Q4W: What, according to you, can a man do, so he can become the kind of stereotypical bad boy that women lust after ?

egalitarian-flan · 2024-09-13T19:15:22+00:00

I honestly cannot understand the ideas that this article perpetuates. Obviously I, and some of the other women here, aren't anything close to the target demographic.

Fwiw, I don't want or desire or lust after "the bad boy". That kind of man is shit for any meaningful, stable, committed relationship, and in my view sex is only for a relationship that fulfills those requirements.

SaBahRub · 2024-09-14T08:44:32+00:00

Have something women want (money, looks, power, talent, status)
Dont be attached to any person
Be selfish and self indulgent

leosandlattes · 2024-09-13T19:06:06+00:00

That feeling being described is novelty, confidence, and dominance. Most straight women want a man who exhibits this in the bedroom.

My advice to introverted, socially anxious men is to drink a little bit (or get high) even in your own relationship. It lowers anxiety and inhibition and allows you to flirt and be a little more sexually aggressive. This is not 100% the cheat code. Some women still are scared off by too much sexual forwardness.

ExcelSpreadCheekz · 2024-09-13T19:22:18+00:00

Be confident and assertive without ego.

Nellylocheadbean · 2024-09-13T19:38:51+00:00

Rob a bank, sell some drugs, maybe start a fight in a bar, try and get a federal warrant under your belt.

KikiYuyu · 2024-09-13T19:47:41+00:00

There are a few concepts that women get drawn to. They might like the idea that they can tame the bad boy, or fix him. My theory is that this gives the woman a very unique relationship with him, and cements her as a very vital fixture in his life.

They might like the idea that the bad boy becomes soft when they're alone together, but he reverts to his tough guy attitude in public. She'd get the best of both worlds this way, she gets the tenderness and the feeling of being protected.

They might think the bad boy might elevate them to a tougher status, and it can be them against the world.

But these are honestly just fantasies. Normal dudes should not try to become these men, because most of the time a bad boy is actually just a toxic douchebag. The woman doesn't end up taming him, he treats her as shittily as he does everyone else, or she just becomes a worse person to match his toxicity.

Financial_Leave4411 · 2024-09-13T21:30:32+00:00

Get in shape, get rich (and be generous with the money) and read women’s romance novels to learn how to act in a way most women lust after. It’s not easy because not every man is meant to be a chad women lust after. In fact I would argue most men will never be “lusted” after by women in general ever in any part their life. Women are not men who will lust after almost anyone so don’t expect women to act like men.

lle-ell · 2024-09-13T19:14:27+00:00

That article is dumb. Safety is sexy, danger is not.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2024-09-13T20:22:53+00:00

yeh well you can't be socially anxious. stop that. take some lsd

I'm curious why you describe a socially anxious introvert as normal. thats abnormal for a man

MyLastBestChance · 2024-09-13T19:04:40+00:00

Nothing.

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Redalico · 2024-09-13T19:51:12+00:00

Start smoking cigarettes, get a lot of visible tattoos, buy a motorcycle and work on building up your criminal record.

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2024-09-13T20:30:58+00:00

Don’t be introverted or socially anxious to start

Flashy-Huckleberry-0 · 2024-09-14T00:10:44+00:00

This is something that comes up often here. If you are open to reading a book and are interested in a very nuanced view from a sex therapist, Mating in Captivity, by Esther Perel addresses the crux of the danger vs. security equation. She also has a few other books and a podcast called “Where Should We Begin?” which features real couples in session, often working through issues that contribute to boring or no sex, as well those recovering from affairs— basically all coming down to danger vs. security. The sessions are cool because you get an idea how different individuals with different hang-ups, including being introverted, anxious, and wanting to be respectful, but wanting to initiate hot, spontaneous, “disrespectful” sex or create an environment so your partner wants it similarly badly. It’s a pretty common dynamic and the featured couples get good results, so it might be worth a listen. The book, certainly!

Sonia314 · 2024-09-15T08:05:46+00:00

The good at sex series on this blog talks a lot about it, and I think it’s really insightful. https://aella.substack.com/archive?sort=new

Sillysheila · 2024-09-13T19:40:25+00:00

This is an example of one woman.

I have no interest in bad boys. I never have. Bad boys actually irritate me because typically they’re immature manchildren or loose cannons.

I guess in bed if you wanted to be a bad boy, you should maybe look into some light dominant BDSM sex practices. That’s probably the best place to start.

For me, my partner is great at caring about my pleasure, which apparently not all men are great at. He’s great at watching my body and knowing my “cues” of when I like something. He’s very creative sometimes, loves to find different ways of playful teasing or other sensations (like tickling for example) that heighten my pleasure. When I know I will orgasm every time, it keeps my anticipation high and sex drive high.

toasterchild · 2024-09-13T19:31:58+00:00

Speak his actual mind instead of play acting what he thinks the woman will want to hear. If you desire a certain thing sexually express that desire without fear of getting judged. 90 percent of supposed bad boy behavior is just a lack of fear of being judged.

EulenWatcher · 2024-09-13T19:41:37+00:00

I don't agree with the premise. I've never dates "bad boys" or "tortured anti-heroes" archetypes nor they've never been my favorite characters in fiction. It's just not my cup of tea. My best sex is sex with my husband, who's also the only person I've ever dated or had sex with. I don't need to sleep around to know that we have a great sex life and that I enjoy having sex with him. Passion != emotional roller coaster. You can feel deep desire and want to have sex with your partner without having extreme laws or being scared of them or of them leaving you.

To answer your question, you should work on "socially anxious" part above everything else. Seek small talks, join theater classes, go to language classes where you *have to* talk to people, try stand-up comedy etc. If you can't talk to people, you'll struggle with forming any kind of bonds romantic or not. You can think about archetypes and your niche when you get comfortable enough talking to others in different situations. Don't make it harder for yourself than it has to be by trying to emulate a completely different personality.

waffleznstuff30 · 2024-09-13T19:46:30+00:00

Have your own life and own thing going for you. Be YOU. Have your own voice.

One thing that turns me away a guy can be really nice or so available at every thing like constantly blowing up your phone like I can't. But when they agree on everything you say. Like they can be going on about how they don't like something. And you are like I like that thing. Then suddenly they are like oh I like it too. It shows someone with no substance and they just want you to like them and willing to put on a front to get you to like them. Whether it's a differing opinion or something.

I rather have someone different with a different perspective than someone who pretends.

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