We live in the most competetive Dating Market off all time, and it isnt even close.

Lemon_gecko · 2026-03-03T07:32:11+00:00

That is simply a result of not taking into consideration what women want, and when they have no necessity to date men, men face this consequences. "back in the day" single mothers struggle more because all women needed men, and men brought benefits that only they could. Now she can afford not to be that desperate, and other women too. All you see is women stop being desperate. That's all.

And all you see is what you call "normal guy" isn't what women would consider "normal". So basically all you do is self evaluating yourself and other men for women, and then act surprised when women disagree.

Outside_Memory5703 · 2026-03-03T04:10:15+00:00

Not at all, women compete intensely through clothes, hair, cosmetics and fitness, all very major female interests and industries

And men themselves say that women aren’t worth the effort required

The biggest competition everyone has is now singledom, not other people

mandoa_sky · 2026-03-03T04:00:04+00:00

i'm glad though that things are somewhat better.

in the past if you were single / divorced - people would look down on you / treat you as lesser

these days being single (at least in my country) has way less stigma than it used to have according to my parents

the-kay-o-matic · 2026-03-03T04:50:37+00:00

I disagree that it's the hardest. You said so yourself:

having a Family and being married was a "automatic" process back in the day. Ending alone was only Possible if u had EXTREME handicaps. 4'3 in height, mental illness etc. Every normal Guy had a automatic "he will have a Family" Pipeline with 0 Effort.

The fact that you have to put in more than zero effort doesn't make it the hardest. It's just the first time you've actually had to try. If you want a relationship now you have to earn it and work for it - it's not granted like some sort of participation trophy. Effort is required now.

Altruistic_Look_7868 · 2026-03-03T03:59:39+00:00

Yes, women don't need to tolerate nonsense from a man when they have full financial independence and can decide their partners on other factors rather than basing it entirely on financial stability. What a tragedy.

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2026-03-03T03:34:37+00:00

Only a man could write about a dating market that requires both men and women's engagement and write "of course this only affects men".

NoBlacksmith8137 · 2026-03-03T10:16:03+00:00

I get that modern dating feels more competitive to some people. I’m empathetic to the feelings it causes. But your language just makes me want to disengage entirely as a woman. The “market” framing turns intimacy and relationships into cold transactions. It makes me want to have nothing to do with it as a woman, it pushes me away when men talk like this and think like this. It feels dehumanising in a way, like we’re all just products and not humans with internal lives and experiences and emotions longing for real connection.

I actively have to try to stay empathetic and to understand that you’re pointing to structural shifts you perceive and that there’s underlying anxiety. I actively have to remind myself of it.

I, and I think many women, struggle with reducing relationships to market dynamics the way you do. So maybe it wouldn’t be bad to also consider maybe there’s a mismatch in how you and similar minded men think about relationships and how many women think about relationships. Btw I’m sure most men also just want to find a great connection and love and be loved and don’t view it this transactional. If you want to talk about how norms have changed with people who have different mindsets, approaching this differently might help.

Throwawaypmme2 · 2026-03-03T04:43:26+00:00

Its like social media fried men AND women's brains. With constant posts like this, refusing to accept dates because of of simply having a kid, or seeing people as less than, its no wonder you're having a harder time dating.

Are you sure it's not the fact you treat people as commodities with a numerical value and they know it? Because I've NEVER had an issue with dating. No job, no money, no car, forgot to shower or brush my teeth? Those weren't barriers for me.

Maybe it's that you're treating people like they're stocks in a portfolio, and you can just trade or upgrade them if you find a better one. It's the exact same issue I see lots of women doing, then acting shocked when no guy wants to be around someone with a shitty personality. I would imagine the same goes for women with a guy with a terrible personality

love_in_october · 2026-03-03T07:02:38+00:00

Do you really want an automatic marriage? There's a reason that there was a wave of divorces that peaked recently. Finding someone you actually like and who likes you takes effort but it pays off. Finding someone compatible will be hard, but it makes everything else easier and more pleasant.

glowy97 · 2026-03-03T03:43:11+00:00

Lol it’s not competitive. It’s the fact that 3’s and 4’s want and think they deserve 9’s. 9’s also want the 9’s and end up with each other while everyone else is mad. End of story 😂

Tylikcat · 2026-03-03T04:29:48+00:00

The idea that having a family and settling down was automatic is pretty ludicrous. I'm in my fifties. I know a lot of men in their sixties. (And when it's come up, most have expressed a mix of concern and exasperation for today's young folks. And far more concern about the housing market and what it does to someone who was born after 9/11 and is missing a whole bunch of experience about this country being somewhat functional than about dating. This actually came up yesterday when I was having lunch with friends in their sixties, and I was far more sympathetic to the left behind men than they were...) You're talking about men who were doing their dating and courting in the seventies and eighties. Sure, some of them were in more conservative areas where social change came more slowly, but you're still talking post-sexual revolution. Maybe go talk to people in their eighties and nineties? Though you might be surprised by them as well.

That all aside, there were always a bunch of men who didn't marry. (The closest things to exceptions would be in areas that had much heavier wartime losses of men than the US has seen in more than a century.) Ranging from the confirmed bachelors to the sad sack uncles that most people had. And while increasing entry of women into the job market allowed women to leave terrible marriages and really spiked the divorce rate between 1960-80, divorce had been being normalized for some time. My grandmother left her first husband back around 1930 - not to say that she was in any way average! (She was a society lady, before and after, and wore a scarlet cocktail gown to her second wedding - which makes a lot of sense, considering she'd already had two children!)

You really need to go into actual history a bit more. You are basically proposing an alternate history where men were more or less handed a woman like a prize just because they existed.

ThatBitchA · 2026-03-03T03:27:18+00:00

Only if you're lazy, entitled, and expect the best while being the worst.

It's easier than ever to find niche groups, travel by yourself, create a career, try and fail, and have access to all kinds of learning opportunities.

If it's hard for someone they are squandering the opportunities available. Sucks for them.

Eta - 29 year olds can be wherever they wanna be. The starting line. The finishing line. Mile 3. Whatever. Let's stop putting deadlines on personal decisions.

ResponsibilityAny217 · 2026-03-03T04:06:54+00:00

The old head man would have been a man dating in the 60's. The 60's was a very different climate than today.

Partly bc of the reason that u listed - marriage & family was a life/social milestone.

Anyway as more and more social pressure is let up then we can really see the pattern of what they do.

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SwallowAndKestrel · 2026-03-03T10:31:47+00:00

Pulling a 5 .. you couldnt show more problematic thinking in such few words.

And to be straight the real jewels are the 6 or 7. Not gonna elaborate further on that.

Independent-Mail-227 · 2026-03-03T12:26:55+00:00

It's not competitive, it's heavily subsidized.

MoonriseOverEarth · 2026-03-03T15:24:56+00:00

It is so tiresome to hear men who insist that they should "lead" relationships because they are "natural leaders" and "more logical" and "less emotional" turn into toddlers who are completely without agency in the dating world and it is women alone who choose.

Bull. A dude may not have the same options on the dating market as 22 year old Raquel Welch (my personal ideal woman) but men in the western world absolutely can and do retain choice. No one puts a gun to their head if they don't get married - the days of the shotgun marriage are over.

They may not get their choice of women, but welcome to the real world. Most women are not Raquel Welch and don't get their choice of men either.

The difference is that now we don't have the heavy weight of social and legal staying single - men somewhat but women like an anvil - from the fifties that forced us to pair up or face real social and financial ostracization. Being a spinster or old maid was no go, especially where the avenues of financial independence were quite circumspect. Confirmed bachelors often got a side eye (is he gay?) but at least their financial prospects weren't clipped. But he also had no chance for a girlfriend that gave him regular sex.

Physically, I'm a mid woman. But I make well above average income, have well above average intelligence, and have (I think) a fairly attractive personality. Men generally like me IRL.

Why would I settle for average if average means that he's going to laze around, never do a load of laundry or dishes, expect me to do 80% of the child rearing, think he gets to make all the decisions because he has testicles while I am the one who makes the majority of the money?

I was speaking to a friend recently. She and her husband did a career switcharoo. His was highpowered long hours. Hers was a government job. She handled all the household management - dog, bill paying, kid care, laundry, cooking every night, and arranging for contractors. And no, a lot of men don't do the man things either - they had a lawn service and still do. Over time they switched up. He took a high prestige job with a much lower salary and far less hours (he gets the summer off). Her career took off and became more demanding. Yet she still was doing all the household management and he'd get surly if she asked for help. If they divorce - and I don't think they will - Red Pills will blame it on her making more money and losing respect for him and all that horse manure. But they are entirely wrong. She'll have stopped because he didn't pick up the slack like she did without a word when he was the hotshot.

All you all think about is looks. Is the woman hot? She gets an above average (ie hot rich man). If she's mid (like me), she gets an average man - not just in looks but in behavior. I.e., she should expect to do 75% of the childcare, 75% of the house hold labor (but hey he'll spend an hour mowing the lawn every other week nine months a year), while also working a job that is equally or more demanding and making the same or more money.

Fuck that.

I don't care if you think I should be paired with Joe Schmo mid-level IT PM who is 5/10 in looks, never returns oral, and is allergic to dish soap because I'm only a 5/10 woman. He isn't worth all the extra work that he and kids bring to me because the man is also usually AVERAGE in behavior. He isn't cleaning toilets or taking the kids to their extras or taking time off when they are sick. And he won't treat me like a queen either since men don't tend to treat women they consider average that well. Women here can attest to that. Oh and he expects to make all decisions.

Nah.

The first husband I had also thought I was mid and he was better looking at 6/2 and a lean frame. He wouldn't lift a finger, do a chore, and made sure I knew he could have much better looking women. I was making twice as much and doing twice as much at home. Nope. No way in hell was I going to add kids to that mix.

So it was find an above average guy or nothing. I found him.

Question: would you marry a woman if you knew you had to do 75% of the house work, 75% of the child care, still work full time, and she isn't even that attractive. She never tells you you are attractive, expects you to eat her out and then rolls over to sleep, or just lays there and makes you do the work? Yah, why aren't you you signing up for that?

And before you say, hell ya, why are all these men complaining about "unfeminine women".

BloomsOSoSanctus · 2026-03-03T07:45:08+00:00

No not nearly close lol. In the wider scheme of things dating in the 2026 developed western world is still relatively easy. No bride price. No grueling rituals. No ban on premarital sex. Much of this stuff was needed for premodern societies in general, which covered the vast majority of the last 6000 years.

That already makes it a breeze compared to the vast majority of actual history. The Woodstock white middle class Americans had it unusually easy due to a very specific geopolitical situation, one that unusually limited the power of the elites, which probably won't be replicated anytime soon. Neoliberalism and technocracy have gone past the escape velocity and became runaway hazards affecting everything not just dating. Even then, that's nowhere near as bad as real premodern courtship rules.

SecondEldenLord · 2026-03-03T10:09:44+00:00

Women are far more fierce competitors because they are competing for a small portion of top men. Men however? They compete for most women, and if they feel it's not worth it, they back out. We have far more men backing out and that is proven through how many men come to dating events.

Title	We live in the most competetive Dating Market off all time, and it isnt even close.
Author	Obagency
Upvotes	12
Comments	132
Date	March 3, 2026 3:21 AM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1rjecrp/we_live_in_the_most_competetive_dating_market_off/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/we-live-in-the-most-competetive-dating-market-off.1574605 https://theredarchive.com/post/1574605

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