https://www.xojane.com/sex/love-lesson-guy-who-wouldnt-commit

I met Sean* less than a month after breaking up with my ex, the guy who I moved from New York to California with. Although I was shaken up by how things ended, I was admittedly a bit too eager to meet someone new. I downloaded Tinder almost immediately. I didn't have many friends, and turned to male attention to make up for it.

Between these bouts, Sean made himself scarce. He knew I was fresh out of a relationship and "having fun dating." We talked about giving one another space. He once swung by my place as another guy was leaving. It took me over a year to realize how insane it was that he still wanted to hang out with me after that.

Even though I told myself I didn't want a boyfriend, I needed to be alone, and that I was having fun dating (was I?), I started falling for Sean, fast and hard. That's what happens when you have a ton of new experiences with someone, sleep with them regularly, tell them all your secrets, and realize they're handsome both with and without a beard. "You did say you're a serial monogamist," Sean said carefully when I brought up the idea of us being together a few months later. "Yeah, but..." I tried to think of an excuse. Like this time, what was happening between us was different. But I couldn't think of one. I had been in relationships since I was fifteen. Sean knew that. Consistently a girlfriend, my relationships almost always overlapped. I wasn't proud of it, and knew I had to do something different. That's why I told myself, after my ex and I broke up, that I had to be alone. In hindsight, I suppose I had no idea what that actually meant.

As is my really sexy-hot alluring pattern in relationships, soon after Sean said he didn't want to be in a relationship with me, I felt rejected, and fell back into my old, self-destructive habits. I started binge drinking again, and found myself frequenting L.A.'s coke-fueled afterparties. I tried that thing where I got under guys or sometimes on top of them in an attempt to get over Sean. It only made me miss him more. When this happened, I'd tell Sean it was fine — I was OK with us being casual. After a few weeks, I'd self-implode again, drinking until my skin went numb, and then drinking some more. I'd find ways to blatantly dangle other guys in front of his face, as in, "You don't want me? Well, here's someone who does."

There was one time he came to my apartment on his motorcycle with flowers. "I'm so sorry," he said. "I do love you." We were boyfriend and girlfriend for about a month. I can't remember exactly what happened. But he wrote me an email to tell me he's incapable of giving me what I want. So I deleted his number again. My friends knew everything about Sean. They attempted to hate him for stringing me along, but I told them it was complicated. Still, like any good friend, they tried to dismiss him as an asshole. They told me to forget about him. One sent me a chapter of Steve Harvey's book where he says that if a man isn't confident in his career, he can't possibly be in a romantic relationship. They told me it was all about timing. Sean moved to Miami a few months later. I drove with him in a U-Haul filled with his stuff to New Orleans, where I flew back to Los Angeles as he completed the trip down the Florida coast.

Did this feminist get fucked by a red-leaning man (whether or not conscious of it) What are your thoughts on her dating experience?