Two young kids, mid/late 30s.

Daily: I get the kids up, dressed, fed, in the car, and dropped off at school.

Meanwhile, my wife is snoring. She usually wakes up after 20 snooze hits and is late for work most days.

She (thankfully) picks them up from school, which gives me time to speed home from work with barely enough time to get some kind of dinner together for when they get home. We get the kids fed, then I bathe them and put them to bed. I come back downstairs and clean the table, clean the food droppings, do the dishes.

What’s my wife doing during all of this? Laying on the couch mindlessly scrolling on her phone. This is where you can find her if she’s awake and at home.

I do all dishes, all laundry, all cleaning.

The kids love her, she loves the kids. She’s not what I would call an absent or abusive mother. But I mean damn, she sucks.

I used to get angry with her for scrolling on her phone at the dinner table while the kids are eating. She said I have anger issues and I need therapy. She said it for so long that I thought she might be right. I went to therapy. I learned that she is what they call “hypoactive” and probably depressed. She doesn’t have any inkling of a desire to go to therapy. I seem to annoy her by my very presence, and doubly so when I speak.

She might shower once every 7-10 days.

Sex? Maybe, MAYBE once a month. And she’s a dead deer every time. And usually a little smelly, which doesn’t help.

If she gets a FaceTime call from a family member, boy she suddenly finds the most positive energy, and is super happy to shove our kids in front of the phone to say hi.

She’s always “tired”, “not feeling well”, or “stressed about work”

She often likes to bitch that I never want to take her out and romance her like when we were younger. She says that my entire identity has gone from loving spouse to 100% dad.

So here it is. I don’t mind the housework. I don’t mind the lack of sex. I don’t mind her poor hygiene (I do, but I mean, pick your battles I guess). What kills me is I’m very much afraid of our kids developing core, permanent memories of their mother just laying on the fucking couch all the time.

What do I do? How can I help her? Again, she is adamantly against therapy and is irate when I try to suggest any kind of change.

How do I handle this shit? I try to be the best dad I can be to these kids. I try to fill them with happy memories. I try to keep the house clean. And when everyone’s in bed and the chores are done, I stand in the kitchen alone and slam beers. Absolutely unhealthy, I know, but it’s all I have.

Has anyone else had this kind of situation? Is there anything I can do to help my wife get out of this slump? Is there some kind of happy solution?

This isn’t a new or recent thing, it’s been her standard way of operating since we had kids.

And please. I’m begging the community. Before anyone says “why don’t you talk to your wife or your therapist before asking strangers on the internet”, please just save it. I’ve tried everything.

If there’s a sub somewhere else that may be more helpful, I am happy to explore.

Dads, what do you think?