Have you ever dated a practice or placeholder girlfriend? What was it about her that made her just temporary?

Ricklogical · 2018-05-22T19:19:58+00:00

She refused to do anything with her life.

She was beautiful and docile but she didn't seem to ever have any original ideas or have any major life goals outside of babysitting for her family.

She had her head in her phone nonstop, she is simple and fun but just has no real drive or ambition to get out and see the world or do much of anything outside of her comfort zone.

I needed a woman that could push me a bit more, give some of her own ideas.

jax006 · 2018-05-22T18:58:46+00:00

I've done this, but I think 8 years is kind of retarded and uncommon.

Its one thing to enjoy the infatuation period and then just idly go along with the easy sex for the next month or two, but after that it starts to become just as much of a waste of my time as hers, no?

I suppose if she's a hardcore doormat and doesn't press me for more of my time/effort then it could drag on much longer, depending on how complacent the guy is. Plus that's on you to know what you're worth and demand it.

These girls are "only temporary" because they usually have lame-ass lives and have little to offer me except for someone new to fuck.

MoodyBrizo · 2018-05-22T19:02:16+00:00

What if we're both lukewarm about each other?

theambivalentrooster · 2018-05-22T19:18:49+00:00

I think in retrospect relationships can look like placeholder relationships but may not appear so at the time.

I wouldn't count early forays into dating as placeholder anything.

Intentionally keeping someone around because you don't want to be alone but will jump ship at the first opportunity to a seemingly better opportunity is rude as fuck, though.

Hgbeams · 2018-05-23T02:27:08+00:00

When I was dating my husband, I gave him an ultimatum that at the end of the year - he either married me or moved on.

My policy was to never move in together until we were married or have sex until I was engaged. Married by 25.

My husband is handsome, well-off and dominant.

whitetrashcarl · 2018-05-22T19:17:19+00:00

Does it count if you tell them upfront you won’t commit to them? I don’t think it’s really uncommon to have an arrangement where you both understand it’s just sex and maybe a little companionship like going out for a drink or something

Idk I’m dating a couple girls right now who I’m not serious about

quicklogaccount · 2018-05-22T19:10:49+00:00

Nope.
I reckon you might kind of fear this a lot since it might sound appealing to women, but for us it's an awful strategy. You can dismiss this as a non concern. Even if a guy takes a girlfriend like this, chances are he'll keep her.

If he's feeling the need for security, he's not quite confident in his game, otherwise he wouldn't bother getting a girlfriend to have a chick to put out for him;
Game rusts with time, his already weak game will rust, his anxieties will worsen;
Stability curses most men, chances are he'll become less attractive.

If you're ever worried you ended in this spot, just keep him sexed up enough and he won't see reasons to bother going through what he believes is excruciating work to get another chick. He might cheat if some girl jumps over his dick and he believes he can get away with it though.

Workaholico · 2018-05-22T19:12:00+00:00

Never.

I have nor reason to do this. Why would I make someone a girlfriend and them dump her for no reason?

What you may be looking for is Friends with benefits, THAT is supposed to be temporary.

but far from lukewarm.

If I want sex and attention I'd have friends with benefit, not a girlfriend.

squidracer · 2018-05-22T19:31:36+00:00

I've had about 4 placeholder gfs. Never really intended to get married.

says_harsh_things · 2018-05-22T19:58:06+00:00

Yes. She was a good friend of mine (actually, I guess you could say I friendzoned her back in high school).

She was too shy sexually. Always anxious, always nervous, always afraid of sex.

When I was in between more sexually adventurous girlfriends we would hang out more and fooled around a few times, but as soon as I started dating someone new I would drop interest in her.

Did it a few times but eventually it became too much of a chore.

LowCreddit · 2018-05-22T20:03:01+00:00

There was nothing about her that made her temporary. I have no intention of marrying. I am upfront with this but women think they will change me.

ARealHoss · 2018-05-23T13:15:00+00:00

I've had several FWB type relationships, but I've never been dishonest with my intentions. I'm always upfront with my expectations, and if they are not in alignment, I move on. I respect myself, and I respect other people. Unfortunately, not all men are like this.

For a truly committed romantic relationship, I do not settle. Of course, I have options and do not feel the need to settle. Some men may have trouble securing affection or more casual partners, and may settle on someone they are not truly into. They may want easy sex, or are truly lonely. Both sexes do this. My advice? You can usually tell if someone views you as a placeholder, or an equal partner. Watch his actions. Does he follow through with his commitments? Does he express interest in you outside the bedroom? Actions speak louder than words.

What is the difference between a FWB and a relationship partner?

Attraction. I must be attracted in both situations, but for a relationship, I do not date down on attractiveness. FWB has a slightly lower threshold.
Life goals. I prefer strong independent women who are career focused. That is my preference. They must have similar life expectations. Plans.
Personality. I want someone funny, caring, and dependable. Someone honest and loyal. Personality is less important for a FWB situation.
Intelligence. I like intellectual debate and conversation. A long term partner should be educated, and have interests outside of cable television. They don't have to be brilliant, but at least have a true interest in learning. This is not important for a FWB.
Mutual interest/respect. Big one. It's hard to find, but I want someone who is as interested in me as I am in them. No relationship is truly equal, but I expect to feel desired and valued. This is also hard to gauge, but when someone truly cares about you, you can usually tell.

AlistairUndereem · 2018-05-22T21:59:21+00:00

Wasn't attractive enough.

PhucCheet · 2018-05-23T11:20:39+00:00

Yes. Only for a few months. Never for long. I wouldn't lead someone on for a year or more. That would be unfairly stealing her youth as well as wasting mine. I think a few months is fair game. It's still the early "getting to know you" stage where expectations are low and commitments are not made yet.

Why? I liked her. Just not enough. But more than anyone else at the time. Sometimes you want to see if you can feel something more. Then you realize you don't. Dating is just one big experiment.

crackrocksteady7 · 2018-05-22T19:28:13+00:00

She was ugly, 17 with no life experience, boring, and depressing. But I got through all the awkward moments and learned what to do with this and that so it was all worthwhile

Ahh to be young again

Preemptively countering the pitchforks: 17 is legal here. I was 19

Soylent_X · 2018-05-22T22:14:10+00:00

Why waste someone's time that you sort of care about? Why not let them find someone better?

Why would he care? He's getting "reliable sex and attention".

SendThotsAndPrayers · 2018-05-22T19:13:03+00:00

Beautiful women tend to be intellectually challenged. Majority of the hot chicks I fucked were airheads, which is understandable. They grew with a winning ticket of a genetic lottery, and thus did not really need to strain that intellectual muscle - at all. Really, once you get somewhat valuable and you enter the hot-chick dating zone, you'll see what I mean. No dreams, no drives, questionable decisions etc.

Man I can still recall the discussion I had with an ex-plate of mine. She was very hot, but jesus so fucking dumb. She would constantly tell me how she would smoke, do drugs and similar things simply because of the group pressure. "I did it because everyone else did". And I would often, out of character, challenge her on that. Thing is, she wasn't even concerned. It's like, because she is beautiful she thought she could get away with everything. I didn't want a relationship, but neither did she.

Honestly, the problem with majority of girls is that they look for relationship with guys about their age, and that tends to not work out. I'm 26, my plate was 27. I have a lot of potential to realize before I even begin to consider to settle. Meanwhile, she's about to enter the phase where all her potential goes down the drain - aka we live in two different worlds.

I realize that I haven't really answered your question that well. Brace yourself, as it's gonna be kind of immoral.

Because we are all selfish. Nobody can truly stand at that moral high ground forever. We both like sex, and she seems okay with sticking around despite the fact that I'm not willing to commit. It's her own choice. I'm not gonna let go of the free sex simply because I think she can find someone who's willing to commit. That is up to her.

redpillrobert · 2018-05-22T19:10:48+00:00

i can't imagine why anyone with any self confidence would waste their time with someone who didn't truly excite them

Merger-Arbitrage · 2018-05-22T19:04:07+00:00

Erm.. I did have a friend-with-benefits in high school. It should have been fairly obvious to her (it was to me) that it wasn't going to be a long-term thing because we were going to be on opposite sides of the world within a 12 month period after we met. So we had our fun and then parted amicably. Kept in touch a little bit after, too, but never saw each other again.

Why waste someone's time that you sort of care about? Why not let them find someone better?

I don't believe most people are shitty enough to just use someone as a "placeholder" .. and if they would they are ... shitty people. If you want to protect yourself against being used as a "placeholder" ... bring up having a future fairly early in the dating process (possibly before you have full on sexual intercourse, even). Do they seem keenly interested in being with you? Get to know the person inside-out:

1) Do they plan to move somewhere in the future (would that be necessary / make sense for them?)

2) If #1 doesn't apply... does the other person seem strongly interested, invested in you? Does their desire towards you feel sincere?

No way to know for sure - but you need to gauge the ability and level of interest someone has in you to know if you're a "placeholder."

lolrtz · 2018-05-23T01:30:13+00:00

I actually just started "dating" a girl a few weeks ago and I have this dynamic with her right now. I'm not particularly enthused to call her my girlfriend. We don't get along politically, she spends her time poorly, she has no job, and a sad/fucked up past. I can tell she has no capacity for critical thinking or planning. I had been hanging out with her for 2 weeks and she laid it on pretty heavily about how she wants to date me and doesn't want to waste time. I liked her personality enough to agree to "date". I also like that she will come over and have sex with me whenever I want it. If it weren't for the sex, I would have nothing to do with her.

Damn, It's kind of sobering knowing that I am intentionally wasting this girls time just because I'm too lazy to find a girl that I actually find attractive or respect... I just thought I'd be able to answer your question.

tl;dr: I like getting sex whenever I want, and I like the ego boost of having a girl care about me and do things for me.

Aufbruch · 2018-05-22T19:03:59+00:00

I've never knowingly done this, and honestly, wouldn't think much of anyone who did.... My first ever real relationship was with a girl that I had nothing in common with, save for the desire to not be alone/not be a virgin....so maybe that counts?

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wtknight · 2018-05-22T19:25:15+00:00

No. I’ve been in love with every woman whom I’ve dated long-term.

RedwallAllratuRatbar · 2018-05-22T21:12:29+00:00

Sometimes you say it's not going to work long term, then she asks you 5 times per week did I change my mind. It's like the burden to never answer from her again is totally on my side. And I can't be arsed to NOT reply to people. The message is clear, but they just won't accept it

mach_like_a_flame · 2018-05-22T22:15:14+00:00

No. Once I was ready, I asked my mom to help me find a wife. I've courted women with the intent of marriage and only one at a time.

ssonepick · 2018-05-23T15:06:48+00:00

Yes

She was a ho

Fabianstrategy1 · 2018-05-23T16:34:21+00:00

I wouldn't use the word placeholder but I tell women up front that I will never pursue a relationship beyond FWB with them, and that I don't expect their commitment solely to me in return. I currently sleep with 3 women with this arrangement, one I have been seeing for 2 years now. She seems to think she can break me, despite my repeatedly telling her no to a committed relationship.

They are all free to find someone else. I don't care. Women are nothing more than a distraction for me when I feel like going out and want a companion along or feel like getting laid.

justtenofusinhere · 2018-05-23T19:17:58+00:00

I dated a place holder for while (year plus). The reasons were two fold.

First, I had a lot going on and while I like women, I simply didn't have the time and energy to devote to meeting them and then building and maintain a relationship, or alternatively, ride the waves in the whole hookup scene.

Second, she was very in to me and pursued me. She made it super easy.

As to why it never became more...she simply wasn't what I wanted. I would never have pursued her. (To be fair, in the beginning I was pretty clear on where I was coming from, i.e., this wasn't EVER going to be permanent, though I hedged on the reasons, obviously). She was good enough given the effort required and my other obligations.

After about a year she began to want more and up her requirements and commitment expectations. I tried to bow out gracefully. She got nasty. I cut her off hard.

cxj · 2018-05-24T00:07:23+00:00

Pretty much every girlfriend I’ve had is a placeholder. The main reason is they weren’t that hot. Other reasons are that I’d be going on tour with my band soon and always had multiple casual sex offers during that . Finally, I have no real direction in life anyways and kind of don’t see the point in anything .

yenvalmar · 2018-05-24T04:36:10+00:00

From a male (who isn't an incel btw) perspective: Staying with somebody you don't really care about because of the exact reasons you mentioned, It's the easy mode of being an MGTOW. Your self esteem isn't all wrapped up in pleasing m'lady, but you aren't an incel with the emotional trauma and social stigma. If for example you are really focussed on your career, this can be a great option for a guy from a male POV. It also works well for closeted gay dudes, btw. (i've known some girls who'se perma boyfriends came out of the closet.)

It's up to you if that works for you also, I know some not gonna ever get married and have kids but still long term couples where it's mutually out of convenience and apathy/lack of confidence they could meet someone else, and they have a lot of time and emotional energy to pursue careers, hobbies, social cliques, and various other interests outside of their relationships and any mutual interests they have. In a lot of ways it seems healthy, though I personally would never want a non-loving relationship to each their own.

Of course if you want married with kids it's probably not going to work for you because they arent going to want those things. You can always accidentally get pregnant but that's a dark road, for the love of god don't do it that way.

thinkytoes · 2018-05-24T17:01:29+00:00

They do.

It is why you let them complain, be as close to.your beat self as possible, and keep quality male "friends" no matter the cost.

You do not donate years of youth over bullshit guilt trips You dont make ultimatums that you cannot follow through You stay attractive. Be amazing to him but be someone who other men always want to poach.

There are some amazing men out there but the odds are that isnt what you have. They need strict guidelines and fear of risk.
He wont invest? Move on. Itll kill you? Die in private.

Under no circumstance do you humor some guy past TWO years max with all the benefits and no ring.

Simple girls will get rings from low quality men who make her consider suicide for the rest of her life.

Be quality. Have standards. Be kind. Be generous with love, sex, beauty, time, all of it.

But only for a man who is worth it. Men would let the world burn without the incentive of pussy and some cuddles. Dont be a dummy

8 years? If we are talking freshman in hs till mid 20s u still have a chance for someone worth a damn.

Look at men. Fucking whole internet societies about getting women and being mad when they cant have and you are DONATING years? To a piece of shit who womt claim u

Let me go do this workout. Im amped as fuck on this music and want to send life boats for good men while flamegunning or whatever u call that the rest

LooksMatterToWomen · 2018-05-24T23:36:24+00:00

Tried that before and vowed NEVER to do that again. It hurts people. Better to stay alone than settle for someone.

SAC-Lawn_Gnome · 2018-05-22T18:55:55+00:00

I don't think this is a phenomenon unique to either sex. People in Romantic relationships are treated and seen as being better by society, so the benefits of dating someone may exceed ones desire to break up and date someone they find more appealing. But, it's not like you or your partner are ever gonna not have billions of people better than yourselves.

EsauTheRed · 2018-05-23T00:01:26+00:00

My dad always told me to just get a practice hoe

Pretty sure my mom was the practice hoe and she managed to snag him by getting knocked up...He was sure he used condoms and stuck around out of honor...Pretty glad he did tbh

darknessbemyfriend · 2018-05-23T03:30:00+00:00

All women are placeholder women. No woman is loyal so why would you commit?

BisquitBill · 2018-05-22T23:19:04+00:00

She refused to do anything with her life.

She was plain looking and docile but she never moved forward with her life and let herself be controlled by her mother. I graduated, she never did. I moved to a new town, and she's still where I found her.

I needed someone to practice sex on, and she was it. I did fall in love with her, but eventually split from her.

Title	Have you ever dated a practice or placeholder girlfriend? What was it about her that made her just temporary?
Author	hating-life
Upvotes	27
Comments	194
Date	May 22, 2018 6:51 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/8lciin/have_you_ever_dated_a_practice_or_placeholder/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/have-you-ever-dated-a-practice-or-placeholder.262299 https://theredarchive.com/post/262299

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