everyone also told me that they thought it wasn’t the end for us (we broke up over something we couldn’t control). More anything as well, there was definitely some thinfs way beyond anything I can explain. I would never in hell get back with her right now; not even for a hookup. She’s clearly going through a rough period, so I’m not attracted to her (sorta looks like she might be doing some drugs as I just saw her recently). I also know she’s either seeing someone seriously, or they’re bf/gf. Could be a, “right love at the wrong time,” but it was also fucking horrible for me mentally. This feeling could just be because I haven’t found someone new.

academicRedditor · 2023-11-15T09:14:40+00:00

I got away

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-08-05T17:29:39+00:00

Lady here. I'm glad the guy got away, so don't know if it counts. But there was this guy that I was in love with for years, we met when we were 20, dated for a year and a half, separated due to distance, and when we were finally relatively close to one another (different cities, but close enough to visit each other) it was a constant ''ho-hum, I'm not ready for commitment, if we get back together we'll end up getting married, I love you, no, I care about you as a friend, no, I love you and need you in my life'' on his part and it was miserable. I loved the man, but I grew a shiny spine and kicked him out of my life, best decision I've made. It wasn't a healthy relationship and no amount of love could have fixed the many issues we had, at the end of the day we were very similar in some aspects but way too different in other, more important ones, to have been able to make it work long-term.

No, I wouldn't leave my spouse if he came back. Not just because I realize it wouldn't end well for either of us but mostly because I love my partner and wouldn't trade him for anyone else.

MCP1291 · 2023-08-05T16:33:13+00:00

Nope

Zabadoodude · 2023-08-05T17:07:45+00:00

Not really. I had a good relationship in my late teens that I messed up because I was a dumb teenager and didn't put any effort into. I sometimes wondered how my life would have been different if I stayed with her, but I don't have any romantic feelings for her now. Just nostalgia, and idle wondering of what if.

My current gf is a much better partner in almost every way, and I'm glad I'm with her and not my ex.

PMmeareasontolive · 2023-08-05T20:49:47+00:00

Yes. She was nice enough but we didn't have much in common, and our conversation didn't really flow, like, ever. I didn't value our relationship highly because we didn't have much in common AND I thought someday I'd meet other women with whom I'd share more in common - - - but it turns out that didn't really happen. Maybe a little bit, but I never met anyone who was like some sort of metaphysical level of compatibility.

Over time I realized that I should have put more effort into that relationship, just to see what its potential could be, because that was about as good as it gets.

diaryofalostgirl · 2023-08-05T21:09:34+00:00

I'm currently grieving a one-that-never-was pretty hard, because I was stupid and fell in love with him knowing he had a partner. He made himself damned irresistible just by having ethics and sharing my values. We were also thrown together by virtue of being colleagues in a field that's known for forcing intimacy on people because we're all each other can rely on as an outlet for all the emotions this work brings up. It was both inevitable and completely a disaster, and I hope to God I can stop crying before the big party this week because I have to dress to the nines and smile at the VIPs.

nemma88 · 2023-08-05T21:18:49+00:00

F. I have people who I wish hadn't hurt me, but there is no wish I was with them now over my husband. Ultimately the path through my life, including the pain, led me here and to him so I'm not so bothered by it.

It's not that they're special, it's that they took something away that was replaced with cynicism.

Excellent_Badger123 · 2023-08-06T00:53:26+00:00

No. If I really wanted them, I’d generally get them.

But I understand the feeling. I was heartbroken when my 2nd marriage failed & pretty pissed off that I had to do the actual breaking up part. Silent passive hatred of me was his state for years through endless attempts to communicate about it (by me), 3 rounds of marriage therapy, a lot of earnest trying on my part with not much effort on his. After all of that, I was glad to see the back of him honestly.

The worst part was after he left & sampled the girly wares available via 2009 OLD and found them lacking, he made a big attempt to woo me back. Not one ounce of interest in that…basically having to tell him: you’re not the “one that got away” to me - I just want you to go the fuck away already.

Financial_Leave4411 · 2023-08-06T00:58:17+00:00

There were a couple of men I really liked and hoped to marry but I am fully aware (even years later) that we broke up for serious reasons and I wouldn’t consider being with either of them unless they changed their stance on major life goals. For example one guy wanted at least 3 kids and I don’t want any. So while he was a great guy who shared my interest and hobbies; who I could really relate to and respect we couldn’t compromise there. So unless he became ok with having ZERO kids and didn’t already have kids with another woman I wouldn’t even consider it. Also if I was dating someone else seriously I wouldn’t dump them to give an old relationship a chance. There is a reason we broke up and I would rather give the new guy a chance. If I wasn’t seeing a new guy and they changed I can see myself giving them another chance. It’s really difficult to find a loyal nice guy nowadays so I could see myself trying with guys who I know fit the bill but I wouldn’t settle down with them if they didn’t change as I would rather be single than trapped in a relationship with a major flaw or two like them having kids from another relationship or being in major debt etc.

begayallday · 2023-08-06T03:16:56+00:00

I did for a while. We were close friends throughout 10th grade, talked on the phone for hours every day. He moved out of state at the end of the year and we lost touch until I was in my mid 20’s. We talked off and on after that, both of us cycling in and out of relationships. But we still lived in different states from one another. Finally, like 25+ years after high school, I was in his city for a class and we wound up hooking up. That was pretty much the closure I needed I guess. It wasn’t bad at all, but I just sort of realized we were way too much alike for things to ever work between us in a relationship. He feels the same way. We’re still friends, and we still hang out once in a while, but it’s strictly platonic now.

Moon-on-my-mind · 2023-08-06T05:28:41+00:00

I'd say yes. Never again had i a relationship with such fire, but it was to a point where it was consuming us. I believe that no matter how much we wanted it to work, it would have been an all consuming forest fire in the long run. So after a lot of back and forth with him, after a few years, i had to take the step to put it to rest once and for all. It's been 13 years and i managed to not look him up to see how his life turned out. I still keep that curiosity locked up in fear of making me feel dumb feelings i shouldn't feel. I love my husband and the life we have built, i do not want my dumb mental health to start doing somersaults. It's hard enough to manage it as it is.

2023-08-06T05:48:46+00:00

[permanently deleted]

chalkandapples · 2023-08-06T06:00:50+00:00

No, I married my first boyfriend. Didn't even have crushes before that (except on fictional characters).

Throwaway1101609 · 2023-08-06T07:23:50+00:00

In the end, I had to leave his family. They were scaring me. I thought that things would get better if we stopped living with his family but his mom found a way to make us loose our place together. His mom called the police and led them to think I had her child hostage. So many cars showed up due to the situation thinking that there was a child kidnapped in my apartment. It was an incredibly tense and hostile situation. He's 30 but unfortunately he still lets his family choose for him. I fear there may be some emotional inces going on, it seems that she uses him as a substitute husband and is afraid to allow him to give his heart away because she thinks its hers. She had even gone as far as telling him to choose between his love interest and her before. I could never go back, I'm just not what that family wants for thier son. He also had no interest in marriage to me, which as a young woman with a histrectomy I can understand since his parents are really big on wanting grandkids. I think I knew from the beginning that the relationship that his family would reject me, I just got delusional because after his family would verbally abuse me he would always tell me some of the nicest things I've ever heard. It took me a long time to realize that a 30 year old man shouldn't just stand there and say nothing while his family puts his woman down only to defend her in private only. I just hope that whoever his mom chooses for him can love him the way he NEEDS and deserves.

roger61962 · 2023-08-06T08:42:32+00:00

Reviving something dead will be a zombie relation

A_Man_From_Canton · 2023-08-11T00:51:33+00:00

M. I am so happy who I married. She is amazing and I could not be happier. She’s my best friend and a phenomenal mother to our two kids.

There were a few girls I wish I had a relationship with, but due to a lack of self confidence I never thought I was good enough to be with them.

One of my best friends in high school was one of these relationships in which I wish I was more confident and went after. About 5 years ago I caught up with her and we admitted we both had a crush on each other 20 years ago. At that time I told her, “If you rolled over and gave me a shot, I would have stuffed you like a turkey.” Lol. She told me if I tired, she would have let me. We both had a good laugh about it and the conversation was not uncomfortable. Even though we don’t talk often, she is still one of my very best friends.

Even thou I was shy and lack self confidence, god had a plan for me. I would do everything the same exact way just to end up where I am now. I have an amazing family, and the worlds best wife.

Title	Do you have a “one that got away”?
Author	Flightlessbirbz
Upvotes	29
Comments	57
Date	August 5, 2023 3:23 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/15iyg4z/do_you_have_a_one_that_got_away/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-you-have-a-one-that-got-away.1227647 https://theredarchive.com/post/1227647

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