Do you still love her and think of her?

No-Juice3911 · 2026-04-28T12:51:58+00:00

Yes; I also can't help but feel I am the root cause of the reason why we're separating. I pushed her away emotionally and was not the best role model for my kids.

I love her with all my being, but it sucks to see her move on so quickly, going on dates and knowing she's putting out more than she ever did since we had kids.

It also doesn't help my brain keeps replaying everything and all the moments I will not see with her and the life we (maybe just I?) envisioned. All the times she told me my yelling was too much.

Our anniversary is in May. She booked the anniversary weekend out overnight. I have the kids. That fucking hurt.

LifeBeatsHard · 2026-04-28T09:11:02+00:00

Yes. 8 months away from her. Sometimes send her a msg about paperwork, she replies with yes or no. But yes, still love her, still miss her and of course still think of her.

Poor life!

Cryptic_X07 · 2026-04-28T02:08:02+00:00

I honestly only miss a couple things about her. It’s funny because she wanted me to take her back multiple times but I don’t want to because I have principles.

NilesGuy · 2026-04-28T01:22:43+00:00

No sense grieving or missing over a fake person who pretended all this time and wasn’t real . Manipulationships don’t deserve anything

Firstborn3 · 2026-04-27T19:33:24+00:00

The divorce process showed her true colors. She is not a good person. I don’t wish anything bad to happen to her for my kids sake, but she is absolutely nothing to me. I am cordial when I have to be, but I would prefer to never be around her.

MonarchistExtreme · 2026-04-27T18:54:28+00:00

Love? Not romantically. She gave birth to my son though so I hold something in my heart for her, even though our child refuses to speak to her.

If she truly needed me, I'd get on a plane to help her. But I wouldn't remain afterwards.

Think about her? Not good thoughts, though in time it was more pity than anything else. She rolled the dice and attempted a monkey branch to someone who makes more money. That didn't work out for her. She's alone and living with her mom while I raise our child. Sometimes I think back on how we were and what she lost but quickly remind myself that if "what we were" was accurate what happened wouldn't have happened.

The lesson learned is you never truly know another person's heart

StillMaterial5215 · 2026-04-27T16:57:46+00:00

I think more of my girlfriend from high school who I considered the “love of my life” than I do my ex-wife.

I honestly don’t think I ever really loved my wife fully. I was content and comfortable. But she was and is an awful wife and mother. Her affair hurt because I was disrespected and betrayed. But other than that, I really didn’t care.

I will never be contacting her again unless it is child related and hope nothing but the worst for her.

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2026-04-27T16:11:43+00:00

I love the person I married but that person does not exist anymore. Maybe they never did.

Now I just have "my kids mother" who I have ZERO desire to even see, let alone express any affection towards.

DO NOT CONTACT YOUR EX ABOUT ANYTHING OTHER THAN YOUR KIDS AND THE LOGISTICS OF RAISING THEM. 100% it will bite you in the ass if you do.

Adorable_FecalSpray · 2026-04-27T15:31:37+00:00

No. And I only think of her due to the fact that she continues to bring chaos and drama into my life through my youngest children. Continued threats, manipulation, gaslighting, etc.

Old-Web-8784 · 2026-04-27T14:36:18+00:00

SEND!!!!!!! ! Doesn't matter !!!! If u die today u would never have a chance . I messaged a girl my bf is talking to out of anger from his account. It is completely insane !!!! But I was at my breaking point knowing he is talking to other people but me. I don't have any chance anymore because everyone would think this is insane !!!! I'm forever a bad person that causes drama. I'm very sad now too and wish I can message him. So. .. message her !!!

Ok_Honey_7219 · 2026-04-27T14:23:02+00:00

My mom taught us your x is your x for a reason. Naturally as time passes most people forget the bad times and only remember the good times. You need to think about all the bad times and what made you break up in the first place. Remember if you were meant to be together, you would never had broken up. She also said if you keep trying to live in your past then you’re never going to have the future you deserve. Stay strong and keep it moving forward.

Sea_Purchase8443 · 2026-04-27T14:14:15+00:00

Don’t go back only move forward like a shark 🦈…

One_Mathematician864 · 2026-04-27T13:20:14+00:00

Do not fall into the trap. All those tears ? That's manipulation and they are masters at it.

She can come from spending the night with her new man and come to you and be all teary sentimental and loving.

Please don't fall for it.

Minimum_Step5048 · 2026-04-27T13:12:55+00:00

I do still love her, but I don’t want to be with her ever again. I think of her all the time, but it’s more about why she couldn’t have been different, why she couldn’t try harder at our relationship, and why she thought it was OK to treat me the way she did for so long.

We had a great life. 2 beautiful girls, everything she had always dreamed of. We made great money together, we both had great careers, went on great trips. But it wasn’t enough for her. She wanted more and felt like I wasn’t doing enough. But I know I did everything I possibly could have.

I don’t know if anyone could ever make her happy, and I do hope she finds someone who can, but I know that person is not me and that will always hurt. I wanted to just be with her for the rest of our lives together so badly, but it was never going to work out that way

FirelineJake · 2026-04-27T12:54:39+00:00

Yeah man, those moments hit different. But that urge to reach out usually passes in an hour, sit with it, don't send the message. The grief is real but acting on it rarely leads anywhere good for either of you.

tvicl69BlazeIt · 2026-04-27T12:12:27+00:00

Praying for you buddy, if it can be saved go for it. But if you know deep down in your heart it can never be, you’ll get through all the pain and hurt you’re feeling now.

Ark161 · 2026-04-27T10:02:52+00:00

Honestly, you yearn for what used to be. You dont have to hate your ex, but if she was the one who pulled the trigger, what is done is done. Be glad for what was, but dont let it cloud your view of the big picture.

Ok_Industry3016 · 2026-04-27T07:30:53+00:00

Yep would die for her. Sucks, Ripped my heart out and she gives no shits. Still feel loyal.

9 months out after 13 years. Still fresh I guess.

MagicMan6788 · 2026-04-27T07:09:34+00:00

I am one year post divorce so do I love her? Fuck no. Think of her? On occasion but not in a I wonder what she’s doing way. Just that I will think about things we did together simply because we were married for 15 years. If not for that I don’t think I would think about her hardly at all if I wasn’t promoted by someone else.

LaCathedrale · 2026-04-27T05:46:13+00:00

I hate to chime in and say 'don't' - if you're anything like me then there's a strong sentimentality going on, an idea of shared grief and understanding. There may have been, or there might be right at this second - but the chances are (unfortunately) that the two of you are on diverging trajectories.

amblix · 2026-04-27T05:36:20+00:00

Nope lmao

jamdiz · 2026-04-27T04:45:27+00:00

Tbh i think more about my ex gf, who i was with for 6 months after the first rebound girl

Don’t think about my soon-to-be ex wife at all

Frosty_Wrongdoer7256 · 2026-04-27T04:30:11+00:00

Speaking personally I’m not sure I’ll ever outrun the memories. Having said that the last three years were hell on wheels. She has transformed into someone I don’t even recognize and would never date. I need to make sure I’m seeing her for who she really is and that takes love off the table.

upvotersfortruth · 2026-04-27T03:44:35+00:00

You want to marry her again? If not, don’t screw up your post divorce relationship with emotional shit.

dukeofthefoothills1 · 2026-04-27T03:34:07+00:00

No.

Bagman220 · 2026-04-27T03:16:47+00:00

My ex and I still text daily. She lives 6 hours away, and only comes to see the kids every couple months or so. Our relationship is better this way, she can’t hurt me from far away, the kids are safe with me, and I’m not legally tied to her. We can still be friends, it’s just a different friendship now. Some couples can’t make this work, idk how I do, but I do.

ThrowMeAwayPlz_69 · 2026-04-27T03:07:22+00:00

I did. But the divorce and the events after have shown her true colors. Not only did I see she can’t be relied on for anything, but she has also tried fucking me over any chance she gets. Especially now that she’s trying to move with my son 3 hours away to go live with a new boyfriend

Sadman_OW · 2026-04-27T03:06:32+00:00

I’m here because my ex decided to cheat on me after 13 years while I was struggling with depression for the first time in my life.

I should hate her guts but even now I still remember the past. I still remember feeling the love we had for each other. And yea, I do miss her at times.

But that’s what memories do to us. We only remember the good. The truth is we just weren’t meant to be. I have some regrets about how I was as a husband at times, but I’ve come to accept that there’s nothing I can do about that now. We both made our choices and I know my choice to put myself first and file for divorce was the correct one. It’s a lot to deal with but all I can do is move forward.

Coffeecankicker · 2026-04-27T03:03:48+00:00

I have only anger of how much money was stolen that nobody is doing anything about.

So glad I don’t have kids.

nonotmeporfavor · 2026-04-27T02:54:12+00:00

I think about her, but not in that way. There’s just too much damage and unnecessary evil that she put out when she left. She could have easily just left and that would have been hard enough. But, instead, she tore everything down and made sure to destroy as much as possible on her way out. I’ve never experienced that much evil and hate in my life. I also don’t wish it on my worst enemy.

So, no. I can’t relate. But, I can see how it’s not easy. Men love hard and suffer even more.

Numerous_Rush5227 · 2026-04-27T02:52:49+00:00

No kids. So, nope. I was lucky

rowman_nahledge · 2026-04-27T02:22:31+00:00

I loved her more than anything, now…I fckn hate her. Mind you im still living with her. If i could id leave tomorrow but im waiting on the finalization of everything.

Expensive_Sock_9902 · 2026-04-27T02:21:46+00:00

First of all, DO NOT send her a song or sentimental msg etc. Itd come off as you chasing her still which doesnt help you or her in any way. You keep those feels to yourself or express them to a trusted friends or family member.

Second, she wanted a divorce, to not be part of your life. Why are you sharing information about your life (i.e. holiday) with her? She opted out, its none of her business beyond basic logistics etc. There needs to be consequences for her decisions. She shouldnt get access to your world anymore.

Third, why is she teary eyed when talking to you? Like do you think she is regretting it? If she is, has she actually expressed it to you in no uncertain terms? If not, probably do your best to ignore it. If she cant say it openly to your face and own up to her mistakes its not worth your time or mental space. If she has, maybe thats a conversation to be had with the support of a couples therapist to ensure all voices are heard and all cards are on the table, IF that is even what you want now (sounds like it might be).

But she has to be the one to make the move, not you, and you need to hold your position and not immediately fold to whatever unreasonable thing she might want or expect, like total amnesty for everything shes done before or after the divorce.

Mister_Vandemar · 2026-04-27T02:16:17+00:00

I think about my ex, and I still maintain an aspirational attitude of “loving my daughter’s mother”, but when I think of my ex I invariably think of the many, many, many reasons why I’m better off without her.

I understand where you’re coming from. Resist the temptation. If not for your sake, do it for her; the relationship didn’t work. Don’t pick the scab.

TeddyPSmith · 2026-04-27T01:50:47+00:00

Yes but I also hate her. Wish I didn’t feel this way. I’d rather feel indifferent

FUMoney · 2026-04-27T01:49:25+00:00

I’m struggling because I want to send her a message with some BS song that’s pulling on my heart strings right now.

Such a simp move. Don't.

Title	Do you still love her and think of her?
Author	DevinB12
Upvotes	19
Comments	50
Date	April 27, 2026 1:36 AM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1swpsmy/do_you_still_love_her_and_think_of_her/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/do-you-still-love-her-and-think-of-her.1578963 https://theredarchive.com/post/1578963

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