Finally told my wife about some abuse I suffered as a child something. I have never told any other human being ever.

harmfulsideffect · 2024-02-18T16:05:36+00:00

I’m sure she’ll “apologize”. It’s likely she’ll “apologize” every time she does it.

mr_ogyny · 2024-02-18T16:42:46+00:00

For me, the relationship would be over as I cannot trust that she actually cares about me as a person. Being emotionally supportive towards your partner should be, as women like to say, the bare minimum. I know this makes me incompatible with a lot of or perhaps most women.

Being married makes this more complicated though. Sorry that she's done this to you.

0zma001 · 2024-02-18T15:59:36+00:00

I had to learn that the hard way too.

Asatmaya · 2024-02-18T15:53:59+00:00

"Weakness invites attack."

X_BlackBirdX · 2024-02-18T17:36:12+00:00

I still remember telling my past female friend how much it hurted me to have no other friends and being bad in socializing. Later we would have a small argument, I dont know what it was about, and she instantly used it against me, looking me dead in the eye and said " no wonder that nobody wants to be your friend". She apologized later but I broke up the contact. Women do these things with other women as well as it seems not only in romantic relationships

Lost-Tune-4920 · 2024-02-18T16:22:53+00:00

I still haven’t told my wife of 10 years (together 15 years) the extent of my childhood trauma. I just can’t do it. I’ve seen a therapist for the last 4 years now and she even tells me I should NOT let my wife know everything. Ive a seen a psychiatrist for over a year now as well. Been sober over 3 years. Have a great sponsor and am part of a socially active sober men’s group. Made a close with friend with similar trauma and disorders.

Wife really has no clue what I’m up to. No matter what a woman says, they want an alpha type daddy figure to take care of them to some degree. It’s ingrained in their cavewoman brain. They expect us to be a key component of their happiness, whereas men can be happy with so little. In other words, men view their own happiness as their responsibility. It’s the opposite for women. They can’t handle it if men have any problems. We are gender stereotypes to them.

Yepitsme2020 · 2024-02-18T17:04:52+00:00

Yep 1000% solid advice. There are some that will scream "misogyny" over such an admission, but I too learned this the hard way. 100% of the time, as in EVERY....DAMN...TIME I tried to open up to a significant other, she turned around and used it against me later.

Some of it I had convinced myself that it was safe to discuss because "no one could be so cold and heartless to use something like THIS against me" - But even then, I was proven wrong.

Every time I start to break down in my resolve thinking "maybe it was just those particular women" I remind myself that EVERY SINGLE GUY I KNOW has experienced the same thing, and even the most disarmingly sweet woman I know that I opened up to eventually violated my trust and used what I disclosed against me.

My wife at the time hounded me daily day after day, week after week, month after month to fill out one of those couples books you get on Amazon that has prompts, and you each are supposed to fill in the questions sharing the deepest of secrets and exposing your most vulnerable moments to each other.

I refused to answer certain questions, and she never let up, even going so far as to question my love for her, and how I was "hiding things" from her, and no longer worthy of trust, etc. etc. You know the typical guilt-tripping I'm sure.

I finally broke down after having a 3 freaking hour long discussion about why I was so hesitant to share certain things I'd experienced in the past, and she sat practically on my lap stroking my hand and shoulders telling me how she just wants to feel close to me, and would never ever ever ever violate my trust, blah blah blah.

She stared in my eyes while telling me all this, and professing her love, and how this would make us so much closer and strengthen our bonds... I reminded her for the 180th time that I was only sharing on the condition that she doesn't ever repeat this FOR ANY REASON WHATSOEVER, unless I am the one to bring up the topic and request we discuss it.

She quickly agreed reciting her loyalty and how she respects my wishes. I finally broke down the walls and shared with her what an older female cousin had done to me as a 10 year old. Something that till then I'd only ever shared with 1 other woman, my fiance' at the time, who turned on me and used it against me.

She said all the right things and reiterated how horrible my ex must have been to use that against me, etc, and peppered me with a hundred questions trying to extract every last detail of what that cousin had done.

Guys, it took only 3 weeks until we were in the middle of an argument when I heard: "You act like you're so good at understanding emotional maturity and relationships even though you're the one who's emotionally damaged and never got over your cousin touching and trying to rape you!!"

I'm a laid back dude and very controlled. Very little gets to me. I can hear someone badger me for hours and my heart rate and blood pressure won't even budge. But that??? THAT??? I'd never felt the urge to go kick a door off the hinges just for the sake of relieving the fury that I felt over her having the audacity to not only throw that back in my face despite all the staring in my eyes and stroking my hand and shoulders soothing me, and telling me how my past was so safe with her.

That was the moment where all the "women are the kinder, gentler sex" BS my ultra feminist mom had fed me started to come crashing down. It was a sudden realization that she wasn't sitting on my lap and talking to me like that because she cared and wanted to feel closer with me. She was manipulating me and every word, every stroke, the tone of her voice, the staring in my eyes was all deliberate and a manipulation to extract information that she wanted, just so she could file it away for later use.

It was the first permanent stain on our relationship, but after that moment everything she did made so much more sense. Previously I couldn't understand how some of her behaviors could be explained by someone who loved, or claimed to love another person. But after I tore down that blind spot of "benefit of the doubt" I'd extended to all women thinking they were inherently kinder, more fair, and easily trusted, I finally could see how much manipulation she engaged in not just with me, but with friends and family too.

What truly struck home with me though, was how little it took for her to use that against me. It's not as if this was some big fight. It was a small argument/disagreement that we'd otherwise have forgotten about within the next hour or so, yet that's all it took for her to bust out her latest weapon and use it against me.

I could go on, but hopefully this one cautionary tale is enough to discourage anyone who is feeling the urge or pressured to let down their walls and be "vulnerable". Don't do it. It WILL be used against you and likely when you least expect it. In addition, you'll never feel the same towards that person ever again after she backstabs you like that, so it's simply not worth it.

Chama-HUH · 2024-02-18T17:08:06+00:00

Are you gonna divorce her, if you stay with her you’re a fool.

Jaded_Permit_7209 · 2024-02-18T22:27:15+00:00

Here's a lesson I learned way too late in life.

Women don't argue to settle differences or progress to a better state of a relationship. Women argue to "let out" their feelings and feel better. This is why arguing with women always feels so unproductive as a man; they just make shit up as they go along, can't stay on a single topic, and whenever you respond reasonably to something they say, they'll just accuse you of disregarding their feelings.

Because that's all it is to them. A method to make them feel better. She simply wanted to attack you because it made her feel better. And I can guarantee it did.

Men of the past knew this because it was an acceptable topic of discussion. Female hysteria is a real thing. Feminists in the 1980s rebelled against the use of the term and made it go poof.

HSProductions · 2024-02-18T19:02:20+00:00

I told my wife I was raped at 6yo. She took my 2 girls and left 2 weeks later. 😢

I'm getting divorced as we speak and I only see my 2 girls 3 hours once per week and every other weekend for 20 hours.

Geselshaft · 2024-02-18T15:59:24+00:00

That was risky and, if I may say, a little naive as to how women act.

You have to have a rock solid relationship, I mean one born of blood, sweat, and tears manning a position in a forward combat area, to even begin to think about possibly considering having that discussion with a woman.

It’s only value is making up something purely so she’ll dump you and leave in disgust as a tactical move.

It’s not their fault, anything sensitive like that will immediately make her feel mommy mode and feel you’re a pathetic child.

For all the yammering about “don’t blame the victim” when they’re telling obvious lies, they sure do viciously attack the victim at the time and place of their choosing, with malice and sadism.

Is your relationship recoverable? Possibly, maybe. But you can never, ever do that again. For any reason. Ever. Lose a leg in a car accident? Better walk it off, son.

This isn’t a dating subreddit, but being “emotionally intelligent”, “emotionally available”, and all those other nonsense words are all just shit tests to exclude you from the mating cycle.

Emotional availability only exists for women to trauma dump on you. Not for you to do so.

But this isn’t men’s rights, but relationship issues better suited for a relationship advice subreddit where you’ll be banned and screamed at anyway.

Good luck.

Klldarkness · 2024-02-18T20:46:09+00:00

You have kids? Huge business you'd need to split with her?

If not, DIVORCE her.

Pay attention to what I'm about to say, please. It could be the most important two sentences you ever read.

One day, if you DON'T divorce her now, you're gonna wish you could travel back in time and do things differently.

That's THIS moment.

Do it right this time around, save yourself the regret.

fasterpastor2 · 2024-02-18T20:57:47+00:00

Sorry you're dealing with this brother. Ima brag on my wife a bit. I grew up very poor and had little food in the house. I broke down and cried thew first time I had to tell my son there were no seconds (because we had gone over budget and were having to be careful). She has never once used it against me and actually changed her spending habits after realizing the reality of why I was so upset and am so careful with money.

Now, I DID have to be reduced to tears before she stopped wasting money so much. But still, I am blessed that that moment of vulnerability hasn't come back to bite me. Would it be reasonable to maybe say I could be hyper aware/vigilant concerning finances due to my past. Sure. That wouldn't be something to bring up in an argument though. That's not how adults act.

Your wife is not acting like an adult here.

LuciusCSulla · 2024-02-19T03:09:35+00:00

Don't tell most people. They are just devils in other forms. Tell your dog if you need to tell someone. He may not understand but he at least won't weaponize it.

Shreddersaurusrex · 2024-02-18T21:37:33+00:00

Women: “Be vulnerable.”

Men: (Open up)

Women: ‘I have you now.’

disayle32 · 2024-02-18T16:55:05+00:00

You need to divorce her. She's only going to get worse with this.

avoidingpsychos · 2024-02-18T21:07:21+00:00

Don't tell women about su*cidal ideation or previous attempts as that's something they will absolutely use against you later. If you're on good terms with them, they'll feel a sense of privilege or power to have been given that information, but if and when that friend or partner turns on you, they will use it as ammunition. And it's awful too because aren't we trying to smash the patriarchy and normalize men's mental health issues? Instead so many women weaponize this information in an effort to harm your reputation.

Donkill1234 · 2024-02-19T02:37:54+00:00

Wife calls me emotionally retarded because I never display emotions and I never will. No upside to it only downsides

Western-Jackfruit819 · 2024-02-18T21:53:53+00:00

I mean look at the way they treat men who they perceive to be as weak or unmasculine compared to other men(short men) anyone with knowledge to how they really act would of known that this is one of the worst things you can do in your marriage.

tiredfromlife2019 · 2024-02-18T17:06:42+00:00

I don't say this to be mean just to be clear.

Take this as a lesson for the future. Never ever open up emotionally to a woman you wish to have a intimate relationship with. It will explode in your face.

You can confide in fellow close male friends or maybe your mother but never a gf or wife.

pearl_harbour1941 · 2024-02-18T16:54:35+00:00

You should read this: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/yy2rcv/comment/iwsae0r/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3

All men WILL suffer if they open up to a woman. Don't do it.

SaltSpecialistSalt · 2024-02-18T19:13:13+00:00

i had experienced same. thanks for sharing your story and reminding once again "the rule" written in stone. stay strong brother

Nearby_Appearance289 · 2024-02-18T19:39:37+00:00

Not even 24 hours. Red flag. If your gonna deal with it lad be careful . Lawyer up And be smart about it. I would say more but I don't know the proper terms or words for it.

Wlisow869 · 2024-02-18T19:58:49+00:00

Leave her sorry ass immediately!

Wise_Transition_7188 · 2024-02-18T22:01:07+00:00

When I posted here don't trust women I had a bunch of simps telling me not all women are bad.

Im not saying they are bad, I am saying don't trust them.

Other-Medium5577 · 2024-02-18T16:10:17+00:00

Absolutely. No matter how good and decent your wife or gf is, when the shtf, she's gonna pull out the rail gun and decimate your sorry azz about your weaknesses, all of them. Women hate hate hate weakness in a man, they can't abide by it.

Watch a lion pride if you wanna get some ideas about how females roll with males. Once the male lion is weakened by age or sickness, he's a goner and those biotches will almost eat him alive. He's a sperm donor and protector. That's it. That's the whole game gentlemen! Donate wisely, and know that once your ability to be the alpha protector and provider is over, you're toast!

nagiallison · 2024-02-18T17:15:25+00:00

Dump her. This is not somewhere you call home.

And do seriously reconsider ever having an intimate relationship with a woman again. Not sure you'd want one if using your past experiences against you is their nature.

StuHartsDungeon · 2024-02-18T20:41:11+00:00

Come on dude this is relationship 101.

Never open up to a woman. She'll never look at you the same now.

You've learned your lesson the hard way.

Pangeasrighthand · 2024-02-18T20:43:41+00:00

And they always try to get things out of you

tyYdraniu · 2024-02-18T23:56:36+00:00

Some wise man once said: some stuff you tell only you therapist

Normal-Yogurtcloset5 · 2024-02-19T01:36:25+00:00

Men need to see how women talk to us about their female “friends” in order to realize that women are ruthless and will use any bit of information to malign someone. Men hurt with their fists while women hurt with their words. Bruises heal but words will stay with someone for a lifetime.

Punder_man · 2024-02-19T06:27:35+00:00

Yep... this right here is a clear cut example of why "Men need to open up more" is a baited trap by feminists..

Men open up emotionally and it gets used as ammunition against them.. or depending on what it is they get accused of "Trauma Dumping" or saddling women with "Emotional Labor" and get called out for their Toxic Masculinity..

Men don't open up or share emotionally and they get called out for their Toxic Masculinity...

In other words.. there is no correct answer for men when it comes to opening up emotionally as regardless of which option you choose you will be judged and labeled for it...

Embarrassed-Tune9038 · 2024-02-18T16:13:03+00:00

Yep. Never ever ever divulge things like that to a woman you are sleeping with. She will use it against you, do not give her the ammunition.

hottake_toothache · 2024-02-18T17:07:09+00:00

Damn dude. Harsh truth.

I think we men have this desire to reveal our vulnerabilities to women, thinking that things will be better once we have her affirmation that they are nbd.

When I have that urge, I try to remind myself, THINGS WILL NOT BE BETTER. Her knowing/acknowledging won't help anything. I'm viewing her as some kind of magical creature who can bless me, despite my shortcomings. That's childish thinking. I remind myself that she is the child, not me.

HelloFuckYou1 · 2024-02-18T17:14:02+00:00

for fuck sake. when will men learn to not do it??!!

xshow-me-the-mortyx · 2024-02-18T18:06:36+00:00

That's fucked up. I'm very sorry for what happend to you in the past aswell.

Illustrious_Bus9486 · 2024-02-19T02:37:15+00:00

A man should never show any sign of weakness to a woman; it will only be weaponized against him at some point in the future.

Suspicious-Sleep5227 · 2024-02-18T20:20:20+00:00

It is exceedingly clear that men can only talk about emotional issues with other men who can be trusted. This is why men only spaces are important to have so that these important things can be discussed only amongst other men. There used to be plenty of them available but they’ve either been invaded by women or completely shut down. So now these important discussions are relegated to the dark corners of the internet.

CyclopeWarrior · 2024-02-19T08:05:19+00:00

Indeed, as the old saying goes, always remember women will use everything they know to hurt when they perceive their feelings as hurt.

And we all know how often that is

Actual_HumanBeing · 2024-02-19T02:36:41+00:00

That’s horrible man… I’m sorry you’re going through that. But at least it seems like you’re learning a very valuable lesson. 😬

pepelepieu · 2024-02-19T05:32:32+00:00

Yep, made that mistake only once. Keep it buried, nothing good will come of it.

ShiftyShifts · 2024-02-19T18:01:53+00:00

Yup..."The reason you're so angry that I opened up a credit card and put us 10k into debt is repressed trauma about the incident you told me about", "The reason you're upset I went to lunch with my ex boyfriend is because of unresolved past trauma." Get ready you've opened yourself up for this be used every time she is backed into a corner or just as a trump card.

rahsoft · 2024-02-20T02:44:42+00:00

That is so f**ked up man.

Had my ex do something similar. Had a close family member who became suicidal after being denied cancer treatment at a young age because they were disabled. Managed to find treatment eventually( but it was close to months from terminal). Really messed up my family over this. My wife and I were engaged after this time , so she saw the tail end of it including the legal action we took against the health authority responsible

During our marriage she made a few suicide threats( including to our young daughter who is disabled) knowing the impact it would have on me, adding details of how she would do it.

So you have my sympathy...

PenDownWriting · 2024-02-18T20:37:56+00:00

This breaks my heart. I don’t really know what to say as a woman myself, but it disgusts me to no ends. I have had family members, including my mother and sister do the same thing.

I can only imagine it’s much worse for men who’s traumas and struggles are already trivialized by society (and even worse to have that happen to you by someone so close, I’ve read about this happening countless times), and I really don’t know what else to do except know I wouldn’t do the same. That, and having these discussions with women in my surroundings to try to understand men better and to come to a mutual understanding that this kind of behavior is disgusting. But most days I feel clueless on how to help the situation for men in general.

(Also I’m super glad to see you intend to divorce her!)

Alarmed-Teaching8226 · 2024-02-18T19:31:27+00:00

Damn!! it hurts...Feel bad for OP...Contact in case you need any legal help

WearyCherry2857 · 2024-02-18T20:10:17+00:00

You need to leave

joelhuebner · 2024-02-18T20:10:54+00:00

Oh yes, she did!

Fishdude94 · 2024-02-18T22:11:11+00:00

Absolutely dude. I had a terrible childhood and my fiancee has said several times "You can't just blame your upbringing for everything..." That's true for a lot of things. You can't treat someone like shit because you were treated like shit. That's fair. But she uses it against me in many other ways that aren't fair like my anxiety and depression as if I have complete control over them. It sucks man.

DParadisio43137 · 2024-02-18T22:41:15+00:00

I'm so sorry.

Unlikely-Gas-1355 · 2024-02-19T04:01:52+00:00

I am sorry you went thru that abuse.
How are you holding up?
Do you need anything?
Do you have a safe space?
What can I do for you besides praying for your wife to realize she is supposed to be your safe space?

thediabolical1 · 2024-02-19T04:24:01+00:00

Sorry that happened to you. It really is a cold world and those you think should love us the most and treat us with the most respect often end up treating us the worst. You'll meet many people like this along your journey... just don't settle for it. There are folks out there who will treat you right and respect you, just keep looking. You owe that to yourself.

Electronic_Bluejay12 · 2024-02-19T04:44:03+00:00

I had an ex who did the same thing to me as well. I told her something personal about myself and then she used it against me in a argument.

veiakas · 2024-02-19T04:45:49+00:00

So she betrayed the trust immediately. Must be awful to live with someone like that.

DaJosuave · 2024-02-19T06:41:22+00:00

Yep, happened to me too. Right away, wanted to pin me as a nut, even though she didn't have anything current she said that someone who went through something like that had to be a nut.

Capt_accident · 2024-02-19T15:35:48+00:00

Man this hurts my heart. I did this once And for ten years after it was used as a weapon against me, when we had big arguments when I wasn’t feeling amorous for weeks or month at a time, because 1. I was working 16 hrs a day 6 days a week. 2. It’s hard to kiss the lips at night, that chew your ass out all day long.

solar-garlic1776 · 2024-02-19T21:07:24+00:00

OP, get you affairs in order and divorce her.

If the shoe were on the other foot, she would have went nuclear on your ass and you know this. You are too far along in life to be with someone who will use your past traumas against you.

OR

If you want to not be the bigger person, every argument you have you need to use everything she has told you against her. Play her fucking game and beat her at it

klafhofshi · 2024-02-20T00:43:26+00:00

Many of the men who fought in the World Wars came home traumatized and suffered with night terrors for the rest of their lives, and many of them never told their wives what they saw, had to do, and lived through. They confided instead in male friends and acquaintances at bars under the anti-inhibiting influence of alcohol. Men of the past generations knew that their wives were not their everything, but were instead a very important something, in contrast to the modern romantic ideal. One is better off looking outside of marriage to meet certain needs, because no spouse can ever be your everything. Many if not most women don't really want to hear about men's suffering, even if they openly say otherwise and invite one to confide in them. Often the better places to confide suffering to are with male friends, clergy, or a therapist. I'm convinced that this is why younger men experience the mixed signals of society and women telling men that it's okay to open up more and then see women complain online in anonymity about "emotional labor".

OkWillingness3123 · 2024-02-20T15:05:50+00:00

i’m happy to say i haven’t done this to my bf, and i wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if i did

my dad said that my mom had done something like this before to him so he doesn’t tell her certain things anymore and it saddens me,

so no matter how frustrated i get, i won’t throw back something traumatizing in someone’s face, especially my bf i don’t want to hurt him

and you sharing this just shows how much doing these things hurts people, and i’m seeing more on why men don’t tell their gfs and wifes things like this, so there won’t be a risk of what you tell them being thrown back in your face and it’s so sad, it shouldn’t be that way at all

VioIetDelight · 2024-02-18T17:05:25+00:00

I’m Sorry that happened to you. :( your wife shouldn’t have betrayed your trust like that. She doesn’t sound like a good person doing such a thing.

Op don’t take this as a rule to not ever trust anyone with your past. There are good women out there. I just don’t get why she would do such a cruel thing. :(

Big hug!

Luceryn · 2024-02-18T19:10:13+00:00

I have legitimate question. I am a woman, and my ex and I got in a fight once because he claimed I used his vulnerability against him. It's been awhile now so my memory is a bit fuzzy, but I think what happened is that I knew about certain things that would stress him out or make him anxious. When these things occurred, I would avoid bringing up issues I had with him for the next while, as I didn't want to add to his stress. This wasn't ideal because when I did finally bring up the issue, it could be more than one at once and it made him feel attacked. He found out I was withholding due to knowing his weaknesses and was quite hurt that I was using his vulnerability against him like that.

At the time, I didn't see it like that. I just thought I was being helpful by trying to reduce stress on him. Was I wrong? Is this using weakness against someone?

I'm sorry your wife hasn't responded sensitively to your vulnerability. Is it a miscommunication like I had? Is she attacking you?

Peachysweetpea · 2024-02-18T17:09:43+00:00

My ex did this to me. He used the abuse my parents did to me to gaslight me. Not everyone is like this, but a lot are sadly. Some people are just insensitive and have no idea what it is like to go through that.

Or they are just straight up manipulative. She sounds like it, using something someone told you as blackmail/to win an argument is extremely manipulative. Did she do this with other things too?

Stovewatch3to5 · 2024-02-18T23:44:03+00:00

Really sorry you has to experience and most likely will continue to experience that. One of the people that is supposed to be there for you as they'd expect you to be there for them and that's what happens. How awful. Stay strong my dude.

STylerMLmusic · 2024-02-19T00:51:22+00:00

I think your wife just sucks. It has nothing to do with her being a woman.

Friendly_Might_1348 · 2024-02-18T15:58:18+00:00

What did she say? I wanna know it word for word

cutelikekobra · 2024-02-19T15:06:07+00:00

I have a slightly different opinion as a man and a psychologist than others. 1. It sucks to be the victim of childhood sexual abuse. The trauma sticks with you. 2. However, that dark episode does not define you. As humans we can survive through anything and everything. We must. 3. Sharing with your spouse or your partner is not the worst idea. In fact, you must find a way to share your story with them. You should share it with them as early as you can. The truly nurturing and kind woman in your life will take that and help you heal. The narcissistic ones will turn it around. It is the perfect test of faith. It is what helps separate the wheat from the chaff.

Roamer56 · 2024-02-19T01:06:56+00:00

Sounds like you chose wrong.

Nidd1075 · 2024-02-18T16:20:34+00:00

Really sorry for you mate. Hope you manage to sort this out.

^(P.S. Guys do this too, its not much about gender, more it's about personality and how much you're an asshole. It can be something unintentional, as in one does it because they get carried away during the argument and they say it out of frustration/rage. Or it can be something intentional, as in the other person does it specifically to hurt you and they \consciously* think of anything they can throw at you to hurt you and make you feel like shit.)*
^{P.P.S. by what you described, your wife is an asshole.}

^{P.P.P.S./Edit. Clearly no one got what I meant. At all.}

Prudent-Conflict-557 · 2024-02-19T01:47:52+00:00

Also.. don’t marry someone if you don’t know whether they’re this kind of person or not.

KilgoreTrout1111 · 2024-02-19T04:30:29+00:00

People can do and say some pretty shitty things sometimes and not be evil and not really mean it. I think that's the problem with modern feminism.

LenoreforM · 2024-02-19T09:06:41+00:00

Never done this to my husband….thats fucked ☹️ sorry OP

Hexys · 2024-02-19T09:38:17+00:00

I have as well, to multiple previous girlfriends and all I got was support. If anyone would have used it against me i would be gone with the wind right away.

georgejo314159 · 2024-02-20T16:16:42+00:00

How did she "use it against you "?

sonofdavidsfather · 2024-02-18T19:18:29+00:00

I think this has more to do with you having a shitty partner. Is there a reason you would be married to a horrible person like this?

My wife knows all about my past and has been nothing but supportive.

michaelpaoli · 2024-02-18T17:25:49+00:00

Well, sorry, you've got a crud wife.

You tell her you told her in trust, and not for her to be using it against you. And not 24 hours later she's using it against you. So you can't trust her. So you won't share such things with her. Might as well get divorced, not much point to relationship if the trust is sh*t.

Men, no matter how much you love someone, no matter how much you trust them, never, ever tell a woman

No, don't generalize. The problem is your wife. It's not women, it's not <whatever her hair color is> haired women, it's not women who's first name is whatever her first name is. It's very specifically her. Doesn't mean there aren't lots of other women/people that are likewise problematic. But there are also lots of men - and women - that aren't problematic like that. You got or selected a dud.

Because she will

Nope - at lest not if you pick decent woman/women - and people in general. I've certainly dealt with some *ssholes, but thus far (and I'm 60+), I've never had a woman or friend betray my trust like that. Sorry if you picked a crud one, or she turned to crud - whatever, sometimes sh*t happens. But pick much better, and that probability is way the hell lower.

used it against me in one of her damn arguments.

Gee, and best relationship thus far - we've gone well over 13 years ... without having an argument. You seem to have that what, about daily? So, maybe you picked a bad one or she turned bad. Like I say, sh*t happens - sometimes it's bad luck. But she sounds very untrustworthy, so why the hell even stay with her? But you're gonna come on here and blame all women just 'cause you've got a crud untrustworthy wife. Really dude. Because she's a woman? What next, are you going to say it's because of the color of her skin, or her last name, or where she was born, or ... no dude, just no.

worriedafsomeonehelp · 2024-02-18T18:09:12+00:00

Way to generalise all women based on your shitty wife mate. My girlfriend of 5 years hasn’t done anything like that till date, even after sharing some of my most darkest memories.

JMB613 · 2024-02-19T00:33:18+00:00

Im sorry, but this story specifically sounds a little fishy to me. Women absolutely do this, dont get me wrong, but you told her in the evening, and she used it against you in an argument in the morning? I've seen some of your replies, and you refuse to give context.

So, do you often get in arguments? If so, why would you open up to her so willingly? If not, what started a random argument the next morning?

If this really has happened, i apologize for doubting, but this is a real phenomenon, and i find it insulting to make a post for clout.

Digger_is_taken · 2024-02-18T16:11:36+00:00

What a sad shrunken creature you have allowed yourself to become. Lose your ability to trust if you must. Don't make a virtue of it.

WereZephyr · 2024-02-18T23:07:33+00:00

Divorce her and never marry a woman again. And, I know this is a very long shot, but get a boyfriend instead. Your life will be better. That last bit was hj hs.

HikageBurner · 2024-02-18T23:28:55+00:00

Holy hell why do women treat men this way?

Everytime I see stuff like this I have to be grateful for my woman... She doesn't pull this crap.

yoon1ac · 2024-02-18T23:31:34+00:00

Shaq is right

edward-regularhands · 2024-02-19T04:12:40+00:00

This is why you should open up to other dudes instead. I’m sorry this happened to you mate

gandalfsleftgnad · 2024-02-19T08:21:07+00:00

Get out of that toxicity bro. Run.

WrongdoerWilling7657 · 2024-02-19T10:17:05+00:00

This happens every time, man. Can't ever let them see you vulnerable or, god forbid, crying. They'll never respect you again, and they'll assuredly use it against you at a convenient time.

Accomplished_Pen5752 · 2024-02-19T11:09:23+00:00

Women is the worst gender I know among all the genders

NinjaSelect3581 · 2024-02-19T23:20:32+00:00

Especially a woman with Moon in the sign of Cancer in her horoscope 😉

nin3te3n86 · 2024-02-20T00:46:08+00:00

Barf. Divorce that lady immediately.

Title	Finally told my wife about some abuse I suffered as a child something. I have never told any other human being ever.
Author	Sweet_Pie_3064
Upvotes	1042
Comments	241
Date	February 18, 2024 3:47 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1atx1ib/finally_told_my_wife_about_some_abuse_i_suffered/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/finally-told-my-wife-about-some-abuse-i-suffered.1245759 https://theredarchive.com/post/1245759

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