Wife left me

paulojustiniano · 2024-05-23T21:55:36+00:00

Honestly I feel you wife left me homeless and left with another guy and I can’t even see my kids. I pay their mortgage and much more. I am heartbroken homeless and depressed but is ok life and God will take care of me and you as well. You are still young to remake your life and be happy.

Movieman_Steve · 2024-05-23T02:42:01+00:00

Update: I've consulted with an attorney (Atty) and they've given me a list of mediators in my town to setup an appt. They recommended getting it, cause even meeting with a mediator will be months down the road. Atty said not to do any changes to passwords and such cause that could change the dynamic on how I could pay for an Atty. State I live in is a 50/50 state meaning all of her $ that she put in for retirement and IRA's would be grouped together and my retirement and IRA's would be then added to be split down the middle. All our combined assets- split. And she makes WAY more $$ than me. Her monthly paycheck after taxes- state and fed, ins, retirement, and IRA is a little over 4K and I make almost 2.5K a month after all that stuff also. I'm planning on finding a therapist and maybe a church support group for divorce later this week or next week. I feel like right now that it's hard to run fast when someone has cut your legs off at the hips. I'm going to try to find time between not working and taking care of the house to try to respond to the advice that has been given over the last couple of days. I thank you for all of the things said.

CondorA6 · 2024-05-23T01:52:27+00:00

I left the comment yesterday.I just had to give a follow up. Fuck her and the Slime-Wad she's cavorting with.

Focused_man · 2024-05-21T19:52:29+00:00

She made this decision years ago & decided to act on it. In addition to some of the relevant comments, see below.

Accept this happened.
Have self respect & let her go as she’s not worthy of you.
Focus on physical your health
Focus on financial your health
Focus on your mental health
Once you have that, become a sugar daddy or get a nice 20-something & live your best life.

ThisReckless · 2024-05-21T19:41:29+00:00

All I have to say is, being discarded and abandoned is the worst feeling, regardless of having kids.

Corvettelov · 2024-05-21T16:23:17+00:00

Since divorce laws are different by State contact a lawyer for an initial consult. Be sure to do what first person said. Check your joint accounts. She may have already started withdrawing funds.

Significant_Invite48 · 2024-05-21T10:55:07+00:00

I went through the same thing out of the blue had no idea 2 months before our son graduated said she was going to file and blew through alot of money. No contact get a lawyer her mind is made up. Listen to the people on this forum they have been there.

Particular-Owl-5997 · 2024-05-21T10:18:54+00:00

Get a good lawyer and start now. There is no telling when shell get around to filing. Pay someone to serve her. Professionals will provide the proof that my be necessary. As others have said change the locks on everything. Take half of the bank accounts now. Open up an account in your name and transfer everything in there. Dont spend it, just keep it there. Do a good sweep of the house. Look for nanny cams, audio devices. Change all of your passwords on everything. Call credit cards and cell phone company and remove her ability to make account changes. Block her, her family and friends on socials. Depending on the state any evidence on adultery may work in your favor.

I know a lot of this stuff feels kinda shitty to do, but do it. You havr no idea right now if her head start is just mental/emotional. The fact that from the get go she has requested all contact go through her lawyer is a big flag that she is at least a little prepared.

CondorA6 · 2024-05-21T07:01:06+00:00

Change the locks on everything. Change the passwords on everything. Bear in mind things you thought you knew about her aren't the same. She may have an ill advisor. She may be influenced to do things you didn't think her capable of. Lastly, don't underestimate how much damage she can do to you.

BahamaDon · 2024-05-21T04:39:06+00:00

get your finances documented and all in order. Don;t let her drain all the bank accounts.

miserylovescompany21 · 2024-05-20T21:12:37+00:00

If you dont mind me asking, did she give you a reason why she wanted a divorce? Do you think she is willing to change her mind at all and try mariage counseling? 21 years being married to someone is a long time. All those years of building together for it to just abruptly end like that just really sucks man.

Repulsive-Fee393 · 2024-05-20T19:47:51+00:00

Gym Low carb high protein diet Hookers Friends Then you’ll be mentally ready to face this, without these support systems you’ll be emotionally crushed.

DucatiDrew · 2024-05-20T18:35:51+00:00

The kicker is she made the decision, per trends on the internet, about two years ago. Wish you the very best. Be around other men and be physically active if not already.

NC_Geezus · 2024-05-20T16:53:54+00:00

As many have said, get a lawyer and follow their advice. Also, get a therapist to help you process the emotions. Do NOT use your lawyer as your therapist, you’ll go broke quickly.

Kingcyprus1 · 2024-05-20T15:41:01+00:00

To you it might be a sad thing to others this is a time to partyyy! Be single enjoy it and start something new with someone better. I know its easier said than done but do your best.

Special_Profit4509 · 2024-05-20T15:32:58+00:00

Seriously divorce is ugly go do what you have dreamed of doing.

Unicronbomb · 2024-05-20T14:47:14+00:00

Do things you like to do. Sounds like she did you a favor. Get a therapist.

DatabaseSpace · 2024-05-20T13:31:25+00:00

The feelings of wanting to figure out what went wrong will start going away once she starts trying to financially rape you. Maybe she won't, but she probably will. The difference in your incomes will be the biggest factor if she gets alimony. She is probably having an affair with someone she works with or some other guy in her life. That's why she needs her own space and is being so drastic. It's probably not that you did anything wrong, it's that you aren't new anymore and she is selfish and is getting the new relationship feelings from someone.

pharmd718 · 2024-05-20T13:08:59+00:00

You are at a disadvantage because it’s something she has planned and is mentally prepared for. You are shell shocked and full of emotions at this time. My best advice for you is to hire a lawyer asap and follow their direction to the letter. Not having kids makes it a lot easier. Good luck.

MindfulKid · 2024-05-20T12:59:01+00:00

Usually when we are faced with this difficult situations, we are open to personal development. Many people tend to leave behind many practices that they had that made them happy because of their marriage. One has to discover and re-discover that part of oneself to re-engage in life.

crazysnowdog · 2024-05-20T11:41:09+00:00

I'm sorry but lucky you, no kids to fight over. You get a fresh start. You'll be OK.

panfriedaswell · 2024-05-20T11:23:30+00:00

You need to contact a lawyer and start divorce proceedings on grounds of abandonment. Do not sit back and let her take the lead.

Also, I’m betting that she’s having an affair. Maybe hire a PI to investigate this.

roshi-roshi · 2024-05-20T11:07:47+00:00

Why do they do the no contact thing? It’s killing me. I just want to talk to her. Find out how I messed up.

kidkangaroo · 2024-05-20T04:34:36+00:00

8 is well worth it. Just having someone to talk to regularly where there was no judgment and they could tell me what was normal and not normal helped me immensely.

No_Hunter_3083 · 2024-05-20T11:03:34+00:00

That is fine if you don t want a famaly but you are not too old i have also 54 years and I still believe in love

gabriel-kornilov · 2024-05-20T10:47:46+00:00

"don't contact me...

Do not contact her ever again.

she'll be seeking a lawyer this week

Do the same.

no kids between us...

Count it as a blessing, man. It will greatly help you to heal way faster.

fffrdcrrf · 2024-05-20T09:39:08+00:00

Call an attorney for legal advice and maybe a therapist.

AdrianInLimbo · 2024-05-20T08:19:44+00:00

Make a detailed list of what she's taken from the house, any money she's taken from accounts.

Also, any passwords and credit cards of accounts that are yours, that she's accessed (not joint) need to be changed and and cards replaced with new numbers.

DMFan79 · 2024-05-20T07:41:37+00:00

Finding a lawyer should be top priority, don't let the thought sink in, just do it.

Once you've done that, take your time to process the situation.

If she's going to fight you in court, the next weeks/months will be stressful. You'll be in survival mode, but you don't really realize it until you're done.

You might have a hard time coping with the aftermath, so get ready for that too. Usually after a stressful period of time you brain goes in power-saving mode. It's useful to have someone to help you taking your mind off, anything you like doing should be given priority, if possible.

Since you've got no kids, you can focus on yourself, so that's a plus. Don't feel guilty doing that.

Best of luck.

Mundane-Surround-325 · 2024-05-20T07:24:47+00:00

I am sure you, as a man, are able to penetrate through this fog , and start thinking clearly. Attorney immediately is good to help see the possible roads forward. For the emotions: Know that here are shoulders to lean on, and use all resources available for emotional support. We have been through it, and we have come through it.

someonesomewherex · 2024-05-20T06:59:13+00:00

Lots of good points already but I would consider changing the locks on the house after she has been gone for a month.

No reason to let her come and go if she abandoned the house like she did to you.

RedFridged · 2024-05-20T06:39:41+00:00

Sorry friend. Best divorce attorney you can muster. They will walk you through the darkness…when it’s all over…then start healing. You’ll feel numb for awhile. You’ll be alright. You got this.

AttemptScary4550 · 2024-05-20T05:21:58+00:00

Yes to what has been said. This is a difficult event in life seek help and find somethings to distract you. Work on yourself with the added free time you have. I had to walk and work out for at least a couple hours every day just so I could sleep well at night. Take care of yourself and if your upset remember this may be the end of something but not the end of you. When one door closes another opens.

rottsaint · 2024-05-20T05:09:32+00:00

Everyone has given you excellent advises.

Zero contact should be a must IMO, she didn’t want to end the relationship in good terms; get a lawyer and let him do his job.

I’ll just add one thing, avoid any kind of rebound relationship until you are over all of this, I know that feeling validated is a dopamine rush, but you’ll end up feeling worse.

Blessings brother 🙏🏽

WittyBeautiful7654 · 2024-05-20T04:56:16+00:00

I'm sorry brother, it won't get better real quick. It will though and quicker then ya think. Pray on it if that's your thing. Talk to a therapist they have some great tools learn to grieve and give yourself some grace. Lawyer up even if ya think ya don't need to. This is not your wife this is the person who left ya. Be prepared to lose half. Keep your heart happy. Get out see folks. Family is a blessing and your friends. You're not alone man lots of us here. Going through it

justme4556 · 2024-05-20T04:51:44+00:00

Everyone else has already given excellent advice. I will add one more. Every thing you are going through and will go through you must remember this is a civil matter not criminal (though a lot of these women should be charged ) in civil court the burden of proof is 51 to 49. This is especially true in proving guilt. That being said let them act out. Keep calm cool professional. This is a business transaction and must be treated as such. That means cold and calculating.

Left-Signature-5250 · 2024-05-20T04:41:39+00:00

I have nothing to add to the excellent comment by u/upvotersfortruth, just wanted to drop in and say hang in there, you got this. I am divorced for 1,5 years now and was also just numb at first. It has had its ups and downs but now I am in a much happier situation. I love being divorced from that woman, she did me the biggest favor (she left for another man after 13 years and with two small kids in the mix). The ones that lost the most are our children but that is entirely on her since I would never have done that. Fortunately for you, this is not an issue.

It will feel awful at times, but I can assure you the chances are very good that you too will eventually view it as blessing in disguise. Stand tall, you got this!

upvotersfortruth · 2024-05-20T04:27:10+00:00

Change all passwords and log out of any shared devices / accounts
Withdraw at least half of any funds contained in joint accounts
Contact a lawyer for an initial consultation and prepare to file first
Make a list of any items she took from the house and the value of them
Collect any mail for her in a separate box
Cancel any joint credit cards
Make a list of your assets, liabilities and income along with hers that you know of and gather supporting documentation
Take care of yourself, this is a big event. Therapy recommended.
Find one or two close friends (or family) and let them know. One will be your emotional bullet sponge and the other will be your "tell it to me straight" advisor.
Stick around here, we've collectively been through "it all" and more and are here to support one another.

MoveFinancial1991 · 2024-05-20T13:53:00+00:00

She wants a divorce, fucking give it to her. She thinks you'll beg and plead and do anything you can to contact her.....do the opposite. I'd never speak to her again. Contact a lawyer today.

She's known about this for years, don't fret that part. It was the same for every guy on here that got left too.

Title	Wife left me
Author	Movieman_Steve
Upvotes	57
Comments	79
Date	May 20, 2024 2:48 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1cw5ct8/wife_left_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/wife-left-me.1518994 https://theredarchive.com/post/1518994

Comments

8 is well worth it. Just having someone to talk to regularly where there was no judgment and they could tell me what was normal and not normal helped me immensely.

8 is well worth it. Just having someone to talk to regularly where there was no judgment and they could tell me what was normal and not normal helped me immensely.