Common LVM online dating phrases, translated

jennyfromtheblk · 2020-02-21T18:07:16+00:00

Graduate of the School of Hard Knocks — I believe being uneducated makes me superior.

This is an INSTANT swipe left for me. I don’t really care whether someone I date has a formal education or not, because education ≠ intelligence, but this line is an epidemic and it grates me 😖

JuddHerpatow · 2020-02-21T17:53:49+00:00

Sex positive = I expect to fuck on the first date.

Motherofvampires · 2020-02-21T16:09:47+00:00

"Straightforward" - I am rude to people

2020-02-21T17:55:44+00:00

[deleted]

Sage_Planter · 2020-02-21T15:19:38+00:00

I'm chill and easygoing - "I'm chill and easygoing as long as I get my way."

jubadass · 2020-02-21T15:18:49+00:00

“I’m not on here much, add me on Snap” -I’m too lazy to actually pursue women and expect free pussy to just waltz up to me

SextMex · 2020-02-21T16:04:15+00:00

"I don't play games / I don't like drama"

"As soon as you have an opinion or needs I am not meeting, I am going to gaslight you until you're apologizing to me for my shortcomings"

FluffandRainclouds · 2020-02-21T19:13:24+00:00

"Fluent in sarcasm" = "I'm mean, passive-aggressive, and/or suck at humor. I will have a good poker face so you don't know if I'm serious or not. I will make you feel like shit at some point then gaslight you into thinking it's your fault."

Edited to add:

"I'm not someone's prince charming"/"if you're a feminist I expect you to pick up the tab/I'm egalitarian" = "I'm stingy and mad about women gaining rights/achieving while demanding equal respect. I like equality when it benefits me and will likely pull the "equal rights means equal lefts, huehhueh!" "

"No fatties/I don't want women who [_____]" = "I don't have the sense to write nice things on my profile about myself or the type of mate I am looking for. I may have extraordinary hypocritical standards for women. A woman hurt me once in college and I never went to therapy, so I will take it out on any women who annoy me (through no fault of their own). Who told you to go out looking like that, when clearly "men" (me) like natural makeup!"

"pictures of his or others' children on profile" = "I have no problem exposing my/others' children to potentially dangerous strangers if it gets me some 😺"

"joke about drinking too much Jose Cuervo" = "I'm an alcoholic or binge-drinker and trying to make it look cute/normalized/socially acceptable"

tindercoach1998 · 2020-02-21T15:30:28+00:00

"Here for a good time, not a long time" - I'm delusional and I genuinely believe every girl here would die to be my girlfriend, when in fact I can't even get 5 matches a week.

ItsFreezen · 2020-02-21T17:10:51+00:00

What about "Just Looking For Friends"?

improbablystudying · 2020-02-21T20:49:19+00:00

I also hate when they have a pic of them with a woman (whoever it may be) with an emoji or something hiding the woman’s face saying “this could be you”............ first off no

surviveIIthrive · 2020-02-21T16:51:37+00:00

"I’m an open book, just ask me" - "I’m awful at holding a conversation, and I’m a narcissist. Please interview me so I feel interesting (spoiler: I'm not)."

Wow. Not a dating story but I have an uncle (older than my dad) who has had many accomplishments. So he's used to people kissing his a$$. Unfortunately, he is also misogynistic and narcissistic and as such he's always been insufferable to me (meaning I don't find him all that interesting and I don't massage his ego like everyone else) and I think this bothers him.

A few year ago he had the bright idea to have me write his memoir for free. Cause why not, right? lol. The sad thing is I was such a people pleaser and so compliant back then that I said yes. I have never done such a thing but I'm a pretty decent writer in general. I thought my role would be more of an editor type role. Not what he had in mind! He wanted me to interview him and "pull it out of him." And I was like 'dude, this is about your life, you have to write it.' No he wanted to be interviewed and me sit there like a secretary taking notes and then magically turn it into a memoir. Anyway, I refused once I fully realized what he wanted and suggested he get a professional ghost writer, which he could afford. He never pursued it. But it just hit me that what he really wanted was to feel interesting to me. He wanted my attention and interest in him! And he got so angry subsequent to me saying no, that he was harassing and critical of me during a family vacation and I haven't engaged with him since! Whew. This makes me think that we sometimes don't even realize how much power we have in our relationships. It never occurred to me that that could be why he's so angry until I read that sentence I quoted. Wow.

Liz_Lemondrop · 2020-02-21T16:16:38+00:00

So happy you posted this, I was just thinking about doing this the other day!

Here are mine:

I don't want to be a bad guy to you = I'm likely going to be a bad guy to you

(After chatting for a bit) We can still be friends = Even though you told me you're not looking for casual sex, I'm still going to try it with you/flirt with you/treat you like a hook-up

6ft tall, because apparently it matters = passive aggressive

kekeronnii · 2020-02-21T17:36:56+00:00

Lmao whenever someone asks me what I’m looking for I make them answer it first just to prove my point

darling89 · 2020-02-21T19:13:27+00:00

I'm up for anything - most likely a fuck.

hello-earthlings · 2020-02-21T16:08:13+00:00

"Want to hang out?" - "I'm not willing to spend any money or make any effort but I am fully expecting you to be willing to have sex with me if you say yes"

ChemicalCobbler · 2020-02-21T16:51:05+00:00

"People describe me as a loveable asshole!"- "I severely lack empathy and think it's fun/cute to be disrespectful and treat people like dirt, especially women. I like it so much that I've developed my entire personality on being so edgy™!! The people who dont call me out on my shitty behavior are cool, the ones who hold me accountable for my actions are bitches and feminazis!"

mememe88888 · 2020-02-21T20:00:08+00:00

“I’m very spontaneous”- I’ll switch things up on you all the time, demand your time and intrude on your schedule, and then blame you for not being a cool girl about it

s_slayer · 2020-02-21T17:57:33+00:00

“Finding this online dating thing challenging” - “I have more issues than The Saturday Evening Post, and it’s hard having to pretend to be normal and interesting when I’m actually a case study.”

EmotionalClimate · 2020-02-21T17:01:17+00:00

"6 foot 2 if it matters...",

"6 foot 5 in heels,"

"6'1" apparently this matters on here!!!" -- "I'm aware looks matter and I have to flex on this because it's probably one of my more redeeming traits that I had no work in doing."

"5'11" -- "I'm rounding up." Guys round up generously esp. if they're at or below the 6' benchmark, and I always subtract a 1-1.5 inches to control for that.

and if he doesn't list his height, he's on the shorter side and omitting this on purpose knowing it's a turnoff for many but would rather the woman be tricked into meeting him to give him a ~chance~.

I don't care about height anymore (he just has to be taller than me and I'm 5'5", and again, PATTERNS AND BEHAVIORS over all else) but HOW he describes or acknowledges his height is telling.

Careful-Economy · 2020-02-21T23:00:25+00:00

‘Settle down its tinder and not e-harmony’ i give zero shits about dating you, putting in effort, even being polite to you. Just give me good head.

Eweue700 · 2020-02-21T16:28:57+00:00

Starting first conversation with "Hi, what are you doing/what's up/how's it going?" = "I'm too lazy, entertain me". I swear these guys never have anything interesting to add to a conversation.

2020-02-21T18:58:56+00:00

When you remind him of his ex wife, is a good thing. Why? Well, her behavior interested him to the point of asking her to marry him. He likes that on some level. (Learned this in THE RULES 2). Don't be "the nicer second wife". What probably happened is she was strict on her boundaries and wouldn't put up with Bs.

logician01 · 2020-02-21T15:49:43+00:00

It would be funny if it wasn’t sad. Patriarchy and entitlement did no favors for men. They are lazy bums that aren’t worth it. Many lose jobs family’s and freedom (jail) because of their addictions.

7_0f_9 · 2020-02-21T16:10:20+00:00

"420 friendly"= I'll get you high and try to rape you.

throwthisaway21456 · 2020-02-21T16:18:37+00:00

Hate fake people: I have no social skills and I'm a bitter incel, so I think people being nice is them being fake and looking to use me, because that's the only reason I am nice to people.

EmotionalClimate · 2020-02-21T16:42:13+00:00

"I'm a feminist." -- "I have to declare it explicitly because otherwise the default is women don't deserve equality," OR, "I'm only a feminist when it benefits me (i.e. pay for yourself woman)"

It's like explicitly declaring yourself as "not racist" -- why would you have to say that?

FluffandRainclouds · 2020-02-21T19:02:14+00:00

[deleted]

Struggleis4real · 2020-02-22T00:00:39+00:00

”I’m a gentleman/any other positive descriptor” - I’m really an asshole trying to mask my shit traits because my actions don’t line up with my words.

2020-02-21T18:15:01+00:00

"I don't like drama" is too real

EmotionalClimate · 2020-02-21T16:40:36+00:00

"My parents met on <dating app name>" -- "I'm unoriginal but trying to be cute and wholesome. I have no personality or authenticity."

"Pineapple on pizza -- controversial!" -- "I'm unoriginal but trying to be cute and wholesome. I have no personality or authenticity."

"Former D1-3 athlete" -- "I've passed my prime and my life peaked at 20"

Too many selfies -- "I have no friends or life."

s_slayer · 2020-02-21T17:52:33+00:00

“Looking for my better half” - Let’s rush right into codependency. I’ll be that guy who texts you right after the first date saying what an amazing time I had, how excited I am, and are you free tomorrow night too?”

PurblWasp · 2020-02-21T23:18:05+00:00

I wanted to delete the app, but then I saw you - "Im not getting any matches, please entertain my bullshit."

I have gotten that one or similar ones of how they were going to leave the app a lot

spicybookmaster · 2020-02-21T21:28:02+00:00

And guys are so perplexed as to why they get so few matches! A totally mystery...

Not in a profile but I had a guy ask me the “where would you go right now and why” question. So so boring. Out of anything on my profile, he used that boring question. Probably copy/pasted too.

Diamondsareagirlsbff · 2020-02-21T23:32:58+00:00

Always do your due diligence on the job role. Recent example that springs to mind was ‘I work in oil’ = I work for a price comparison website for people at home to check kerosene prices for their home heating. Nothing wrong with his job, it was the fact he was deliberately giving a different impression.

9penguin · 2020-02-21T18:43:43+00:00

This thread is gold, thank you for the laughs.

Lizadeviza · 2020-02-21T21:45:54+00:00

"Weed is my personality" this is so true it hurts.

kmblue · 2020-02-22T03:11:23+00:00

Ethically Nonmonogamous: I'm a cheater.

firefliesxx · 2020-02-22T06:54:22+00:00

"I'm a feminist" = "I'm a wolf in sheep's clothing looking to score easy points to convince women to sleep with me"

ms_monquis · 2020-02-22T04:52:18+00:00

What about the guys who end every sentence with “lol”? hi lol how are you lol you’re really cute lol

A friend told me that “lol” looks like a little guy drowning, and I think he was being less literal than he intended.

Bovvsette · 2020-02-22T06:46:31+00:00

If they mention some bad quality that they have, even masked as a joke, believe them. Chances are those jokes reflect reality. Also watch closely if something seemingly innocent you say offends them greatly, it usually hits close to home too.

isidorakimou · 2020-02-21T16:11:10+00:00

Don't you just enjoy wholeheartedly mindf*cking them by responding to what they mean, instead of what they say/ask?

palmbeach1972 · 2020-02-21T15:58:11+00:00

They all turn out to have secrets drug issues. I’m over them.

onemoredaydream · 2020-02-21T16:36:43+00:00

Why does anyone do online dating at all

siberiansummer · 2020-02-21T19:06:47+00:00

This is excellent!! Good job OP

LanternsofHekate · 2020-02-22T01:23:18+00:00

Awesomely perfect! Lol

gcthrowaway2019 · 2020-02-24T19:52:00+00:00

"I'm spontaneous/spur of the moment" - Unpredictable, unreliable, too much time on their hands, has no respect for punctuality or planning, tends to procrastinate and be forgetful.

"I like to go with the flow/let's just see what happens" - Wants you to do all the work and put forth all the effort.

"I like music, movies, sports, the internet" - Boring af (99% of the general population likes these things), lacks personality, the kind of person who must check/post social media throughout the day.

"Everyone sucks/I don't get along with most people" - Tends not to value personal relationships, has burned bridges with family and friends, belligerent, selfish unacceptably socially awkward, rude, nothing is ever his fault. The type of guy who thinks "I'm sorry you feel that way" is an apology. Is a loner not bc he's an introvert who prefers quiet activities and their own company but bc they're insufferable.

"I don't really read" - Lacks imagination and creativity, doesn't know or care about how the world works outside of the usual mundane garbage force-fed to us by the media.

"I'm very good looking" - Likely is very good looking and in shape but his attitude/personality are shitty. He has to flat-out has to list his appearance as a selling point bc it's his only selling point. Goes double if he says this in addition to a photo of his good-looking self. Hot guys with photos who have more to offer don't have to drive home the point that they're hot.

"I'm extremely fit" - Similar to saying he's very good looking but in my experience his face probably looks like he fell out the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Title	Common LVM online dating phrases, translated
Author	Liz_Lemondrop
Upvotes	552
Comments	113
Date	February 21, 2020 3:16 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/f7chug/common_lvm_online_dating_phrases_translated/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/common-lvm-online-dating-phrases-translated.693617 https://theredarchive.com/post/693617

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