Okay, so I’ve been ignorant. Moved to California in 1998 to be with what will soon by my ex-wife. Last year she sat me down to tell me that she was no longer attracted to me and we’d have to part ways. We share a son, 4 dogs, 2 cats, and a long history of emotional distance and petty meanness; the last, mostly on her part, but after years of it, I became the same.

So, instead of leaving the state, I moved to an apartment 5 minutes away, hoping somehow there would be a magical fix to all this. Deep down I thought I still loved her, or the idea of what I once had.

Over the past few months I’ve learned that she also likely gave me hsv, making it all the more difficult to move on. Because it’s California, it looks like I’ll be paying lifetime alimony, she keeps the house (now worth 1.5 mil), and now she can subtly poison my son’s views against me, basically just by existing and having disdain for me which he has no doubt picked up on over the years.

So now, at the age of 53, having emptied my 401k for work on the house, or payment for my son’s medical bills, or to get us out of debt after her poor spending habits, now I get to start over but find myself looking at also having no chance at a future because of these state laws. We had a handshake agreement that she’d be in charge of our financials but she never made any attempt to develop any financial acumen, so we are basically starting from 20k in debt.

Sure, it takes 2 to tango, but I’m trying very hard to see any way through this, and not finding much hope yet. I have therapy scheduled and am going to talk to a legal advocate. Until now, neither of us have engaged in any legal counsel that I know of. We had agreed to amicable collaborative mediation, whatever that means, but now she is acting petty and even meaner than usual, and positioning me as someone who’s not present for our son, or who’s negligent as a husband. I suppose that last part is true but certainly for both of us. Years of petty meanness and bed death don’t add up to much warmth for sure.

Anything left for me to live for here? Definitely struggling to find a silver lining.