Why does a man “follow” or respect other men? Wouldn’t the same logic apply for getting a woman to “follow” or respect you?

Puzzleheaded_ghost · 2025-06-12T00:23:32+00:00

The idea of submission and domination poisons the well. We admire and follow leaders. What makes a good leader? - They display a vision that works for the team, the tribe, and a willingness and ability to corral interests to a worthy goal. They don't force people to their goal. They corral the tribe to its goal, with meritocracy blended with empathic negotiation and care. The tribe wants to go there. He negotiates and draws a common interest. This is the product of vision and love, not hate and domination.

Instinctively, we are drawn to leaders with confidence and a plan to achieve their vision. Others may compete for dominance, but that's not it. The vision is supreme, not him; he serves the tribe and the vision. He gets shit done. He's capable. He's a guy for the guys, and the women admire him. We, the tribe, work together or we die apart.

A leader is a nexus of synergy, a visionary of kindness with just enough edge to protect those around while ensuring good hunting grounds.

He isn't the meanest, he's the most capable, emotionally intelligent, available success story. His status as a leader reflects his status of approval for what he brings, not what he takes.

Competence hiarchy not dominance.

Men and women are instinctively drawn to this kind of person. If you do this, we treasure you. You are empathic, fair, and just. You take care of your own. You are... a father figure.

RayAP19 · 2025-06-11T21:44:05+00:00

I let a person lead me if, and only if, they are better than me at something that I want or need to do. Because if they weren't, I would have no reason to follow their lead.

So in my eyes, women who want men to lead (or think "men are leaders") are saying men are inherently better at relationships or even being functional adults than women.

So you can see why this gives me the ick.

Superannuated_punk · 2025-06-11T21:53:19+00:00

Because some dudes act in a way that inspires respect?

Because some dudes lead in a way that inspires you to follow?

Any dude who expects to lead all the time is delusional.

TheGloriousEv0lution · 2025-06-11T21:53:18+00:00

I agree with the thesis, not necessarily from the framing of the original question. At least for me, I respect and admire men (and women) that are leaders in my lives. I respect them, but being a leader has no relevancy when it comes to attraction for me as a man

For this thread, if you’re looking for a more traditional relationship I’d agree completely — you can’t expect a woman to submit without instilling confidence that you’re a competent leader. If you’re an egalitarian and in a non-traditional relationship, I don’t see why those qualities would be inherently important just for a man

No-Rough-7390 · 2025-06-11T21:49:10+00:00

Adjacency to power thinking they can also ride the coattails, climb, or overthrow said man.

Frankly, I’m all for relationships being complementary and each person having strengths. The issue, and kind of self defeating one, of most women is they only seem to value power structures that are innate or encapsulated by men.

wtknight · 2025-06-11T23:29:55+00:00

If I talked a woman the way that some guys in the groups that I've been in talked to guys in order to get their respect, I'd probably get slapped. Relating to women is completely different than relating to men.

Direct_Onion_8917 · 2025-06-12T01:10:17+00:00

I'm a male and I never gave a shit about hierarchies. I just treat everyone the same until someone yells at me for it. Even the people who proclaim equality are flabbergasted when I engage in what I consider normal behavior.

DGenerationMC · 2025-06-11T21:41:54+00:00

Power, control, fitting in.

Livid-Log7463 · 2025-06-12T05:54:41+00:00

Following, respecting and/or inspiring other men doesn’t require inherent desirability like it does for women.

Schleudergang1400 · 2025-06-12T09:40:51+00:00

I’ve never understood why some men expected a woman to default “submit to him” or “submit to men” without him inspiring it.

Because their default assumption is, that they inspire this in the woman. That she trusts him to be generally more competent and able in more areas that they value than they are.

Artistic_Speech_1965 · 2025-06-12T12:06:45+00:00

True story. It came for gender roles and expectations. For conservative people it's important while it's not for other to do so. If a man follow another one, it's because he represent a model of masculinity for him. But a woman can't really be a model of masculinity for a man to follow. But a man can follow someone more experienced be it a man or a woman

To be honest the question of the role of leadership in couple is a bit hard. Should one be the leader in everything ? Does that mean this person should be more experienced than the other in all area of life ? Those that mean there is some hypergamy involved in it ? Or is it some form of grooming and manipulation ?

My answer is to have some balance. It's rare to find a person who can be a leader of 100% of our life

bread93096 · 2025-06-11T23:51:55+00:00

It has nothing to do with dominant personality traits.

I admire my boss a lot. I’m working at my first job as a cook, and he’s always taken the time to train me, mentor me, teach me new things about food, answer any questions I have about how the business operates. He’s never raised his voice with me, he’s always calm and understanding when I make mistakes. At the same time he is a no bullshit kind of guy. Very serious, very focused, very blunt style of talking. He expects me to work hard but he doesn’t ask the impossible.

I don’t want to sound like I’m glazing my boss too hard, he is far from a perfect person. But I trust in his leadership and experience, at least in the context of making good food. He’s who first comes to mind when I think of a good leader.

And yes, I think it’s much the same with women. I don’t really date that much in general, but women who date me tend to become submissive to me. And in my mind, it’s because I genuinely enjoy making people feel good. I see the women I date as someone I’m responsible for, someone I have a duty to support and protect. I like taking care of people. If I’ve gained any wisdom in life, it’s that helping others makes you feel better than pleasuring yourself. It feels good for people to lean on you and depend on you. So damn good.

There was a girl I was dating who was going through some very difficult stuff in her life, and sometimes she would break down crying while talking about it. I’d have her sit in my lap and stroke her hair and kiss her forehead and tell her everything would be okay. One time she apologized because she cried so much when she was with me. I tried to explain that, even though I didn’t like seeing her sad, it made me really genuinely happy to comfort her. Something about her feeling safe to cry on my shoulder while I held her just melted my heart.

TopShelfSnipes · 2025-06-12T03:13:24+00:00

Envy. They want to emulate him or be that powerful themselves.

It's not about women but about being respected and feared, and being able to get whatever he wants, which includes any woman he wants.

When you grow up, you learn being respected > being feared, and both are not possible at the same time. You also learn nobody gets everything they want.

As for me, I don't "follow" people blindly. It's situational and requires assessment on my part. And I'll follow a woman I believe in, too. But I think for myself. I admire different traits in different people and amalgamated the ones I like into my persona as I was forming it.

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anonymousppd123123 · 2025-06-11T21:56:12+00:00

The extreme overvalidation women get firmly entrenches them at the dunning kruger peak of mt stupid

GridReXX · 2025-06-11T22:00:29+00:00

[permanently deleted]

cromulent_weasel · 2025-06-11T23:37:11+00:00

And being able to inspire someone means that said someone trusts that you are generally more competent and able in more areas that they value than they are.

I mean, you included the answer in the post.

-Kalos · 2025-06-13T07:32:03+00:00

I submit to my mother and my father, no one else is in that heirarchy above me but many are next to me and nobody is below me. Except assholes who deserve a taste of their own medicine

ilikecats18851 · 2025-06-14T00:11:15+00:00

Men are better able to accept when other men are better than them objectively. Women find this hard to understand because they are incapable of forming a stable group

James_M_Croft · 2025-06-24T15:21:08+00:00

Why does a man “follow” or respect other men?

"Men don't respect the person. They respect the actions."

That is why men don't give a fuck about a dominant guy who gets nothing done.

Men love to form hierarchies and always have— so why do you guys keep doing that?

Men form hierarchies to solve issues. But without issues to solve, they rarely if ever have hierarchies. Also the male hierarchies are related to competence. If you are solving a difficult math problem, the top will be the smartest guy. If the issue is sports, the guy who is an athlete takes the stage... men just wanna solve issues.

That is also why men who are aggressively trying to get others to do stuff but solve no meaningful issue are not acknowledged by men. (Left wing "Male role models" are a example)

Humans, woman or man, don’t submit to anyone without being inspired or forced

I never was inspired by anyone, male or female. I just had my own issues I wanted to solve. And it clearly doesn't work the same with women as they drop men who solve their issues all the time.

Kreeps_United · 2025-06-11T22:33:31+00:00

Are people really going around submitting to others?

Title	Why does a man “follow” or respect other men? Wouldn’t the same logic apply for getting a woman to “follow” or respect you?
Author	GridReXX
Upvotes	15
Comments	91
Date	June 11, 2025 9:39 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1l950po/why_does_a_man_follow_or_respect_other_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-does-a-man-follow-or-respect-other-men-wouldnt.1554510 https://theredarchive.com/post/1554510

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