Question for women: When you genuinely like a guy and feel like the interest might be mutual, what do you actually expect him to do?

ouishi · 2026-07-09T13:25:43+00:00

If I develop a crush on someone, I tell them, and I expect them to do the same for me. We're adults, not high schoolers after all.

Lacunaethra · 2026-07-09T12:39:51+00:00

He's flirting, I'm flirting back, we're mutually escalating each other to whatever we want from each other.

let things develop naturally

how'd that look like? you find yourself suddenly bf and gf?

toasterchild · 2026-07-09T12:39:30+00:00

There is no right or wrong, it just works out sometimes and other times it fizzles.

Relationships that advance typically include escalation. Texting more, making plans for dates, communication of sexual interest.

Relationships that fizzle the conversation feels awkward and forced, texting starts feeling sorta stressful, it never advances to in person dates, a lack of flirting or any sexual interaction/ tension etc.

It's not like i think "this guy failed", on my end it just feels like something that possibly had potential simply didn't happen. After a while my focus likely just shifts to other options.

chamomilecloud · 2026-07-09T12:48:07+00:00

I love mutual flirting and mutual love bombing, lol. I want physical escalation from his side because men taking initiative and being assertive makes him (more) desirable to me.

If I lose interest in a man, it could be for any number of reasons. Maybe he didn’t escalate, maybe he wasn’t fun to talk to, maybe I discovered some incompatible value. I once had a guy tell me he does not eat any vegetables outside of aromatics (onion, garlic), and it made me lose interest.

Czerymoja · 2026-07-09T13:57:46+00:00

„Not grand romantic gestures”

What do you consider as a romantic gesture?

I learnt that men who says those kind of stuff consider as a „romantic” that he pays for dinner and once for a time brought a flowers obviously the cheapest one😂😂😂

Honestly I was the most engaged when man really showed me he adored me like I was the only one for him.

So unfortunately „grand romantic gestures” indeed. I hate guys who putts the least effort as you can tolerate.

love_in_october · 2026-07-09T13:07:43+00:00

Say yes when I ask him out, hopefully. He can just exist and I will handle the rest.

Secret_Entry1840 · 2026-07-09T13:50:09+00:00

If I like a guy and I think he might be interested back then I’ve already gotten to know him a bit. We’ve talked. Flirted back and forth. There’s been casual physical contact. I’ve escalated the conversation. I’ve asked questions or brought things up that would try to let me know whether I’m in their physical attractiveness preferences or not. I’ll put myself in their vicinity. I’ll engage conversation.

What I expect from him is to not be interested back. To flirt back because he’s a flirt or because I’m flirting. Not because he was showing interest. I expect for us to just be friendly flirts. Banter is fun. But I don’t expect men to be actually attracted to me.

emmarie1023 · 2026-07-09T13:29:51+00:00

If I liked someone I would ask them out. If they liked me I would expect them to ask me out. What would turn me off is any hot/cold behavior or games.

Lemon_gecko · 2026-07-09T12:37:20+00:00

I literally have no idea how to answer this question. There is no manual. Especially since everything depends on circumstances we're in. But generally speaking i think if i like the guy and he likes me back and i suspect this, then i think we already talking and flirting and things are escalating, because that's how it is i guess? So yes, i expect him to react to my flirting, i expect for communication to deepen and intensify, like i expect expression of his interest and reciprocity when i express mine? I have no idea how to answer less vague simply because there is no set actions.

"On the other hand, what are some things that make you lose interest, even if you liked him at first?" - that is a long list, i can't even remember everything. But to sum it up - showing that he has incompatible values with mine. Or show that he isn't actually interested in me as a person. Or did some cruel or shitty thing to me or others, tho i guess it fall under values too. I don't know, man. It happened so many times, sometimes one phrase was what it took. Sometimes lack of action where it was needed. I don't know.

UnstableHotspot · 2026-07-09T18:23:59+00:00

When me and my fiancé went on our first date, we took turns buying drinks at the pub and then I asked him if he wanted to kiss me before or after I eat my kebab and he said both.

I then got Covid so had to cancel our next date so he offered we do a virtual one and he dropped off snacks and cocktail cans to my door so we could FaceTime and he could show me his favourite show.

I got more attracted because he was genuine and wasn’t scared or playing games with me. He liked me and treated me as such.

Accomplished_Pack527 · 2026-07-09T12:50:50+00:00

I like clarity.
If after a certain amount of time he doesn’t make any obvious moves or verbally convey his feelings, I’d make known my stance and also straight up ask him about his.

In my experience, when a man likes me he’d make it pretty obvious through words and actions - flowers, date nights, shared experiences, thoughtful gestures & gifts, genuinely curious about what I’m like as a person/my interests/my fam&friends etc

mooncake_bites · 2026-07-09T13:43:20+00:00

The problem is that it’s going to look different per person depending on their personality and what they’re like.

So one thing that is crucial for me is for the guy to make it known he’s only doing that with me, not just with everyone.

Let’s say you’re the goofy type with everyone. You risk her thinking you’re joking like you’re normally are with everyone else. Maybe in front of her, you should show that you can be sincere and serious so when it comes down to it, she knows that you’re not joking.

So for example, I realized one guy was very serious with me because he normally doesn’t ever use his social media but started using it more to talk to me. Another guy I know who only spoke English started speaking in my language more with me to the point that others pointed it out. That’s when I knew he did it because he liked me. So like these things may come out organically because you really like the girl, but you also may want to make it known so there’s no confusion.

prettywords_ · 2026-07-09T12:48:12+00:00

I'd want us to flirt with each other. I would expect him to want to spend a lot of time with me and get to know me better, just like I would with him.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2026-07-09T14:10:06+00:00

how would it "develop naturally" if he wasnt displaying interest like you enumerated?

PuzzleheadedRow9896 · 2026-07-09T17:22:24+00:00

Text more often with deeper questions and then ask me out and then we keep asking each other out and making excuses to be together until eventually that magnetic thing happens where you kiss or hold hands at like the same time. And then if that keeps happening eventually we're direct about our feelings and what we want the relationship to be. And that's a pretty natural progression to me.

As far as losing interest: cruelty to those beneath him or undeserving...mismatched values, sudden and extreme sexual expectatuons especially if they tell me it I'll just be into it, sudden physical contact, playing games, being physical with other people, I don't mind dating, but if you're screwing someone else, no thanks.

Katatonicsnake · 2026-07-09T18:04:51+00:00

I didn’t think about it much. Usually those men would just tell me that they’re interested. They would communicate often and clearly, introduce me to the important people in their lives, show their interest physically, send letters, buy gifts, etc.

It’s also possible that the guys who showed their interest in some other way just weren’t picked by my radar. I believe we’re all somewhat biased towards certain things, mostly depending on our temperament and previous experiences.

blebbyroo · 2026-07-09T22:04:14+00:00

When my husband and I were dating one of the sweetest things he did was bring me a coffee and pastry before work to my house as we lived close by - he knew I was having a hard time So went out of his way to bring me a treat. I feel like while that specific gesture isn’t the expectation the listening to a potential partners concern and trying to show you are there is.

Accomplished_Sweetie · 2026-07-09T12:54:45+00:00

-text more often, ask you out, be more direct about his feelings, make the first move physically,

If he’s not doing these things what makes me think he likes me?

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GroundbreakingAlps78 · 2026-07-09T13:40:21+00:00

Find out her love language, and behave accordingly. Mine is words of affirmation. Some people prefer gifts or physical touch or acts or service, etc.

Cute_Contribution480 · 2026-07-09T15:02:47+00:00

I expect him to be honest and straightforward in telling me that he is romantically interested in me.

Demasii · 2026-07-09T16:08:09+00:00

Nothing because sometimes there is mutual interest but also other priorities that prevent him from making a move.

He can be talking to someone else that he is interested in as much as me or more. Or he has life problems that he needs to figure out and it's not a good time to date.

NiaMiaBia · 2026-07-09T16:12:22+00:00

IDK. I don’t think I have ever liked a man more than he liked me. IME, men will make grand romantic gestures to be noticed or gain favor. TBF, I’m autistic and don’t notice the small things - grand gestures are the only way to really get my attention. This makes me “easy pickins” for love bombers.

Tylikcat · 2026-07-09T20:13:42+00:00

Eh, I find that the whole do they / don't they thing goes from fun to tedious pretty quickly. I'll usually ask them to do something one on one.

Aware-Gap-8824 · 2026-07-09T21:42:02+00:00

There isn’t one answer, it’s highly dependent on context.

“grand romantic gestures, text more often, ask you out, be more direct about his feelings, make the first move physically”

obviously if this is a relative stranger I just met yesterday and he makes some grand romantic gesture, tells me his feelings and then moves on me physically, I’m calling the cops.

If it’s a warm approach? We don’t know each other but have mutual friends, ask me out. If you are unsure of mutual vibe, or we haven’t even met in person, then get my # and we can text. We have been casually dating and you are interested in more and want to lock it down, maybe the romantic gesture is appropriate.

Chicken_Nugget_2 · 2026-07-09T22:02:27+00:00

Guys tend to be pretty oblivious in my experience, so if I'm pretty certain the interest is mutual I'll make the first move. But ideally I'd just want him to ask me out. I wouldn't want him to initiate something physically, but that might just be a personal preference.

HungryDepth5918 · 2026-07-09T23:27:49+00:00

Text a lot first. Ask out a few times. Feel each other out. Eventually invite home on some stupid pretense. Not complicated.

Robot_Alchemist · 2026-07-10T07:07:44+00:00

Exist I guess what does this mean? Jk you specified - so I am gonna say it’s not really what I expect as much as do the things the other person does and how they interact with me complement my style and does it bring us both comfort and excitement…intermittently or simultaneously.

Title	Question for women: When you genuinely like a guy and feel like the interest might be mutual, what do you actually expect him to do?
Author	studente_telematico
Upvotes	14
Comments	99
Date	July 9, 2026 12:28 PM UTC (1 week ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1urov71/question_for_women_when_you_genuinely_like_a_guy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/question-for-women-when-you-genuinely-like-a-guy.1584611 https://theredarchive.com/post/1584611

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