Q4M: is it normal for a guy to feel insecure if he discovers that his partner uses toys?

AlmostKindaGreat · 2024-07-19T22:28:32+00:00

Personally I don't mind and if it makes the experience better for her I say let's integrate them into our play together. Vibrators, butt plugs, dildos, whatever. I'm game. As long as she's super into me and my body I don't care and it's fun to give her all the sensations.

I don't understand guys having an issue with vibrators. You want to be stimulating that clit anyway and it's not like it's "replacing" something on you.

But of course dick size is going to be something guys can get sensitive about. If a woman exclusively uses enormous dildos and her boyfriend is not enormous, it's not completely unreasonable for him to have thoughts that maybe she's into something he doesn't have.

If a woman suspects she's on the looser side, let's say she had a baby, and her partner constantly uses an "Ultra Tight" Fleshlight I think she'd be prone to feeling insecure too. Maybe it's similar if she's a little thicker and she discovers he is always looking at super skinny IG models. That's a little different since you're incorporating lust toward other real people, but it will trigger insecurity in the same way.

In all the cases described above nobody can say for sure that the person enjoying something that's different from their partner doesn't like what their partner has just as much or more. But it's in no way surprising that these things can trigger insecurity sometimes.

terriblefaith · 2024-07-19T22:04:46+00:00

Your title and description are two different things?

meisterkraus · 2024-07-19T23:06:07+00:00

How would you feel if your boyfriend wanted to use a pocket pussy during sex with you?

pg_throwaway · 2024-07-19T23:08:55+00:00

I would definitely feel insecure about "discovering" it. Like I'm fine with toys in the bedroom but if she was hiding it from me, that would bother me alot. Like why hiding? Why is she going behind my back with it? That would definitely make me feel weird.

AcephalicDude · 2024-07-19T22:58:03+00:00

Depends on what you mean by "normal." Do a majority of men have this insecurity? I would guess, probably not. Is it a relatively common insecurity, as far as sexual insecurities go? Yeah, probably, it's definitely not unheard of by any means.

To me it seems like the reason for it is that some men really want to be solely responsible for their partner's pleasure / orgasm during sex, and the idea that he can't make his partner O but a toy can make her O is discouraging. Also, there is the whole dick size insecurity that is extremely common among men, and the question that probably comes up in some men's minds is: would she still need her toy if I was bigger?

harmonica2 · 2024-07-20T00:34:13+00:00

Well women get insecure when guys look at porn, so I guess women also get insecure at their partners therefore, and it's an even playing field that way?

KayRay1994 · 2024-07-19T22:22:55+00:00

Nah, toys are your friends and tools you can use for you and your partner’s benefit - incorporate them and she will thank you

Also it’s silly to be insecure over a piece of plastic or silicone lol

soontobesolo · 2024-07-19T22:37:27+00:00

Some guys are foolish and or insecure. They're missing out. Toys are fun! And fercrissakes, they're tools! Guys should be all over that.

NotARussianBot1984 · 2024-07-19T22:35:48+00:00

No.

As long as she's fine with my member, same with me.

I use toys on her, she's happy AF.

MyUpSeemsDown · 2024-07-19T23:01:57+00:00

It probably depends on the person, I could see someone thinking maybe they aren't doing enough in bed to keep them satisfied, as much as someone who just doesn't care, maybe he'll even tag in on it.

But honestly, this is probably no different for women, some I know feel insecure about it for the same reason as much as some just don't care.

FirmQuarter6623 · 2024-07-19T23:51:00+00:00

Toys, ropes, handcuffs and other stuff is ok.

f she has a past or is too open sexually.

What do you mean here? what past? open sexually?

Dense-Tell-6147 · 2024-07-20T00:01:48+00:00

No, I wouldn’t feel insecure. However I’d try to find out, if she uses them

because I am not doing my part as a lover, and then I’d try to see if the gap can be bridged from my part
as a complement to our sex life, then I’d like to know if she fancies me being part of the game. If not it’s fine, I also enjoy some “me time” every now and then

FreitasAlan · 2024-07-20T01:23:04+00:00

Not a contradiction at all.

They find it hard to get into a relationship with a girl they want: not _any_ relationship.

Most people find it easy to get into a relationship they don't see benefiting them. Not having a relationship with a person who is not the person he wants a relationship with is not a contradiction at all.

Thus, it's not a contradiction to reject a relationship with any woman with attributes that make her not desirable to him, such as (potentially) the ones you listed.

Also, most men don't have a problem with women who use toys, have _a_ past, or are open sexually. So basically, everything you listed. The only thing they often have a problem with is _a_ past that they particularly consider bad for some reason, but even the exact threshold depends on the man.

IH8YTSGTS · 2024-07-20T01:26:08+00:00

Ok I am going to offer some devil's advocate for the men who are and explain my position.

I am not against the idea of my GF or wife using toys... in theory, my fear is that she will eventually stop being intimate with me. If she used them in addition to regular sex I wouldn't mind but I don't think many women would promise to always have sex with me even if they didn't want to.

Stunning-Spirit5275 · 2024-07-20T03:10:52+00:00

Wouldn't care if she used a toy. Would feel insecure if she didnt use it on ME from time to time

fundamentally_comfy · 2024-07-20T07:33:19+00:00

How would women feel If they discovered their partner Had a bunch of fleshlights and dildos?

Opening_Tell9388 · 2024-07-19T22:18:37+00:00

It's simply just ego. We are kind of conditioned to feel like just our dick should be enough to satisfy women. Which is such a closed minded approach to the art of sex. I kind of find most insecurities are entangled somewhere near a hurt and bruised ego.

Cor_ay · 2024-07-19T22:15:50+00:00

is it normal for a guy to feel insecure if he discovers that his partner uses toys?

No, this is not normal.

he’ll (most likely get insecure) if she has a past is too open.

Wtf?

NockerJoe · 2024-07-19T23:04:05+00:00

How would you feel if your dude declared he wouldn't have sex with you unless he put on porn in the background, and any time you made eye contact for more than a few seconds you could see him glance back over at an anal gangbang to keep it up?

Which-Inspector1409 · 2024-07-20T00:07:45+00:00

Being open sexually and using toys is worlds apart from "having a past". I give 0 shits if she uses toys in fact I will probably help her out. Having a "past" is a deal breaker.

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DerpaDerpaDooDinkle · 2024-07-19T22:19:13+00:00

It's not particularly normal to be insecure about inanimate objects. I mean, everyone is itty bitty compared to a baseball bat... so I guess it depends on what size you are and what size she wants (thought one could argue you aren't insecure about the toy specifically, you are insecure about being too small at that point)... or if it's not an insertion thing, I mean, it's hard to compete against a Hitachi, so, I think you just have to accept that some things are just straight up better than human... It's best to be part of that ride than compete against it.

LaloTwinsDa2nd · 2024-07-20T00:41:29+00:00

Savings-Bee-4993 · 2024-07-20T01:13:42+00:00

For some guys, sure. Others won’t care.

What’s going through an insecure guy’s mind may be something like this: “She uses toys that are bigger than me. That doesn’t make me feel good. What does that say about my package and performance..? Or the future of our relationship..?”

The acceptability and reasonability of such insecurities will vary. I once read a story a guy posted on Reddit about how he had a threesome with his GF and another dude who was bigger than him. He felt insecure because it was her idea, and she seemed to have more fun than just with him. Later on, she begged him to buy a dick sleeve. He relented and they used it. She didn’t want to have sex with him without it after that. He was heartbroken, and I understand why.

purplish_possum · 2024-07-20T01:32:04+00:00

No. Most women use toys. Where's this guy been?

PiastriPs3 · 2024-07-20T01:44:19+00:00

I use a prostate toy to spice up sex and masturbation, so it's all good in my books since I understand sex toys can help certain women with orgasming. Although I just hope she doesn't judge me for using sex toys(which is a given at this point ). Im pretty comfortable with my penis size so maybe it'd be different if yoyre a smaller man.

Zabadoodude · 2024-07-20T07:05:33+00:00

It depends on the context. Of she seems to be really into him and also likes to bring toys to spice up the bedroom that's fine. If she's turning him down for sex and secretly using her vinrator instead he might get insecure.

Upset_Material_3372 · 2024-07-20T08:49:51+00:00

It’s pretty much equivalent to women’s feelings for their partners watching porn.

castironskilletset · 2024-07-20T09:02:08+00:00

Depends on whether the toy is getting more action than him lol

On serious note, only remedy to insecurity is to have sex with lot of women. That tend to make relationship miserable.

But one thing I have learned after dating women is that they will forgive you of infidelity easier than they will forgive you of insecurity. Men think they can communicate their insecurity but no, they cant.

Unable_Evidence_4028 · 2024-07-20T15:33:29+00:00

Q4M: is it normal for a guy to feel insecure if he discovers that his partner uses toys?

Who cares? It sound like a religious-person thing. I don't know many.

Most men complain that dating is a struggle and that it’s very hard for them to get into a relationship. But then if they find a woman that likes them and they’re compatible in the bedroom, he’ll (most likely get insecure) if she has a past or is too open sexually.

It is how our instincts work, we dislike higher n women and prefer lower n women. It doesn't need to make sense and we don't have any control over it. We basically react the same way we do for fat women with fat bellies. There are exceptions of course, but they are rare.

It is also why all men all around the world somehow are disgusted with women who had slept with 50 men, but seem to have no issue with her sleeping with 50 women (some even preferring it). Instincts don't make any fucking sense. If you think about it, big breasts are fat reserves just like a fat belly. Big breasts should not be attractive yet they are, it is just that instincts are messy and odd. And way too many people try to rationalize what is not rational.

Believe me, if most men could just keep having sex with the same small number of high n women again and again ignoring 90% of women, they would. But we can't cause it is not in the male sexuality to be like this. I hope it solves your question.

just_a_place · 2024-07-21T04:39:51+00:00

No. Any dude that feels insecure about that shit usually has a shit ton of other insecurities about himself, the dildos would just be the trigger - or the excuse - for his insecure ass to start venting about some unrelated shit.

Most men would be of the disposition to actually buy their girl dildos for her to try, rather than be some insecure fuckwit about it.

"But then if they find a woman that likes them and they’re compatible in the bedroom, he’ll (most likely get insecure) if she has a past or is too open sexually."

Hold up little lady! Cause that's a whole other issue right there. A woman being a hoe is totally different than her just using a dildo on herself.

DoinIt989 · 2024-07-19T22:35:52+00:00

If she has them, that's fine. If she insists on using them while we're having sex, I don't like that.

krackedy · 2024-07-19T22:37:15+00:00

Stupid thing to get insecure about.

My wife goes long periods only being able to orgasm with the good ol' Hitachi, then she will take a break from it to re-sensitize herself.

It's fun using toys with her.

Visual-Community-743 · 2024-07-19T23:40:29+00:00

Its fine is she used them with all the other guys.

Gold_Supermarket1956 · 2024-07-19T22:31:38+00:00

That would depend.... vibrator no a 14 inch horse cock... yes

RecreationalPorpoise · 2024-07-19T22:36:41+00:00

Yes. It would probably make him feel sexually inadequate. Either he needs to step it up, or she needs to calm down.

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2024-07-19T23:55:15+00:00

I would definitely feel some type of way if I found out my wife was using toys when we have a active and open sex life. It would be the equivalent of her finding a pocket pussy in my things.

Title	Q4M: is it normal for a guy to feel insecure if he discovers that his partner uses toys?
Author	ThrowRA_RainyDay12
Upvotes	1
Comments	121
Date	July 19, 2024 9:59 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1e7fpcz/q4m_is_it_normal_for_a_guy_to_feel_insecure_if_he/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4m-is-it-normal-for-a-guy-to-feel-insecure-if-he.1524736 https://theredarchive.com/post/1524736

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