Why is all advice about toxic males on reddit the same???

curlygirl507 · 2020-02-21T10:15:09+00:00

Because people generally think that men are coming from a place of good faith and equality. The reality is that most of the time, they know exactly what they're doing and are just operating in a way to maximize what they're getting out of any particular woman.

Everyone wants to think that most other people are good, but when it comes to men, that's just not true. They're smooth operators, masterminds of manipulation to get sex, money, attention, free labor, and God knows what else. We know that on this sub but most others are too naïve.

nymphaetamine · 2020-02-21T12:22:48+00:00

Cause most of the people that give advice on reddit are teens and college kids with no real life or relationship experience. They just assume that the woman has just never bothered to voice her feelings about a problem, partly because they still believe that everyone is truly good and kind at their core and people only ever accidentally act like assholes, and partly because of the popular media trope of the silent, stewing woman glaring at a man who has no idea what he did wrong.

In reality, we communicate our feelings till we're blue in the fucking face only to have it go in one ear and out the other. By the time we've reached the point of posting in an advice sub, we've already gone through all the troubleshooting and we're just looking for even a single person to validate our feelings. Being dismissed and ignored by the one person who's supposed to give a shit about our feelings makes us question our own reality and perceptions, and we need to be reassured that we are not just crazy bitches making a big deal out of nothing. Deep down we know it's beyond saving, but we are so pressured by society to stand by our man that we feel like we need permission to leave. This is why I hate JuSt TaLk To HiM with a passion. It's a generational curse. It gaslights women into believing we're to blame for not doing enough to correct a man's behavior, as if he is an untrained child and it's our responsibility to teach a grown man how to treat others with respect and kindness. No, that's shit you learn in grade school. Kindergarten, even.

When a woman breaks up with a man, she doesn't tell him right away. Before she reaches the point of actually telling him it's over she has tried tirelessly to fix things, she's tried to talk to him over & over again only to have her feelings dismissed and belittled, until she finally has enough and decides it's over. In her heart and mind, she becomes single in that moment. She still waits a while before telling him though in the hopes that he'll notice how she's become quieter, she's texting him less, she's less excited to see him, less interested in sex, less available, etc, and figure out that he's losing her and finally shape up. On his end though, he's thinking "Hey she hasn't brought up that old shit in a while, I guess she finally got over it!". In his mind, everything is great because you've finally stopped being so difficult. He's happier than ever until he's 'blindsided' with the breakup. He is shocked and confused, but he had ample warning of what was coming. We NEVER just dump a man out of nowhere for no reason, he's been fucking up for a while now and has declined all opportunities to fix the problem.

Reddit loves to bitch about the "just break up" advice frequently given by the older & wiser folks but in most of the posts in the relationship subs, things are so bad it's literally the only healthy option. I almost always tell people to break up. Life is too damn short to waste it trying to fix things with a fuckboy. NEXT his ass with gusto, I say. Be the reason he's posting sad memes on facebook with the caption "I can't believe she left me!"

Pogojen · 2020-02-21T12:41:11+00:00

Yep, even if the woman puts 'I discussed with him' or 'I tried to talk to him' the advice givers ignore it or go YOU DIDN'T TALK TO HIM CORRECTLY IN A WAY HE WOULD UNDERSTAND

BasieSkanks · 2020-02-21T11:03:20+00:00

You see this all the time on Relationship advice subreddits. Woman comes to complain about her boyfriend/husband’s abhorrent behaviour, and everyone is like “just talk to him!”. There’s a difference between communication due to a misunderstanding and someone just being a piece of selfish shit. And 9/10, the Male falls into the latter category.

extraacct1234 · 2020-02-21T11:44:59+00:00

Even when the woman has repeatedly spoken to the man they'll still tell her to talk to him again. It's completely ridiculous. It's just more gaslighting of women so that we will stay in abusive relationships and serve men.

reijn · 2020-02-21T12:55:13+00:00

It all sounds a lot like "give them a chance to fix it" and "they don't know any better" umm I'm sorry who the fuck taught me to be a respectful, kind, caring and giving human being? It costs nothing to not be an asshole. I'm not gonna sit around and beg you to be nice to me and show you how to love me. You either do or you don't. If you don't, get out of my life.

Pleasant-Complaint · 2020-02-21T10:48:35+00:00

Men are always given the benefit of doubt, that's the reason. Well, that, and women's struggles are always minimized. That's how you get such advice; it is assumed that you are overreacting and he is the reasonable one who will listen to logic. Sad, but that's how misogyny works.

Fitncurly · 2020-02-21T16:08:47+00:00

Because Reddit is full of low value, toxic, misogynistic males that have a vested interested in keeping women in cycles of abuse. They won’t collectively get their mommy-bangmaids otherwise.

rinabean · 2020-02-21T11:03:56+00:00

I wonder if they think they're giving advice to a man, even when she's clearly saying she's a woman. 'Cause I just cannot imagine a woman who hasn't tried talking to him before she posts about him on reddit. But so many men think they don't have to make an ounce of effort in their relationships. That's for women

Either that or it's completely deliberately trying to sabotage women. Probably both.

RobotAmerican · 2020-02-21T14:30:56+00:00

Talking is what toxic males want, because then they can ignore it and call you a nag, or do endless gaslighting circular irrational arguments back at you to try to confuse women out of their opinions.

Do males get advised to talk to toxic males? I don't think so. I think this is mostly advice given to women by toxic males or handmaidens that maybe mean well but have no idea what they're talking about.

I learned long ago that actions are more important than words to toxic males, and that they love attention, so dump them without any words.

Consider_the_Horses · 2020-02-21T11:05:37+00:00

Toxic masculinity includes the toxic idea that women are supposed to suffer in order to help men.

2020-02-21T14:21:38+00:00

Because people see women's purpose as teaching a man or "leveling him up" into a better person and if he's not good its somehow the womans fault.

I noticed whenever comments tell a woman to break up with her bf or divorce the comments are always complaining about how "this subreddit goes too far and always tells people to break up over ANYTHING", but when a man is told to break up with a bad gf no one says that.

Motherofvampires · 2020-02-21T14:20:58+00:00

It's only worth trying the communication route if

1) You've not already communicated clearly. Relying on hints or just hoping he'll notice won't work and

2) He is very young and/or inexperienced in relationships. Older men will either know what they're doing and don't care or they've just picked up bad relationship habits and trying to train them out of them is a waste of time.

So for someone young I'd try talking. Once. But you've got to be prepared to make it clear it's a dealbreaker and be prepared to follow through on that.

SigourneyReaver · 2020-02-21T16:00:27+00:00

Because it's apparently every woman's job to be the fuckface whisperer. Everyone also likes to pretend that women everywhere must have only been seething in passive silence the entire time over their problems; then you read the OP and invariably they've been blatantly telling their SO to their very piehole over and over exactly what the problem is and what the SO needs to do to fix it, and just getting shut down by ridiculousness.

WeepingAnusSores · 2020-02-21T15:39:17+00:00

Men are expendable and dime a dozen. If he puts a toe out of line leave, and take as much as you can with you.

randomyellowumbrella · 2020-02-21T18:58:24+00:00

And somehow those advices NEVER work, on the other hand when you leave they come back crawling like leeches

coolestgirlyoueverme · 2020-02-21T15:07:48+00:00

Because lvm like to give other lvm benefit of doubt...

so that lvm as a group can continue to suck.

smog-over-innsmouth · 2020-02-21T10:22:47+00:00

Because it's LVM giving the advice

7_0f_9 · 2020-02-21T17:16:07+00:00

Well maybe they should LISTEN if they want us to talk. And ya know, do something about it

ilikesoy_ · 2020-03-08T14:53:14+00:00

because there are more men on reddit.

and, in society men are allowed to be abusive, toxic, and behave immature well into adulthood. even their entire lives.

women arent allowed to behave this way as young as 5 years old.

Title	Why is all advice about toxic males on reddit the same???
Author	AlienUtterings
Upvotes	380
Comments	77
Date	February 21, 2020 9:55 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/f78y4d/why_is_all_advice_about_toxic_males_on_reddit_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/why-is-all-advice-about-toxic-males-on-reddit-the.681835 https://theredarchive.com/post/681835

Comments