Trouble in the bedroom with other women

DivorceRecoveryMen · 2024-02-17T16:45:13+00:00

Stay the course. Relax and enjoy the ride and don't be so hard on yourself. So many men out there are not even getting 'some'. Seek help if it persists. But for now, have fun....

BC594 · 2024-02-16T18:30:17+00:00

Oh what a better world it would be if only our exes had the same misgivings and feelings.

EddieDBarbosa · 2024-02-16T15:54:38+00:00

This is DEFINITELY a thing. It’s actually good to read the comments. I’ve dated A LOT this last 18 months and was finding myself with a new woman every few days, and realized that it has a lot to do with how safe and comfortable you feel with the woman.

The first few times with a new woman were always “I’m not getting there”, but if we were vibing, by the 4th or 5th time I was good to go. No vibe, no cum.

I miss the days when I was 20 and could cum just walking down the street… but a good partner will understand.

woahbrad35 · 2024-02-16T14:58:52+00:00

It's in your head. I get almost there and then thoughts pop in my head and distracts me just enough to lose focus. It's especially bad if I'm having an off day or not extremely attracted to the woman I'm with. Everything else functions fine. I was seeing someone I was really really into though and had ZERO issues with her. Unfortunately, it didn't last. It does get better over time unless you meet someone that screws with your head in some way

warrior_up · 2024-02-16T12:32:44+00:00

Yea. Normal. All in your head and you’re used to having a connection/familiar body

It gets better, you’ll find the girl. Mean time order up some cialis don’t watch XXX stuff , you’ll get there

Any-Dare-7261 · 2024-02-16T10:34:31+00:00

I absolutely hate my ex wife. If she had a sister I would really try to get her pregnant to make family reunions miserable. I still had a hard time finishing the job with a friend. Divorce sucks.

AxeMuley · 2024-02-16T04:54:01+00:00

Nothing is wrong with you brother. Myself and a friend of mine going through the same thing and as many years as you, exp what you are going through. You are NOT broken and it’s normal. There are so many emotions that have this affect on all of us. Don’t beat yourself up. This is normal.

Ok_Perception_1836 · 2024-02-16T02:45:42+00:00

Yep. I haven't been able to finish with a partner since my wife left. It's normal.

captainchippsixx · 2024-02-16T00:15:26+00:00

Don’t be afraid when close to pull out and finish your self or she can.

Timely_Froyo1384 · 2024-02-15T23:05:56+00:00

This is not uncommon.

Make sure it’s not physical, have a full blood test, make sure that T is at normal levels, happy pills, some bp pills can cause temporary ED.

The other side of ED is mental issues. Therapy and openly talking about your struggles and stress with other men you trust or a professional therapist can help a lot.

Adept-Kiwi6491 · 2024-02-15T22:58:05+00:00

Brother, there is nothing wrong with you. Went through the same thing for a long time after a 20 year marriage. Eventually normalized. The trauma of divorce is as bad as a death and the nervous system is overloaded.

For what it’s worth, I figured women fake it, I can fake it too. So I faked it, would go several rounds in a short time period, if asked I’d be like I’ve never been a “volume guy.” Came off like a rockstar. lol.

Got my ego and manhood through a tough time until everything settled.

Eventually when nervous system regulated everything was fine.

You’ll be fine too

livinthedream17 · 2024-02-15T22:52:24+00:00

If I may. Are you on any antidepressant or anti anxiety meds. They can make it almost impossible to finish.

Responsible-Yak-3809 · 2024-02-15T22:24:47+00:00

Toughest thing about this is that it sticks on your mind. From there it becomes difficult to forget and ends up compounding.

Make sure you concentrate on her, what turns you on and be in the moment. Easier said than done but I went through a stretch of this with my ex. It got rough, put a ton of pressure on myself, she started doing the whole, you don’t find me attractive, constantly asking me what’s wrong..only made things worse and worse. I don’t know what exactly changed but I do remember just concentrating eventually over her, her body, my own sensations, and just trying to be in the moment overall. I got over it.

Don’t get me wrong, still not perfect every time but no where near as bad as it was.

RHOPKINS13 · 2024-02-15T18:32:47+00:00

Based on your other comments in this thread, I really think you DO love her and want this to work. Honestly there needs to be less pressure when it comes to sex. It shouldn't always have to end in an orgasm, you may just be in the wrong headspace, or it could be any of a number of other things. Don't sweat it.

I'm obese, and that makes things difficult too. Honestly, I get about the same amount of pleasure from a HJ anyway, and more from a BJ. If everything else is great, don't let the sex be a deterrent. You've said you've only been with other women twice, my guess is that you have too many thoughts from your old relationship attached, it may even be unconsciously, and this will go away on it's own soon enough.

cactuscharlie · 2024-02-15T18:31:37+00:00

Can you jerk off and cum?

I only ask because I'm still in love with my ex and cumming is a very private thing for me. Tits and pussy are great, but after nine years of being in love with my wife, it's almost embarrassing to cum with someone else.

Lonely-Reach8748 · 2024-02-15T18:17:05+00:00

The wildest realization after my divorce was that my dick was now attached to my brain where it wasn’t before (married in my early twenties)

arndt095 · 2024-02-15T18:14:57+00:00

If you’re taking SSRIs that could be the problem, I switched meds when it was happening to me.

BaldieGoose · 2024-02-15T17:47:36+00:00

I've had the same issues initially but now that I'm six months exclusive with a new gf it's back to normal. It's a comfort thing and getting to a spot where you can do the things that turn you on knowing it won't turn her off. I like dirty talk, putting a finger in her ass, choking (gently) as I pound her, just getting really dirrrty and now that I know she's into that things are fun and I come so hard.

2024-02-15T17:34:46+00:00

If the person you are with is forced and you aren’t really connected it could be a mental thing. If that happens maybe it’s a time to question being w them if you’ve other misgivings

Only-Level5468 · 2024-02-15T17:31:53+00:00

Wasn’t married nearly as long as you but was exclusive with my ex wife for 7 years. Once I started having sex with my current gf, I would last for way longer than I did before but that’s started to change and after being with her for a few months now I’m back to my regular self. Might just be a subconscious “comfort” thing

MartyMcFly7 · 2024-02-15T17:24:43+00:00

Weird things can happen with someone new. It can take some time to adjust but things will return to normal. Maybe try it in the dark? You need to be able to relax.

dday_throwaway3 · 2024-02-15T17:17:30+00:00

Talk to your urologist.

BlazedGigaB · 2024-02-15T17:17:01+00:00

Are you taking any prescription drugs? Wellbutrin killed my ability to finish when i was taking it... it may be worth investigating.

CleverFella512 · 2024-02-15T17:12:06+00:00

This isn’t uncommon and you are NOT alone.

A lot probably has to do with whether or not you feel safe with her.

Give yourself permission to be “selfish” when it is your turn.

Spudlink9 · 2024-02-15T17:11:24+00:00

Dude same is happening to me. New girl after 20 year marriage, great sex but I only climax maybe half the time. I’m just rolling with it, at least I’m not a two pump chump and she is enjoying the endurance so it’s good for my ego.

Strict_Magician_2796 · 2024-02-15T17:02:39+00:00

Yeah it happens to the best of us, you're probably not comfortable yet...try finishing with a BJ instead or find a position that has worked well for you in the past. It helps to focus on the sensations and/or whatever turns you on.

fffrdcrrf · 2024-02-15T17:02:20+00:00

Id say despite what our society and media often implies sex is more than just a physical act. This becomes true especially with maturity. You might have to be mentally or emotionally prepared and the physical part will follow naturally. But what the hell do I know lol, I’m just spitballing here

stent00 · 2024-02-15T16:47:29+00:00

It means you subconsciously don't like her.

rhino1979 · 2024-02-15T16:42:25+00:00

It took finding the right person before I came too. It messes with your head but just try and have fun.

Title	Trouble in the bedroom with other women
Author	CriticalGoose5001
Upvotes	34
Comments	54
Date	February 15, 2024 4:34 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1arjkhs/trouble_in_the_bedroom_with_other_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/trouble-in-the-bedroom-with-other-women.1245491 https://theredarchive.com/post/1245491

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