I don't think it's controversial to state that women are, on average, a great deal more picky than men are. This can make dating as a heterosexual male feel a bit like navigating a minefield. Women are on guard for icks, and red flags, and can go ghost for the smallest infraction. This incentivizes men to lie, or try to live up to whatever fantasy he thinks the woman has of him. Lying, of course, often backfires for men. Especially lies which capitulate to a women's point of view. These lies are transparent, and women do not want to feel like they're being lied to. However, because women sometimes have a stricter list of non-negotiables, I believe that men take on more risk for their truth than women do.

Men are not as skittish. They don't need as many boxes checked off. At the end of a date, if a man were to say, "I find you attractive, but I'm not sure if our personalities match just yet. I'm totally down to go on more dates to figure that out!" I think it's pretty close to a sure thing that there's not going to be a second date. Women will think, "There's no passion. He doesn't want me." However, if a women were to say this to a man, I think a significant portion of men would actually appreciate it, and be willing to pursue further. Women are also given more grace to be honest about their thoughts and lifestyle. If a woman asks a man, “what did you do today?", and he responds, "I spent the whole morning doomscrolling and wondering if I was ever going to find a career that could make me feel fulfilled, and I was worried about how this date was gonna go. But, that's life I guess." I think some women might appreciate this, but that response is going to be incredibly polarizing. Once again, I believe men would be much more receptive in the reverse.

I saw a post recently where a woman said, "Am I justified in ghosting a guy if he suggests a hike for a first date?" Her rationale was that he should be aware that a hiking trail is a dangerous spot to meet an unknown man. And, I actually agree with her. But, I also thought... Why couldn't she have just said that to him? Why couldn't she have just suggested a new idea? Was his suggestion so revealing that it was enough to write him off entirely? I don't think it was.

Instead of dealing with conflict, and learning something, and coming to an understanding, a lot of woman are just clicking out at the first perceived slight. And then, down the line... because women don't exercise honesty, they shut down, or hold in their opinions to the point where a mountain of resentment has grown. Romance often lives in the realm of ambiguity, but I think women should take advantage of their position in dating, and use it to cut through the bullshit more.

This is a very tricky topic, and there's layers to it, so I wouldn't be surprised if I didn't totally nail what I'm trying to say, but let me know. Curious what y'all think.