47-year-old male virgin looking for pointers (no comments from whiners who have given up please)

bigbenton · 2012-06-09T06:43:15+00:00

This is actually really inspiring. I'm a 23 year old virgin who's never had a girlfriend for a number of reasons and often feel like I'll be that way for the rest of my life. Knowing that you're willing to say fuck it and keep going is awesome. Gives me hope for myself.

christopherawesome · 2012-06-09T05:15:57+00:00

Middle aged dudes actually, in a lot of ways, have it easier. Women in their late 30s and onward who are still single and looking generally have fairly lowered expectations for a mate (unless they have something worthwhile to offer, ie wealth/milf-ness) just being a nice guy who is okay looking and reliable is all you need. You don't need to feel discouraged about your possibilities either, there are plenty of hot 30-50 year olds.

BinaryShadow · 2012-06-09T05:39:07+00:00

I don't REALLY want to be a PUA, but I need to learn your ways until I can find someone I really want to be with and can be with.

Don't be a "PUA." Be yourself. This is how I study seduction: It's not about picking up women. It's about building attractiveness. I want to be proud of MYSELF. To find MYSELF attractive and awesome and kickass. It's about building a great life for yourself. And it's all about your inner game, your confidence. Once you build that, you'll have no problem talking to women and won't even give a shit if you get shot down.

You're on the right track walking away from porno and addictive TV and working on your body. Now you need more hobbies. Ever want to learn rock climbing? Kayaking? Run a marathon? Take martial arts? Do SOMETHING that involves other people OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE. Don't hesitate. Life is too short to hesitate. Besides, it'll give you more to talk about with your dates. You can learn all the pickup lines you want, but when you isolate her on a date or even off to the side of the bar, you're screwed.

I'm 29 so am also a bit older than the average sedditor, but I believe reading this stuff has helped make my life much better. I still have a ways to go, but just finished my second date with one of the hottest ladies I've ever taken out and it's going well.

Edit: Fixed phone typos.

TBBH_Bear · 2012-06-09T05:43:13+00:00

Two words: Outcome independent.

Find some mates, go to a club, try to see who can crash and burn the worst. My friends and I would try this for shits and giggles, but were often surprised at the success rate. Once you get over the fear of rejection, the rest of it just seems like a game. Other times I have gone out just thinking, "I am the biggest, baddest mother fucker here tonight and I am going to get laid." 60% of the time, it works every time.

bothan_spy_net · 2012-06-09T06:45:29+00:00

Brother, all I can recommend is talk to everyone. Chat. Chat. Chat. Practice talking to random people on the street. It doesn't even matter, they don't mind you and they soon forget. It's all practice. Last, and really my only sage seduction clue. Warm-up.

funshinebear13 · 2012-06-09T06:47:29+00:00

I haven't read all the comments but one thing. Be honest with women, but for fuck sake don't tell them your a virgin. Just don't, don't mention it or bring it up. Be Awesome and talk to as many girls as you can and kino as many girls are you can. Touch them, even lightly get used to touching and talking to girls. Practice as often as possible, you should get laid pretty damn quickly.

Jackiedees · 2012-06-09T07:25:44+00:00

Every single thing you've listed that you've done already proves to me and I think everyone else that you are already on the right track my friend.

acey · 2012-06-09T16:36:30+00:00

Female here.

There's no reason to tell someone you're a virgin if you aren't headed straight for sex. If you spend time going out with someone -- and it can be weeks! -- and fooling around with them and kissing them a little and touching each other's bodies, you'll be getting to know what turns them on and you'll start to feel more confident. Some people might want to have sex on the first date, but a LOT of people don't. Someone once told me that the thing it took him a long time to figure out with physical intimacy is that if you do what feels good to you with a partner, that can be fun for them. That is, you're supposed to enjoy it. That definitely includes foreplay, so let it go on for a while.

If you haven't been with a lot of people, also, YSK that a lot of what makes physical intimacy fun is emotional intimacy -- my bf and I spend as much time laughing as we do doing other stuff in bed, and I love that we are usually laughing as soon as I wake up every morning we're together and right up until we fall asleep together. That's really important to me and to a lot of women.

Also, even though you'll have waited 47 years for this moment, remember, it will take exactly one second -- or the amount of time it takes to go from non-penetration to penetration -- to change your status. And then you'll have the rest of your life, like all of us, to refine your skillz.

For me, the only way your current status would be a deal-breaker would be if you told it to me before I felt close enough to you to know that you weren't going to be my student, and before I understood that you were actively reading and thinking about how to be a fun partner. Read r/sex if you don't already, and pick up some good smart books about sex. They'll help you think sexy thoughts that are partner-oriented, and give you fun ideas for things that women might like. Good luck to you!

2012-06-09T05:22:02+00:00

I like that you seem very confident despite this "curse" Wish you the best of luck :)

Crabpeoples · 2012-06-09T04:07:15+00:00

welcome mate, just keep browsing this subreddit and you will eventually find the answers you are looking for. I say give it time, don't rush things. Practice makes perfects, read, read and keep reading until you 'get it' and one day you will simply go out and do it. I am in the same boat too, i am a 22 year old virgin and i can feel as though i'm going to loose it soon, no really i am not kidding. I get looks from women all the time, and my confidence and game is only getting better, eventually there will be that time where i will go for it. Can't wait! But in the mean time just stay calm and focused :)

ThrowawayPUA · 2012-06-09T18:41:13+00:00

WTF seddit? What in the hell is going on here? You guys should be ashamed of yourselves.

This is /r/SEDUCTION and this guy is asking for information on improving his life, and he came here for information about PUA methods, because that is what seddit is about. seddit is NOT a place to offer earnest people who want help, such utter rubbish as:

suggestions to go get a hooker
advice on workouts
off topic movie clips
discussion of the Age of Consent in Australia
idiotic non-PUA advice like the "half your age plus 7"
snarky comments that poke fun at the OP

If the only thing you can offer an OP are personal opinions, and cannot discuss actual seduction methods, then I expect you to STFU and leave it to people who CAN.

For the very few of you who were actually connecting this guy with real seduction ideas, I'm proud of your leadership. But I also expect you guys who know better, to use that leadership to divert discussion from unproductive areas, and flag posts to alert the moderators if things get out of hand.

This is a high visibility post with a large number of upvotes. It will probably rank up in the top 100 seddit posts of all time, so this sort of post becomes a representative example of what we do in seddit. And most of you set a very poor example. This is seddit, not /r/RandomOpinionsFromKeyboardJockeys.

In the future, before "contributing" to threads like this, before you hit the Save button, I would like you to consider the immortal words of Technician Second Class Arnold J Rimmer, "Look, we've all got something to contribute to this discussion. And I think what you should contribute from now on is silence."

Sometimes silence is your most valuable contribution.

texastim · 2012-06-09T06:44:03+00:00

Austin is a target rich environment. Join lifetime fitness and do their weight loss program. They will out you in a treadmill 3 days a week and teach you how to eat

Get some clothes. I always shop for a good sales person first. They will show you how to spend your money with taste in a heartbeat

Just get laid. I have a sales company and I tell my reps to just make a first sale even if they have to give it away.

Getting a young girlfriend would be good if you can pull it off. There will be some co- learning there

Somebody will want to be your first. If they are over thirty you will be their last "first". That will Motivate many

Good luck to you !!

There is also a seduction r/seduction I think. If that is not it send me a message And I will hunt it down for you

5yy · 2012-06-09T05:48:10+00:00

Already made a few comments in the thread but there is one thing I think would help you greatly from becoming the "likable friend"

When you meet anyone guys or girls things are awkward. But you have to make your intentions clear from the start. If you try to make them comfortable and become their friend first. You get to that level. Settle. Then try to move forward again. You will screw yourself

That is 99% of friendzoned guys problem. You have to keep pushing forward with the awkwardness. Once you stop and they get comfy. Then won't go back into discomfort again. Keep going on the uneasiness until you had sex. If you're getting friendzoned then forget them and go

Ps. Your job is super cool and interesting. I'd lead with that

pamplemouse · 2012-06-10T12:27:37+00:00

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arifterdarkly · 2012-06-09T05:08:30+00:00

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Mathematic21 · 2012-06-09T17:20:57+00:00

Was a 21 year old virgin, now since i've improved I can have sex 2 or 3 times a week. Here is what I did.

1.Build up testosterone - By looking at women, keeping your esteem up, and exercise.

2.Go out and buy a nice outfit - Preferably blue with a dash of red, blue for masculinity, dash of red to attract

3.Get on some tunes, suited up and grind in bars - This is going to be a grind, go out with mates who think you've not been laid in a 'while' and go out, practice makes perfect

4.If stuck join POF, or OKCupid - The aim here is not to maybe get a date but it's primarily to get you talking with women, to get a feel for them.

This is a grind, you have to want it, good luck.

reboot2012 · 2012-06-09T05:54:12+00:00

Hey thanks for posting. I find this inspiring. Thing that works best for me (Im still learning) is to find a buddy to share this journey with. Its an incredible catalyst. But seddit in a way, is that buddy... now that I think about it... hhmmm...

markes13 · 2012-06-09T07:42:37+00:00

Small things that I've noticed is making a small talk with anyone at the start of your day (people at the bus stop, etc. especially older folks 60's and older, they love small talks).

Look at it as a warm-up to your day when you're looking to meet people or approach women that catches your attention. My conversations tend to be smoother when I've had 'warm-ups.'

TerribleAtPuns · 2012-06-09T09:20:30+00:00

I know others have likely said the same things I'm about to say, but:

You're my hero. It's awesome to see other late bloomers being blatantly honest and applying this stuff, and it makes me happy to see someone like you going for everything I want.
In my, admittedly limited, experience the biggest issue is just not fucking up chances you get. No matter what you can do better, so don't get clingy if you like her and haven't heard from her in a while.
Don't lie. Even when you're off your game you are who you are. Be the best you possible and don't stoop to pretending you're some different 'cool' guy. That 'cool' guy is infinitely less awesome than an excited but quirky you.
Have fun. If you aren't having fun all you'll ever get is an extremely self-conscious fucking that is hardly worth the time invested.
Good luck. The journey is as good as the destination, and sometimes luck is more important than anything else.

rustoof · 2012-06-09T09:40:58+00:00

You seem to be in good shape. Continue don't bitch out you'll be good

2012-06-09T11:24:06+00:00

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MySperm · 2012-06-09T18:16:04+00:00

I'm only 21, I can only suggest internet dating.

P.s try more than just 1 site, I've heard www.match.com is a good one

there's no harm in atleast trying

anonymous_troll · 2012-06-10T01:38:05+00:00

I vote that it become /r/seduction's mission to get this guy laid.

drunkasaurusrex · 2012-06-09T04:37:03+00:00

How do you dress? How tall are you, what do you weigh? What do you look like?

Philosopher_King · 2012-06-09T05:32:27+00:00

At what point do you (general you, but, yeah, you) do you just pay to get rid of the goose egg? I mean, it's gotta weigh you down, right? Why else would you mention it? You want a relationship? A'int gonna get that being an old virgin. At least get past that.

Meaty_chunkz · 2012-06-09T06:08:03+00:00

No matter what just go out there and take a couple of swings, you will strike out a lot but just make it your priority to hit a home run. And with determination you will. It's better late than never.

PizzaTime826 · 2012-06-09T12:33:33+00:00

Got serious once again about losing weight. I've lost 10 pounds since March. I've been doing a lot of walking/hiking/bicycling.

This is great that you'd like to get into shape, kudos to you! I recommend that you take a stroll over to r/Fitness. Ask yourself, "What are my goals for fitness?" Do you want to simply lose weight, do you want to tone up?

The hiking and walking thing are nice, but if you really want to make an impact (and heck, help your cardiovascular system out too) then you should look at actually running and jogging. Join a gym and use their treadmill or elliptical machines. The gym IS a nice way to get out of the house too.

You should also strongly consider weight training at a gym. This will help you both burn fat and change your physique if you are serious about it. Even if you don't notice the physical changes of weight training first, you will most certainly notice the changes in your overall strength, which is a BIG confidence boost (personal experience talking!)

Chrono803 · 2012-06-09T13:58:37+00:00

As a fellow virgin (soon to be 28) I wish you luck. I've been lurking in this subreddit for a couple of months now and I can safely say I have improved overall as a person because of it. I, myself, had a successful second date just the other night. Please let us know how it goes if you can.

sane-ish · 2012-06-09T14:02:59+00:00

Any man that is willing to put himself out there instead of continuing his path of silent suffering deserves a great deal of credit. As long as you put in effort, you are going to reap the benefits.

Well, I am 26 currently dating and I didn't lose my virginity til last year. I was drunk at the time and the experience wasn't great, but it helped to alleviate the pressure of carrying my v-card. I say, get fucked up and take someone home. Women really, really don't understand what it's like. Having sex is like a rite of passage to men.

Even though I have not been on a ton of dates, I have learned to not shoot myself in the foot anymore. If someone doesn't want to go out again, so be it. Move on. It takes a bit for that info. to really sink in, but there truly are many other fish in the sea.

I too hate the techniques some PUA employ, but there is wisdom to be found here and learning to take things in stride and cultivate an heir of confidence is important. The only thing that I can tell required to pass the 'friend-zone' barrier is to make some moves. Go in for the kiss. Make that double entendre. Feel that bewb. ;)

You can do this!

ThrowawayPUA · 2012-06-09T16:07:48+00:00

Are you comfortable sharing what profession you work in and very roughly, how much you earn ($50k to $75k, $75k to $100k, etc;)? It can be a significant source of self-esteem and other-esteem (leaving the wiseness of this from a spiritual angle aside for the moment).

Remember that many women love to fuck. No, they don't love to "make love", or love to "have sex". That's just conservative "virgin-think" bullshit trying to keep you down. Many women just want to have a good time. Visit /r/gonewild once in a while to let the fact sink in that women are sexual, too. Your chances are MUCH higher than you think! Looking forward to reading your success story here.

KingDavid1 · 2012-06-09T16:09:35+00:00

Good for you on bro. I would suggest reading "the mystery method" by mystery for some great detail on basic information. A lot of your questions are really answered in this book in detail. Keep us updated!

puacobra · 2012-06-10T03:52:42+00:00

I train men how to pick up girls in New York. I'd be happy to help if you're ever around.

madbull2604 · 2012-06-11T15:09:04+00:00

There isn’t much more to add to what you already doing. Keep it up, be positive. There is a light at the end of every tunnel, it just depends how long this tunnel is. My motto is “100% of shots not taken are missed” by Wayne Gretzky, so pick one for you as well, and every time you feel like giving up, recite it in your mind a few times and think what it means to you at that moment. Now to answer a few questions that you asked.

OKCupid is a gold mine. My brother has been doing this for about half a year and consistently gets dates. Since it is online, you should be yourself from the very beginning, to make sure that the person you are going to meet is not “nerdy boring”. You dont have time for someone with 0 mutual interests. If you are passionate about journalism steer to it. However, if that is the only thing you do, no hobbies, you will have problems keeping the conversation flow. Take every opportunity that presents itself, don’t use “fine comb”. Use it as learning experience, at least for 3 months. Make sure to set up in-person meeting, under 500 words in you communication with the prospective date! Any more and you become pen-buddies.
Random conversations are good, however make sure you take those conversations one step further every time. I have a routine. Almost every person (especially women) has one unique feature of their appearance or clothes. Spot that uniqueness and run with it, situational openers are best in these cases. For example, ‘Hmm, I didn’t know they make purses that big?!’, ‘my friend bought a shirt just like that, but it looks better on you’, ‘my 2 cents, but you would look much better with your hair up/down. I just know it (wink)’.
Look into changing diet as well, it will help you get your body in the desired condition a lot quicker. Turn to nutritionist or naturopath for a few consultations, if you can afford them.
Unless it is work related or absolutely necessary part of you image reduce computer time to a minimum. Or if absolutely necessary, get a laptop and take it to a coffee shop to work there instead of staying at home in sweat pants ;)
The fact that you eliminated work shyness is awesome. Keep in mind you beat shyness once already. If it helps, imagine yourself doing an ”interview” with a woman, instead of “hitting” on her. After the step of being able to talk to any woman on cue, you will move to escalation. That’s where kino, voice and innuendos become vital.
I usually say, ‘how do you want to do this?’ when the cheque arrives and most of the time we split it down the middle. However, if a person insists on treating me, just say “thank you, next time is on me”. You are creating an image in her mind of the next time!!!

TheBlackGoat · 2012-06-09T07:13:17+00:00

I like the cut of your jib!

My advice would be to invest in a dog (if possible) and to do that before investing in expensive clothes or whatnot. A dog that can jog with you is a plus. Women go seriously crazy for cute dogs. Also, if you want to go to a farmer's market or something like ralphodog suggested, having a dog companion is way better than going it alone.

Icantevenhavemyname · 2012-06-09T15:25:57+00:00

Go to Vegas and hire a prostitute. After 47 years you have probably built this up to be a trip to Mars. In Vegas you could have this issue dealt with in an hour. Stop making this so difficult.

tedfahrvergnugent · 2012-06-09T17:26:22+00:00

First, get yourself in order. Get a solid wardrobe. If you don't think you have a good sense of style find someone who does. Think of the scenes between Ryan gosling and Steve Carell in crazy stupid love. (it's worth noting that that movie seems to demonize and misunderstand pickup while getting a few things right)

Hit the gym, get a bike, go rock climbing or some other fun, tough, maybe somewhat scary physical activity.

Check the sidebar for inner game tips and watch blueprint decoded by rsd's Owen Cook if you haven't already.

Older dudes are a huge turn on for tons of women of all ages. Carry your age like a senator. Find someone - real or fictional - who acts and dresses in a way you admire who's your age and use that to help you get there. The godfather would get some serious play why can't you and don't say it's because you don't look or talk like him because that's not why he rules.

Cybralisk · 2012-06-09T18:45:33+00:00

I think the virginity thing is overblown, in todays society, at least in america, its like you are a loser or something if your a virgin out of highschool or college. Anyway OP i wouldnt worry about age to much, the only thing with age is that girls still in there teens still tend to act less mature and they may not be compatible with you, If you can attract girls that are in thier early to mid 20's then would say start with that, however at your age unless your extremely good looking that will be tough to do. Your probobly gonna have to settle with woman over 40, which is fine, alot of woman can stay attractive at that age if they take care of themselves. Try eharmony, alot of older adults use it my mom met her second husband on there, okcupid and pof tend to draw the younger crowd.

evolve18 · 2012-06-09T15:53:15+00:00

At 47, have you considered just heading to nevada to hit a brothel? I don't mean to sound trite, but honestly wondering.

dumcumster · 2012-06-10T05:04:15+00:00

prostitutes, my friend

sthree · 2012-06-09T06:37:26+00:00

Have you ever simply tried asking someone out?

Have you ever been blunt and honest, like you're doing now, but to a woman?

Have you ever said to a girl "I would love having sex with you"?

And if so, how did it go?

fragglemook · 2012-06-09T16:26:28+00:00

I would seriously just pay money for sex with a good looking hooker. Just to break the generalisation that is your learned and constructed identity. You cannot be a virgin when you've had sex. Get it done, then the pressure's off somewhat for dating.

After that, come back here and fill your head full of theory and hit the bars and clubs to test the tricks.

Make things easy on yourself.

2012-06-09T05:02:54+00:00

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Murmaider · 2012-06-09T20:14:38+00:00

If i were in your shoes, i would hire a hooker and get the whole virgin thing out of the way. Most women at your target age are fairly well experienced in sex, the last thing you want to be is lousy in bed. Befriend said hooker and have her show you the ropes. Also, a healthy active sex life promotes confidence.

Title	47-year-old male virgin looking for pointers (no comments from whiners who have given up please)
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	227
Comments	168
Date	June 9, 2012 4:00 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/uspu1/47yearold_male_virgin_looking_for_pointers_no/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/47-year-old-male-virgin-looking-for-pointers-no.1333867 https://theredarchive.com/post/1333867

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