Men: What romance would you like to see from your woman?

MikeArrow · 2024-10-21T03:22:54+00:00

My girlfriend once recreated my favorite dish from my favorite restaurant. I was really moved, it was such a kind and thoughtful gesture. She was so stressed out about getting it just right, too.

My definition of romance is the feeling when she burrows her head into my chest as we lie in bed watching TV together. That casual intimacy, the feeling of warmth and safety and completeness, it's unlike any other feeling in the world.

Acrobatic_Computer · 2024-10-21T02:53:14+00:00

Maybe I just know how to pick them, but the women I have been with have pretty universally all been extremely unromantic. They were consumers of romance, not producers of it. Not a complete list of romantic things, but the ones I think I'd appreciate the most:

A non-regifted/non-SWAG gift unrelated to a gift-giving holiday
Unexpected/unsolicited favor if I said my day was going bad / work was shitty
Making me something homemade as a gift or a card, even if it is shitty (and my home-made gifts have been pretty crap quality, I'm not setting a high bar / I'm not picky)
Ask me to cook and eat a nice meal with them that they've mostly planned (I'm a sucker for cooking together, but "we should cook" is basically handing me a chore to pick something out we mutually want to eat, whereas "we should do a nice steak dinner with mashed potatoes and roast asparagus" can still be iterated on together, but gives a direction)

I've done all of these, never had a woman do them for me.

Maractop · 2024-10-21T03:06:29+00:00

Her actually showing that she likes, values, and desires me. Putting in effort, thoughtful gifts or gestures, and things like that. Going above and beyond at times to show shes into me. Planning dates occasionally. Idk if this is romance or just being a good partner.

I never had a gf tbh so ive never had a woman be romantic toward me but if stuff like what I wrote above wasnt happening in a relationship I would just break up ngl.

Gravel_Roads · 2024-10-21T02:43:24+00:00

I love when my partner brings me a coffee, how I like it.

Wanderingwombat1902 · 2024-10-21T03:38:58+00:00

What I would like:

Unprompted/spontaneous affection. It doesn’t have to be sexual, but just very sweet.

Also, unprompted compliments and thoughtfulness. Noticing something small I do and saying that she likes that. Doesn’t have to result in gift either, just the fact that she notices and appreciates me in some way is cool. Listening to me talk about topics I’m interested in and then responding with smart questions.

Another guy mentioned this but I’ll mention it too, cooking together. Also working out together.

Supporting my hobbies. Going to my men’s soccer games and cheering me on. Being willing to try my hobbies out even if she’s never done it before or isn’t good at it. The coolest thing would be if she tries one of my hobbies and then I help her to become good at it then we do it together.

Mindfulness. Remembering interesting things or cool things I’ve done and bringing it up later.

DumbWordsmith · 2024-10-21T13:10:49+00:00

Honestly, three things would suffice:

Demonstration of genuine gratitude and appreciation (most young women behave as if everything is owed to them)
Lack of disrespect (most women love taking little jabs at their partners)
A concern for my well-being (IME most women don't really give much of a shit about their BFs)

My ex-fiance used to give me massages at the end of the day. And although I did most of the cooking (as I enjoy preparing new recipes), she would sometimes make me special dishes from our culture (as we were both born in the same Eastern European country, though I live in the US).

Up until the last week (in a six-year relationship), she never treated me as disposable. She never put me down. She never started fights. She genuinely wanted me to be healthy and happy. For almost the entirety of our relationship, she went out of her way to avoid hurting me.

That shit is about as rare as it gets for dudes like me, but I would never deal with anything less. I don't know how most of my friends and family members put up with their disrespectful, aggressive, ungrateful, entitled wives and GFs. I've never put up with that.

The_Forgotten001 · 2024-10-21T02:51:38+00:00

simply sharing my hobby with me, you would be surprised how many women hate to do this.

Zabadoodude · 2024-10-21T03:39:21+00:00

Snuggling up to me when where hanging out together.

Bringing me a snack or a drink.

Affectionate_Cat1512 · 2024-10-21T11:56:11+00:00

Let me lay my head on your lap and tell me how much I mean to you. That's all

TopShelfSnipes · 2024-10-21T03:46:32+00:00

It's both the big and the little things.

I love it when my wife buys me gifts or offers to pay for something I've been saving up for. But I also love it when she does little stuff too. Kissing me on the head in the morning when she gets out of bed. Telling me how much she's looking forward to the next time we have sex when she's leaving the house to go to work. Letting me pick out outfits for her when we go out sometimes, or wearing things she knows I like and reminding me she did it purposefully.

To me - Romance: Any act that's done within a committed relationship with both the intention and effect of being suggestive, playful, flirty, fun, sexy, a compliment, or kind.

OilJust4498 · 2024-10-21T04:50:29+00:00

How would you like to be romanced? What big or little gestures would you view as romantic towards you?

However she would want is fine, what's important is the fact she went out of her way to do something special, the thought put into however she decided to be romantic is the most important thing

Has any woman ever been romantic towards you?

lol, no

Do you only view grand gestures as romance or could little gestures also be romantic?

Small things are nice too, in fact it's probably easier for her to do small things than something big.

Savings-Bee-4993 · 2024-10-21T03:53:18+00:00

I wish my partner would touch me more, initiate sex more, actually offer to grab things for me now and then, surprise me with a date or gift, put effort into her text communications.

She’ll never find or read this though, and I’m not expecting much to change. That’s just life. You can only communicate so much, and people generally only change if they are forced to.

Romance doesn’t need to include grand gestures. It’s the thought and effort that counts for me. That thought and effort would move me, even if the attempt ended in disaster.

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kingofgama · 2024-10-21T05:39:13+00:00

Honestly? Just small things go a long way. I don't need big gestures but just anything small to make me feel appreciated goes a long way.

Hell, even feigning interest while I go off on a philosophical or technical rant about some weird obsession I have.

Artistic_Speech_1965 · 2024-10-21T06:21:55+00:00

Oof, I don't expect anything romantic from my woman. I mean if we take care of each other and the relationship is built on trust isn't it enought ?

I do understand women have more needs and expectations in a relationship but a man generally want a partner who is his friend and have sex with. The rest can be out sourced (at least in my case)

IdiAminD · 2024-10-21T07:16:32+00:00

Nothing - I appreciate being mentally stable, typical romantic gestures do not have much meaning for me.

Cunning_Linguists_ · 2024-10-21T08:32:09+00:00

Just sharing my hobbies or indulging when I want to talk about male shit

Ultramega39 · 2024-10-21T13:36:58+00:00

A gesture of appreciation like a gift or something. Something that shows that she's been paying attention to my interests. Or I guess taking the initiative when planning a date.

catdog8020 · 2024-10-21T19:06:17+00:00

My definition of romance (because my love language is physical touch) Is a woman not wearing any clothes around my house. lol 😂

Sholnufff · 2024-10-21T20:56:36+00:00

I was laying down with my date and we went to sleep. I woke up to her rubbing on me including "down there."

Well I had to do my best John Shaft... "It's my duty to please that booty."

Ladies be aggressive and initiate sex.

kvakerok_v2 · 2024-10-22T03:53:31+00:00

In the order of importance:

Cook for me without me asking.

Iron my shirt (or have it dry-cleaned) when I have a big day.

Hand-crafted gift (regardless of quality).

Grow_peace_in_Bedlam · 2024-10-22T06:47:47+00:00

I've always told my wife that her surprising me by putting on flirty clothes (particularly skirts and dresses, even if just at home) is for me what me getting her favorite flowers for her is for her.

Also, any time she makes me feel cared for after a long, stressful day, whether with a backrub or a beer to calm me down.

LostWanderer88 · 2024-10-21T09:48:13+00:00

My most romantic ideal is that the girl truly enjoys whatever romantic plan or even move I do for her

I don't want her to feel forced to enjoy it, but also I don't want to feel like an unlovable fool

Comfortable-Dare-307 · 2024-10-21T03:56:46+00:00

The same way men show romance. Buy me a gift, take me out to dinner and a movie and cuddle me in bed or on the couch. I wouldn't be against receiving "girly" gifts like flowers or chocolate. Men need to be taken care of sometimes too. We can't always be the providers. It doesn't even have to involve sex, that would be nice. But just show a genuine interest. Modern women these days even in commited relationships don't seem to even be interested in their (male) partners. Its all about what the man can do for her. I like a quote I saw once here, "Men sacifice themselves for their family. Women sacifice their family for themselves". This seems more and more true. Which is why I got out of the dating scene after being abused in my marraige. But like I said just show genuine interest. Most men will want everything to be about you because they care. But sometimes we need a day to be 100% about us. My (ex) wife only did this only once for me. She had the kids go to her mom's, she spread rose petals on the ground leading to our bedroom (waiting for me to get off work) laying down naked to well, you know. Something along those lines. Men become complacent because women stop trying (just like men sometimes do). Keep it spontaneous and commuincate well. One thing my ex-wife and I did was have cute pet names for each other. The only reason we're divorced is because she cheated and got pregnant. Its because we stopped doing things for each other and became mindless drones. We want the same things women want. We just find it harder to say what we want.

OldThrwy · 2024-10-21T02:49:09+00:00

I’ve been posting in the other thread directed toward women and I answered this question there; for me romance is adding depth and character to the relationship.

I saw some people there saying a man being romantic is when he knows to bring her candy, do her chores, or pump her gas to give three examples posted there.

By contrast, for me romance is less about it what she can do for me and more about her creating a unique space for our relationship to grow.

Examples:

writing me poetry expressing her feelings for me
singing me a song that she practiced that expresses how she feels about us
writing me birthday cards with extended notes about the year and where she hopes we will be in the next
planning a moonlight picnic with wine and cheese where we can look at the stars

These are things that my woman and only my woman can do, so I find them romantic. Acts of service I can do myself, or hire someone to do, so I find less of a romantic quality in them.

CloudsTasteGeometric · 2024-10-21T05:55:19+00:00

That's...not really how relationships work for men, from a man's perspective.

For women, romance is a noun, a wonderful thing that they receive from their partner, that validates their love for them. For men, romance is a VERB. Its emotional labor, really. It isn't something we receive, it's something we do in order to satisfy their partners and earn their loyalty and companionship.

Don't get me wrong, we aren't unfeeling machines: like most forms of labor romance, as emotional labor, can be immensely gratifying, and even fun for men to perform. But at the end of the day it is labor, and an obligation. Most importantly: it isn't one which runs in two directions.

As an early 30s guy whose dated and been with quite a wide variety of women...they don't ever really DO anything romantic for me in the traditional sense. Outside of when we're already at it in the bedroom, or, say, a thoughtful birthday present. I can think of a few exceptions, sure, but it's honestly very rare. In the majority of relationships romance is work that I do to earn/reaffirm the companionship of my partner. It's never something that I'd realistically expect back from them.

So - even as a guy who has been more successful with women than most - I don't really know how to answer this question.

Ok-Dust-4156 · 2024-10-21T08:34:20+00:00

I'd prefer to romanced in bed.

Radiant_Specific6542 · 2024-10-21T03:24:44+00:00

It seems you don't understand what romantic means. People answer, and you ask "what makes this romantic."

Romantic definition "Conducive to or characterized by the expression of love." So for clarity, there's no specific cliche behind what's romantic.

For alot of men, what's romantic will have a formula of The person they're interested in + and activity and or service. Ergo.... be nice, considerate, and do things that they find enjoyable with them (added benefit if you do it without being asked). You can actually dumb it down by saying, behave like you actually like him and show interest in him.

This shit isn't that hard 🤣

berichorbeburied · 2024-10-21T04:22:36+00:00

None

I don’t want romance of any kind

Honestly only do it myself

Because 50% that’s what women want

And 50% I want to make them happy

I don’t view life the same way women do

So I’m not looking for the exact same thing as women in every aspect of my life

a_minty_fart · 2024-10-21T03:00:59+00:00

Romance?

Fuck that just give me what I want.

Title	Men: What romance would you like to see from your woman?
Author	overandunderX
Upvotes	18
Comments	118
Date	October 21, 2024 2:26 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1g8fgzr/men_what_romance_would_you_like_to_see_from_your/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-what-romance-would-you-like-to-see-from-your.1533053 https://theredarchive.com/post/1533053

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